Sunlight kissed her cheek, causing her to stir. She blinked slowly, her smile soft and warm as she caught sight of him. “Charlie.”
“Good morning, sweetness,” he said just as softly, liking the sound of his name on her lips. “Did you sleep well?”
“Of course I did. You wore me out.” She stroked his arm as if she needed to touch him. He liked that too. “How long have you been awake?”
“Not too long. I was watching you sleep and had just started counting my blessings when you woke up.”
“Was I one of your blessings?”
“One of them? You were all of them.”
Her smile widened. “Wow. Now I’m counting my blessings.” She stretched as a yawn overtook her, only to break off with a groan.
Concern shafted through him as he leaned over her. “Are you sore?”
“A little bit stiff,” she admitted, pink staining her cheeks. “Doing that reverse cowgirl after performing was too much for my thighs. And my back. And other parts.”
“Can I get you some aspirin or something?” He stopped short, breathed out a curse. “Christ, I just offered you painkillers. That was stupid of me. Sorry.”
“Don’t be.” She slid closer to him. “I kinda like that you forgot. It makes me feel . . . ordinary.”
“You’ll never be ordinary.” He kissed her forehead, then ran a reassuring hand down her back when she stiffened. “What do you usually do when you’re in pain?”
“Depends on the type of pain,” she answered, her face tucked against his chest. “Topical stuff mostly. Hot or cold compresses, herbal teas, and I try to meditate. But nothing beats having a glass of wine and a good book with a superlong soak in the tub.”
“It might be a little early for wine, but would you like me to run a bath for you?”
She pulled back to look at him, yearning clear on her face. “Do we have time?”
“We have plenty of time,” he assured her. “I want to make sure you’re all right.”
“I’m supposed to be taking care of you, not the other way around,” she complained without heat. “It’s your birthday weekend, not mine.”
“Taking care of you takes care of me. It’s what I do.” He grinned at her. “Besides, you took care of me last night.”
“Charlie . . .”
“I’ll even throw in a massage.”
“Ooh. So not arguing anymore.” She settled back with a sigh. “Thank you.”
“It’s always my pleasure, sweetness.”
Kissing her again, he climbed out of bed and made his way to the bathroom. It was a modern layout at odds with the mid-century feel of the rest of the house. The shower was large and tiled, and a large freestanding soaker tub took up the spot beneath a frosted picture window.
Turning the taps on, he adjusted the temperature while mentally kicking himself. He couldn’t believe he’d offered Siobhan painkillers. She’d handled it well but he still felt like an idiot for suggesting them.
It made him wonder, though. It was almost second nature for most people to pop a couple of aspirin for everything from cramps to headaches. How did she fight the urge to slip a bottle into her shopping cart while at the grocery store? Did she go out of her way to avoid pharmacies? Was every day a battle in a country that had a pill for everything? How was he supposed to explain Siobhan’s aversion to medicines to his brothers and sister?
“Did the bathtub make you mad?”
He looked up to find Siobhan standing in the doorway, gloriously naked. “No, why?”
“You were frowning at it. What are you thinking about?”
“Nothing.” He gave her what he hoped was his most convincing smile. “Do you need to use the john?”
“I went down the hall.” She turned to the vanity, piling her sleep-matted waves atop her head and securing them with one of those claw-teeth things Lorelei had a habit of leaving all over the house. “That’s a whole lot of frowning for nothing type of thoughts.”
“I’m thinking the water isn’t as hot as you probably want it,” he said, which was a truth but not the answer.
She paused, watching him in the mirror. Her gaze traveled to her own reflection. Something flashed in her eyes before her expression went blank. “All right,” she said, her voice calm as she accepted his lie. Wrapping her arms about herself, she turned away from the mirror without looking at him.
“How do you do it?” he blurted out. “Deal with the pain and people offering to ply you with pills when they don’t know any better?”
“I politely refuse,” she answered, crossing to the tub to check and adjust the water temperature. “If they’re curious, I usually tell people that I prefer homeopathic remedies. Most of the time they accept that at face value. This is California, after all.”
She opened a jar on a glass shelf above the tub and poured a handful of granules into the tub. “The best way is to not put myself in situations where I could be tempted. Not that I’ve been tempted. I’ve been doing my best to live my life as positively as I can.
She held the jar close. “It’s muscle-relaxing and stress-relieving bath salts,” she explained, swirling her hand in the water. “Nothing too girly.”
“You should make it as girly as you want, and take your time.” He headed for the door. “Would you like some coffee?”
“You’re not going to join me?” she asked, surprise coloring her voice.
“I thought you’d prefer some alone time.” The excuse sounded lame to his ears, and he knew Siobhan must have heard it.
“I’ve been alone long enough,” she said, her voice barely audible above the gushing water. “Maybe it’s time to get a cat.”
She shook her head as if to clear it, then flashed him a remote smile as she shut off the faucet. “Thanks for starting the water for me.”
Turning her back to him, she carefully stepped into the tub then slowly sank into the water. She rested her head against the rim of the tub then closed her eyes, a deep sigh seeping from her. Shutting him out, which he deserved.
Crap. He’d hurt her feelings and she’d responded by shutting him out. Not the best way to start the day after the woman you wanted more than your next breath said she loved you.
“Are you still there?” she asked after a moment.
“Yeah.”
She didn’t open her eyes, just sank down until the water reached her chin. “Why?”
He went with the truth. “I’m trying to figure out how to apologize to you.”
She huffed. “Do you even know what you’d be apologizing for?”
“Ruining the best gift I’ve ever received?”
The water rippled as she hunched her shoulders. “Maybe I’m the one who should be apologizing for ruining your birthday weekend.”
That surprised him. “You didn’t do anything.”
“I dropped the L word,” she reminded him. “You were supposed to not have to think about anything and I gave you a whopper to think about. To be honest, I’d thought about not telling you but I got caught up in everything last night and just couldn’t keep it in.”
Dread slid an icy hand down his back. She couldn’t have regrets already. What was he going to do if she had regrets? Change her mind, that’s what. “Scoot up, I’m getting in.”
Not waiting for an answer, he strode across the tiled floor then climbed into the prickly hot water, settling in behind her. He pulled her back against his chest, trying to ignore his burgeoning cock that apparently wanted a repeat performance of last night’s festivities. Though she didn’t resist he could feel the tension in her shoulders. Tension he’d put there.
He dribbled water along her tight shoulders, seeking to lighten the mood. “Hey, the whole point of this is to relax and loosen your muscles,” he reminded her, “not cause others to tense up.”
“I know. I’m trying.”
Hoping to get her to relax and open up to him, he focused on massaging the back of her neck. “Why would you not tell me how you feel?”
“Because.” She
sighed. “That takes things to another level. You have to consider what it means to have a recovering addict in love with you, what it means for you and your family. And I have to wonder what it means when you say nothing is wrong immediately after we have a conversation about my addiction. Because ‘nothing’ is almost always something, and it’s usually something unpleasant. Especially when a guy who kisses me every time he walks away doesn’t this time.”
Shit. She was in tune with him in a way he’d never experienced with someone else and she must have thought he was rejecting her because he never passed up an opportunity to kiss her or be naked with her. “I’m sorry for that. Does it help if I tell you that saying nothing’s wrong is an automatic reaction from when people questioned my ability to take care of my family?”
“That sucks.” She tensed again, but this time he knew it was indignation and not directed at him. “And yes, it does help. A little.”
“I’m really sorry I put you off like that.” He kissed the back of her neck as he curled his arms about her. “Last night, you said you were giving me what I want and what I need. Did you mean that?”
“Of course I did.”
“Then how could you think that I wouldn’t want you to tell me that you love me?” He rested his chin on her shoulder. “Or that I wouldn’t need to hear you to say it?”
“Because of this . . . distance. Because things are fine when you forget what I went through.”
She half turned to him. “Does it weird you out? Remembering that I’m a drug addict, I mean?”
He copped to it because she already knew the answer. “Sometimes.”
She flinched. “I thought it still bothered you. I should have known.” She pulled herself upright to climb out of the tub. “I need to shower off the bath salts and wash my hair.”
“I’ll scrub your back for you,” he offered, “then give you that massage I promised.”
“That’s not necessary, Charlie,” she told him, her voice politely distant. “I can manage on my own.”
“I know,” he said quietly, fighting the urge to pull her back down into the now tepid water. “I want to.”
“All right,” she said in a tone that told him the exact opposite. Without waiting for him, she padded over to the shower, slid the door open, then started the water before stepping inside.
The longer he waited, the more solid the wall between them would become. Somehow he had to prevent that. He wasn’t about to lose her due to his own stupidity.
He joined her in the shower after getting out of the tub and opening the drain. She stood beneath the spray shampooing her hair, the water temperature just as hot as the bath. It must have been her go-to setting to manage her pain. “Do you use a heating pad too?” he asked as he lathered up.
She didn’t open her eyes. “Yes, but not with you here. Obviously.” A frown flashed across her face. “I didn’t want you to see proof of how old and decrepit I am.”
“Decrepit my ass.” He rinsed off, soaped his hands with her shower gel, then began to rub her back in slow circles. “I don’t know any woman who can run a café, perform with a burlesque troupe, and still have energy left over to rock my world. You did all of that yesterday, I’ll remind you. If that’s the power of tea, I’ll have to start drinking.”
A brief smile bowed her lips. “There goes that tongue again. You always know what to say.”
“If I always knew what to say and how to say it, I wouldn’t have to apologize to you right now.” He stroked his hands down her back, keeping his touch comforting. “When you asked me if I was weirded out, I was. Just not in the way you’d think.”
He paused, hoping he wouldn’t make things worse as he searched for the right words to say. “When you caught me frowning earlier it was because I was wondering how hard it must be for you doing things I take for granted like walking into a pharmacy or reaching for ibuprofen when I have a headache. How you handle people making asinine comments about getting high or drunk or any other addictive thing. And I wondered how you’re managing it alone.”
Siobhan pressed her palms against the wall and lowered her head, allowing the water to cascade off her hair and down her back. “I’m not alone, Charlie. Nadia and the others are part of my support network. Nadia and I, since we went through rehab together, have the same mentor. I also have a therapist. I can call either of them whenever I need to vent or be talked back from the ledge. With that support and hard work, I haven’t slipped. I don’t intend to slip.”
“I believe you.” He said it as simply as he could so that she’d know he meant it. “More than that, I trust you. I trust you with me, with my family, and with being in our house. Just like you’re working through accepting our age difference, I’m working through being what you want and need.”
A tremble swept through her as she breathed out a long slow breath before turning to face him. With her hair slicked back and her face makeup-free, her vulnerability was clear to see. “You are what I want and need, Charlie. I don’t think about our age difference anymore—probably because when I’m with you, you make it difficult to think at all. I love who you are, not what you are.”
“It still stuns me to hear you say that. Maybe this is one long dream and I’m caught up in a fantasy.”
“You’re not.” She tweaked his nipple. “You shouldn’t be surprised either. After all, hasn’t that been your plan all along? Making me fall for you?”
“Yes.” He gave her an unabashed grin as he ran soapy hands over her shoulders, throat, then slowly across her chest and belly. “What I didn’t expect was for you to beat me to the punch.”
She sucked in a breath, but he couldn’t tell if it was in reaction to his words or his touch. “What?”
Instead of answering, he knelt down to run his lather-covered hands over her legs, fingers working at the tight muscles. She tugged on his hair. “Charlie, you better answer me.”
He laughed, the tightness easing from his chest as he rose to his feet. “You beat me to the punch, sweetness, telling me you loved me before I could confess my undying devotion to you.”
She arched a brow. “When was this alleged declaration of devotion supposed to take place?”
“Tonight after the birthday party, when I had you draped over me in my bed.” He palmed her rump, bringing her closer. “I was going to tell you how beautiful you are, how happy you make me, and that I love you. And I do. I love you, Siobhan Malloy.”
She stared up at him for what felt like an eternity, her blue eyes blown wide. Then she smiled and damn if his heart didn’t seize in his chest. He’d never seen her more beautiful than she was at that moment.
The hot water chose that moment to cool down. They hurriedly finished the shower, bundling into thick, oversized towels. “It’s still early, isn’t it?” Siobhan asked as she pulled her hair back into a braid.
“I’m pretty sure it’s still morning and no one’s expecting us until the afternoon. What’s on your mind?”
“You owe me a massage,” she informed him, her gaze heating as she dropped her towel. “I expect you to be very deep and very thorough.”
“Yes, ma’am. I always try to exceed expectations.”
Judging by her moans, he did just that.
TWENTY-FIVE
It was a beautiful day for a birthday party on the O’Halloran deck. Bright sunlight, an endless blue sky and balmy temperatures were the perfect backdrop for the festivities. What was supposed to be a small and intimate gathering had burgeoned into a loud and boisterous party, but Siobhan didn’t mind. Charlie was a different story.
“I can still ground her, can’t I?” he groused as he stacked burgers for the grill. “I know she’s eighteen and all, but she’s still my dependent until she graduates or moves out.”
“Lorelei’s intentions are good,” Siobhan said, adding mint to a gallon of fruit-infused water. “She just wants you to be happy.”
He grunted. “What would make me happy is if I were naked in bed with you right now.�
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“Charlie!” Laughing, she darted a quick look around to make sure they were alone. “Haven’t you had enough for today? You should be worn out!”
“I am,” he replied, his tone unapologetic. “That’s why I want to be in bed with my girl as soon as possible. Sometimes it’s not about sex.” Then he grinned. “Sometimes it is.”
“You’re impossible.” And charming, and sexy. And mine.
“You love me though.”
He paused as if he needed confirmation. Or reassurance, or both. It was kinda cute. “How could I not love you? You literally charmed the pants off of me. I’m powerless against you. So yes, I love you. Not that you need the ego boost.”
“I’ll never get tired of hearing that.” The smile he gave her, so unabashedly happy, made her giddy. I did that. My loves makes him happy.
He grimaced as he finished arranging the platter of meats for the grill. “Instead of cuddling my woman on my lap, I’ll be manning a grill to feed the horde on the deck.”
“That horde is our friends and family, and business family,” she reminded him. “Besides, I thought all guys love manning the grill. Your nuts get bigger or your chest hair grows or something.”
“Um. Fire. Meat. Good,” he grunted in passable caveman style. “Last chance, love. We can hop in the convertible and head up the coastal highway, visit wine country.”
She wavered with temptation then bumped him with her hip. “It won’t be that bad. Remember, today is about making new memories, good memories about your birthday.”
His gaze sparked with electric intent, causing a current of awareness to sweep down her spine. “You’ve already given me that, sweetness.”
Flustered, she busied herself with washing her hands. “Yeah, well, if you behave yourself I’ll give you more good birthday memories.”
“Deal.” He joined her at the sink, washing his hands. “Let’s go face our guests—and hope they leave sooner rather than later.”
* * *
Soon enough, a sizable gathering filled the deck and spilled into the backyard. Audie and Vanessa arrived together, with Nadia and Kane showing up soon after. Though Siobhan attempted to maintain her spot as just the girlfriend of the birthday boy, Lorelei was more than happy to cede hostess duties. That probably had a lot to do with her boyfriend—a pleasantly smart young man named Stephen—than anything else.
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