Someone to Love Me

by Anne Schraff

  After classes, Cindy went to turn in her finished cartoon to Ms. Abbott.

  “Excellent work, Cindy. You are very talented,” the teacher said. “We’ve all been very impressed with what you’ve done so far. You should be very proud of yourself. ”

  “Thanks,” said Cindy, smiling.

  “There’s a national drawing contest that I just heard about today,” Ms. Abbott continued, “and I thought that maybe you might like to enter it. You’re certainly good enough. Top prize is five hundred dollars. ”

  “That sounds great,” Cindy said, trying to sound excited. She was honored that Ms. Abbott mentioned the contest to her, but she was unable to think of anything except her mother, Raffie, and Bobby.

  “Well, I’ll get you all the information. ” The teacher smiled. “We can fill out the paperwork together. Just gather your best work to enter. ”

  Cindy thanked Ms. Abbott quickly and left, explaining that she had another meeting to go to. The truth was that she was worried about her mother and eager to talk to Bobby.

  Cindy made it to the Nissan before Bobby did. As she waited for him, she saw a smoke-silver Mercedes cruising down the street and then stop near the school parking lot. Looking closely, she recognized the driver—it was Raffie. An attractive female student from Bluford ran to the car, and Raffie smiled and talked to her. Cindy shuddered. She wondered what Mom would say if she were watching him now.

  As Cindy waited for Bobby, Pedro Ortiz stepped out of Bluford and swaggered into the parking lot towards her. He was wearing a baseball cap sideways on his head, and his hands were stuffed into the pockets of black oversized jeans. A ratty black leather jacket with a Raiders logo hung on his broad shoulders. As he walked past Cindy, he fixed his eyes on her. She felt uncomfortable in his gaze.

  “Don’t get in over your head,” he said mysteriously as he passed.

  “What are you talking about?” she asked. Pedro did not answer. Instead, he continued walking casually towards the Mercedes. As he neared the end of the parking lot, the Mercedes cruised away. Pedro stopped where he was and mumbled something under his breath. Then he turned and headed back towards school.

  Bobby came along as Pedro was walking away. The two boys nodded but didn’t say a word. When Bobby reached Cindy, she said, “That guy gives me the creeps. ”

  “Pedro? He’s cool. He’s just a homey, Cinderella,” Bobby said.

  “He on drugs too?” Cindy asked.

  Bobby smiled. “Girl, you’ve got to calm down. Just go with the flow. ”

  Cindy was not satisfied with that answer. How could she relax when her mother wanted to marry a drug dealer who cruised the local high school? Frustrated, she plopped down in the Nissan. “Where are we going?”

  “Down to the ocean, baby,” he said. “We’re gonna park and walk down on the sand. It might do you some good to get away for a little while. You need a break. ”

  Despite her anxiety about her mother, Cindy liked Bobby’s idea. It was only 3:00, so they had plenty of time to go and come back before it got late. Besides, Cindy thought, even if she wanted to talk to her mother again, she would have to wait a few hours for her to come home from work. She’d rather be with Bobby at the beach than alone in the empty apartment.

  “Let’s go!” she said excitedly.

  When they got to the beach, Bobby spread a huge towel on the sand. It was a cool day, and there were few people around. Cindy sat on the towel, with Bobby’s arm around her, watching the waves roll in from the horizon.

  “It’s so pretty here,” Cindy said, listening to the rhythmic crashing of the waves. “I’d love to have a house right here. I’d wake up to the sun shining off the ocean, and go to sleep listening to the sound of waves. ”

  “Who knows,” Bobby said. “Maybe someday I’ll be rich. Who says it can’t happen? Coach says I could go pro after college. First thing I’d do is build you a house on the beach, no matter how much it cost. ”

  “Bobby,” Cindy said, shaking her head. She couldn’t believe he was talking about their future. She liked the thought of them still being together in the days to come. But as she thought about the future, her mind drifted back towards her mother. What would the future bring for her? Cindy wondered.

  Cindy wrapped her arms around her knees and looked out over the crimsoned water. The sun was beginning to set. “It’s getting late,” she said sadly. “I’d better be getting home soon. ”

  Bobby reached in his pocket and handed her a small wrapped box. “Here’s the surprise I promised you,” he said.

  “Bobby,” Cindy exclaimed, “what did you buy?”

  She had never received a gift from a boy. Her hands trembled as she fumbled with the ribbon and opened the box. A golden bracelet sparkled in the dimming sunlight. “A bracelet! Oh, it’s beautiful,” Cindy cried, pulling it out of the box. “I’ve never owned anything as nice as this,” she said. It was so rich looking, so delicate with three little charms hanging on it. One was a heart, the second an arrow, and then a tiny letter “B”.

  Cindy’s hands were trembling so much she could not put the bracelet on. Bobby reached over gently. “Here, let me help. ”

  “I can’t believe you got this for me, Cindy said, “I’m so happy I could die!”

  “You don’t wanna do that!” he laughed, delighted by her reaction.

  It was 6:30 when Bobby finally dropped Cindy off at home. Before she left his car, she gave him a long kiss. It was their nicest one so far, and her heart raced with excitement.

  When Cindy stepped out of the car, she felt so happy that she almost forgot her problems with her mother. But as she approached the apartment, her worries came rushing back. What should she say to her mother about Raffie?

  Cindy slowly opened the front door, hoping her mother would be in a good mood.

  “Hey Ugly Mugly,” said a familiar voice. It was Raffie sitting on the living-room sofa. “You lookin’ for a bag for that face?” he sneered.

  Cindy heard her mother rattling dishes in the kitchen. She was unable to hear anything Raffie said.

  Instantly, Cindy’s pulse started to throb, and her palms began to sweat. She wanted to call the police or somehow force her mother to see the truth about Raffie. Yet Cindy knew she had no proof, and her mother would not listen to her. For a moment, the two stared at each other in icy silence.

  “Whatcha gonna do, Ugly Mugly?” Raffie challenged.

  As she looked into his cold dark eyes, Cindy’s anger grew. Sitting on her couch was a man who had insulted her, lied to her mother, and risked destroying their fragile family.

  “I know you’re a drug dealer,” Cindy said in a low, angry rasp. “I don’t care what happens to you, but you better not get my mom in trouble,” she warned.

  “Whoa, you got some mouth on you, girl,” Raffie said, twirling one of the gold chains around his neck. “You best watch that mouth, or you might be picking your teeth out of your lap. You get my meaning?”

  Just then Cindy’s mother came in with a plate of cold shrimp and crackers, Raffie’s favorite snack. “Hey, Cindy,” her mother said. “Why don’t you have some shrimp with Raffie and me. ”

  Cindy did not even acknowledge her mother. She glared quickly at Raffie, rushed into her bedroom, and slammed the door so hard the walls trembled.

  From her room, Cindy heard her mother laugh nervously and try to smooth over Cindy’s behavior. “Oh, Raffie, she’s just being a teenager, that’s all. I swear sometimes I think all mothers should get a warning about how their adorable babies can turn into teenage monsters!”

  Raffie chuckled. “She’s just going through some growing pains right now. She’ll get used to me,” he assured her. “She don’t have any other choice,” he added.

  “That’s right, baby,” her mother said. “That’s right. ”

  Cindy flopped onto her bed and stared at the ceiling. She felt as if she was locked in a jail cell, one which she would never escape.

  Chapter 9

  The
next day, Cindy decided she had to talk to someone about Raffie. Instead of going home after school, she went directly to Mrs. Davis’s apartment. Harold was not home yet when she arrived. Mrs. Davis answered the door and brought Cindy to the kitchen.

  “Sit down, honeychild, and help me wait for this pumpkin pie to finish baking,” Mrs. Davis said. The rich, sweet scent of the pie filled the apartment and the outside hallway with a heavenly fragrance. Cindy sat down nervously and took a deep breath.

  “Cindy,” Mrs. Davis said with a warm smile. “What’s wrong?”

  “Grandma Rose,” Cindy groaned, “this guy my mom is dating, Raffie Whitaker, he’s a drug dealer. I told Mom, but she won’t believe me. I’m so scared. ”

  Mrs. Davis shook her head sadly. “Child, that Whitaker’s been dealing drugs in this neighborhood for a long time. From what I hear, he’s got school kids working for him. I told the police months ago. The sergeant I spoke to wrote down everything I said. He was a nice man, but nothing happened. I pray to God somebody stops Raffie Whitaker before he puts some child in an early grave. ”

  Cindy noticed Mrs. Davis looking at her new bracelet.

  “It’s from Bobby,” she said. “He’s the only person besides you and Harold who I can talk to about all this. He’s been really nice. ”

  “Well, I’m mighty glad to hear that. I know his momma. Tina Wallace is a good woman who has had a lot of grief in her life. She’s been through fire and ice with that husband of hers. Now she’s tending him like a saint ’cause he’s laid up with lung trouble. Bobby has been nothing but pain to her, and I hope to heaven he’s turned himself around,” Mrs. Davis said.

  Just then, Harold came home and walked into the kitchen. “Hi, Cindy,” he said, glancing quickly at his grandmother and Cindy. “I can leave if it’s a bad time,” he added, turning to walk out.

  “It’s okay,” Cindy assured him. “We’re just talking, that’s all. ”

  Harold hesitated briefly and asked, “Wanna go down to the library with me?”

  “Sure,” Cindy said, eager for any reason not to go home.

  “You know that project in Mitchell’s class where we gotta pick somebody who overcame great odds to become a success?” Harold asked as they headed for the library. “You pick anybody yet?”

  “Yeah. I picked Ray Charles. He was blind when he was a little boy, and he was poor and lost his mother too,” Cindy said. “And look what a big music career he has. ”

  “Maybe you can help me find somebody, Cindy. I need a better grade this marking period. Grandma keeps getting on my case,” Harold said.

  “Well, you’re talking to the wrong person,” Cindy said with a laugh. “I’m not a perfect student either, but I’ll try to help out. ”

  As they approached the library, Cindy noticed Pedro Ortiz standing in a parking lot behind a grocery store.

  “Look, there’s Pedro. I can’t stand him, Harold. I bet he’s waiting to buy drugs from Raffie,” Cindy said.

  “Let’s cross over to the other side of the street,” Harold said cautiously. “We don’t want to get mixed up in anything he’s involved in. ”

  “That’s right,” Pedro called out to them as they crossed the street. “Just keep walkin’. ”

  “Maybe if I brought Mom down here,” Cindy said, “she would believe what I’ve been saying about Raffie. ”

  “Wouldn’t do no good,” Harold said. “She loves him, right?”

  “I guess,” Cindy sighed.

  “Grandma says if love settles on a garbage can, you can’t make the fool in love smell the stink. ”

  In the library, Cindy and Harold searched through the aisles, stopping at the section with biographies. Cindy found a book about Franklin Roosevelt. The book focused on how he overcame his disability. “Look, this man was crippled, and he still became president,” Cindy said.

  “No way,” Harold said. “No president of the United States was ever crippled. ”

  “Sure he was. It’s all here in the book. He had polio, and after that he never could stand up or walk unless somebody helped him. ”

  They checked out the book on Roosevelt and headed home. “Look, Cindy,” Harold said nervously. “I’ve been wanting to ask you something for a while, but. . . . ” He hesitated and took a deep breath. “Wanna go to the movies with me on Saturday?”

  Cindy smiled, flattered that Harold wanted to take her out. She had never considered him as someone she would go out with. He was her neighbor and a friend, but until now she had thought of him as nothing more. And, of course, there was Bobby. She would never go out with Harold while things were so good with Bobby. She struggled to find an answer that wouldn’t hurt his feelings.

  “I’d go with you in a minute, Harold. You’re really nice . . . but me and Bobby are together,” Cindy said.

  “I understand,” Harold said quietly, his eyes focused on the ground. “Just be careful,” he added.

  “Look, I know you don’t like Bobby, but he’s been good to me. Can’t you just be my friend and be happy for me?” Cindy said, tired of having to defend her boyfriend.

  “What about that bruise on your wrist?” Harold replied.

  “I told you before, that was just an accident,” Cindy insisted, pushing her new bracelet over the bruise.

  “You’re a lot like your mom, Cindy. You only see what you want to see,” Harold said.

  Cindy glared at Harold. She resented his comment, but she did not want to get into a fight with him. Instead, she kept quiet, and the two walked back home in awkward silence, careful to avoid the parking lot where they had seen Pedro.

  Cindy’s mother was in the kitchen making a casserole when Cindy came home from the library. “So where have you been? You’re never home anymore,” her mother said.

  “I was in the library helping someone with a project,” Cindy answered, wondering if her mother realized how silly such an accusation sounded coming from her. I’m always home, Mom. You’re the one who’s never here, Cindy thought.

  The casserole smelled good. Her mother was a good cook when she tried, which was not often. For a terrible moment Cindy wondered if Raffie was in the apartment somewhere ready to pop out, jingling his flashy gold chains.

  “You’re home alone tonight, Mom?” Cindy asked.

  “Yeah,” she said. “Raffie had a change in plans. He was sent to Los Angeles again to cover a sales convention because someone else got sick. He’s making an important presentation at this meeting in a big hotel. I don’t know how he does it. How he faces all those people and gives them a sales pitch with slides and spreadsheets and everything. ”

  “You should go with him sometime, and see how he does it,” Cindy mocked. “Unless maybe he wouldn’t like that. ”

  “Skip the comments, Cindy,” her mother snapped. “I know you hate Raffie, but that’s your problem. You’re just going to have to accept that he’s my man, and soon he’s going to be my husband. ” As she spoke, she raised her left hand. A sparkling gold ring with a large diamond glistened on her finger. “Next year, you gonna have yourself a stepfather. ”

  “What?!” Cindy gasped.

  “Raffie proposed last night and said we would get married sometime next year,” her mother said with a big smile.

  Cindy stared at the ring in disbelief. Her knees felt as if they were about to buckle, and twisted thoughts tumbled through her mind. For an instant, she imagined introducing Raffie to her teachers. “This is my stepfather, the drug dealer. ”

  “Why . . . why are you gonna do that, Mom?” Cindy asked, her voice desperate and broken.

  “Oh, for once be happy for me, Cindy,” her mother chided. “I’m getting old. You don’t know what it’s like to be my age and not settled down yet. I don’t want to be old and alone. ”

  “Mom!” Cindy moaned in frustration. “You’re not alone . . . you have me. ” But as she spoke, Cindy knew her words would not be enough to change her mother’s mind.

  Mom turned and faced her daughter. Cindy cou
ld see her mother was touched by what she had said. “Cindy, this isn’t only about me. It’s also for you. You deserve a man around the house, and who knows, maybe with Raffie’s money we can send you to college. You’d be the first in our family to go,” she said.

  “I don’t want Raffie’s money or his help,” Cindy insisted. “He’s a drug dealer, Mom. I’m sure of it. ”

  “Don’t start that talk around me, girl. Especially not now. You’re not going to ruin this for me, Cindy. I won’t let you!” she growled and stormed out of the kitchen.

  Angered and saddened, Cindy went to her bedroom. As the dismal evening wore on, Cindy drew a series of sketches showing Bluford surrounded by monsters who preyed on kids. The creatures were on the streets, hanging on corners, and their faces vaguely resembled Raffie and Pedro. One victim, a girl caught in the clutches of a twisted figure, had Cindy’s face.

  When Cindy arrived at school Thursday morning, Bobby was waiting for her.

  “Wassup, Cinderella,” he said, throwing his arm around her and giving her a kiss in the middle of the crowded hallway.

  “Hi,” she said with a smile, unprepared for his sudden affection.

  “We’re goin’ out tomorrow night,” Bobby said. “It’s Halloween, so we gotta do something together. ”

  “Okay,” Cindy replied, shrugging her shoulders. With all the distraction at home, she had forgotten about the holiday. “You know Jamee and Darcy invited me to a party at their house. They’re gonna watch—”

  “We ain’t goin’ there,” Bobby interjected. “A bunch of people I know are heading to that club, the Dungeon. There’s gonna be a band, and everyone’s gonna get dressed up. I want to go there and show you off. Here take this,” he said, handing her two fifty dollar bills.