With a clap of air rushing into a vacuum, he collapsed into a small falcon shape, then disappeared.
Chapter Thirty
In Which a Goddess Puts In an Unpleasant Appearance
The next day, Starling started organizing me.
She made it easy for me, I must confess. Her mother’s daughter, Starling brought a polished level of organization to the carnival atmosphere of the war camp. At least, to our little corner of it. She marshaled the Brownie forces to set her up a tent next to mine, seeming to know without me telling her how much I valued my privacy. She set up a little area for Darling, too, with a place for him to keep the souvenirs he picked up around camp.
And I found myself following Starling’s schedule without her telling me.
She even arranged for regular meals, with actual nourishing food rather than the endless supply of pastries and fruit Dragonfly had provided. Pillow-making was proceeding apace. Everybody seemed cheerfully occupied.
Even those of us sublimating our emotions into work. I should have been pleased with my little victory over Falcon, but his closing warning had left me uneasy. I’d been very careful to follow the letter of my agreements with Rogue, but admittedly not much more than that. However, he was not my friend or my lover, but my enemy. How that all fell into my personal code of ethics, I wasn’t at all sure.
Then Starling had to bring up Dragonfly.
“It’s a good thing you dismissed her,” Starling said.
She had acquired a standing wardrobe for me and was hanging up dresses the Brownies had laundered. I hated to bother them about it, but Starling had just shaken her head at me. “You have to give them work to do or they wither away.” The images in her head showed me she meant that literally.
“I didn’t, actually,” I replied from my workbench. “She took off with Rogue.”
“With Lord Rogue?”
“At least, so I believe.”
“She did not!”
“The circumstantial evidence is pretty compelling.”
“Tell me.”
“There’s nothing to tell.” I tried to concentrate on the spell I was working up for the upcoming battle. I didn’t want to be winging it this time. Dancing along the line Falcon drew would make it interesting.
“Then it won’t take long.” Starling plopped her butt down next to my grimoire, like a kid waiting for a fairytale story.
“Why is it that you’re all ‘whatever my lady wants’ until you’re bugging me about something?”
Starling grinned happily at me and wiggled her rear farther back. “Mother told me my primary responsibility is taking care of you, whatever that takes. What happened?”
My gut clenched, thinking about it. I rubbed my hands over my face and into my hair, massaging my scalp. “No, we are not having this conversation.”
“Gwynn.” Starling reached out and lightly touched my wrist, a glancing touch and retreat. “Trust me. Maybe I can help you.”
It was on the tip of my tongue to tell her I didn’t need help. The incident still burned bitterly in my heart. I found myself picking at it in my mind, replaying the images and waiting for them to hurt less. Remembering how I’d come for him like that. Wondering exactly what had happened. Why he left.
Was it the lightning?
And why the hell did I even care?
“Rogue was here…” Starling prompted.
“And he was mad at me.”
Starling nodded, biting her lip with one pearly eyetooth.
“Because I wouldn’t…we had this deal where…” I stood up, started pacing. “Look, it’s a long freaking story, Starling. Suffice to say that I chose not to put out and give in to whatever the hell his diabolical plan is, and Dragonfly stepped up to the plate, as it were.”
Starling held up a pale hand, as if to halt my tirade, though I’d already finished.
“You’re saying Dragonfly had intercourse with Lord Rogue?”
“I don’t know. I left the tent.”
“So you didn’t see.”
“Not exactly, but he made it clear what direction things were going. She was kneeling down, you know. All eager to…”
“Oh.”
“Exactly.”
“And then what?”
I sighed, rolling my shoulders. “Umm. I left, he came after me a while later, we talked about some stuff out by the oak tree. He left for good, and when I got back to the tent, Dragonfly was a gone Johnson.”
“I’m sorry.” Starling said it quietly, her chocolate-brown eyes grave.
“No. Not at all. I refused his attentions so he was free to go elsewhere. That’s how it works.”
“No, I’m sorry to tell you this, but…I think Titania took her.”
“Titania? As in a real person, or are you saying something like ‘she returned to the arms of the Lord’?”
Starling cocked her head at me. I could almost see her thoughts swirling around her head. “Dragonfly agreed to serve you. You must have said it was okay for her to make that offer to Rogue?”
Yeah, I guess I had. Starling read it in my face.
“But you didn’t really mean it—and it’s not your fault, really, because how could you? You were feeling all hurt and stuff…”
“I wasn’t…”
“But that’s what happens with true love. There are misunderstandings, and lovers fight. So you were feeling all hurt and you said it was okay, but it wasn’t, so Dragonfly—who was stupid, by the way, she should have known better—broke her agreement to you and now, well, Titania’s got her.”
I stared at Starling, flabbergasted. It took me a moment to get my breath back. “Okay. One, I am not in love with Rogue. You have no idea the kinds of things he’s done—and tried to do—to me. Two, he certainly does not love me, and I’d be a fool to set myself up for that. And three, what the hell does that mean, ‘Titania’s got her’? The image I’m getting in my head is like some kind of…what my people think of as damnation.”
Starling fiddled with the folds of her dress. “The consequences for oath-breaking can be dire.”
I dropped my face into my hands, digging my fingers across my scalp. “Fabulous.”
“Good morning, beautiful damsels!” Puck popped his tousled strawberry head through the tent flaps. “Anyone not decent—I hope?”
“You might have checked before you looked,” I answered drily.
“No fun in that, is there!”
Starling had already slipped off the table, and Puck gallantly bowed over her hand, kissing it with an elaborate flourish.
“Lady Starling of Castle Brightness, you grow more ravishing with every sunrise, surpassing even the glow of your ancestral home.”
I managed not to roll my eyes as Starling giggled at him.
“And Most Powerful Lady Sorceress!” Puck left Starling to sweep me a bow. “You grow more…absolutely terrifying. What have you done to your hair, dear lady?”
“Puck—do you have a reason to be here, besides being the fashion police?”
“Indeed. I am here to inform the Mighty Sorceress Gwynn, and her lovely attendant—” he winked at Starling, “—of impending battle tomorrow. There will be cavalry! Gore! Glory for all!” Puck performed an intricate box step, ending with a flourish. “Be ready at first light.”
He popped out again, as quickly as he’d appeared, leaving Starling and I staring at each other in bemusement.
Starling opened her mouth and I stepped in before she could say anything.
“No, let’s not discuss this any more right now. Just get it out of your head that this is some kind of love story here.” I found my voice unaccountably choked up.
Starling took a step toward me, her brow furrowed. “But I know Lord Rogue saved you after the Battle of th
e Birds. He performed great magics to save your life and, in return, you pledged him your eternal love. Everyone knows the story.”
I threw my hands up in the air. “Incredible how you people believe your own press! You need to grow up, Starling. There is no such thing as true love. It’s a fantasy. And what is going on between Rogue and me is all about power.”
“Well, I’m sure he’s not easy to love, but…”
“I. Do. Not. Love. Rogue.” I said it slowly and with as much intent as I could muster behind it so she could understand.
Starling blinked at me, worry clouding her eyes. “But you’re here for him. That’s why you brought yourself over from your world. You dreamed of him, loved him even then, and sacrificed everything to come here and be with him. To answer him in his time of need.”
“What need? His need to impregnate a human woman and make the baby into some kind of changeling? Starling, that is just not something a person signs up for.”
“But your magic! That’s why you’re so powerful, because of the intimate connection with him!”
I sighed. “Look around you, Starling. Do you see him? No, you don’t. Because I refused him and ran him off. I won. Do you see? It doesn’t matter what stories everyone is telling. This is the reality. My being here is an accident and I’m going back home. I didn’t come here to save anybody, least of all Rogue. It was just stupid happenstance. There are people I left behind who love me and need me.”
From his favorite violet pillow, Darling sent a question about Isabel.
“Yes, you would have liked her. Though she’s all cat with nothing…extra about her.” I picked up my hairbrush, working out the snarls I’d put in. I would get back to them. If they weren’t all dead. To Isabel and my mother. If I could face down Rogue and Falcon, then I could break up with Clive in person. Maybe I’d apply for jobs at another university, move up. Back in the world I belonged to, where things made sense. My heart felt satisfyingly hard again. Impervious. “And I’ll tell you what—if this Titania took Dragonfly and is punishing her because that silly little faerie let me down somehow, then I’d like her to come here and explain.”
A frisson ran over the room. If a wave of energy that felt like blistering drought could be called that. The cheerfully noisy camp fell silent.
Starling’s face whitened. “What have you done, Gwynn?”
I hadn’t meant to make the wish. I’d gotten caught up in thinking in my old ways. It wasn’t even really a clear wish, but I could feel it manifest. As if something had been waiting for the opportunity to pounce. Be careful what you wish for, all right.
We pushed out of the tent and into the deathly silent camp. Not a fae, pixie, page or Brownie was in sight. Only Titania riding up the velvety green hill to see me.
She rode a white horse with a cotton-candy-pink mane and tail. Titania herself—she could be no other—was naked, her voluptuous body featureless as a Barbie doll’s. Long silver hair flowed over the horse and trailed on the ground behind.
Her pale eyes fixed on me.
Parching heat flowed out of her, prickling my skin. I wished a protective wall between her and us, just in case. She smiled at me, sweet, charming, and canceled it. She tore the magic out of me, making me gasp out loud.
All around me, the thoughts had stilled. Like the endless buzz of cicadas ceasing before a storm, the eerie silence filled me with dread.
“Lady Sorceress.” Titania’s voice filled my mind, a symphony of bass chords and high flutes. Her pretty lips never lost their smile. “You asked for an explanation.”
Well, holy shit. I grasped for words that flew away. I reached for the silence Marquise and Scourge had taught me. Nothing. Everything in me wanted to scream and run away.
She put long fingers to her lips, as if to stifle a giggle. They had several extra joints, a spider’s hand.
“I’m missing my maidservant, Dragonfly.”
“She broke her oath to you. That makes her mine.”
“It was a mistake.”
The heat roared up. I tried not to flinch. Behind me, Starling whimpered. Darling pressed against my ankle, but not a whisper of thought came from him.
“I do not make mistakes, Sorceress. Oaths and oathbreakers are mine. Isn’t that so, Lord Darling? How do you enjoy your new body?”
Darling pressed against me, shivering.
“I meant that it was my mistake.” Your highness. How does one address a deity?
The heat dropped a little. My face felt burnt.
“You make many mistakes, Sorceress.”
“Yes.”
“I’ve been watching you. I suspect you’ll be mine as well.”
“I’ve obeyed my agreements.”
That yellow gaze burned through the dark shadows in my mind.
“Barely.” Her doubt hummed through me. “Dancing the edge. Foolish human girl. Rogue is a fool, to rest so much on one so…unreliable.”
“I never asked to be here.”
“Didn’t you?” She spun her segmented fingers in the air and Dragonfly appeared on the horse in front of her. The girl stared at me in mute terror. “This game will be over too easily, Sorceress, if you lose so soon. So, here’s a caution for you.”
The spidery hand closed on one of Dragonfly’s silly wings. With a sickening crunch, Titania pulled it off, dripping goo trailing. She tossed it at my feet while Dragonfly screamed piteously. The second wing followed.
“A memento for you. To remember me by.” Titania stopped smiling. “Or do you require further explanations?”
I shook my head, too horrified to answer. Dragonfly sagged in Titania’s lap, held up by one spidery arm while Titania licked her fingers clean of the yellow ooze.
“I’ll see you soon, Sorceress.”
And she was gone.
Chapter Thirty-One
In Which I Fight a Couple of Battles of My Own
Starling awakened me in the pre-dawn darkness for the battle, ready with my black dress and heels, along with some kind of eggs for us to eat. The heels were still in stiletto mode, but they matched my mood so I left them that way. We perched on the pillows, cross-legged, eating in silence.
“Starling—I’m sorry about yesterday.”
“Don’t discuss her.”
After Titania vanished, the camp had immediately returned to its usual level of hilarity. Starling nattered on about nothing. Even Darling refused to discuss what had happened, distracting me by attacking the yellow rubber ducky instead. I didn’t blame them, really, but I found their denial disconcerting.
“No, I know you won’t talk about that. I meant, mostly, about Rogue and what I said. I’m sorry if I was abrupt with you.”
Starling shook her head at me, her hair pink in the pillow light. “Gwynn, this isn’t about me. It’s you I’m worried about. Especially now.”
“Well then,” I answered brightly, standing up, “we have no problems because I am perfectly fine.” I would be fine, too. I was sorry for them, living under an onus like Titania’s, but this was not my world. More than ever, I wanted out of this insane place.
Larch met me with Felicity outside the tent and she snorted at me in greeting. I stroked her silky white mane, pleased to see her, too. Darling was already waiting on the traveling pad.
“No armor this time?”
He flicked his tail at me and looked away.
Starling handed me my stick and dagger to strap to the saddle. Liam didn’t trust me not to slice myself open with the sun-and-moon wheels yet, so those were staying behind.
“I’ll see you at the victory feast tonight,” she said.
“There’s already a victory feast planned? What if we lose?”
Starling and Larch laughed. Silly me.
“General Falcon wants the camp moved
to the front and then everyone will celebrate the advance tonight,” Larch put in. “They’re setting up special tents for everyone. We’re to be there in armor, with evidence of glorious battle upon us.”
Charming.
“You guys have to move all this stuff in one day?” Now I kind of felt bad that I’d created and accumulated so much stuff. “I could poof some of it.”
“It’ll be fine, Lady Sorceress,” Starling said.
“Be careful with the dragon’s blood—both the vial and that residue. I’m still not sure if it’s toxic or what.”
“Don’t worry.”
“Maybe I should put my grimoire in my saddlebags?”
“Lady Sorceress Gwynn, we’ll handle it.” Now Starling sounded more like her usual brisk self. “This is our job—now go do yours.”
“Um—about those wings.”
Larch looked grim. “We’ve stored them. Best that you keep them. Just in case.”
Boy howdy.
We rode out and I craned back for a last look, feeling oddly nostalgic to leave my brief home. If I’d known, I would have walked out to visit the dryad at the oak tree last night. Not that she would care. Still, I’d kept the leaf Rogue had handed me. Pressed it between the pages of the grimoire.
Silly, I know.
I maintained my cool shell, but under it, all these conflicting emotions roiled.
Titania’s words haunted me. What had Rogue risked with me? And why the hell would I spend a moment feeling, what? Was this guilt? It certainly wasn’t love, no matter what the Starlings of the world thought. He’d tried to make me a pawn in his games. It would be a terrible thing, if his own bargains were with Titania. But if he failed, that was on him.
What really ate at me was, would trying to get home be breaking my oath to Rogue? Probably. But Titania’s power would be limited to this world. So if I wanted to get home, I’d have to make sure I transitioned really damn quick, so I wouldn’t be an oathbreaker in this world long enough for her to get me.
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