by Mo Johnson
Talk about a thought getting away from you. I’d just blurted it out.
‘Nah…’ he said, lazily. ‘I didn’t have a cute dog to photograph so I thought you’d be just as good.’ He plonked down on his backpack.
I got that I was supposed to laugh, but a lump in my throat defied me. I turned away and struggled to swallow it, knowing I’d just broken the biggest unwritten rule of our relationship:
don’t take offence. In truth they were more tears of frustration, but I knew it wouldn’t appear that way to him.
He was wearing a kind of helpless expression now, and it took him ages to say something. Just when I thought we were doomed never to communicate effectively again, he spoke.
‘Isla…I do like you…I was wondering if you want to…’ ‘When?’ I demanded.
‘How about you meet me tonight, at the beach?’
‘Okay.’
‘Right. Good. I’ll see you then, then.’ He sounded like he was leaving.
‘Jack?’
‘Yeah?’
‘Aren’t you catching this train, too?’
‘Oh, yeah.’
The world faded and it was just him and me, laughing.
The train snuck in, head bowed, hoping no one would notice it was late again. For once, I couldn’t care less. We boarded and found a seat…together.
As I sat across from him, I was filled with a sense of contentment. It lasted for a whole two stops, because that’s when I remembered his dad.
Custard pie!
‘Are you okay?’ Jack was concerned. ‘You’re pale.’
‘Oh, I’m fine. I’m just worried about Terry.’
He nodded. ‘Okay, this might sound harsh, but in the end it’s their problem.’
‘But it affects us all. Both families. It’s not like they’ve been a couple of naughty kids and bought a puppy without asking their parents. A baby means their lives will never be the same.’
We debated the situation until the train arrived at Coledale station. As we hopped off, he took my hand. It felt great.
‘Come on, try not to worry too much.’ He laced his fingers through mine. We walked along the platform like that…and became aware of singing behind us.
‘Ooohhh…Isla and Ja-ack, sitting in a tree…’
Terry!
‘Hey Jack, that really is my sister you’re with. She’s not going to rip her face off to reveal a gorgeous, hot chick underneath.’ She thumped him on the back and winked at me as she overtook us. Clearly she was having one of her better days.
Jack was smirking. I shook my head.
‘What? Oh come on, you’ve got to admit she’s pretty funny.’
‘I suppose; but I’m amazed she’s not curled up somewhere hiding from the world.’
‘Should she be?’
‘I would be if I were her. How’s she going to cope, Jack?’ I thought of her night terrors and her mood swings, and all the tears of the last week.
‘She seems tough enough to me,’ he said.
‘I suppose so.’
‘You’re not that different.’
I was shocked. ‘Of course we are.’
He shook his head. ‘You’re really not.’
‘She’s much stronger than me.’
‘You’ll be right once you get going.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘You’re standing still, Isla. It’s what I was trying to say with my Major Work. I’ve watched you at school, and I’ve listened to you in class discussions. I think that in your head, you’re still living on the other side of the world.’
I didn’t reply.
‘Are you scared that if you move on, you’ll forget who you are?’
I nodded.
‘You won’t. Anyway, have you ever considered that being Australian is so similar to who you already are that you can be both?’
Tears formed again as we climbed the steps from the station to the street. How come it had taken him seconds to work out something that I was only just beginning to understand myself?
‘Stop resisting. Just take it easy.’
I knew that he was making sense.
‘You’re right,’ I told him.
‘I’m always right.’ He dropped my hand gently and began to walk away. A cool exit, Jack Ferris.
Would he glance back?
No…no…no…YES!
‘Molly and I will meet you at seven,’ he called over his shoulder, and he left me standing there – totally gobsmacked.
‘I don’t know much about this
foreign karma thing, Isla, but
here in Scotland we all know that
what’s for you won’t go by you.’
(Gran McGonnigle)
They were six minutes late, giving me extra time to fume. How dare Jack bring Molly on our date? If that was what this was supposed to be.
I watched them cross the grass, their heads close together the way they’d been over a week ago, and jealousy jabbed me with chopsticks.
‘Hi,’ Jack said.
I gave him a quick nod, going for nonchalant, and turned to Molly. We glared at each other, poised like a couple of angry Alsatians waiting to attack. Jack plopped down on the dry grass.
‘We may as well take a load off.’ He tugged at the hem of my jacket, and I almost fell on top of him.
‘Sorry,’ he said, not sounding the least bit sorry.
I sat down too, struggling to regain my composure. Molly squatted close by.
‘This is a mess,’ she accused.
‘It’s not my fault, Molly.’
‘No, it’s your dumb sister’s.’
‘Molly!’ Jack’s voice was a warning.
I was seething. ‘Yeah. Right. Like she got pregnant all by herself,’ I shouted over the roar of the surf.
That shut her up. The air pulsated. Even the ocean was angry. ‘So…what will you two lovely aunties be wearing to the christening? Any ideas yet?’
Molly protested. ‘Jack!’
I thumped him on the thigh.
‘Well, someone has to consider the future around here, because you two seem determined to avoid it completely. You’re both in the same shit, and it’s nobody’s fault, so stop searching for someone to blame and start figuring out what to do.’
After a long silence, Molly spoke. ‘What can we do?’
I studied her face. The usual sneer and the cool confidence were gone. ‘I guess your advice to break the news at the same time was okay,’ I heard myself saying.
Jack stretched out on the grass and peered into the night sky. I fell down beside him, feeling the strain leave my back. The silence was more comfortable this time.
Molly sighed. She was lying down, too. ‘I wonder why they didn’t use something,’ she said.
I thought about Mitsy and the pills but said nothing. She could ask her brother to explain if she was looking for an answer.
She bounced up. ‘I wish they’d really thought about it first.’
‘Stop talking about them as if they’re stupid,’ Jack said.
We stared at him.
‘Well, you are.’ The breeze ruffled his hair. I had the biggest urge to help it. I made up my mind that this was a first date whether he liked it or not. Molly and I had mended some fences, which was good considering we’d both turned up with the wrong tools, but it was definitely time to go, Molly Phillips.
‘What do you think we should do now?’ I tried to hurry things along.
No suggestions from Molly.
‘Can’t you come up with something?’ Jack asked me.
‘Right, how’s this for a plan: we get them to tell our parents tomorrow night, let’s say at nine p.m. If either one chickens out, the adults will take over anyway.’
Molly was doubtful. ‘What if they both chicken out?’
‘I promise you, Terry will break the news tomorrow – or I’ll kill her.’
She seemed a bit happier with that guarantee and actually smiled at me.
‘But if you ca
n persuade your brother to tell your parents at the same time as us, that would be best.’
‘I’ll try. Has your sister said anything about what they’ll do next?’
‘They haven’t decided.’
‘What do you think?’ she asked.
‘I don’t know either. I guess a part of me wants the problem to go away, for all our sakes. And there are options out there for that.’
‘Like abortion?’ Jack asked.
I’d danced this tango with him at the beach last week, and I didn’t want to get back into it.
‘Termination, or adoption – there are options,’ I said wearily.
‘Would your parents be okay with that?’ Molly cut in.
I shrugged. ‘I honestly can’t say. It’s weird – I thought I knew my parents so well, but right now…’ I tailed off.
‘What about yours, Molly?’ Jack asked.
‘They’ll kill him.’
‘Well they can’t,’ I told her. ‘My dad will do that first.’
She grimaced. ‘Truthfully, I think my parents might just go into denial. They’re good at that, and it’s not as if they’re going to be confronted with the reality on a daily basis for another eight months like yours, is it?’
She had a point.
‘Will they want Terry to have a termination?’ I suspected I already knew the answer, but I asked anyway.
‘Probably.’
I stiffened. ‘Once my parents get in on the act, Terry will get all the advice she needs to make the best decision – for her,’ I stressed. Jack took the hint and said nothing.
Molly nodded. Amazing. We’d reached a kind of understanding.
She stood up. ‘Got to go. I’m getting the night off maths, but Dad’s checking my physics in ten minutes.’
‘Bummer,’ I said.
If Terry kept the baby and Mr Phillips did decide to get involved in its life, he’d need to learn that there’s no place for geniuses at our house.
‘See you later, then.’ Jack jumped up and gave her a hug. My pulse raced for a second, then calmed: I could see immediately that there was no charged chemistry between them.
‘I knew you two would sort something out once you talked,’ he said.
‘Give me your mobile number, Molly, and I’ll keep you posted,’ I said, feeling generous.
I programmed her details into my phone and she made to leave, but turned back at the last minute.
‘Weird that we could be aunts together.’
‘Bags being the fun aunt,’ I retorted.
‘We can both be the fun aunts. We’ll just hand it back to Sean and Terry when it gets too much.’
As I watched her disappear into the dark, I wondered what would happen if our parents disagreed with each other. Did Terry’s rights take precedence over Sean’s? It was her body, after all.
They couldn’t force her to have a child if she didn’t want to, but judging by what Molly had just said, that probably wasn’t going to be the problem.
They couldn’t force her to abort, either. They might try to make sure Sean didn’t see her again, but how successful would that be?
And what if the whole Phillips family abandoned Terry during the pregnancy, then changed their minds later? The end result would be good for the baby, but it would be hard for the rest of us to forgive.
‘That went well.’ Jack’s voice was loud as he competed with the water.
‘You don’t have to sound so surprised; I was hardly going to eat her alive.’
‘Yeah, right. You hated her guts before tonight.’
‘I still do.’ But I was having trouble convincing myself of that. ‘Oh, stop looking at me like that. She seems…nice enough, I suppose, when she’s not…’
‘Kicking ankles and drowning people?’ he teased.
I quickly changed direction. ‘When she’s not gatecrashing a date.’
‘Is that what this is?’
‘I reckon, but it’s no thanks to you.’
He thought for a second. ‘Guess I should do something about that.’
‘Guess you should.’
‘I think we might finally be having a serious conversation.’ And he leant in and kissed me.
It was terrible! I had to pull away in the end, because he was sucking up all my air.
I spluttered, ‘Jack, I’m an oxygen kind of girl. I don’t do too well without it.’
‘Sorry,’ he mumbled.
‘In Scotland, we like to breathe while we kiss. It’s a funny national quirk I suppose, but it does reduce fatalities.’
Motivated to shut me up, he tried again.
He got a big tick this time.
It was getting late, and mist was creeping in from the water. As we made our way back, Jack held my hand. It felt so right to be walking beside him.
I was just thinking how good life was when, before I could stop myself, I lobbed a custard pie at my own head.
‘Jack, your dad’s in trouble.’
He stopped dead in his tracks, astonished. ‘What?’
I took a deep breath and told him what I knew, ending with, ‘So they’ve got info about the mascot job…I’m sorry.’
He dropped my hand and stood motionless. It took him forever to speak, and when he did his voice was flat and unfamiliar.
‘Some people think my dad’s been a dickhead pretty much his entire life. He and Mum were never happy.’
‘Why not?’
‘None of your business.’
I felt like he’d slapped me.
‘But I get on okay with him. When I see him, we catch lobster together, we eat crap food, and we watch TV way too late. That might not be a deep and meaningful relationship, but he cares for me in his own way, and I love him.’
I felt so sad.
‘Were you aware that he was my dad when you passed on the footy photos?’ He sounded hopeful.
I was tempted to say no, but I didn’t. He could see the truth written on every part of my face.
‘But it was before I knew what you’d done with the portrait shots,’ I offered lamely.
‘If you had to choose again right now, what would it be?’
‘This is dumb. I can’t change what I did.’
‘You’d still help your dad though, wouldn’t you?’
I couldn’t answer.
‘Exactly. It was your dad or mine. I don’t suppose you’ve been told what happens next?’
I shook my head. ‘I can try to find out if you want.’
‘I think I’ll be finding out soon enough, so don’t bother. You’ve done enough damage.’
He made a big thing of checking his watch.
‘It’s late. I’m going. I want to spend at least one more night with my old man before they lock him up.’
And he left abruptly, leaving me alone on the corner of my street.
I avoided my family when I got home; I lay in my bedroom, too drained even to cry.
Later, when the house was still, I snuck into the upstairs kitchen for a cup of tea. It didn’t make me feel any better. I switched the lights off with the intention of going to bed; but as the darkness enveloped me, the tears came.
‘Isla, what’s wrong?’ Terry was a silhouette in the doorway, backlit by the hall light.
Seeing her standing there, dishevelled from sleep and with her hand on her tummy, made me cry even harder.
She rushed to my side and led me to the sofa. ‘What’s up?
What’s happened?’ She nudged me softly into her arms and stroked my cheek. ‘Are you sick? Is it me? Is it all my shit?’
I melted into her and managed to regain a little control. ‘No, it’s not you, it’s me. I’ve just wrecked everything.’ And through more tears, I told her about my day.
‘He really did an exhibition all about you?’
I nodded.
‘Isla, that’s so cool.’
‘I know.’ I started blubbering again.
‘If you’re going to be a couple you have to be honest, so it’s probab
ly a good thing you’ve confessed.’
I disagreed. ‘He was really pissed. He’ll dump me for sure now, and I didn’t even make it to the end of the first date. He hates me.’
She gave a little snigger.
‘What?’
‘I’m sorry. It’s not funny, but I was just thinking – at least he’s got lots of photos to vandalise.’
‘Do you reckon he’ll give me devil horns and a moustache?’ ‘You’ve already got one of those.’
I made a weak attempt to swipe her with a cushion. She took it from me and placed it gently behind my head. ‘Think of this now as the worst it can be, and you might be surprised later. It could improve from here.’
They were my words. My advice to her.
‘That sounds familiar,’ I said, my voice squeaking.
‘My best friend said it to me recently,’ she said.
I was stunned. ‘Terry, I—’
‘And I said to her, “Hey, what a coincidence, Isla said the same thing the other day.”’ She grinned.
‘Very funny.’
‘See, if you can still laugh, it’s not the end of the world. He’ll get over it.’
‘And if he doesn’t?’
‘What’s for you won’t go by you,’ she said, then her eyes widened in horror. ‘Oh. My. God! Did I just quote Gran?’ She put her hands around her own throat and pretended to strangle herself. We giggled in the semi-darkness for ages. When I finally got back to my room, I didn’t feel quite so alone.
‘Isla, never stand directly
behind a person who’s taking
a bull by the horns!’
(Gran McGonnigle)
School was awful the next day. Both Jack and Sam kept their distance. I guess Sam had got the message about me and Jack after the exhibition. I tried to catch up with Jack a few times, but he always managed to get away.
I spotted him deep in conversation with Molly at lunch but didn’t feel I could interrupt.
What was he telling her?
I bumped into her in the corridor during period five. I’d been sent to the office for some extra calculators, and she must have asked to go to the toilet and followed me.
‘Pssst!’
I turned around to see her beckoning me into a stairwell.
‘I have to get these calculators back,’ I said.