Don’t be a fool, Emily.
Though he’d admitted he wanted her, right now what he craved was the physical release. She could be any woman and he’d have sex with her.
Her heart gave a little ping of hurt.
What did she expect? Of course all he wanted was sex. He was an actor. A playboy. Sex was probably all he would ever want from her.
She opened her eyes and lifted her chin, pushing the hurt aside.
“Sex isn’t the answer. You know that.”
He shrugged. “Maybe not, but it would sure feel fucking good. Just go inside, Emily. I’m fine.” He strode to where he’d left the shovel and continued digging the hole without another word.
Had her rejection hurt his feelings?
She didn’t want to hurt him. But she wasn’t sleeping with him. Damn him for making her care.
“Remember what I said,” she whispered. “You’re not alone. When you’re ready to talk, you know where to find me.”
He didn’t respond, though he paused momentarily in digging the hole. Emily watched him for a moment, her heart aching for him. She turned back to the house. She reached the window and climbed back in her bedroom. Then she glanced out at him again.
He’d stopped shoveling. He was staring after her with a hot, naked desire on his face.
Emily’s heart skipped a beat. Fear slithered in. Crap. He really did want her, if the look on his face was any indication. But was it her he wanted, or just the physical release? Confusion swamped her.
She didn’t dare give in to him. Not until she knew who the real Sebastian was. Not until he knew who the real Sebastian was. Sex was the last thing Sebastian needed right now. He was craving comfort, but he was craving the wrong kind.
Having sex might be a temporary cure for him, but it wouldn’t work in the long run. He needed more than that. He needed to learn to love himself first, to deal with the demons eating him up inside. And once he’d done that, then he needed someone who would love him regardless of who he was or what he’d done in life. Someone to accept him for who he was. The sex—if it was going to be meaningful—would have to come later, much later.
A strange fluttering swarmed in her stomach at the thought of making love with Sebastian. She’d heard—believed—that sex with someone you loved could be beautiful, special, though she didn’t have any personal experience with that. She had no doubt she would enjoy sex with Sebastian. How could any woman not enjoy being in his arms? But he wasn’t ready for that yet. And neither was she.
Emily already cared a great deal about Sebastian. Much more than she imagined she would care about someone. They shared a rare connection she couldn’t explain. She couldn’t deny the urge to want to help him.
She feared if she didn’t find a way to get him some help soon, he would lose the rest of his soul to whatever darkness he claimed had taken over him. She didn’t want that for him. He deserved better. He deserved to have someone care about him. Someone to love him.
What if Scar’s death caused him to relapse?
She closed the window and turned away.
She had to find a way to save Sebastian before it was too late.
* * *
He waited until she closed the window.
The light went out in her bedroom.
Had she gone to bed?
He was curious as hell about what had happened to her. How had she fought back her demons? How had she become so strong? She’d said talking helped. Maybe she was right. He’d never talked to anyone. He’d never had anyone to talk to.
You’re not alone. I’m your friend. I’m here.
Her words came back to him, stirring something long dead in his chest, bringing it back to life.
You’re not alone.
Sebastian lifted the shovel and slammed it back into the earth, tossed the dirt aside. And again, deepening the hole in the ground.
Dig. Toss. Dig. Toss.
Finally he finished digging. He retrieved Scar’s body and gently laid his dog in the hole. He sighed.
“Goodbye my friend,” he whispered.
He scooped up a shovelful of dirt and tossed it into the hole.
His heart squeezed, twisting painfully. Scar was truly dead and gone. Sebastian was truly alone.
He shoveled more dirt into the hole, trying to bury his pain along with his dog.
Emily’s words came back to him again: You’re not alone.
Sebastian had been so close to losing it before she’d wrapped her arms around him, sharing her goodness with him, bringing him back. He’d resisted until he couldn’t resist anymore.
Whenever she touched him, she healed him, little by little, pushing the darkness back. He didn’t understand it. It was as if their souls were connected in some way.
You’re not alone.
Letting her in scared him more than he wanted to admit.
Could he trust her?
He had no choice. He’d opened the door. Now he had to let her in.
You’re not alone.
She was right.
If he was going to survive, he needed Emily to do it.
Which meant he would have to tell her the truth.
CHAPTER NINE
When Emily left her apartment at 7:45 the next morning, Sebastian was waiting out in the front yard for her. He stood with his back to her, staring across the street at the backside of Scar Animal Rescue. Emily walked up beside him and turned to study his profile. Sadness surrounded him like a heavy black shroud. Had Sebastian ever been happy? Could she somehow help him be happy?
There was something different about him this morning. She let her gaze roam up and down him, but she couldn’t quite figure out what it was.
Then it hit her.
It was daylight and he wasn’t wearing the baseball cap.
“You’re not hiding behind the hat today.”
He shrugged. “What’s the use? They know where I live now.”
“What about the neighbors?”
“What about them? The people to the south are an elderly couple. I can guarantee they’ve never seen any of my movies. They don’t know who I am. The couple to the north is a gay couple, late-forties. They may have seen my movies, but the few times I’ve talked to them, they haven’t let on that they know me.”
He turned to face her. “I’m not hiding anymore, Emily. I’m ready to face my demons.”
She searched his gaze. There were secrets in his eyes, but now she could see he wanted to let them out. He wanted to share.
He turned back to the street, staring at Scar Animal Rescue. “Scar was the reason I started the animal rescue. He was the driving force behind it all.” He turned his head, his gaze seeking hers. There was a great sadness in his eyes. “I figured if I could save him, maybe I could save others.”
Emily reached over and squeezed his hand. “You have saved others.”
He glanced down at her hand over his. “I noticed you’re a touchy kind of person. I’m…not so much.” His gaze flicked back to hers. “I had no one to teach me. Maybe…you could teach me to be more like you.”
Emily’s heart constricted. “I’m not normally like this either, just with you for some reason.”
His gaze held hers. “Why is that?”
“I don’t know. I just…feel comfortable around you.”
He considered that for a moment. “It’s strange, but I feel the same way about you.”
Emily’s pulse skyrocketed. He felt that way too? It wasn’t just her? What was happening between them?
“After my–” she broke off. She cleared her throat. “After what happened to me, I had a hard time getting close to anyone. My father made me go to counseling. It took me a long time before I finally opened up and told my counselor about what happened to me. It wasn’t easy. I didn’t trust anyone after that. I was scared to go anywhere, do anything. Sometimes, in certain situations, I still am. I shy away from reckless, dangerous things. I only do safe things.”
His hand tightened around he
rs. “You’re killing me here, you know that, right? What happened to you?”
She pulled her gaze back to his. “I’ll tell you in time. But you’re going to learn to share first. Don’t you think I’m curious about you too?”
He made a sound of frustration. “I suppose. But I don’t know…how to share my feelings. I don’t…have any practice with it. I want to tell you. I told myself I was ready. But I’m…fucking scared.” He lowered his gaze.
Her chest tightened. “It takes courage to open up to others. But courage is definitely something you don’t lack. I saw you fight off those punks that first day. And it took courage to go after Scar last night the way you did. You’re not weak. You just need to learn to trust someone. Everyone needs somebody. Like I said, when you’re ready to talk, I’ll listen. I won’t judge you, Sebastian, if that’s what you’re afraid of.”
Something flashed in his eyes before he looked away. Shame? Was that what he was afraid of? That she would judge him?
“I’ve done some stupid things.” He glanced down at their clasped hands. “Some horrible things, things I’m not proud of. Things I want to keep hidden from the world. I’m afraid if I told you, you would hate me.”
Emily sighed. “I don’t think I could ever hate you, no matter what you’ve done. I know there’s good in you. You just need to believe it yourself.”
A long silence stretched.
“Why are you so…nice to me? Fuck.”
That sounded almost like guilt. Like he’d done something he was deeply ashamed of.
Oh Sebastian. Had no one ever truly cared about him before? Why did he think he was so worthless?
“It sounds crazy, but I feel like you get me,” he went on softly. He glanced away, his face flushed. “It doesn’t make any sense, especially since I don’t even get myself. But I feel like there’s something between us, a connection or…something.”
Emily squeezed his hand. “I don’t know what it is, but I feel it too. I don’t think we should be afraid of it, no matter how scary it is.”
He stared into her eyes for a long moment. He drew in a deep breath, slowly exhaled. “You ready to get to work?”
She nodded. Whatever was between them seemed to be growing stronger the more they were around each other. And it obviously scared him. She didn’t blame him. It scared her too.
They walked across the street to the clinic. When they came around the front of the building, Sebastian came to an abrupt halt.
“What the hell?”
Emily glanced up at the building. A brindle-colored Pitbull was tied to the handicap parking sign out front of the building. The animal crouched beneath the sign, favoring its front leg. A piece of paper—a note?—was attached to its collar.
Sebastian cautiously approached the dog. The animal cowered away from him, lowering its head and tucking its tail between its legs.
“Hey buddy,” he said softly, bending down to retrieve the note. “What are you doing here?”
Emily waited while Sebastian removed the note and stepped back.
“What does it say?”
Sebastian handed her the note.
You fix my dog for free and we’re even.
Her gaze flew to Sebastian’s. “What does it mean?”
Sebastian sighed. “This dog tried to attack me last night when I broke into their house. I had to fight it off with a chair. I may have broken its leg.”
Emily glanced back at the dog. “He doesn’t look vicious.”
“I don’t think he is. He just thought he was protecting his home from an intruder.”
“So what are you going to do?”
Sebastian sighed. “I don’t know. But I can’t let him suffer.”
Emily stepped up to him, holding his gaze. “You can’t give him back. Look at the battle scars on him. They’ll just make him fight, hurt him again.”
“I know. He…reminds me of Scar.”
Emily’s heart pinched. She squeezed his hand. “Then let’s help him, have Carol evaluate him, and if he’s adoptable, we’ll find him a home.” She paused. “Or maybe, you can keep him for your own.”
His gaze darted back to hers. “If I don’t give him back, those punks will return. I would be putting you in danger.”
“You’re going to teach me self-defense moves, remember? We can start this evening, after work. I trust you, Sebastian. You’ll keep me safe.”
He closed his eyes and heaved out a sigh. “That’s the thing. I don’t know if I can protect you. I’m no hero. Don’t put too much faith in me.”
“I’m going to pretend you didn’t just say that. You’ve rescued how many animals now? Believe in yourself, Sebastian. I already do.”
A blue Honda pulled into the lot. Peter stepped out, looking pleased with himself. “I made it before eight today.”
“You did.” Sebastian bent to untie the dog from the sign post. Emily and Peter hung back while he unlocked the door. Sebastian took the dog back to an exam room to assess his injuries. Emily went to the kennels to change the food and water bowls. Peter hesitated in the office, then followed Emily.
“Where’s Scar?” Peter went to the next kennel and removed a food dish.
“Gone.”
Peter quirked a brow, but something in his expression—malice? Satisfaction?—made Emily pause. Did Peter know something about Scar’s abduction last night? What had he done?
Suspicion swept through her. “What did you do, Peter? Did you tell those punks where Sebastian lived? They killed Scar, you jerk! They killed him!”
Peter’s eyes widened behind the thick glasses. “They killed him? They said they were just going to do a deal.”
Emily felt Sebastian’s presence as he paused in the doorway behind her. Had he overheard them?
Peter glanced at Sebastian. Color crept up Peter’s neck and into his face. “I didn’t mean any harm. They held a knife to my throat. Said if I told them where you lived, they’d let me go. They said they wouldn’t hurt anyone, that they just wanted to make a deal.”
Emily spun around to gauge Sebastian’s reaction. He was staring at Peter, his eyes cold and hard. She’d never seen him like that before.
“When did this happen?” Sebastian stepped up to Peter, getting right into his personal space. Sebastian was five or six inches taller than Peter, his stance intimidating, as he glared down at the younger man. Peter stepped back.
“Last night. When I left. They were out front. But you guys were too busy ogling each other to even notice what was happening to me. I’m lucky they didn’t kill me.”
“You’re lucky I don’t kill you.” Sebastian’s tone was threatening. Dangerous.
Emily stared. This wasn’t the Sebastian she knew. Was this how he dealt with pain? By switching off his emotions and turning cold when things became too painful to bear? Peter’s betrayal had to hurt. But he couldn’t blame Peter for Scar’s death. The people to blame were the ones who’d killed Scar. That didn’t mean she condoned Peter’s actions. Ogling each other? Seriously?
Her cheeks heated.
She pulled her gaze to Peter. “Are you serious? Ogling each other? You can’t be jealous of Sebastian.” She paused, comprehension dawning. “Oh my God, you are jealous.”
Peter’s face grew redder. “I was going to ask you out last night, but you kept gazing at Sebastian like he was a Greek God or something. Guys like him always get the girl. Good-looking, smart, rich. Why wouldn’t you want him instead of me?”
“Sebastian and I are just friends.” Embarrassed heat bloomed in her cheeks. Had she really been “ogling” Sebastian? “If you want to ask me out, Peter. Just ask me.”
Surprise flickered across Peter’s face. He cast a worried glance at Sebastian.
Sebastian remained silent, watching their exchange.
“If I asked,” Peter hedged. “Would you say yes?”
While she felt no physical attraction to Peter, she did have to work with him. It would make for a better work environment if they all
got along.
“As friends, yes.”
Sebastian turned away. “I need help anesthetizing the injured dog. Peter? You want to assist?” Without waiting for Peter’s response, Sebastian left the kennels.
Peter glanced at Emily. “Just friends, huh. That’s probably what you tell all the guys. Except for him.” He motioned toward the doorway where Sebastian had disappeared. “He’ll only use you, you know. Do you know how many women he’s slept with? Hundreds. Maybe thousands.”
“I doubt that,” Emily said softly. “Peter, I want to be your friend. We have to work together. Can we please be friends?”
He stepped away from her. “Yeah, sure. Whatever. But don’t come crying to me when he breaks your heart.”
He stormed off.
* * *
Emily assisted Sebastian while he cleaned and bandaged the dog’s leg, which ended up not being broken, just cut and severely bruised. Sebastian instructed Emily to put the dog in a kennel, but he didn’t tell her what he planned to do with the animal. Would he return it to its owner or have Carol evaluate it for rehabilitation?
Peter was sullen throughout the entire morning, casting covert glares at Sebastian and disgusted looks at Emily. It made her uncomfortable. It made for an unpleasant work environment. If Peter didn’t change his attitude soon, it would get even worse.
If Sebastian noticed Peter’s attitude, he didn’t comment on it. He hardly spoke to anyone all morning. At lunch he stopped before Julia’s desk and asked her when the next appointment was. She told him they didn’t have any more patients until two that afternoon. He walked out and said he’d be back in time for the two o’clock appointment.
Emily stared after him, her heart aching for him. She wanted to race after him, but she couldn’t. He needed to be alone right now.
Peter eyed her with a smirk. “Loverboy’s gone. Poor you.”
Julia jerked her head up. “Peter!”
He shrugged. “Just saying. Don’t want to say I told you so, Emily. But…I told you so.”
Emily glared at him. “I don’t know what your problem is. I already told you, we’re just friends.”
Is that what you’ve convinced yourself? Just friends? You want more than that. Stop denying it.
Scarred (Unlikely Heroes Book 5) Page 8