by JM Stewart
When the tremors ended, he collapsed back on the bed, taking her with him, and wrapped his arms tight around her. His chest rumbled beneath her, his body shaking with his quiet, breathless laugh. “Jesus. I’d forgotten how intense it was making love to you.”
Steph continued to tremble as an ultra-vulnerable sensation curled through her, and she snuggled into his neck, needing his strength, his solidity. “It’s still there.”
He still had the power to make her see stars, and like eleven years ago, he’d never see her as anything more than great sex. It was bliss and torture all rolled into one and so damn familiar. Gabe was the only man, outside of Alec, to ever get past her defenses. And then he’d left, walked out of her life like she’d meant nothing to him. Eleven years might have passed, but clearly her heart hadn’t forgotten that part. Not that she could ever regret this moment.
Gabe went silent. She ached to know what he was thinking but couldn’t bring herself to ask. It was better this way, to keep a firm distance between them.
Finally, he lifted his head and pressed a kiss to her shoulder. “Thanks.”
She let out a quiet laugh. “Gabe Donovan, if you’re thanking me for great sex I’m going to hit you.”
She meant her words as a tease, but he didn’t laugh. Instead, he caressed her back, fingertips walking her skin. “Not for the sex. For having patience with me.”
God, there he went again, melting her heart right out from beneath her with a few simple words. She wrapped her arms tight around his body and pressed a kiss to his damp neck. “You’re worth it.”
She meant that. Far more than she ought to.
Chapter Six
They lay in the dark an hour later, Steph tucked against his side, her head on his shoulder. Gabe had closed his eyes a dozen times, but sleep refused to come. Steph’s fingers kept trailing over his chest and belly, a sign she hadn’t fallen asleep either, yet neither of them had said anything for quite some time.
For a few blissful moments, she’d made him forget the pain of losing Julia, and for the first time in too long, he wasn’t lying alone staring at the damn dark ceiling. But Steph had gone a little too quiet. Eleven years ago, they’d lain together in the dark and talked. About upcoming schedules, exams, frustrations. This was the space where they were always the most vulnerable with each other.
The silence gave him too much time to think. He’d loved Julia, as much as a man could love a woman, yet she hadn’t made him feel quite like this. Steph’s body against his side was as comfortable as a favorite pair of sweats and as natural as breathing. The realization had guilt caging his chest again.
He turned his head, kissing Steph’s forehead. “I know you’re awake. Talk to me. I’m going nuts over here.”
Steph looked up at him, her hand stilling over his heart. “Sorry. I thought you’d be asleep by now.”
He made a sound of acknowledgment at the back of his throat. “I don’t sleep most nights.”
She tucked her forehead into the curve of his neck, her voice taking on that sleepy, lovers-in-the-dark quality he knew too well. “The war?”
“Sometimes. Mostly…I just hate being alone.” He stroked his hand down her back, following the curves and dips of her body, letting the warmth and solidness of her soothe the ache in his chest. “Is it always like this? So awkward, I mean?”
One-night stands really weren’t his style. They might have been once, but life with Char and Julia had changed him. These days, he was an old-fashioned kind of guy. One woman for the rest of his life had suited him fine. Except she was gone, and here he was, back in the dating pool again. Never mind that he hadn’t done casual since…well, Steph.
“It depends.” Her shoulder hitched as she sifted her fingers through the hair on his chest. “Tell me about your wife. How did you meet?”
He drew a deep breath and released it. The thought of explaining this to her had another band of guilt closing around him. The urge to talk to her, the way he used to, pulled at him all the same. Maybe if he got it out, talking would soothe the awkwardness between them. “Julia and I met when I went home to settle my parents’ estate. Molly stayed at a friend’s house one night, and I went to a local bar to get so damn drunk I couldn’t think anymore. Julia was bartending. At the end of the night, she cut me off and took me home. One thing led to another.”
He reached up to rub his forehead. That night wasn’t the proudest moment of his life. It was one big blur. Yet it had led to a friendship he’d treasured and had resulted in the greatest gift he could have ever received—Char. It had also started him down a path that had led him to where he was today, and he could never regret the direction his life had taken him. It was that weekend he’d decided to put off law school so Molly could finish her senior year at home with her friends. Life had changed on a dime, and his dreams of becoming a lawyer had shifted with it.
“About two months after we started seeing each other, she told me she was pregnant.”
Steph stiffened against his side. “And you asked her to marry you.”
He blew out a heavy breath. Leave it to her to know him so well, even eleven years later.
He closed his eyes, his gut churning. Looking back now, the way his marriage had begun sounded so…meaningless. “Because it was the right thing to do. It was the way my father taught me. I didn’t want my child growing up torn between two parents. I’d had enough friends over the years with parents who could barely tolerate each other. I didn’t want that.”
He’d wanted Char to have what he’d had—love and security.
Steph’s fingers stroked up his chest. She remained silent, but her unspoken thoughts hung heavy in the air between them. His gut knotted as he waited for the fallout. Did she hate him for the way he’d handled things back then? For jumping into another relationship so soon after her, for losing track of her over the years, like she’d meant nothing at all?
Finally, she shifted against his side, as if trying to get comfortable again. “That’s very noble, but people make it work all the time.”
He shrugged. “Maybe, but I didn’t want to find out. We might not have planned to get pregnant, but she deserved someone to stand by her.”
He’d refused to be just another person on the long list of people who’d abandoned her.
“It’s partly what made me decide to enlist, actually. After she graduated, Molly got accepted at UCLA, and I wanted to move with her. She’s the only family I have left. If she was moving, even if only for a few years, I was for damn sure going with her. Jules was six months pregnant by that time, so I asked her to marry me.”
“She said yes,” Steph murmured from his chest.
He grunted in acknowledgment. “I wanted to create a home for the three of them, Molly, Julia and the baby.” He let out a quiet laugh, remembering that day. “Apparently I’d impressed her.”
Steph tilted her head, peering up at him. “What made you decide to enlist rather than go back to school?”
He shrugged. “Dad. He’d served, and I wanted to make him proud. And, with a baby on the way, I was going to need a job. Just felt…right.”
Steph patted his chest. “You’re a decent guy, Gabe.”
“I’m not sorry I married her, though. It was comfortable, and Char was happy. After I enlisted, Julia kept an eye on Molly for me. She was always home base.”
His only regret for the direction his life had taken him was that Steph had been a casualty.
Steph’s hand stilled on his chest. “Were you happy, though?”
He swallowed a wry laugh. She didn’t miss anything. No doubt that instinct made her an excellent lawyer. “It wasn’t all candy and roses. We lived like strangers for a while, and we argued a lot in the beginning. About every damn little thing. With the SEALs, I was gone all the time, and for a while sex was…nonexistent.
“Wasn’t long after I got out that we discovered Julia had a brain tumor. It’s how we ended up in Seattle. One of the top cancer treatment hospitals in th
e country is here. I was a miserable son a bitch back then, feeling sorry for myself. She was my rock. I wanted her to have the best.”
He caught his last words as they left his mouth on a hoarse whisper. His stomach knotted. Shit. He hadn’t meant to tell her all that.
“I’m sorry. That was probably more than you wanted to know.”
In the darkness he couldn’t see her eyes, but she tilted her head up. She remained silent a moment, as though studying him, then slid her palm over his pecs. “It’s hard being here with me. It’s why you turned the picture over.”
He made a sound of agreement at the back of his throat, opened his mouth to apologize—again—when she pressed a finger to his lips.
“Don’t apologize. I’m sorry I said I didn’t want to talk about your family at first. Seeing you is kind of throwing me for a loop. I panicked and resorted to rules I used to abide by in my relationships. That was one of them. I didn’t want to talk.”
That wasn’t the first time she’d hinted being with him wasn’t easy for her, the fact of which brought up a thousand questions. “Why didn’t you ever tell me you felt that way about me? That you wanted more than just the sex. That’s what you meant, isn’t it, when you said you had a crush?”
She let out a quiet, breathless laugh. “Of all the questions for you to ask. Would it have changed anything?”
He sighed. He hated telling her this, too, but he had to be honest. “No. Probably not.”
Eleven years ago he’d been a different man. He’d been too wrapped up in himself, in where he wanted to go in life, to worry about things like relationships. It wasn’t until Steph was no longer in his life that he’d begun to appreciate her place in it.
Steph lifted out of the space beside him, sliding over the top of him, and lay along his length, forearms braced against his chest. Her hair created a curtain around his head, and the soft perfume of her shampoo filled his lungs with every breath. “Then it doesn’t matter now.”
He settled his hands on her back. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?” The tip of her index finger traced his lower lip, her voice coming soft and thoughtful, as if she’d gotten lost in her thoughts.
“That we drifted apart. You deserved better. I didn’t know what to tell Julia about you and me. It wasn’t usual what we had, and I didn’t want to give her anything that would make her doubt me. For a while our relationship was so…fragile. So I just didn’t tell her.” The heat of shame flooded his face. God, the words sounded so lame when he said them out loud. They sounded like little more than a careless excuse. Did she think he was an ass? He sure as hell felt like one. “And then time moved on and life got busy, and—”
Her mouth settled over his, her kiss soft, luxurious, slow. She kissed him until he couldn’t think about anything but the slight weight of her body and her tongue swirling into his mouth. In seconds he hardened, his cock stretching up his belly and reaching for her.
Finally, she pulled back, and although her face was little more than a play of shadows, he could swear she smiled at him. “Gabe?”
The husky tone of her voice called to him like a beacon in the dark. He stroked his hands down her back, settling them over the luscious curves of her ass. God, she had the finest ass, taut and round. “Yeah?”
“Stop apologizing.” She nipped at his bottom lip, hard enough to hurt, then soothed the bite with a soft stroke of her tongue and rocked her hips into his now straining erection. “Condom.”
Heart hammering, Gabe nodded in the direction of the bedside table. “Nightstand.”
She flicked her tongue along his bottom lip, then stretched to reach into the top drawer. After pulling out a condom and rolling it down his length, she straddled him again. She sat there a moment, the tip of him pressed at her entrance, then, with a roll of her hips, sank onto him, taking him to the hilt in one long, slow thrust. Pleasure shot to his toes, and Gabe groaned, tightening his grip on her ass cheeks.
Steph didn’t give him time to think or even to react. She sat up, hands braced on his chest, and rode him hard, rising and sinking with abandon. Until he couldn’t think at all. At least, not about anything but her. She was little more than an erotic play of shadows, all curves and movement, but he was lost in what he could see. Her mouthwatering breasts bounced with every thrust. Her head dropped forward, soft hair falling to tease his skin every time she moved. Her breaths soughed in and out of her mouth, and she let out a litany of needy moans, each one more desperate than the last.
She took her pleasure on his cock, using his body like she owned him, and it set his blood on fire. Every hard thrust jarred through him.
He slid his hands up her taut stomach and around her breasts, thumbing her nipples. “You are so fucking beautiful, you know that?”
In no time at all, she had him shaking, panting along with her, and on the edge of release. He gritted his teeth until his jaw ached, trying desperately to hold on to himself, and slid one hand between their bodies. When he went, for damn sure he was taking her with him.
“Let it go, Steph.” He found her swollen clit and massaged it slowly. “Come on, baby. Come with me.”
She let out a moan that sounded torn from her chest. Her thighs began to shake, and her body rhythmically squeezed his cock, telling him she was close. He worked her clit faster, flicking it back and forth with his thumb.
Seconds, minutes later, she stiffened above him and cried out, her body clamping around him, and began to shudder. Her inner walls squeezed him, and his own orgasm slammed into him. His fingers dug into her ass cheek, her name leaving his lips on a hoarse groan as she took his world and spun it wildly out of control.
When the spasms finally ended, she collapsed on his chest, her body warm and heavy. Her harsh breaths puffed against his throat. Steph purred, the sound of a contented cat after a bowl full of cream. One hundred percent pleased with herself.
“You’re amazing, you know that?” He wrapped his arms around her back and turned his head to kiss her shoulder. “You’re exactly what I needed.”
She slid off to his side, laying her head in the crook of his arm. “Ditto. But if you say thank you again, I really am going to hit you.”
He let out a breathless laugh.
* * *
“Dad?”
Char’s voice jerked him from a dead sleep. Gabe groaned, rubbed his eyes, and pulled himself upright. “I’m up. I’m up.”
His foot hit the floor and he finally pried his heavy lids open, his gaze landing on the blazing red numbers of the digital alarm clock. Soft, steady breathing sounded behind him, and he swiveled his head, peering at the bed behind him. Steph lay on her stomach, covered only by the sheet and comforter, eyes closed, mouth slack in slumber.
He darted a glance at the bedroom door. Indistinguishable conversation drifted down the hallway, and he furrowed his brow. Wait a minute…What the hell day was it?
Reality slammed into him. Sunday. It was Sunday, and Molly had apparently brought Char home early. Steph was supposed to be out before they got home.
His heart took off on a sprint, hammering his rib cage. Shit.
He leaned back on an elbow, brushing the hair off Steph’s face, for a moment caught by the sight of her. He’d had her to himself for the entire weekend. Saturday had seemed like old times, spent laughing and talking and making love, another day and night together solidifying how comfortable they were with each other.
He hated seeing his time with her end.
“Steph…baby, wake up.” He pressed a kiss to her cheek, then sat up again and reached for his pants and leg. As he shoved his legs into his pants, he scrambled to come up with a reason for Char not to come in here, settled on one, then called out to her, “Char, stay in the living room. I’m not dressed. I…spilled coffee on my pants. Where’s Aunt Molly?”
It was flimsy damn excuse, but if she came in here, she’d find Steph in his bed. Thank God she hadn’t come into the room to wake him the way she sometimes did.
That Char wanted details about his date was a good thing. It meant that, so far, she really had accepted his dating again. While she played brave and supportive, watching him go out with someone else couldn’t be easy. Her timing, however, couldn’t have been worse.
He let out a quiet groan as he slid his leg into the prosthesis, then stood, listening for the clicks as his stump settled securely into the socket. Just his freakin’ luck. Most weekends, Molly brought Char home late, sometimes not showing up until noon. They enjoyed their time together. Char loved having a woman to do things with, and three “sisters.” Today of all days she had to want to come home early?
After getting himself fully situated, he pulled up his jeans and darted a backward glance at the bed as he buttoned and zipped them. Steph, of course, hadn’t so much as moved an inch. Mouth slack, her hair fanning the pillow behind her, she looked peaceful and beautiful. He hadn’t seen that particular sight in eleven years. He almost hated to wake her. Almost.
Heart in his throat, he darted a glance at the door and called out to Molly and Char, “I’ll be out in a minute. Don’t go anywhere, Moll. I need to talk to you.”
“Okay…”
He shoved his foot into his other shoe and sat down to tie it, then leaned back on the bed. This time he dragged the tips of his fingers down the back of Steph’s arm and leaned his mouth beside her ear. “Wake up, sleepyhead.”
She let out a sleepy moan, and his heart launched itself into his throat.
He pressed a finger to her lips. “Shhh. Get up, babe. Char’s home.”
Steph frowned in her sleep. “Who’s Char?”
He rolled his eyes. Steph could sleep through a tornado.