by Lucy Lambert
She snorted. “I think you mean that you think you deserve a second chance.”
“Maybe I do. You say I always manage to surprise you. Maybe I’ll surprise you again, and show you that I’m a better person than you think I am right now.”
“Then do it. Tell me. Right here, right now,” she said.
“Tell you what?” I replied, my heart starting to thrum in my chest, it beat so fast and hard.
“Don’t play coy with me. If you’re serious about all this you’ll do it here and now or I’m closing this door in your face and I don’t care how long you stand out there waiting for me.”
“Quinn… I…” I started. My collar was too tight around my neck. I tugged at it. I glanced up and down the empty hall.
I looked at her. I wanted to get the words out, I really did. But still they refused to come.
“You know what? That does surprise me,” she said, “Because I thought you might actually be able to do it. Hey, before you move on to your next girl, will you do the world a favor and come to terms with your feelings so that you stop hurting people?”
She started closing the door, closing me out from her life.
“Hey! That’s not fair. Do you think this is easy for me? Do you know how hard it is to stand here and try to overcome all the inertia I’ve built up over the years?”
She stopped and gave me a hard look. “You walked away just when things were getting good. You didn’t even give us a chance.”
I wanted to get angry. I wanted to get so angry. “You’re the one who walked away.”
That gave her pause. “Maybe I did. But Vaughn, this isn’t good enough. How do I know that you’re not just trying to soothe a guilty conscience, that in another week or month or year the exact same thing won’t happen again? Can you guarantee that it won’t?”
I looked at her, searching her eyes. She meant it. I wanted to blurt out that yes, I could guarantee it. But could I? Could I, really?
Then I heard someone come up beside me.
“Quinn? Is this a bad time?”
I turned and found myself looking at a woman and two young children, a boy and girl. The ones she babysits, I realized. I’d never seen them before this, only ever heard about them when Quinn talked about herself. The mother looked tired, older than she was. But she looked down at her kids with real love.
And the keys looked happy to see Quinn. The boy and the girl looked up at me curiously, wondering who I might be.
“No, Mary, it isn’t. He was just on his way out,” Quinn said.
“Is this your boyfriend, Quinn?” the little girl asked. She was adorable. “He’s so handsome!” She looked up at me again and blushed.
The boy looked between Quinn and me with something approaching jealousy in his eyes.
Someone has a crush, I thought. I didn’t blame him.
“Charlie!” Mary said, “I’m sorry. Sometimes she just says things.”
“That’s okay,” I replied, smiling my first genuine smile since that fight with Quinn.
The little girl, Charlie, grabbed the bottom of my jacket and gave it a tug. “So, are you Quinn’s boyfriend?”
I looked down at her, and then I looked over at Quinn, who’d undone the chain on her door and now stood leaning against the door frame.
“Why don’t you kids come on in? I think there’s another box of mac & cheese in the pantry I can make for you,” Quinn said, stepping aside and waving the kids in. The little boy frowned at me. Charlie kept looking at me over her shoulder until she rounded the corner.
“You never answered her question,” I said.
“No, I didn’t,” she replied, giving me a level look. Then she turned to Mary. “Another shift?”
“I’m sorry, Quinn. It’s just been so hectic lately. They keep calling me in and I can’t say no with the mortgage payment coming up…” Mary said, trailing off when she looked at me. Her eyes went down and I knew she was embarrassed.
I wanted to tell her not to be, that there was no shame in working hard for your family. But I didn’t know how Quinn would take it, so I stayed quiet.
“Really, it’s no problem,” Quinn said, “Come pick them up whenever you want.”
Mary left. I turned back to Quinn, who hadn’t shut the door in my face yet.
“What?” Quinn said, crossing her arms, waiting for me to say something. Probably something about how good a person she was for babysitting those kids. Something she might consider sucking up.
“I’m not done with you,” I said, trying a smile to see how it went over.
She searched my eyes and for a moment I thought she might relent. “Tonight, you are. Goodnight, Ward.”
She closed the door, leaving me alone in the hallway.
Chapter 24
QUINN
I leaned against the door for a while, listening to the kids turn the TV on in the living room. Then I went up on my tiptoes and looked out the peephole again, wondering if Ward might still be out there.
He wasn’t. My first reaction was disappointment. I’d come so close to forgiving him there, and when I realized that it had just made me angry all over again and I’d shut him out.
“Is your boyfriend still here, Quinn?” Charlie said, poking her head around the corner and searching the hallway as though Ward might be hiding beneath the little table where I tossed my keys on the way in and out.
“No, he’s gone,” I said.
“Oh… He seemed nice,” she said.
“Yes, he did seem that way, didn’t he?” I replied. Part of me just wanted to forget the whole thing so badly, to start again. But the rest of me, that part of me that had gotten me to dump Archer, to go out and apply to places like C&M kept warning me against it.
He’ll just hurt you again, that part of me kept saying. So it was better to struggle with it for a little bit now then to make another mistake and get hurt even more down the line.
It was too much to think about at that moment. So I went and grabbed the mac & cheese to make for the kids.
***
Work the next day mostly involved moving all the things from my corner cubicle to my new office on the floor above. It wasn’t a corner unit. And it definitely wasn’t as large as Ms. Spencer’s office, but it was mine.
Every time I came up with an armload of stuff, I kept stopping in front of the door to admire the nameplate on the door.
Quinn Windsor
Junior Partner
I had to keep reminding myself that that really was my name on the plate, that this wasn’t a dream.
I thought I’d miss my cubicle, but after my little outburst at Trish people kept glancing at me when they thought I couldn’t see. When I went into a room they quieted down, and didn’t look me in the eye. Do they think I’m going to yell at them, too?
So no, I didn’t miss my cubicle.
I hadn’t seen Trish at all that day. Some quiet inquiries revealed that she hadn’t quit or anything like that. She must have been lying low.
Anne helped me carry the last of the stuff up from my cubicle. She set the box down on my desk. “Wow! This is awesome. I still so happy that you got the promotion!”
“Me too,” I said, sinking down into my chair. I put my hands down flat on the desk, enjoying the coolness of the surface against my palms.
I’d told her a lot about what happened between Ward and me. Even the bit about him showing up at my condo. I tried not to think about him, but everything reminded me of him.
Trish reminded me of him because of what he said to her. Anne reminded me of him because of the way she gushed over him. This office and my nameplate reminded me of him because I knew that it was my success with his account that got me into said office.
If he hadn’t insisted that I be the one to manage his account, I don’t know how much longer it would have taken me to get to this point.
And thinking of that reminded me that I was still in charge of his account, technically. Everywhere I turned, there he was.
&nb
sp; “So, how are you doing?” Anne asked. She went and grabbed a bottle of water from the mini fridge in the corner. Oh yeah, I have a mini fridge now.
“Fine. Lots of work to do, though. Ms. Spencer gave me another account. There’s this pharmaceutical company that wants to farm out some of its marketing…”
“Yes, you’re truly a ‘Mad Woman.’ And no, not how work is doing. How are you doing?” Anne said. Her hipster glasses gave her eye roll an extra dose of irony.
“You’re talking about him?” I said.
“If by him you mean Vaughn Ward, mister number 17 himself, yes.”
“Fine. He hasn’t bothered me yet today, anyway,” I said.
“So you’re totally over him, then? Is that what you’re saying?”
“Yeah, sure,” I replied, no longer meeting her eyes.
“Oh,” she said, walking around the perimeter of my office, stopping for a second to scrutinize my degree, which was the first thing I’d hung on the wall, “So I guess if that’s the case, you won’t really care that apparently he’s left Boston and is now in New York?”
My hands curled into fists against the desk. I was glad that Anne didn’t face me so that she couldn’t see my expression. “Is that so? Good for him.” I wondered if I could thank her for helping me move my stuff up and then ask her to go.
“How does that make you feel?” Anne said, this time turning around to put the question to me.
I shrugged, “Is there a certain way it’s supposed to make me feel?”
“Upset, maybe?” she shot back.
“There’s nothing to be upset about. Don’t you have some work to do or something?”
This earned me a laugh. “Probably.There usually is. If there’s nothing to be upset about, then why are you upset? Might there be some lingering feelings? Some desire to get things back to the way they were?”
“I gave him his chance. I told you that. He didn’t take it.” I started to get annoyed that she had taken one of my bottles of water without asking.
“You know, some people might say that you set him up to fail there, putting him on the spot like that. Some people might also say that you should try and meet him halfway, see where he’s coming from. That sort of thing.”
I stood up, meaning to go to the door and open it to let her out. “And some people seem to have far too much interest in my business.”
Her smile turned into a grin, “Just trying to look out for you.”
“Thanks,” I said, my irritation softening. She wasn’t trying to tease me. She wanted to help. “And thanks for helping me get all this up here. But you really should get back to work, otherwise I’ll have to start abusing my power to keep you from getting canned.”
“I knew this friendship would pay off someday!” Anne replied, sticking her tongue out at me. I returned the gesture. She started for the door.
Before she could open it someone knocked on it. “Ooh, I’ll get it! Your first caller in your new office!” Anne said. She pulled it open and then she made an “Eep!” sound.
I knew what that sound meant. I froze.
“Hi,” Ward said.
Anne turned around, her eyes wide and her eyebrows raised.
“Hi,” I said. What is he doing here? Suddenly I was conscious of what a mess my office was, with all the boxes sitting around in stacks.
“I’ll, uh, go back to that… thing I do here. Work, that’s it,” Anne said. Ward shifted so that she could squeeze by him.
I knew what she was doing, too. Leaving me alone with him. What a little schemer, I thought, wishing that I’d asked her to stay. I took a deep breath to steady myself and then sat down.
Be professional, I thought. I’m just in charge of his account now.
“It seemed like we’d left some things unsaid back at your condo,” Ward said.
“Really? I don’t think…” I started, but then I remembered Anne telling me that I’d set him up to fail before. “Maybe. Aren’t you supposed to be in New York?”
He looked so handsome still. The way he left the top few buttons on his shirt undone always drove me wild, and I wondered if that was a calculated move on his part.
Again I wanted to just let things happen, to not push him away. But that voice kept speaking, saying things like, He’ll hurt me again. Don’t risk it.
“I’m exactly where I want to be. I wanted you to know that you’re the best thing that’s happened to me in a long time. I think that you’re beautiful and intelligent,” he nodded at the name plate on my door, “And successful, and good at what you do.”
Don’t smile, don’t smile, don’t smile, I kept thinking. It was difficult. “So tell me something you haven’t told me before,” I said.
We both knew what I meant.
He ran a hand through his hair and looked around my office. Again I wished he’d come later, after I’d had a chance to make everything look good.
But it was the pause that got to me. The pause, the hesitation that made that protective voice start squawking in my head again.
“I care about you, a lot,” he said, not looking at me. “I want you back.”
I wanted him back, too. I wanted to run into his arms. I wanted him to shut that door and then sweep everything off my desk so that we could give the office a proper christening.
But that pause, I kept thinking. It was a pause that had my protective said telling me, It’s only a matter of time.
He looked at me. “It’s still a no, isn’t it?”
Be professional.
I gave him a halting nod. Pressure pushed at the back of my eyes. “Please go,” I said.
He left. I wondered if it was for good.
***
“I have to what?” I said. I couldn’t believe it. I had the phone pressed to my ear, spreadsheets displayed on my monitor.
“He insists that you be there. He says that you’re in charge of his account, so he wants you there to get a feel for things,” Ms. Spencer said.
“Can I let someone else take over?” I asked, my heart sinking.
“Not on notice this short. Don’t worry, it will go well,” she said.
“Okay. I’ll make sure it does,” I said. We hung up and I just had to stare blankly at my monitor for a while.
I can’t believe he’s doing this to me! It had been a week since he’d showed up unannounced at my office. Just enough time for me to start to settle into a new pattern. A work pattern.
And now he’d called some new press conference for a new product. One that he hadn’t bothered informing C&M about. That seemed like him, though. He did like a good surprise.
He was hosting it down at a conference room in the Harbor Hotel, too. And that brought to mind one of the things he’d said to me early on. I always stay at the Harbor when I’m in Boston.
Of course you do, I thought. And it was in just under an hour. Definitely nowhere near the amount of time needed to prep one of the other partners on his account. I had to handle it. I was sure he set it up that way, too.
What’s he playing at? Whatever it was, I’d find out soon enough.
I was almost late, too. There was a lot of traffic getting across town. And that left me flustered and irritated and resentful.
The Harbor was a beautiful old hotel right on the water. It had a great view and when I went inside I could see why Ward liked it so much. I spoke with an auditor who directed me to the right conference room. I had to take a set of stairs and turn down the hall a couple times.
I opened the doors. The sound of a hundred different, semi-whispered conversations buffeted me.
Members of the press crowded the room. At the other end there was a stage set up with a microphone stand on it. A few different camera crews jockeyed for the optimal position.
A few people gave me curious looks, noting my lack of a press pass, but otherwise ignored me.
At least I didn’t have to wait long. A pretty blonde in a grey skirt stepped up onto the stage and gave the microphone a few taps that got
everyone’s attention. “Hello. Thank you all for coming on such short notice. I would like to note that there will not be a Q&A period following Mr. Ward’s announcement. Please keep that in mind. Please take your seats and Mr. Ward will be on shortly.”
Another wave of whispered conversation washed over me as we all shuffled for seats. Most of it was about why he wouldn’t allow a Q&A, and what he could possibly be announcing.
I sat down and waited.
Ward stepped up onto the stage a minute later. Cameras flashed. The camera crews adjusted their equipment. People started murmuring and he held up his hands to quiet them.
He looked good, I noted. I tried to ignore that note. I couldn’t ignore the way my heart sped up in my chest, or the way of the memory of him coming to my office surfaced in my mind.
“Thank you all for coming. Don’t worry, this will be short. Phoenix Software’s newest release is still topping the charts, and promising to stay there for many weeks. And I know that the recent marketing push is a big part of that success. The main person responsible for that push, Quinn Windsor, is here with us today. Will you please come up and join me, Quinn?”
I went rigid. What is he doing? What is this? Everyone started talking again, craning their necks and turning in their chairs trying to find the person Ward meant.
And I knew that if I wanted to keep my job at C&M I’d have to go along with it. Haltingly, like a robot, I pushed myself up out of my seat. A few confused journalists snapped some pictures of me. Not knowing what else to do, I waved. My heart wanted to explode out of my chest.
“Don’t be shy. Come on up,” Ward said.
I made my way down to the stage, walking up the steps. “What are you doing?” I said from the side of my mouth, trying not to let my smile falter.
The cameras down below us peered at me. Everyone in the room looked at me, it seemed.
“Showing you how serious I am,” he replied.
“Here?”
But then our private conversation stopped.
“Quinn was instrumental in the success of that release. She became very important to me, too, and for a while now I’ve been struggling to find a way to express that to her…”
He took a breath and turned to me. I felt rooted to the spot. He took my hand and set his eyes on mine. “I love you, Quinn. And I’m not afraid to say it. Not even in front of all these people.”