by Donovan Neal
So let’s tackle each question one by one.
1. Q What happens to instigate Sariel and Talus to combat?
A: Talus who is Arelim is confronted by Ashtaroth who is Issisi. Ashtaroth informs him that Apollyon was a betrayer and deserved his sentence. He rouses Talus to anger as Talus sees his words as disrespectful. When he provoked by Ashtaroth strikes at him and Sariel walks in and sees him assaulting a fellow Issisi without charge and physically intervenes to succor him, and the two combat one another.
Sariel is approached by murmur who complains to him that Talus has designs to take revenge against Ashtaroth and holds him responsible for Apollyon’s imprisonment. Sariel doesn’t believe him, and Murmur encourages him to seek his brother out. When he does he finds Talus about to strike Ashtaroth who has knowingly provoked him for such a response as to see that the two angels engage one another.
2. QOnce Michael and Raphael are freed what do they do?
AMichael goes to tell the other brethren but finds that when he arrives back to heaven the city is in chaos and civil war, he is prompted by Raphael to confront Lucifer who they both know is the chief cause of the problem
Raphael goes to the hall of annals to determine the extent of the corruption and devises a plan to stop the rebel Grigori.
April 30, 2008
Raphael’s tome contains all present information in one volume. It is a repository of all knowledge. Within it, the enemy can know exactly what the other side is doing.
It will be in Lilith’s possession, as a result of Raphael being captured.
Raphael must reacquire it.
As a result of its lost...the Zoa will attack him.
He must fight his way into the hall of annals. Why to monitor the battle and give instructions. He will fight along side a brother such as Jerahmeel.
Raphael is Sepheroth: a unique species of angel given the power of creation.
We have started writing again. A trickle so far. But its coming. 58086 is the starting count. 59, 255 is what is written as the 8pm today. A thousand words! Woot what a wonderful.
May 6th 2008
Word Count today is
634 words today! Nice job! Keep it going keep it going.
July 21, 2008
Ok here’s a scene in my head:
Lucifer instructs a guard at the “rainbow bridge” to vacate his post to see to the disturbance that rages in heaven. The guard will not leave his post. As he has his orders from Michael himself who has been ordered per El to never lose his foot from this post. Lucifer unable to change his mind kills him. And opens the door allowing the forces of Apollyon to storm heaven.
Word count at 1:30pm is 62,777
Nov 9, 2008
Word count is 63, 001. 238 pages so far. I’ve stalled but I have to push this out. I’m at the end… but there’s still much more to write. I’ve hit a mini road block
May 6, 2009
63,592 words. 238 pages. 6 months since I’ve last written anything. Yet I feel the compulsion, the inner desire for several days to write. There was an inner word that I received something that I heard as it relates to the issue of GM and Chrysler and the whole issues surrounding manufacturing. What is it that you are to produce? What do you make? Then there was a scripture that says that God has given you the power to get wealth. And that’s when I thought what product or service is inside of you that God put in me to generate wealth? I realized that for me it was my books and songs. So I better get to producing.
Where will the forces of Lucifer strike first?
What will be the route that they take to secure heaven? I.e. what are their objectives?
Secure the KilnSatan’s job will attack from Hell and walk through the Kiln
Secure Jerusalem
Secure the entrance to the throne
Secure the Elysian Fields
Secure the way points into heaven *** primary importance.
Note: Michael and Raphael must get back to heaven prior to Lucifer’s securing of the waypoints in.
What’s the strategic advantages of certain pieces of ground?
Abaddon will secure the
Idea: have the Malakim attack from the sky
Have Lucifer’s forces attack from below. I.e. they open up the earth to swallow up the citizens of heaven. They do the unthinkable. They open ladders apart from waypoints. Which essentially becomes a weapon of mass destruction.
Lucifer moves from the city to the Maw
Apollyon moves from the city to the temple
Lilith moves from the city to the Great Hall. (the final battle of Lilith and Raphael will take place in the Hall, Lilith must pass the Zoa)
A strike force attempts to control the Elysian Fields.
The strike force is repelled and the united forces of heaven fight to the city to meet Apollyon
Michael chases after Lucifer to stop him and they fight within the Kiln.
Oct 10 2009 @ 11:09pm
65801 words
Oct 17, 2009 @ 11:33pm
67689
Battles Scenes
I tend to work backwards when I'm trying to think about a fight, because you need to think about the end result first. What is this fight going to accomplish (be it simple, like a duel or killing somebody dangerous, or more broad-scale, something with military or political implications)? Is Ike going to save the day while practically unscathed? Is he going to receive an injury? Does it need to be manageable (anywhere from 'it's just a scratch' to 'should be cared for but just bandaging it for now will not be the death of me') or fatal? What about the opponent--does he need to live? Is he going to be killed? Etc., etc. Once you know what results you want to work towards, I find it's much easier to plan out a battle accordingly.
For larger battles, pre-battle planning typically consisted of a council of the war leaders, which could either be the general laying down a plan or a noisy debate between the different leaders, depending on how much authority the general possessed. Battlefield communications before the advent of strict lines of communication were naturally very difficult. Communication was done through musical signals, audible commands, messengers, or visual signals such as raising a standard, banner, or flag.
I'm not going to play the "who's the best fantasy writer of the 20th century game" (seriously though, H.P. Lovecraft. He's awesome.)
What I will do is address the OC's question concerning writing good battle scenes. Here's something that hasn't been mentioned yet, but should be taken into consideration: VOCABULARY. When writing a prolonged battle scene, you're going to find yourself in situation where you want to use the same words (or some variation thereof) over and over again to describe the same action. Are there several people using swords and axes in this fight of yours? Guess what you're going to be using words like 'hack, slash, cut, slice, stab, and chop' a whole bunch. Lances? Expect to use a whole lot of 'thrusting, ramming, skewering, and impaling.' Are there Laguz in the mix? Now you're also dealing with "biting, scratching, mauling, and pouncing."
Here’s the point I'm trying to make: when you're writing a battle scene of any length, you're going to want to mix and match your vocabulary to prevent the action from becoming stale and repetitive. The more words you know that can be used to describe the same action, the better.
Also, try to find synonyms for the following action words so you don't wind up making your action scenes unbearably repetitive: jump, run block, dodge, hurt, shout/scream/cry are all common actions that show up repeatedly in fight scenes. Authors should learn new words to describe these actions if they want to write for the action genre.
The thesaurus is your friend. Use it if you must; it makes for better writing. Above all else, avoiding falling into the trap of needlessly repeating the same verbiage.
The battle with Charon is disorganized it’s a defensive battle to protect.
The Battle in the Elysian Fields is disorganized by the raged forces. But Jerahmeel forces are organized.
The Battle in the city is very organi
zed on the part of Lucifer’s forces. Heavens internal forces are not within the city. But the tables are turned as Jerahmeel and Gabriel rally heavens forces to repel Lucifer’s onslaught. Charon’s capturing and incapacity of Apollyon brings Lucifer’s forces to cease fighting realizing that to continue is but doom. as heavens
Show Lucifer tempting someone successfully
Show Lucifer accusing the brethren
Show Lucifer murdering someone
Show Lucifer Deceiving someone
Nov 14, 2009 69, 005 words. 255 pages.
Nov 18, 2009 69, 394256 pages.
November 22, 2009 69, 511 words
Scene order
1. Murmur instigates civil war.Heaven
2. Charon Invades Athorian spaceEarth
3. Lucifer deceives DeramielHeaven
4. Michael and Raphael are prisonerEarth
5. War in Heaven: Talus and Sariel and Gabriel Heaven
6. War on Earth (Charon is on the war path)Earth
7. Gabriel and the battle of the Elysian FieldsHeaven
8. Michael and Raphael are freed and go to free moreEarth
9. Lucifer’s forces invade heavenHeaven
The way Lucifer communicates is through Lilith. Lilith is in touch with the other generals via their tomes he writes it and they receive it. That’s how Lucifer is able to coordinate his attack. And why Lilith and Raphael must engage so he can be stopped. Lilith is his communications officer. Apollyon oversees the actual armies. The three comprise the unholy trinity. Or prophet, king and “priest?”
11-24-0970, 175
Take the scene where Michael and Raphael go to Tatarus and show that all the inhabitants have been slaughtered. Tartarus is a mass grave of Elohim. Use Michael to resurrect them and then send them in battle above to fight against the Athorian army.
Also you might have a scene later where Michael is attempting to battle Lucifer, and Lucifer doesn’t realize that Michaels tactic was to never beat him, but to stall him long enough until El wakens.
El can have a scene after he awakes where he speaks…”Michael of the Kortai, report of thy stewardship.” And then Michael gives his report of all that Lucifer had wrought. Then God turns to Lucifer and asks him for his report. Then Lucifer defies God and instead accuses God to his face.
God stands and Lucifer and the Lord engage.
Have a scene where it shows that Jerahmeel saying to Lucifer, boy are you in trouble. This should be a scene which echoes back to the earlier scene where Jerahmeel said the same thing to Ashtaroth.
Have a scene where Raphael explains that he is the Sephiroth. The living Tome of God. He is the physical embodiment of all that is currently known that God would choose to show. All tomes that are written he may access. He tells Michael that because he has walked within the flames of fire he is able to bring life to all Elohim.
11-25-09 70, 650. 260 pages.
12-31-09 72, 010 265 pages.
1-16-2010
72, 456 words and still 266 pages
I did some massive revision based on friend editing of my prologue. She’s a technical writer and helped me to tighten up my prose. It’s a better prologue as a result of her input which I greatly appreciated.
I don’t know exactly why but I seemingly feel stuck with Jerahmeel in the Halls of Annals. Maybe I should write about Michael and Raphael. And just skip Jerahmeel for now. I sense that the pacing of the book should be more about Michael and Raphael, then Gabriel and all that is taking place in the Elysian Fields, then Lucifer’s forces.
I feel like I have to tie in what Jerahmeel is doing though. Maybe I shouldn’t even have him in the halls of annals yet. Maybe I should have him confronting Lucifer’s forces directly. Still he must be instrumental in getting Michael and Raphael back home. He can also be instrumental in helping to liberate a way point opening heaven to the rest of the cosmos.
This brings me to the point where there should be a line…that indicates that Lucifer had successfully cut off Heaven from the rest of the universe.
“In the whole of the multiverse and throughout all creation heaven sat now stood cut off from all the multiverse. A realm closed. No one could enter and no one could leave…
It’s not a good line but it in some small ways conveys what I’m trying to covey.
Maybe I could have Raphael contact Jerahmeel’s Grigori, and they would go to work together. Have Jerahmeel being chased by Lucifer’s forces to the mountain of God, and the Zoa end up eating or otherwise destroying the forces that would seek to follow him. Have a scene where he escapes barely only to watch as the forces which pursed him are decimated. He can be directed by Raphael who is talking to the Grigori, who’s talking to Jerahmeel. Jerahmeel’s Grigori can then be used as a shield at the last minute to protect him so he can safely enter. Then have the room speak to him with Raphael’s voice. Raphael can direct him to write the words that will create a portal that will allow Michael and he to step through. From there Raphael can port forces directly to battles.
Who then should follow Jerahmeel? Maybe Lilith? In his desire to control the halls.. Have him maybe make it inside as well. And have Jerahmeel
“What took you so long?” said Gabriel.
I just wanted to see how fast you were Jerahmeel replied.
“Oh thanks!” said Gabriel
Have Jerahmeel come to the aid of Gabriel? Maybe but seems like we need Jerahmeel back within the city to help bot populate and fight off Lucifer’s attackers. Make it so the two meet and that it turns into a great confrontation that Lucifer finally gets to shut Jerahmeel up. Have Jerahmeel though still have the last laugh. Maybe he can be instructed by Raphael from afar to acquire Lilith’s pen.
When God pronounces judgment on the rebellion have him use these words…
He that is unjust, let him be unjust still: and he which is filthy, let him be filthy still: and he that is righteous, let him be righteous still: and he that is holy, let him be holy still. Rev 22:11
4-7-2010
266 pages
72,461 Words
Story line
Lucifer
a. Lucifer’s forces secure the waypoints into heaven ceiling access to the 3rd heaven
“In the whole of the multiverse and throughout all creation heaven sat now stood cut off from all the multiverse. A realm closed. No one could enter and no one could leave…
b.
c. Moves to the populace of heaven to offer them sanctuary from the ruler ship of God. Lucifer shows Apollyon as proof that God is NOT all powerful and he appeals to their desire to not serve the humans.
d. The people reject Lucifer and Apollyon attempts to usurp the throne of God by force.
e. Lucifer authorizes Apollyon and his cadre to subdue the city by any means necessary.
f. Apollyon unleashes a ladder in the city obliterating the surrounding area and in defiance to the will of God.
g. Lucifer commands the warriors are his disposal to secure the temple.
Michael and Raphael
a. Michael and Raphael approach Tartarus and confront the guardian there.
After defeating Minos, they discover that all the inhabitants have been slaughtered. Tartarus is a mass grave of Elohim. Use Michael to resurrect them and then send them in battle above to fight against the Athorian army.
b. Michael and Raphael release the captives of darkness
Jerahmeel
c.When Michael realizes the magnitude of the destruction of angels and Lucifer must be stopped.
Also you might have a scene later where Michael is attempting to battle Lucifer, and Lucifer doesn’t realize that Michaels tactic was to never beat him, but to stall him long enough until El wakens.
“What manner of reason would thou give me to explain the dissolution of our kin?
I have seen the works of thy stewardship…and have found thee traitor.”
I offer thee solace within my grace brother. El has kept back the true purpose of our kind. Join me and we shall create a
new heaven and a new earth.
El hast spoken, he is my father and I am his son. He has loved you above all others yet you are not satisfied. He has allowed you to see the wonders of the kiln but thine eye is not filled. He has made thee to sing harp and to lift us in song, and now thy very body strings contempt for his love, and the tingling of thy cymbals clamor hate.