by Todd, E. L.
“Hello?” she whispered with a raspy voice.
Aleco felt his heart burst from his chest in pure happiness. He feared she was never going to stir from her eternal slumber, that the battle had brought her into a permanent coma. “I’m here,” he whispered. “You are safe.”
Accacia breathed deeply and she felt her lungs expand completely. She immediately noticed the absence of any pain. She questioned her sanity. Perhaps she was in the afterlife. Accacia couldn’t think of any other explanation. “Aleco?” she asked. She was certain it was his voice.
She tried to move her hand but she couldn’t lift it. Accacia attempted to raise her eyelids but they remained closed. “I’m so tired,” she whispered. “I can’t even open my eyes. Please tell me where I am.”
Aleco could hear the fear in her voice. “You’re in Paso Robles. We have conquered the city and are about to return to the forest. Everyone you love is safe and well.” He squeezed her hand gently, telling her he loved her without actually saying it. He wanted to say those words now but he couldn’t. She had to say them first.
“I’m not dead?”
“No,” he said. “You are well and whole.”
Accacia took another deep breath. “I’m glad you are okay, Aleco. I was worried the wall had fallen on you.”
He laughed. “It would take more than that to kill me.”
Accacia smiled and Aleco grinned in return. Aleco wanted to grab her and kiss her but he couldn’t. He was paralyzed. He wanted her to know how much he loved her but he couldn’t say that either. “I’m so happy that you’re awake.”
“How long have I been asleep?”
“Almost three days.”
Accacia sighed. That was a long time. She hoped they weren’t delaying their return because of her injuries. “Where’s Zyle? Please tell me he’s okay.”
“I’m right here,” he said from her other side. He squeezed her hand, letting her know he was beside her.
Accacia breathed a sigh of relief. “I was so worried about you,” she said. “I thought the wall had killed everyone, leaving me as the only survivor.”
“I can’t die,” he said. “I have too much to live for.”
Aleco felt his heart give out. Accacia was the only reason why he wanted to be alive. He thought about his plan to take his own life when the children were old enough. He couldn’t live this way much longer. Perhaps he wouldn’t wait until they were adults. They had Lydia, after all.
Zyle kissed her hand and she smiled at his touch. Her eyes were still closed but she could visualize it in her mind. Accacia noticed Zyle’s voice sounded different, more strained than usual. Since she couldn’t rely on her sight, her earring was more acute. “What is it?” she asked. “There’s something bothering you.”
Zyle looked at Aleco, silently pleading him not to tell her the truth, that he was carrying her pain. Aleco nodded his understanding. He knew how she would react when she found out. She would feel horrible. “I’m just very tired,” Zyle said. “How do you feel?”
“I feel wonderful,” she said. “I have no pain at all. I’m very surprised by the sensation. I thought I was dead and now I am completely healed, except I can’t open my eyes.”
“I’m glad you feel well,” Zyle said sincerely. “And don’t worry about it. Your eyes will open eventually. Your body is still exhausted.”
Aleco released Accacia’s hand. He forgot he was holding it. Now he felt awkward touching her, especially with her husband lying next to her. Aleco realized he didn’t belong here. She belonged to Zyle, not him. He suddenly felt out of place. He wanted to be certain Accacia was well and now that he had, he had no purpose here. Aleco wanted to know what happened to her so he decided to ask before he left. “What happened after the wall fell?” he asked her.
Accacia turned her head toward his voice and thought for a moment. She told them the entire story from beginning to end, including the dialogue, with the exception of the threats to rape her. She knew the news would send them into a rage.
“You took that man on alone?” Aleco asked incredulously. “I wouldn’t even do that. That man is twice my size and almost seven feet tall. What the hell were you thinking?” Aleco immediately regretted his words after he said them. It wasn’t his place to berate her for her decision. “I apologize, Accacia. I shouldn’t have said that.”
“So that’s why they surrendered?” Zyle asked. “Because you defeated Mitan in battle and forced him to step down?”
“Yes,” she answered.
“Aleco’s right. I wouldn’t have fought that man if I had the option—I would have ran with my tail between my legs. You have my respect, Accacia. I wouldn’t have survived the battle.”
Accacia’s cheeks reddened at his words. She was proud of herself but felt stupid at the same time. If Mitan hadn’t been intent on keeping her alive to bogg her, he would have killed her in the beginning. She didn’t mention this because she would have to explain what Mitan had said to begin with.
Aleco held back his tongue at Zyle’s words. He was proud of Accacia for becoming such a strong woman and warrior. She had endured life-threatening injuries but pushed on out of duty to her people and those she loved. Aleco doubted he would have survived the ordeal either. He had never seen such a large man. Accacia saved the lives of everyone that day. But he couldn’t bring himself to congratulate her or honor her. Given the choice, he would have fought in her stead to spare her the pain, even if he died as a result. “I owe you my life, Accacia,” he said quietly. “I probably would have died if they hadn’t surrendered—all of us would have. I was the one who almost got us killed with this poor plan, but you’re the one that saved us all. A better queen I have never known.”
Accacia reached her hand out and searched for his. She gripped his fingers under her weak squeeze. “That means a lot coming from you.”
“Don’t get too excited, Accacia,” he said with a laugh. “While I admire your bravery and courage, it was still a stupid decision. You could have died.”
She smiled at him. “There’s just no winning with you, is there?”
“No.” He smiled. “You should know that by now.” Aleco released her hand and rose to his feet. “We’re leaving in the morning. All the arrangements have been made and everything is prepared. You will have your own cart so you can rest on the way back.”
“Thank you,” she said.
Aleco left the room without saying goodbye. He shouldn’t have been there to begin with. Aleco had attended to Accacia because she was on the verge of death but he shouldn’t have been so attentive to her. He loved her and always would, but he needed to let her go. She had a husband to care for her. She didn’t need him anymore. Aleco left the palace and returned to the broken gate.
Aleco walked back to the carts and moved through the opening where the wall of the fortress had stood. Now it was open to the wide plains before them. He walked out into the field and looked at the stars shining overhead, sparkling like the light in Accacia’s eyes when she was happy or excited. Aleco looked away. Everything reminded him of her. He stood a few feet away from the city, just enough distance to hear the silence of the lands. The wind pulled his cloak down and revealed his face to the open sky, and the moonlight reflected off his face and crystal eyes. Aleco felt the weight of the world fall on his shoulders and he bucked underneath the pain. He never thought he would have been happier when Accacia wasn’t there. All she did was cause him pain. He needed her to hold him and quiet the constant pain that thudded behind his eyes. Aleco wished he had never sent her away, that she never fell into Zyle’s embrace. He hated the man with every fiber of his being and wanted to kill him. The fact that he was a perfect husband to Accacia made Aleco loathe him even more. Aleco knew he was wrong for feeling that way but he didn’t care. The grief he carried was too much to bear. The sight of Accacia with someone else, the death of his beloved uncle, the task of killing his twin brother and avenging the death of his murdered parents was too much. All the gri
ef piled on his shoulders and buckled his knees, bringing him down to the ground. He thought of his children, but even their faces couldn’t assuage his depression. Aleco couldn’t wait until they were adults. He couldn’t do it. As soon as Accacia returned to her lands he would stab himself through the heart or ask Penelope to do it. He couldn’t feel this pain anymore. It wasn’t worth it.
He wanted to confide to Accacia and tell her how much he needed her, but he didn’t want her to stay with him out of obligation. Aleco was certain she would if he confided his plans of suicide to her, but he knew that wouldn’t be fair to either her or Zyle. Aleco acknowledged that the man had won her hand in a fair fight. Aleco wouldn’t strike with a low-blow to win her back. And if Accacia did return to him, he wanted it to be because she made the decision herself. Aleco knew that would never happen. Zyle was everything to her.
The tears fell from his eyes and he cried harder than he ever thought he could. His tears dropped like diamonds as they fell from his eyes, and they caught the light of the stars as they dripped down his face and sunk to the grass below. His body heaved with the weight of his sobs and he couldn’t control his breathing or the tears spilling from his eyes. He convulsed with uncontrollable spasms and felt his body beg him to do it now; to end it now.
Aleco knew Accacia didn’t need him anymore even though he clearly needed her. He pretended that everything was fine between them, that bogging Roxian was enough to satisfy him. He insulted Accacia on a daily basis so she would hate him and never speak to him, but she continued to come back to him. She stared at him with eyes that longed for him and Aleco had to look away, knowing she would never act on those feelings.
Aleco reached for his dagger with a shaky hand. He saw the moon reflect in the steel of the three-bladed throwing knife and the irony of the situation washed over him. He had killed so many men by the signature blade and now he was going to stab himself through the heart and end his life under the field of stars. Aleco doubted his soul would reach the afterlife even if his soul was connected to Accacia’s. His position as the Nature Priest didn’t matter in comparison to his sins. Aleco took off his cloak and armor and laid them on the grass. He placed the edge of the knife over his chest, aiming directly into his heart. His still shook with the sobs of his body and his hand wouldn’t stay still against his chest. It shook like he was experiencing a seizure. He tightened his grip on the handle and was about to shove it through when a hand grabbed the hilt and steadied it.
Aleco felt his heart drop as the dagger was pulled away from him. He didn’t bother to look at the trespasser. Aleco didn’t care who it was. He fell forward into his palms and covered his face, letting himself drown in his own tears. If he couldn’t do it now he would just do it later. He could wait a day.
The intruder sat beside him and wrapped their arms around his neck, pulling him to their shoulder. Aleco knew it was a woman by the scent of her skin and the softness of hair that flew into his face. Aleco dropped his hands and look into Laura’s face. Her tears matched his own. “Please don’t tell her,” he whispered. “I beg you.” Aleco was barely speaking coherently. Laura didn’t understand what he said but she could guess what he meant. Laura watched the strongest man she knew break down in her arms, delirious with the pain that severed his beating heart. She pitied Aleco and his unbearable pain. Laura felt the same despair when she thought of her life partner, the man she couldn’t be with because he was dead, gone from this world. But Accacia was still here and he still couldn’t be with her. The idea was unthinkable.
Laura held him in her arms and rocked him back and forth, running her hands through his hair and whispering words of comfort into his ear. “I’ll keep your secret, Aleco.” Aleco stifled his sobs and his tears turned quiet. Eventually he stopped crying and his eyes were swollen and the red color rimmed the eyes. “You can’t do this,” she whispered.
“It will come to pass despite your efforts to stop it,” he said. “I don’t want to live anymore. It’s my choice.”
“It will have to wait, Aleco.”
Aleco shook his head as he wiped his tears away. He was too upset to be ashamed of his stifled cries. Aleco couldn’t stand to look at Accacia anymore, knowing she preferred someone else over him. He remembered their time together in the winter season and their late night talks in bed, when she would snuggle against him and steal his warmth. He had made love to her in a way he didn’t know was possible, and she returned his feelings with equal affection. Accacia overcame her fear of his disturbing features and loved him like a different man, one that would never hurt her. She told him she loved him on the deck of the wharf, the last time he saw her before she met Zyle and he believed that declaration, that she really loved him. If Aleco hadn’t sent her away then she would still be his. Aleco couldn’t stand the thoughts anymore and he couldn’t live through the memories playing in his mind. He couldn’t look at Accacia anymore. It was too hard. “Then keep her away from me.”
Laura grabbed his hand. She knew Aleco was a great man even though she hardly knew him. Laura saw him risk his life for Accacia more than once and do everything he could to protect her. It was obvious how much he loved her. Laura knew that Accacia still loved Aleco even though she was committed to Zyle, so Laura loved him as well. She wanted to protect him from his pain—shield him from Accacia. “I will do my best.”
Paso Robles
29
“Can you open your eyes, Accacia?” Zyle was holding her hand at the bedside, waiting for her to open her eyes for the first time. He wanted to see the sparkling emeralds light up in delight at the sight of his face. It would dim the pain he was experiencing in her stead.
Accacia sat up and looked at him. Zyle sighed in relief at the movement. He feared she suffered permanent brain damage from the fall, losing certain motor skills like eye movement. Accacia sighed as she stretched her body slightly. “It feels good to be back.” Accacia moved to the edge of the bed and she was astonished that she felt no pain. It was almost odd. Accacia looked down at her naked form and saw the faint scars along her chest, along with the slight color of purple over the skin. She sighed in relief. She was expecting it to be a lot worse. She looked down at her forearm and saw that it was healed.
“We need to be leaving soon, Accacia,” he said. “Everyone is waiting for us to come.”
Accacia nodded. “I think I can walk, Zyle.”
Zyle held her back. “I’m going to give you a bath and get you dressed before we go. I’m going to carry you since we’re in a hurry.”
“Okay,” she said. Zyle grabbed her and carried her into the bathtub, which was already full of warm water. Zyle helped her scrub her body and wash her hair then he dried her in a towel. The sight of her naked body made him aroused but he forced the thought back, realizing they were in a hurry and she was injured. He felt like a horrible partner for thinking it at all. Accacia caught his look. “I think we have some time,” she said with a smile as he carried her back to the bed.
Zyle smiled at her. “No, Accacia. I want to wait until you are well. I can’t afford to injure you. I’ll kill myself if I do.”
She wrapped her arms around his neck. “I feel fine,” she said. “I’ve made you wait almost four days, Zyle. We have time—I doubt it will take long.”
Zyle’s cheeks reddened. He stared at her for a moment and watched the wet hair cling to her bosom and her nipples harden in the coldness of the morning. He would know if he was hurting her because he had become the bearer of her pain. And she was right—he wanted it. Zyle stripped off his clothes then crawled on top of her. He pulled her legs over his shoulder and inserted himself with her, groaning as thrust himself inside her. She clawed his back as he made love to her, and he kissed her as he rocked her body. Zyle didn’t need her for a physical purpose—he needed to feel her soul touch his. He almost lost her forever and he needed to be with her now, to touch her and feel her in an intimate way. Zyle knew they wouldn’t get another chance until they returned to the forest.
He couldn’t wait that long. Accacia told him she loved him over and over until she reached her climax. When he felt her body clench around him, he released himself into her, spilling his soul within her, and she cried out in a mutual climax. Zyle leaned over her and kissed her everywhere, expressing his love for her in his movements. He was so concerned for her health the past few days and he was elated that she was well enough to make love. “I love you,” he whispered. “You have no idea how frightened and scared I’ve been. When I found you—I—I thought you were dead. I haven’t left this room or released my hand from yours.” He kissed her and she returned his affection with tears in her eyes. She felt horrible for frightening him so deeply. “I’m so sorry I didn’t protect you like I promised.” He closed his eyes, ashamed of himself.
Accacia ran her hands through his hair and kissed his cheeks. “Please don’t do that, Zyle. There was nothing anyone could have done. Don’t blame yourself.”
“I’m at fault, Accacia—I shouldn’t have let you climb the wall.”
Accacia kissed him. “Zyle, I’m okay. I survived. And if the events hadn’t unfolded this way, we wouldn’t have won the battle. It was necessary.”
“Your pain is never necessary. Aleco and I could have defeated the commander.”
She shook her head. “No you couldn’t, Zyle. It had to be me.” Zyle stared her for a moment but didn’t speak. “Please don’t hold yourself accountable. How would you feel if I felt the same way for your safety?”
Zyle didn’t answer her question.