“Right, that’s why even though you told him no last night, he was in front of your face again today. You know, on the plane you said was just for family, and now he was back for more.”
“Ben! I don’t know why Todd of all people was a part of my dad’s special night. He invited him, not me. And they’re both acting like fools. My dad can push all he wants, I’m not going to change my mind because I don’t care about his money. Or his protection. I’m good. Really good. All. By. Myself.”
“Got it.” Ben figured this was as good a time as any, even though what he was about to say tore at his gut. “You’re an amazing woman, Ainsley. Beautiful and talented. You don’t need anyone, especially a grunt like me.”
“Wait. What?”
“It’s probably best if we say our goodbyes before this goes any further.” As he said the words, he wanted to call himself a liar. If they went on, it would only be tougher on the both of them. And he wasn’t at all sure he could live in her world. He’d have a hard time standing by watching jerks like what’s-his-face trying to make a move on her. And he’d always be wondering who her father was trying to set her up with next.
She’d been facing the water, but now she turned to him. “So, what? You’re breaking up with me? The first time we actually disagree?”
Stay strong. This was for her. “It’s not that. Just tonight showed me how different we are. I’m not the proper guy for you. What’s going to happen when I’m deployed for six months or even a year? Your dad is going to keep throwing men at you. And I’m always going to wonder. Always. ‘Is she being faithful?’ Do you have any idea how many military come home to find their spouses, significant others with other people? We’re just a mistake waiting to happen.”
“No. You’re serious right now?” A tear slid down her cheek.
He pretended he didn’t care.
“Well, yep. It’d be best for us to cut our losses before this gets much more serious.” He shrugged. “I care about you, Ainsley. I want you to be happy.”
She picked up a shoe and threw it at him, but he ducked before it hit him.
“You have a dumb way of showing it, you know? A really dumb way. Don’t you think I’ve thought about what it might be like when you go on a mission?
“I’m not an idiot. It’s scary to consider what could happen to you. Frightens me half to death. But if you’re brave enough to go, then I would have to be brave enough to stay here and wait for you. I would have been.
“But you’re right, Ben. You don’t deserve me. That you think I would cheat on you because you were away—what kind of person does that make me? Have you met me? I should be with someone way better than a jerk who believes I’d be one of those ‘out of sight, out of mind’ types. I thought... Doesn’t matter.” There were more tears running down her face, and he felt ashamed.
He reached out for her, but she shook her head.
“Bye, Ben. You can go now. I thought I needed you. I was wrong.”
Then she ran to the house and left him on the beach with a broken heart.
But it was for the best. For the both of them.
Yeah, you keep telling yourself that.
14
AINSLEY GRABBED AN open bottle of champagne before running up the back stairs to her room.
What had just happened?
Ben had broken up with her. Or she’d broken up with him? It happened so fast she wasn’t sure. The whole night was a mess.
Whatever her father had said, well, he’d done a number on Ben for sure. But it didn’t matter. She thought...no, she believed Ben was the kind of guy who wouldn’t care what anyone else said or thought.
She slammed the door to her bedroom, and then went into the bathroom and sat on the counter. After chugging half the bottle of champagne, she burped very loud twice and took several deep breaths.
How could Ben think those things? And she’d never seen him act like...what? A jealous boyfriend?
Rats. That’s exactly what he looked like when he walked up on her and Todd.
True. That jerk had been kind of handsy, but still. Ben didn’t have to get all protective of her. That would just give Todd more ammunition for her father.
But Ben’s look of fury at Todd was burned into her brain. And how would she have felt if some woman was pawing him? And talking about getting married?
Double rats. She took another swig of the champagne. But Ben was the one who said she wouldn’t be faithful and wait for him.
He was kind of right about the waiting, but not in the way he believed. She’d been thinking about his career aspirations. He’d told her more than once he wanted to make Colonel, and she’d done research. That meant probably a lot of moves to different bases. More tours of duty. But she had plans for that. Plans she hadn’t shared with him because she didn’t want to scare him off. For him to know she was thinking about their future.
Well, not anymore.
Good riddance, Ben.
The tears fell in great trails down her face.
We couldn’t even handle one fight. One fight and he’s gone.
“Whoa,” Bebe said. “What’s gone on here?” Her friend crossed the bathroom, took the toilet paper roll off the holder and brought it to her.
Ainsley sniffed. “When did you get here?”
“About five minutes ago. Just in time to see him storm off without even a hello. I asked him where you were and he said he had no idea. That you left him. Did you?”
“I left him on the beach, but I think he’s the one who left me first.” She chugged more of the bottle.
“Hey, slow down. He didn’t seem like a guy who broke up with a girl. Are you sure? Because he was visibly upset.”
She sat the bottle on the counter. “I don’t know. Everything was out of control tonight. I think I ruined it.”
Bebe eyed her up and down. “Maybe you should tell me exactly what happened.”
* * *
IT WAS LATE and Ben worried about waking up his mom and sister. There was a light coming from one of the windows of the little three-bedroom bungalow, so someone was still awake. He texted his sister.
Doodle, you awake?
She texted back. Yep.
Turn off the alarm and unlock the door. I don’t want to disturb Mom.
He grabbed his duffel, and then he waited on the front porch for the door to open.
Amy, his little sister, threw her arms around him so hard, she nearly took them both to the ground. “I thought you were at some fancy party and weren’t coming until tomorrow.”
“Change of plans,” he said, as he walked with her wrapped around him into the house. “Couldn’t wait to see you guys and the party ended earlier than expected.”
“Liar,” his mother said from the living room.
He dropped his bag in the entry, and then peeled his sister off of him. Mom was standing up with her arms out. “That look on your face says something different. You aren’t happy.”
He frowned. “What? I told you earlier in the week that I couldn’t wait to see you guys. I missed you.” He gave her a long hug. She always smelled like roses. Home.
“I thought you were bringing your new girlfriend to meet us,” she said. “Are you hiding her in the car?”
His mother was tenacious when it came to the truth. It’s one of the reasons he hardly ever lied as a kid. She had a sixth sense that way, always said it was a mother’s intuition. Other kids got away with stuff, he never did. Even though she had to be gone a lot between her two jobs, and then her job and school when he was older, she always seemed to know.
“She has family stuff,” he said, which was true. “I told you they spend the holidays together, like us.”
Mom held his face in her hands and studied him. “I’m here when you’re ready to talk
about it, Ben.”
“Did you bring presents?” his sister asked.
“Amy!” his mother said. “Don’t be rude. He’s your brother and his being here is all the present we need.”
He stepped back just in time to see his sister roll her eyes.
“Yeah, yeah. But did you bring any presents?”
He playfully socked her shoulder. “Yes. But technically it isn’t even Christmas Eve yet, so no snooping. And you’re seventeen now, haven’t you grown out of the whole present thing?”
“Did you hit your head or something? You’re never too old for presents.” Amy clapped her hands and hopped up and down.
He’d missed this. Just being with his family. It made him stronger. His new position at the base had kept him busy, and he was trying to get his hours of flight time in on the weekends. He put an arm around both of them. Family. This was what mattered.
“I made a batch of banana bread and some cinnamon tea. And before you say something, the bread is made with whole wheat flour.”
He laughed. His mom was one of the few people who normally didn’t give him grief about his diet. She understood why he took care of himself.
“Sounds good.”
She led the way into the kitchen, which did smell like fresh bread. He sat at the breakfast bar next to his sister and watched as his mom busied herself pulling everything together.
He’d offer to help, but he knew better. She liked to dote on him whenever he’d been away for long periods of time, said she felt guilty for all the years she’d had to work and wasn’t there for him. But she was wrong. She’d always been there for him in the ways that mattered. She’d loved him, and made him a responsible human being. His shoulders dropped a few inches and he relaxed for the first time in several hours.
These were his people. It only hit harder how out of his element he’d been at the Garretts’.
“So tell us what been going on,” his mother encouraged as she handed him a plate of bread and a cup of tea.
His shoulders immediately tensed again. “What about you’ll be there when I’m ready to talk?” He really didn’t want to discuss it. In some ways, he still hadn’t wrapped his mind around the fact that he’d broken up with her, even if he did think it was for the best. The not knowing, the snap deployments—she could have it so much easier than that. Although...it meant she wouldn’t be his girlfriend, let alone his wife.
And there wasn’t anything he wanted more than having Ainsley as his wife. It was something he hadn’t realized until he was halfway between San Antonio and Austin. It just wasn’t in the cards. She might be angry with him, but he wasn’t wrong about some of what he’d said. He didn’t want her worrying and waiting for months at a time. It wasn’t fair.
His mother crossed her arms and gave him the stare.
“Fine. We were at the big party her parents were throwing. Let’s just say the Garrett house was the size of a small mountain. Not quite the Driskill in downtown Austin, but pretty darn big. But it made it clear to me that Ainsley and I come from two different worlds. Then her dad keeps throwing these rich guys at her. She was talking to one of them and I found out they’d been on a plane together the night before, when I thought it was supposed to be only family. Nothing happened between them. I know it didn’t. She does not like the guy. But it just hit me wrong. That it’s never going to work. And I decided it was time for me to go. End of story.”
“Did you give her a chance to tell her side of things?” His mother handed his sister a plate of bread and a cup of tea.
Amy was watching him and his mother as if they were playing a tennis match. “Shouldn’t she be in bed?” he asked.
“It’s Christmas holidays, and you’re trying to change the subject,” Mom said.
“What more was there for her and I to discuss? When I tell you these people are rich, I mean billions. Her dad is one of the wealthiest men in the country. I was helping her through the holiday season as a friend, and she was helping me.
“I thought maybe we had something, but we were both caught up in... I don’t know. Obviously, I was confused because I kept thinking maybe she was the one. But after what her dad said, and then what I overheard...yeah. The guy was a jerk, but he had a point. She’s not cut out for the life I have. It’s done. Can we please talk about something else?”
“Wait,” Doodle said. “You just decided the way it was going to be for the both of you? Did she say she felt the same? That she didn’t want to be with you? I’ve never had a boyfriend, mainly because Mom won’t let me date until I’m thirty, but maybe if you really like her, you should have fought for her? Or at least maybe not taken off so fast. Maybe she just got mad, because it sounds like you were being really dumb and mean. But she might be over it.”
“You’re too young to understand.” He paused to take a bite of bread. “It wasn’t like that.” But it sort of was. “Doodle, it’s more complicated than that. We... It’s... I figured that I’d be more of a problem for her, than someone who was helping. Her dad made it very clear that I wasn’t the sort of man he wanted for his daughter. And I’m not the kind of man who is going to make the woman he loves choose between her family and him.”
“What kind of man is that?” his mom asked. Her chin jutted out, which meant he was about to get an earful. “Honest, brave, kind, loving and caring. That kind of man? Because if her father has a problem with that kind of man, I might just have to go kick his backside.”
“Mom!” he and Doodle said together.
“Oh, all right, all right. But I hate to see you like this, Ben. It’s clear you’re not okay with how you left things tonight.”
He gave a quick nod.
“Look, son. I’m not going to get involved in your romantic life. It’s not my place. But when you talked about this girl, there was something in your voice I haven’t heard in a long, long time. You were happy. And if someone made me that happy, well, I might think about fighting for that. Your sister makes a valid point.” She gave Amy a big, wide smile.
They didn’t get it. “I appreciate that. Look, it’s been a long day, and I’m pretty tired.”
“You know where your room is,” his mom said.
He stood.
“Ben, wait.” His mother rose from her chair and gripped his hand. “You’re one of the most courageous men I’ve ever known. You have been since you were a boy. And you, as a Marine, know you never leave a man behind. I just want to make sure you aren’t doing that with Ainsley, in a sense, because—and maybe this is just my interpretation—it sounds like you deserted her when she needed you the most.”
It was the first time anyone had said her name, and it was a punch to the gut. Had he left her behind? No. No. It wasn’t like that. She was better off without him. She should be with people who were like her.
It wasn’t until he was in his old bedroom and had stared at the ceiling for two hours that it came to him. The tears in her eyes. The hurt that was there in her tight mouth and flushed cheeks. He didn’t believe in her. It wasn’t the other way around.
Not once had she ever given him an indication that she didn’t believe in him. In fact, she’d done nothing but support him. Been there for him.
While he talked a good game, when push came to shove, he’d left at the first hint of trouble.
She hadn’t done anything wrong.
But he’d been a first-rate jerk.
15
THE MORNING AFTER the party, Ainsley sat at brunch in her parents’ dining room, a knot the size of Texas twisting her belly.
She’d spent most of the night crying. She didn’t cry. Well, maybe at Hallmark commercials and only the mushy ones with kids or animals.
But this hurt. Ben had left her alone at a time when she’d admitted to him it was the last thing she wanted. Something had happened to set him off
, before the whole Todd fiasco. It had to be what her dad had said. Whatever it was, it had changed everything. His eyes... Never in her life had she seen someone more tormented, as if she’d reached in and ripped out his heart.
And he’d been so dismissive, like leaving her wasn’t that big of a deal.
But had it been an act? She had this terrible feeling that he hurt her because he was trying to protect her in some way. She kept trying to remember his words, but when she thought about him saying she would cheat on him, fresh tears came.
Bile rose in the back of her throat.
“Ainsley, are you hungover?” Her sister’s question penetrated her haze. “And dang, girl, you look bad. I don’t remember you drinking that much.”
Conversation stopped around the table and everyone stared. There were a mixture of aunts, uncles and cousins, along with members of her immediate family. This brunch was a tradition. One she no longer wanted to be a part of.
My heart is dead and I lost the only guy I’ve ever loved. Probably the only guy I’m ever going to love.
“No,” she said.
“No, you aren’t hungover? Because you might have a fever or something. Your eyes are really red,” Megan went on.
Leave it to her sister to poke and prod. “Let it go,” she muttered under her breath. Then she shoved away from the table, crystal falling and china rattling.
“Ainsley, what is wrong with you?” her mother admonished.
“She’s sick or grumpy or...something,” her sister said.
“I’m none of those things. I’m...” Heartbroken, sad and, okay, maybe a little angry.
“Should I call Dr.—”
“I’m not sick, okay? I’m sad. I’m upset about the way Ben left last night. He didn’t deserve to be treated that way, Dad.” She stared at her father. “He couldn’t get away fast enough. Said things I’m not sure I believe or that he believed, but...it hurts. I’ve never hurt like this.” She stood in the middle of the dining room with tears streaming down her face.
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