“Sometimes.” I blushed.
Heath smiled and turned back to Trevor. “Do you guys need to change before the game?”
“Well of course they do Heath. They look like they’ve been traveling all day which they have been.” Mrs. Dunaway interjected as she met us in the entry way. She looked me up and down. “Trevor dear, how come you didn’t tell me your girlfriend needed new clothes. If you would have given me her measurements I would have gotten her some things for Christmas.” My eyes began to smart. I was suddenly embarrassed about the way my turtle neck clashed with my leggings.
“Mother, I can afford to dress my own girlfriend.” Trevor spoke sharply. I felt my face turn red as I wondered why they were talking about me like I wasn’t standing right there.
“Well then why is she wearing clothes that don’t fit and don’t match?” What does she mean they don’t fit? My clothes fit just fine… I think.
“Mother!”
“Contessa!” Both Heath and Trevor simultaneously tried to silence Mrs. Dunaway. But it was too late, she had already offended me. I tried to keep my facial expression neutral, but I could tell that I was frowning a bit. I didn’t like the fact that she was judging me before even formally introducing herself. But if anyone had the right to judge it would be her. She was tall and stunning, even at her age. She had dark, glossy hair that she wore swept back in an elegant bun. Surprisingly there wasn’t any gray in her hair. There was no way she hadn’t grayed yet at her age, but whatever she was doing to take care of it made her hair look natural and healthy. She had fair skin and fine features just like Trevor. In fact, Contessa and Trevor looked just alike. She had the same big brown eyes and full lashes as Trevor. She was wearing a red dress with a high collar and an A-line skirt, paired with black kitten heels, a black silk shawl, and a gorgeous pearl necklace. I hoped that Trevor never expected me to be as perfect as his mother. She was so well put-together; it looked like she had just stepped out of a magazine. And she looked far too young to be the mother of a thirty-four year old man. Perhaps her wealth afforded her a way to slow the aging process.
I was hoping she would warm up to me. It was moments like this that reminded me of why I hated meeting people’s families. “Hello Mrs. Dunaway, I’m Giavanna. Pleased to meet you.” I extended my hand.
“The pleasure is mine, dear.” She flashed what looked like a forced smile as she shook my hand. Her lips curled but her face didn’t light up at all. In fact her eyes looked dark and menacing. Or perhaps I was just imagining things because I was intimidated by her. “Would you like to pick out something from my closet for tonight’s game? I have a few designer dresses that I don’t wear anymore that may fit you.”
“No thank you Mrs. Dunaway, I brought plenty of clothes with me.” I tried to be polite. I could tell she wasn’t being rude on purpose — she was just a naturally controlling and judgmental person. I had already chosen Heath as my favorite Dunaway parent and I’d only known him for ten minutes. He was warm, charismatic and energetic, unlike Mrs. Dunaway, who seemed overbearing and rigid. Trevor was definitely a product of both his parents. He had inherited his mother’s stunning features and strong presence. And I could tell he had picked up some of her controlling tendencies as well. But at the same time he had his father’s charm and magnetic charisma. No wonder Trevor had so many layers to his personality. He grew up with Dr. Jekyll and Mrs. Hyde for parents.
Mrs. Dunaway looked at her watch. “Well it’s getting late. You two better get showered and changed.” She pursed her lips. “In separate bathrooms of course. I had Margaret prepare two guest rooms.” Mrs. Dunaway turned over her shoulder and projected her voice. “Margaret… Margaret? Where are you? I need you to show Trevor and Giavanna to their rooms. Trevor, why don’t you be a gentleman and let Giavanna have the more spacious guest room. She’s a woman; I’m sure she brought more things and needs more space. Although you are quite high-maintenance honey, so perhaps you should take the larger room instead.”
I could tell by Trevor’s facial expression that he was becoming agitated. “Mother, we’ll figure it out between us. Thank you for your input.” Trevor’s tone was tense but respectful.
“Contessa, don’t nitpick. I’m sure they’re exhausted from traveling. How about we let them relax,” Heath interjected.
“Heath, don’t patronize me.” Mrs. Dunaway spoke sharply. Heath gave us an apologetic shrug.
I eagerly followed Margaret and Trevor upstairs. I couldn’t believe Mrs. Dunaway was making us stay in separate rooms. What a weirdo. I’m a twenty-seven year old independent woman. I’m not used to being told what to do by anyone, especially not some tightly-wound mother-in-law from hell type figure. I sighed as I realized just how long of a week it was going to be.
* * *
The CAVS game was spectacular. We sat courtside with the other VIPs. I had never had such good seats. It was an amazing and exhilarating experience. A few people stopped Trevor for pictures and autographs, but it wasn’t intrusive. Mrs. Dunaway and I bonded more than I expected. She seemed to relax after she had a few drinks. She liked that I still worked for a living, instead of expecting to be taken care of by her billionaire son. She seemed to respect and admire my ambition. And she told me she had faith that one day I would realize my vision of having my own entertainment news show. Despite the fact that she was a bit tightly-wound, I liked her ‘dream big’ attitude. And I could tell that she loved Trevor and Heath with all she had. I was actually starting to like Mrs. Dunaway, but she made me feel uneasy when she glared at me, every time I jumped up and cheered with the guys when we scored. We won the game with a three-point shot in the last thirty seconds of the fourth quarter. Trevor and I went wild and so did Heath. But Mrs. Dunaway just sat there looking at us as if we had lost our minds. I guess live sports aren’t for everyone.
The Dunaways threw a party for Christmas Eve and a good time was had by all. Heath and Contessa Dunaway were clearly the proverbial Joneses that everyone wished that they could keep up with. They had a long marriage, thriving careers and a successful son. And if they could possibly be any more perfect they also knew how to throw a great party. I admired Mrs. Dunaway’s organization and hosting skills, and I loved watching Heath work the room. He was just as much a star as Trevor, even though he wasn’t famous. Aside from Trevor and me being forced to sleep in separate rooms, it was shaping up to be a good holiday week.
Trevor got me over a dozen valuable limited edition vinyl records, a record player, and state of the art headphones for Christmas. It was one of the greatest gifts I have ever received. I have always loved music, and I was excited to have some of the legends on vinyl. He said he already owned everything he could ever imagine wanting, so he insisted that I not get him anything. But I surprised him with a few gifts anyway. I got him some Under Armour workout gear, two Brooks Brothers’ ties, and a flask with his initials engraved on it. The Dunaways exchanged a whole department store worth of luxury gifts. I guess that’s what happens on Christmas amongst millionaire parents and their billionaire sons. Even though Trevor and I were getting along amazingly well and the Dunaways were being friendly enough, I was still out of my element. I felt like I was some girl Trevor picked up from the opposite side of the tracks. I was having a decent time, but I was relieved when Christmas was over and it was almost time to go home. That is, until I remembered that I had to make my decision about the contract in less than a week.
Both Heath and Contessa had to work the day after Christmas, so we decided to get a hotel for our last night in Cleveland. We had dinner at Nighttown, a really cool jazz bar on the east side, then we had our driver take us across town to the trendy west side bars. Both Trevor and I drank quite a bit at the Velvet Tango Room. The drinks were of such high quality, at times I forgot I was drinking alcohol. I couldn’t taste my rum at all, but I certainly felt it. We shut the bar down, and we didn’t make it back to the town car until two hours after last call. They kept the bar open late for Trevor. It was exciting to be with someone
that had that kind of pull.
I welcomed the dim lighting inside the town car. I crawled inside and immediately leaned back and closed my eyes. My head was spinning, and my eyes were sensitive to light. Trevor always held his liquor well, but tonight his cheeks were rosy and his eyes were glazed-over. I could tell he had a few drinks too many. He slid in next to me and placed his hand on my thigh. His touch made me feel warm and tingly. He reached over, grabbed my chin, and turned my head so that I was facing him.
“Giavanna, look at me.” I slowly opened my eyes and gazed at Trevor. I felt like I was in a dream. My lips curled into an involuntary smile. Trevor was captivating, even when I was practically seeing double.
“I’m looking Trevor.” I giggled.
“Don’t laugh. Be serious. I have something important I want to say.”
“Okay, I’m serious.” I straightened my shoulders and put on an exaggerated serious face as I stifled another giggle. I wondered what could Trevor have to say that was so important at three in the morning.
Trevor gazed at me. “I want you to know I care about you more than I am capable of showing. Being with you is quite literally the best thing that has ever happened to me. You make me forget who I am. Before we met I was this fatally flawed tortured artist. Now I’m somebody else. I think I really see a future with you Giavanna.” Trevor put his arm around me and pulled me in close. I could tell that he was completely inebriated because he was never this emotional. My heart fluttered and my eyes welled with tears of joy. Maybe Trevor was capable of having a normal relationship after all. “Giavanna, don’t cry. Why are you crying?”
“I don’t know. I’m just so happy right now. You make me so happy Trevor. I hope that we can make this work without the contract,” I mumbled.
Trevor’s jaw tightened. “Hmm… I don’t know about that, Giavanna. I want you to be mine so bad. I need to have you as my sub.” Trevor caressed my cheek with the back of his hand. “I would be so good to you Giavanna. You could move in with me in L.A. and let me take care of your every, want, need and desire. I could spoil you forever Giavanna, as long as you obeyed me. And I’d make you come so hard every night that you’d be begging to do as I say.” Trevor’s eyes flickered with a dark desire. For some reason his words both aroused and frightened me at the same time.
“Trevor Dunaway, my beautiful boyfriend…” I spoke slowly as I struggled not to slur my words. I was having trouble stringing together a coherent thought. “Beautiful Trevor… so gorgeous… so brilliant, why do you have these dark desires?” I reached up and softly touched his face as I looked deep into his eyes. He looked open and vulnerable. I could tell I had caught him off-guard.
“Because I’ve been through a lot of shit baby, and it’s the only way I know how to cope. I try to hold it together when I’m with you, but I’m constantly fighting to keep certain aspects of my personality from coming to the surface. The only time I can stop fighting myself is when I’m in a committed Dominant/submissive relationship. Otherwise, it’s a constant battle.” He took my hand, and softly rubbed it against his cheek and across his lips, before interlocking his fingers with mine. “I’ve been to hell and back. I’ve lived nightmares and faced demons. There are many things about me I don’t want you to know Giavanna.” Trevor spoke quietly. His eyes glistened with emotion.
“Tell me baby, you can talk to me. I want to know what you’ve been through. Talk to me, I’m here,” I prodded softly.
Trevor bit his bottom lip and averted his eyes. When Trevor finally looked up at me I saw a profound sense of pain in his eyes. “You really want to know my story?”
“Yes, I want to finally know who you really are and how you came to be that person.” I gazed at Trevor adoringly. I was eager to learn more about him.
Trevor looked down as he spoke. “Not that many people know that much about me. I am very careful to control what goes out in the media. I worked with a team of publicists to handcraft my personal image. Even when seemingly bad news comes out, I’m usually behind those stories too. I’m really good at covering up the parts of my life that I really don’t want anyone to see. I’m fortunate enough that I have the means to thoroughly guard my privacy.”
“Yes, I know. I’m your girlfriend, and I can’t really say that I know you all that well.” Trevor grimaced. I think my comment made him feel bad.
“Well, here’s what you need to know. This is the first time I’ve ever talked about my past to anyone and I intend on it being the last.” Trevor shifted his weight and took a deep breath before continuing to speak. “There are three women who made me the man that I am today — my mother, Contessa — my first and only true love, Sasha — and my first sub, Angel. Angel is the woman who saved me from the path of self-destruction I was on, and that’s how I got involved in the BDSM lifestyle.”
In my mind I had already decided I didn’t like Angel. I imagined her as some trashy slut that lured Trevor into the darkness. I hated her on one hand, but deep inside I knew there had to be something special about her if she was one of the three most influential women in Trevor’s life. I decided to listen with an open mind. I made a mental note not to judge any of the women from Trevor’s past. They were just that, the past — I was the only woman in his present and future.
“What do you mean the path of self-destruction? What exactly did Angel save you from?” I asked quietly as I leaned in closer to hear what Trevor was about to say.
Trevor looked away and took a deep breath. “Even though I’m drunk out of my mind, it’s still really hard for me to talk about this. But I’ll try because you asked.”
“Thank you Trevor. I really appreciate your willingness to open up to me.” I affectionately caressed his thigh.
“So, Sasha, my first love… I met her in high school. We were both the misfits of the neighborhood. Both of us were picked on and bullied every day because we dressed in dark clothes, dyed our hair, and loved hard rock music. Neither one of us really had any friends so we decided to team up and be lonely together, so it wouldn’t be so bad.” Trevor smiled at the memory. “We spent every day together from the first day that we met. I found out she had the same dysfunctional family background that I had so that brought us even closer to each other.” I furrowed my brow as I tried to make sense of what Trevor was saying. His family wasn’t the least bit dysfunctional. They were nothing short of perfect. I made a mental note to ask him what he meant later. “Sasha was my best friend.” Trevor continued. “We shared a lot of firsts together… I even lost my virginity to her.” Trevor spoke softly. “We dated from the time I was sixteen until I was twenty-two. It was my longest and strongest relationship in history.” Trevor bit his lip as his voice trailed off. I started to get the feeling that he was still in love with her. I felt a pang of jealousy, but at the same time my curiosity was piqued.
I sat quietly as I waited for him to continue. When he didn’t say anything, I decided to speak up. “Why’d you guys break up?”
“We didn’t. She died of a drug overdose. I blamed myself all of these years. I really should have looked after her more. Like I said, we both had family issues and we were both terrorized by the cookie-cutter perfect popular kids in our neighborhood, all through high school and even into college. Being with each other helped us cope, but the pain was sometimes more than either of us could bear so we started using drugs together.” Trevor was speaking so quietly, I had to lean in close to hear him. He refused to make eye contact. I had never seen him look so uneasy before. “I only used recreationally, or when I was having a particularly hard time dealing with things. But Sasha became addicted. She used almost every day. I should have been more adamant about making her quit. And I wish I would have been strong enough for her to lean on so she wouldn’t have had to turn to drugs in the first place, but I was dealing with my own shit. I probably could have saved her if I had been stronger.” Trevor’s face flushed with emotion. He brought his fist to his mouth and bit down on his finger to stop his emotions from overtaki
ng him.
“Trevor, don’t blame yourself. It’s not your fault.” I caressed his bicep. I felt so much empathy for Trevor that my eyes welled with tears. I bit my bottom lip to stop myself from crying.
“After I lost her I went completely insane. I stopped talking to my family and I distanced myself from the few friends that I had. I was a total recluse. The only time I allowed myself to be around other people was when I was at band rehearsal or on stage performing. But even then I was never fully there. I felt like my spirit died with Sasha. I was always high out of my mind, or just so depressed that I felt like I was sleepwalking. I was hurting so bad, and nothing I did ever made the pain go away, not women, not writing music, not performing. Nothing. The drugs kept me numb for a while, but then they eventually started to make me feel worse. There were so many times that I wanted to kill myself. I came close more than once, but I never had the guts to pull the trigger.” Trevor inhaled sharply as he reached for my hand. I took his hand in mine and squeezed. His palm was sweaty and he felt hot with anxiety.
Trevor’s pain made my stomach tight with tension. I’d always sensed that he had a dark side lurking beneath the surface but I never had any idea it was to this extent. It blew my mind that Trevor went from being addicted to drugs and on the brink of suicide to becoming a platinum recording artist and a billionaire music mogul. Maybe his past wasn’t the most flattering, but I still perceived him as a superhuman rock star god. I struggled to find words to comfort him.
“Aww Trevor, I’m so happy that you braved through it and that you’re still here to tell me your story. I truly do believe you were put on this earth for a reason. You’ve changed the music industry. And you’ve really touched a lot of people’s lives, including mine.” I rubbed the back of Trevor’s hand with my thumb.
“You know, if Angel hadn’t have saved me I’d probably be dead now. I met her at exactly the right time. It was when I was on tour with my first real band. It had been almost two years since Sasha OD’ed, and I was headed down the same path. I remember it was around the time when I first started attracting groupies. The security guards would sometimes pick a few girls to come backstage during the show, to do shots, and sometimes we’d do drugs with them. Angel stood out because I had seen her at a lot of our shows but for some reason she had never been backstage. The night of our Detroit show we hosted an after party with the bands that opened for us. I got so messed up that night I passed out. When I woke up I was sitting in a chair on the hotel balcony, and Angel was on her knees, doing things to me that I won’t mention.” My stomach turned at the thought of another woman going down on Trevor. I looked away so he couldn’t read the jealousy on my face. The more Trevor talked, the less I liked Angel.
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