by Rachel Reid
I don’t want to hide our relationship anymore.
Is he even going to want me by the summer?
How long can I be in a relationship with someone in secret?
The server brought their food and Kip was grateful for the distraction.
“Man, it has been way too long since I’ve had a patty melt,” Scott said. He was so cheerful.
“It’s good,” Kip said, forcing a smile. “Thank you.”
There was no way Kip was going to let Scott take him on a luxurious vacation. Between the hockey tickets, the tuxedo, and the time spent in the penthouse, Kip had already accepted way too much from him. What could Kip possibly give him in return? An all-expenses-paid trip to some five-star incognito gay beach resort would only increase the debt Kip was keeping a running tally of.
I’d rather he just take me to a diner again. And we can split the bill.
“So where are you going tonight?” Scott asked, before taking a long pull from his vanilla shake.
“Oh, there’s this pub, in the Village—the Kingfisher. I used to go there a lot, but I don’t go out as much these days. When I do meet my friends, though, it’s usually there.”
“Is it, like...a gay bar?” Scott asked in a low voice.
Kip laughed a little. “Yeah. It’s very much like a gay bar. But it’s chill. It’s just a pub with cute bartenders.”
“You’re meeting some friends there, you said?”
“Yeah, Elena. I asked Maria from work. And then some friends from college.” He leaned in with a playful smile and whispered, “Some gay friends.”
Scott rolled his eyes. “Fine. Make fun of me.”
Kip laughed again and kicked Scott under the table. But he stopped laughing when he realized there was really nothing funny about Scott’s closeted life. It was sad that he was nervous about going to a gay bar. That he had never gone out with a group of supportive friends, or enjoyed flirting with a cute server.
He decided to try something even though he knew it wouldn’t work.
“I know all the reasons why you’ll say no,” he said, “but you should think about coming out with us tonight.”
“Oh. No, I—”
“I know. But going to a gay bar doesn’t mean you’re gay. It’s just a group of friends at a bar. It’s no big deal. It’s not like we’re going to be grinding into each other on a dance floor or anything.”
Scott seemed to consider it, but then shook his head. “Your friends would be wondering what I’m doing there. I mean, Elena knows, but...”
Kip deflated a little. Scott was right. Elena was one thing, but the others...
Scott would cause a commotion in the Kingfisher, even if everyone believed he was a straight guy hanging out with his gay friend. Even if no one knew who he was, he would attract a lot of attention. He kind of stood out.
“Well,” Kip said, “if you change your mind, I’ll text you the address of the bar.”
Scott looked like he was about to say something, but they were interrupted by two men who had approached their table, looking very excited.
“Hey! Scott Hunter!”
“Hello?” Scott asked.
“Holy shit! It’s you, right?” One of the men held out his hand. Scott gave a small smile and shook it.
“I’m a huge fan,” the man continued. “My opinion? You’re taking us to the cup this year. All the way!”
“I share your opinion,” Scott said, smiling politely at him.
The second man spoke. “Can we get a picture?”
“Sure,” Scott said, standing up. “No problem.” He gave Kip an apologetic glance, but Kip just waved his hand. He was actually enjoying this.
“Would you...?” the second man said, handing Kip his phone.
“Oh, sure. Of course.” Kip stood up so he could take their picture. Scott threw an arm around each of the men and they all smiled at Kip.
“Thanks, Scott!” the first man said. “You’re first-class, man. Lookin’ forward to seeing you hoist that cup for us. Enjoy your lunch, all right?”
“Thank you,” Scott said.
The men left and Kip grinned at Scott. “That was nice.”
“That was fine,” Scott said. “Sometimes it’s not so fine.” His eyes darted around the restaurant. “We should probably get going soon. It always starts with one and ends with a mob.”
They didn’t talk on the way back to Scott’s place. Scott’s jaw was clenched the way it always was when he was worried about something, and Kip knew exactly what was bothering him.
He hates that people saw us together.
Kip shoved his hands in his jacket pockets, and walked quickly to keep up with Scott’s long strides.
* * *
Scott was nervous. They were sitting on his couch, Kip stretched out at the opposite end with his feet in Scott’s lap. He was replying to a birthday message from his sister. Scott waited until he was done.
“So, um,” Scott started, “I, uh... I have a birthday present for you.”
“Oh?” Kip said.
“Yeah.” Scott pulled a slightly bent envelope from the back pocket of his jeans. He handed it to Kip, who sat up a bit and removed his feet from Scott’s lap. He eyed the envelope suspiciously, glancing at Scott over his bent knees.
Scott watched him open the envelope, and readied the speech he had prepared. He could guess how Kip was going to react.
“Are you... What?” Kip said, visibly stunned. He had opened the little card and was holding the paper that had been tucked inside. “No. Scott. Come on.”
“I’m not sure if I got the amount exactly right,” Scott said calmly, “but I want to pay off your student loans.”
“This is a check for fifty thousand dollars, Scott!”
“I know. I wrote it.”
“No,” Kip said again, shaking his head. “This is dumb. You can’t just give me fifty thousand dollars for my birthday.”
“I figured you would say that,” Scott said, “but the thing is... I can. Easily. And you know it.”
Kip was still staring at the check, dumbfounded. “It’s too much,” he said quietly. “Way too much.”
“You mean your loan is less than that?”
“Well, yes. That too. But this is nuts!”
“You said you don’t like your job. You said you want to move out of your parents’ house. I want you to be able to do anything you want to do. So if that money can help you get started, I’m happy to give it to you. More than happy.”
“Jesus,” Kip mumbled.
“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable,” Scott said.
“Right. Um.”
“You’re uncomfortable.”
“Yeah.”
Scott sighed. He’d guessed it was going to go this way. “How about this? We’ll go to the bank and I’ll pay off your student loan. Forget the check if it’s too much, but at least let me take care of your loan.”
“That’s kinda still too much, Scott.”
“Please.” Kip started to shake his head again, so Scott said, “Look, I know. I know how it feels to struggle for money, and then suddenly not have to do that anymore. But I make... I mean, my salary is public record. You probably know what it is. It’s a whole lot of money. And then I have endorsement deals and all the rest. What I don’t have—” Scott took Kip’s hand “—or, what I didn’t have, was anything worth spending it on. Or anyone to share it with.”
Kip blinked at him.
“I give to charity,” Scott continued. “I bought this apartment, and I travel a bit in the summers. Other than that, I just have a whole lot of money sitting in the bank. It would make me really happy to be able to help you with some of it.”
Kip pulled his hand away and turned his eyes back at the check, his brow furrowed.
“No,” he said f
inally. “Thank you, but no.”
“Kip—”
“No. Look, I get what you’re saying. I know it... I dunno, makes you happy to make me happy, or whatever. But...it...” He sighed. “I can’t explain myself.”
“It’s not a big deal,” Scott tried.
“It is a big deal, Scott! It’s a very big deal! You can’t just...change my whole life!”
“Why not?” Scott said softly. “You changed mine.”
Kip looked dangerously close to crying, which was not at all what Scott wanted to happen.
“Hey,” Scott said, placing a hand on Kip’s shoulder. But Kip stood up and started pacing.
“I’m not—I’m not a charity. I’ve got a normal student loan to pay off—the same kind that millions of other people have. I’ve been managing just fine since I graduated. Maybe my job isn’t impressive, and I live with my parents, but I have my fucking pride. And I was paying the loan off on my own every month before you just...just scribbled on a fucking piece of paper and shoved it in a birthday card and—”
“Hey!” Scott said, standing to meet him. He was getting angry now. He took a breath. “Look, I wasn’t trying to insult you. It seems silly for me to have all this money and for you to have all these loans to pay off. It seems like a pretty obvious solution, right?”
“I can manage my own life, okay?”
“Okay,” Scott said desperately. “Okay. Yeah. Fine. I’m sorry.”
Kip rolled his eyes, but it seemed to be more at himself than at Scott. “Fuck, Scott. I know you’re just trying to...”
“I only want you to be happy,” Scott said quietly.
“I am happy,” Kip said. “Maybe I’m not living my dream life, but who the fuck is?” Then he laughed roughly and gestured at Scott. “I mean, besides—”
“My life isn’t perfect, Kip,” Scott said tightly. “I thought you understood that.”
Kip exhaled. “I’m sorry. I know. I’m being an asshole. I’m just touchy about this stuff.”
Scott nodded, possibly a little frantically. He wanted to undo whatever was happening here. “It was too much. I get it now. I do. This relationship probably seems a little...unbalanced to you. But you give me so much, Kip. I love you. I love you and I know I rush into things, and I know I’m probably being way too intense about us, but please. Just know it’s only because I care about you so much.”
Kip seemed to consider this, then his face softened. “Okay.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. But I’m tearing up this check.”
“Deal,” Scott said, relieved that the situation seemed to be defused.
“I’m sorry,” Kip said. He slumped back onto the couch and buried his face in his hands. “That was a thoughtful and generous gift you were trying to give me. And believe me, a part of me really wants to say yes to it, but I can’t.”
Scott sat next to him and pulled him into his arms. “Let’s just forget about it, all right? I’m sorry. I should have gotten you flowers or something.”
Kip laughed against his shoulder. “It’s always hard to decide: flowers, or fifty thousand dollars.”
Scott laughed too, fully realizing now how ridiculous his gift had been. He really had no idea what he was doing.
“I want to try again,” he said into Kip’s hair. “Can I try again? I want to give you the perfect present.”
“You don’t need to.”
“I want to. I love you, Kip. I’m sorry I’m so fucking bad at this.”
Kip’s gaze was soft and affectionate as he tilted his head and brought their lips together. The kiss was achingly slow and sweet, and Scott melted into it.
“I love you,” he said, his lips brushing the light stubble on Kip’s cheek.
“Love you too. So much. Fuck, I don’t want to be mad at you. I missed you.”
“I missed you too.”
“I’ll miss you tonight.”
“I know. I’m sorry. And I’m so busy this week. I’m sorry about that too.”
“What’s on the schedule this week?” Kip asked, then started trailing kisses up Scott’s neck.
“I’ve got a long practice tomorrow.” Scott tilted his head back to give Kip better access. “And I’ve got a thing tomorrow afternoon.”
“A thing?”
“Mm. Sports Illustrated interview.”
“Oh.”
“And on Wednesday I’m visiting kids at the hospital in the morning. And I’m playing that night. Thursday morning, we have a video meeting, and that afternoon I’ve got another thing...”
The kisses stopped.
“And what’s that thing?”
“Oh. Um...just a photo shoot. New campaign for Gillette.”
Kip leaned back to stare at him. “Seriously?”
“And then on Friday I play again and—”
“Then you’re hosting Saturday Night Live?”
Scott laughed. “No! I turned that down. God, can you imagine?”
“No...”
Scott looked at him seriously. “You know that stuff is all just... None of it’s important. It all seems glamorous, but all I really care about is hockey and the time I spend with you.”
“The world loves you,” Kip said, brushing a thumb over Scott’s lips. “I’ve gotta share you.”
“Just a little,” Scott said. “They only get tiny pieces.” He nipped Kip’s thumb and flicked his tongue against it.
“Sucks to be them,” Kip drawled.
Chapter Nineteen
“I’m so sorry about the job,” Shawn said as soon as he joined the table. “If you want, I’ll never go to that museum again.”
Kip laughed. “It’s fine. I was way underqualified. Like I said.”
“You aren’t and it’s their loss,” Shawn said.
“Exactly,” Elena said, raising her pint glass.
The bar was crowded for a Monday night. Kip looked around the table at his friends: Elena, Shawn, and Maria, plus Jimmy and Chuck, who had taken vacation time to come down to New York for this. It was the first time any of them had met Maria, besides Elena. Kip didn’t hang out with her much outside of work, which was too bad. But she was here now, and Kip was surrounded by a wonderful group of people he was lucky to have in his life.
He just wished Scott could be there.
He tried not to dwell on that. It was not like any of his friends had partners with them. None of his friends had steady partners at all, that he knew of.
“Now that everyone is here,” said Chuck in his booming, happy voice, “I propose a toast. To Kip! A guy you want to hate because he’s so handsome, but you can’t because he’s so goddamn charming.”
“To Kip!” everyone said.
“Yay! To me!” Kip cheered, raising his glass.
Their server was the same one who had flirted with Kip the last time he had been there with Shawn—Kyle. He was still very cute and still very flirty with Kip, who couldn’t help but flirt back a little.
“Have you hit that yet?” Shawn asked after Kyle left to fetch them another round.
“Nah,” Kip said.
“That’s tragic,” said Jimmy. “I will if you don’t.”
Chuck laughed. “As if, Jim. He doesn’t even see you through the glow around Grady.”
“Kip,” Maria said, “you didn’t tell me that all of your cute dude friends are gay. What is even the point of me being here?”
“I did tell you and, if you want, later we can go to Olive Garden or wherever straight people go.”
She flicked an olive at him from the nachos they were all sharing.
They all drank and talked animatedly for a while. Kip began to feel pleasantly warm and sloppy, laughing easily and teasing his friends.
“All right,” Chuck said, placing his hands on the table for emphasis, “t
he next round is gonna be bought by whoever has gone the longest without sex.”
“That’s not right,” Elena said. “It should be the person who had it the most recently.”
“Damn, Elena,” Kip said, “you really want to buy the next round, huh?”
“I’m not sure it would be me,” she said, looking at him pointedly. Kip shut up.
“Nope, my rules,” Chuck said. “All right, spill it, everyone. Been two weeks for me.”
“What counts as sex?” Jimmy asked.
“Getting off with the assistance of another person,” Chuck said, with authority.
“Oh. Like three days, then,” Jimmy said.
“Wait,” Chuck said, “was it that accountant who—”
Jimmy nodded.
“Nice. All right, who can beat two weeks?”
Elena shook her head. “Last night.”
“Sa-ame,” Shawn singsonged.
Maria threw her head back and moaned. “Fuuuuuck!” she said. “A month. Over a month. Ugh.”
“Uh-oh,” Chuck said. “How about you, birthday boy?”
“Um,” Kip said. A couple of hours...
He looked at Elena for help. She just raised an interested eyebrow.
“Been, like, two months or something,” he said finally. Elena was the only one who knew that it was a lie.
“Aw, shit, sorry, Grady,” Chuck said. “Looks like you’re buying the round on your own birthday.”
“S’okay,” Kip said. Because it was okay. He was pretending to be sex-starved when he was, in fact, in the best relationship of his life. There were worse problems to have.
He got up to place the order. He wobbled a little as he made his way to the bar. Kyle was there, cute as all hell in a tight white T-shirt.
“My favorite customer,” Kyle drawled. “What can I do for you?”
Kip smirked and rested an arm on the bar. “Buying a round for the table.”
“Is that everything?” Kyle asked, leaning in to meet him.
This was the point where Kip would normally say something like “For now,” or be more direct and tell him to find him when his shift ended. But...
“Yeah,” Kip said, backing away a bit. “That’s all.”
Kyle looked surprised, but quickly schooled his features. “Whatever you say,” he said, still smiling and raking his eyes over Kip’s body.