“I still don’t get it.”
“Boys, I swear.” She laughs. “Kayden dear, she was completely lost in thought and I’m willing to bet my salary I know the very reason for it. He’s standing in front of me now.”
Me.
If what Ms. Taylor says is true then Isabelle was blowing off something she loves because she was thinking about me. It’s all the information I need. I got what I came for. Whether she realizes it or not, the teacher just made everything clear for me.
I know what I have to do now.
It’s time to make Isabelle mine.
Belle
This is what life with me is like.
If I could speak, I would’ve warned him about the way I am, but because I can barely get my own thoughts straight when I’m with him, of course it’s impossible to talk to him. He didn’t even do anything wrong this time, not really. All he did is ask why I was acting weird and that’s all it took.
I felt the panic rising in me just with the sound of the word. I know I’m acting irrationally, but I’ve spent the last ten years being called weird and names that are even worse, so even the most basic use of the word gets to me. He wasn’t literally calling me weird and deep down I know that, but I couldn’t stick around and explain it to him.
The truth is, I don’t want him to see me this way. He’s already seen me at my worst, but this, after the almost two weeks we’ve had hanging out with each other, well it’s embarrassing and I don’t want him to have to deal with it. I’ve gotten better lately. I thought I was stronger, but this just goes to show that I’m not strong at all.
I’m still a weak, waste of space.
It’s not only the fact that he called me weird that’s bothering me. It’s what he says before I have to bolt that cuts even deeper. With everything I’ve been realizing about the way I react to him, I wanted him to say something more than he did. It’s stupid of course, but I like him and it’s the first time I can remember really liking anyone, so I just wanted it to mean something to him.
That’s my fault though. He kissed me and I just went back to the way things always are with us. I didn’t bother trying to tell him how much it means to me. How much he means to me. If I could just open my mouth and speak to him like every other girl in the school maybe none of this would be happening now.
I wouldn’t have run from him.
Kayden has no idea, but I really liked him when we were younger. I don’t mean that I liked him in the boyfriend way, but he was my best friend. I loved it when he would come to visit, even after his mom took off. He would still come over and play with me despite knowing how different I am. I always wondered if he would still visit if his mom didn’t make him and he’d proven himself. At least he had until he turned ten and everything changed.
He stopped coming around and even went out of his way to avoid me altogether. It was like our time together as kids completely vanished and he didn’t even know me anymore. He broke my heart when he did that, but he has no idea because I’ve never told anyone. The same thing happened again when he said I was his friend, even though that’s exactly what I’ve wanted so badly for years.
Kayden, as my best friend.
Now it seems I want more though, so I’m sitting in the bathroom stall again. The only thing missing is the girls, cigarettes and a whole lot of yelling.
I want to cry and I can’t. It’s like all the tears I’ve spent the last ten years letting spill have finally dried up and there’s nothing left. I’m not sure if I’m happy about that or not. All I know is, I’m more alone then I’ve ever been and all I want is to cry it out until it’s gone.
The door opens and I tense. He was right earlier when he said that Amy and the others were back and the last thing I need is to run into them. Until now, Kayden has done a great job keeping me protected, but I ruined that when I walked away from him. He didn’t follow me which means that anything that happens now, I’m on my own for.
Bringing my feet up off the floor, I pull them into me and I hold my breath, praying that it’s not the mean girls on the other side of the stall. I’ll wait them out and hopefully they’ll think no one is here and leave when they’re done. I want it that way so badly because I don’t think I’m completely over what happened two weeks ago, though I’ve tried my best to act like I am.
“Isabelle?”
It’s not the girls, but it’s not much better. I know that voice. He’s the reason I’m like this at all. Well, part of it. Doesn’t he know I just want to be left alone? Hasn’t he done enough already?
“I know you’re in there. I saw you run in a few minutes ago and I waited for you to come out.”
Searching my pockets for my phone, I sigh when I can’t find it. I know I took it with me when I left Kayden, so where is it? He might not like me much right now, but I know he would come if I needed him. He’s proven that to me over the last two weeks.
“Isabelle, I’m not gonna hurt you. I just want to talk.”
Dillon Murphy. From what Kayden told me he’s the one that got Amy and the others to come after me that day. He wasn’t happy with everything he said to me, so he sent the girls to finish me off. That’s another thing that Kayden doesn’t know about. Exactly what Dillon said to me. He doesn’t even know he talked to me at all.
His tone of voice though, it’s the same as it was Friday before Kayden came to my rescue. As much as I don’t want to open the door, prepared to stay in here forever if I have to, I know that I’m going to do it because until I get it over with, this is just going to keep happening.
It’s only when I take a few tentative steps out that I see him leaning up against the wall. I expected him to be smiling, acting like his normal self, but he’s anything but. He looks sad, which only makes the struggle I had even opening the door to come out even worse.
“I saw you in Science the other day, you were writing to your lab partner with a pad. I hope it’s okay that I brought this.”
Sure enough, in his hands is a tiny notebook, smaller than the one that Kayden had in his car. Attached is a pen, again different than Kayden’s.
Why do I have to keep comparing everything to Kayden? This isn’t him, it’s Dillon.
He extends the pad to me and moving around me he goes to the door. My heart begins to speed up as I realize that if he does what I think he’s going to do, I’m gonna be locked in here with no way out.
He’ll have me caged in.
“I’m just gonna lock it for privacy, I swear. If you want to leave at any point, just tell me and I’ll unlock it.”
Before he even finishes his explanation, I’ve already written out what I want to ask him first. I can’t handle the way he’s acting and I need answers.
What are you being so nice to me?
“Because what happened to you was wrong and I want to make it up to you.”
Why now?
“I told you the other day. I miss my best friend.”
That’s all?
“No it’s not all. Isabelle, I practically run this school. People expect me to act a certain way so I do it. Amy was actually the one that chose you that day in the parking lot. I went along with it because I have a rep I need to maintain. I feel like shit about it. All of it.”
That’s great for you. Are you done now?
“I guess I am. I just wanted to tell you that I’m sorry and I won’t do it anymore. I’ll make sure the others leave you alone too.”
Right now I’m seeing Dillon in a way that he’s never been. He does seem to be sorry and wants to make up for it. His face looks pained and as much as I want to believe he’s just playing me again, I don’t. I think he means every word of what he’s saying.
Thank you.
“Don’t thank me. I don’t deserve it.”
You’re going to tell your friends to leave me alone, so you should be thanked.
“If you say so. Look, I know I don’t have the right to ask you for anything, but do you think you can talk to Kayden for me? I real
ly do miss hanging with him.”
This is where he loses me. He’s on the football team with Kayden and they have practice tonight, Kayden warned me about it last night before we stopped texting. If he really misses his friend that much, why can’t he talk to him at practice? Why does he want me to do it?
Why don’t you just do it at practice later?
“Because you’re probably going to see him first and it might sound better coming from you considering everything I did.”
Well I can’t come up with anything to say back to that, so I let my eyes stray off him and over to the door. A move he catches because he steps toward the door and unlocks it.
“I told you I would let you go when you wanted to leave. I meant what I said, Isabelle. I really am sorry.”
I write one final message before making my way past him and through the door. Turning around once I’m back in the security of the hallway, I press the notebook to his chest and hope he gets the message.
I’m going to talk to Kayden.
Kayden
The last thing I expect to see when I round the corner is Isabelle standing directly in front of public enemy number one.
What the hell she’s doing with Dillon is beyond me, but unlike the other day when she had to text me to help; she wouldn’t have to wait this time. I was more than ready for him this time. Him and whatever sick game he’s playing.
“There you are!” I call, coming up and wrapping my arms around her, hopefully making my position known to the asshole standing across from her. He might be trying to make Isabelle believe he’s sorry, but I knew better. This kind of leopard never changes his spots.
Dillon would always be running a scam; it’s what made him and Dean so alike. They were both snakes.
Taking my feelings completely out of it, what we did to these kids for the last four years was wrong on every level imaginable. We tortured them thinking it was fun. Sure, I don’t want that happening to Isabelle because of the way I feel about her, but it doesn’t mean I’m gonna stand by and let it happen to anyone else.
At some point we all have to grow up. Sure, high school might be the best years of our lives the way people say, but once that’s over what are we gonna have? An old football career if we don’t play college ball and a whole lot of broken people on our conscience. I don’t want that.
Maybe there’s hope for me after all.
“Are you okay?” I whisper and she nods her head. I look up to see Dillon watching us and I’m just waiting for him to make some crack or even smile. I’m more than a little ready to pound on him again. It’s only because of the petite blonde in front of me that it hasn’t happened yet. I refuse to let her see me like that.
“See you around, Isabelle and thanks.” He says before turning and jogging the opposite way from where I’d come. It takes everything in me not to run after him considering even being in the same space makes me want to hit him, but Isabelle shifts under the weight of my arms and again, I’m focused solely on her.
Whatever’s gonna happen between me and Dillon is gonna have to wait until I see him later. Until then, I have a girl in front of me that again, I need to apologize to. I don’t think she was expecting me to show up and go all caveman the way I did.
“I was looking for you.” I say as I remove my arms from around her. When she doesn’t make any attempt to pull out her phone to answer me, it worries me. Is she still upset with me for what happened at lunch or is there something more going on?
“Isabelle, about earlier…I’m sorry. I’m not sure what I said, but I know I said something. I’m sorry for whatever it is.”
She doesn’t answer me or even move, though her eyes are frantic. There’s something she’s trying to tell me or that I should just know and I don’t. It’s times like this I really wish she spoke. Not being able to connect with her was going to drive both of us insane fast.
“Where’s your phone?”
She shrugs and now I know why she’s not answering. Needing to talk to her, I take her hand in mine and head for the nearest classroom. We’ve got maybe five minutes before we both need to be in our afternoon classes, so I’ve got to get her to talk quick.
Grabbing a piece of paper off the teacher’s desk and a pen from the holder, I hand it to her and pray she’ll talk. I’m not sure what happened earlier is healed and I don’t want to imagine how it’s going to feel if she doesn’t answer me right now.
“What did Dillon want?”
She leans over the desk to write and even though I feel bad for doing it, I watch her body as she does. Her shirt lifts just a little as she’s bending over and whether she’s aware of it or not, her lower back is exposed. I’ve spent the last eight years ignoring this girl, but one small view of her back and it’s putting my body into overdrive.
I’ve never wanted to kiss someone there so much in my life.
She lifts herself up and hands me the paper and before she can catch me ogling her, I shift my eyes back up, though with the heat on my face, I’m pretty sure she can tell I did something I shouldn’t have.
What is it about this girl that makes me act this stupid?
He wanted to talk and say sorry. He misses you and wishes that you two could be friends again. I told him that I would talk to you. I believe him Kayden. I think you two should talk.
As much as I care about her, I hate that she’s this gullible. Doesn’t she realize that Dillon will say and act any damn way he needs to in order to get close to her again?
I would have done the exact same thing. Hell, I would have cried if it meant getting the girl to believe me.
“He’s full of shit. He’s just doing this to get to me.”
If I didn’t see it happen I wouldn’t have believed it, but she rolled her eyes at me. If it wasn’t such a serious conversation I would’ve laughed. She’s not all that different from the other girls. The difference is, when others girl do it, it’s annoying. With Isabelle, it’s kind of awesome.
“I know that you want to believe him, babe. I do. Dillon is like that. He will say and do whatever he needs to in order to get what he wants. I won’t tell you what to do, but please, if you’re ever alone with him again, promise me you’ll be careful?”
She nods and I exhale the breath I’ve been holding. That wasn’t even what I intended to say, but now that it’s out there; it was the smartest thing to say. Isabelle has been treated differently her entire life, having people making decisions for her and telling her what she needs to do. I’m not even sure she knows how to make a choice for herself. I want to be the one to do that for her.
“You ready to go to class?” I ask and before I know it, she’s lacing her fingers through mine and nodding her answer.
The only thought I’m left with as I finally come to terms with exactly what she’s done and we make our way to our classes is so simple, yet hard at the same time.
I am so in love with this girl.
Chapter Fifteen
Belle
This makes no sense at all.
I’m standing outside the office, after being handed my phone and even though I’m happy I’ve got it back, I don’t even know how it could have gotten lost to begin with. I had it with me when I walked away from Kayden at lunch and I know I didn’t put it down anywhere. I might be different from everyone else, but when it comes to my phone, I’m the same. I don’t let it out of my sight.
How did it end up in the office and who found it?
I should just be thankful it’s been found, but it worries me. Up until last year I didn’t even have a phone. I don’t know a whole lot about it yet, so everything I’ve ever said or done is still on it. I don’t delete anything. Even though our conversations are innocent, someone finding out that I’ve been talking to Kayden and exactly what we’re saying to each other scares me.
I don’t want anyone knowing that. It’s only for me.
“Here you are!”
I spin around at the sound, not even realizing that I’m not alone anymor
e. I’m met with a concerned pair of green eyes, ones that considering what time it is, I didn’t expect to see again until tomorrow. He’s supposed to be on the field for practice soon, so what’s he doing standing in the hallway with me?
“What are you doing here?”
I pull my phone from my pocket and hold it up to him in explanation. Now it’s his turn to share, because not only do I need to be outside in five minutes to catch my bus, but he has to be on the field.
This is something I do a lot. I’m good with details. No one can beat my ability to memorize and remember.
“I gotta get to practice, but I wanted to make sure you got to the bus.”
My phone still in my hand, I unlock the screen and start typing. A nod or a shake of my head won’t do.
You don’t have to do that.
“I know I don’t, but I wanted to. I also have something I want to ask you.”
Okay.
“Can you meet me after practice? I usually get done here around six or so.”
I don’t know to answer this. In the last two weeks, the only time we’ve actually hung out together has been at school. Well, other than the one time we went to his house, but I don’t count that. We didn’t spend any time alone. It’s always just been texting back and forth at night.
I’m not sure I want that to change, especially since I haven’t even told my mom about any of it.
I don’t know if that’s a good idea.
“Please? It doesn’t have to be for long, but I really want to see you after practice.”
Why did he have to go and say it like that? The way he says please softens me and I know I’m going to say yes, even though I don’t know how I’m going to make it all work yet. I want to see him too. At least if the way my stomach is reacting is any indication.
Okay. Not for long though.
“I swear it won’t be long.”
Count On Me Page 13