“I don’t care what they think about me,” she told him, honesty stripping her voice bare. “I care what they think about you.”
“Why?”
She wrapped her arms about her middle. “People will wonder why you’re with me. People will say that you could do so much better than me.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
Acid bubbled in her stomach. “Maybe you had your choices and chances taken away when your parents died, but not anymore. Lorelei is an adult. Finn and Kyle are almost grown. Your legal guardianship will be officially over in a few years and you’ll be free to put yourself first for a change. Free to discover what you want, who you want to be and where.”
“Why couldn’t I discover those things with you?”
“I’m not good for you Charlie. I’m not good partner material or good parenting material. If you’re looking for a substitute mother, you need someone better than me.”
For an electrified moment, he just stared at her. Then he broke into laughter—great, stomach-clutching peals of laughter.
“What the hell is so funny?”
“For one thing, this is California. No one looks their age here. Two, this is Crimson Bay, home to a liberal arts research institution and college. The town’s skewed too young to care. Three, you’re Sugar Malloy. Every male between sixteen and seventy wants you. They’re all jealous, because they can want you all they want. I’m the one who has you. And I’m not giving you up.”
Her heart leapt in her chest. “You’re . . . you’re not looking for some sort of mother figure, are you? Because I suck in that department.”
He stepped closer to her. “Sweetheart, I don’t have an Oedipus complex. When we’re together, doing what we do so fucking well, the last thing I’m thinking about is motherhood in any capacity.”
He slapped his hands down on either side of her, trapping her between him and the sink. “I’m thinking about this sweetness right here, and how soon can I get my mouth on it and my cock inside it.”
“Charlie.”
“I think about shoving my dick between your tits, and how gorgeous you are wearing my pearl necklace.” He ground his hips against hers. “And I think about how your pussy is my favorite dessert, and how hungry I am for it. All the time.”
“Dammit, Charlie.” She was wet from his words alone.
His expression softened. “I also think about what it would be like to have sex with you at midnight, as the sun’s coming up, just before dinner, and after the boys have gone to bed. I think about how precious your laughter is and how it makes me feel when you gift me with one of your smiles. I don’t think about what other people think, Siobhan, because all I can think about is you.”
She covered her mouth with trembling fingers, unable to do more than whisper his name. He kissed her hand, eyes sliding closed as a shudder rocked him.
“I know I made a mistake, Siobhan,” he said softly, his breath warm against her ear. “I’ll make it right. I’ll earn your forgiveness. I’m not afraid of working hard for what I want, especially when what I want is worth it.”
She sighed. “The problem is, I can’t stay mad at you for long. Even when I was working up a good head of steam thinking about the fact that you lied about your age, I did the math and realized you were eighteen when you became head of your family.”
She cupped his cheeks. “Same age I was when I had Colleen. At least I had time to plan for parenthood. You—you had it thrust on you with no warning, and yet you’ve managed to raise some amazing kids. That says a lot about you and your will and your character.”
“I’m not a saint, Siobhan,” he murmured, leaning against her. “I was an eighteen-year-old jerk who suddenly became not only man of the house, but head of the household. Hell yeah, I had issues. I was fucking angry at everyone. I needed somebody to talk to so I wouldn’t explode, so I went to a grief counselor. Lorelei and the boys needed me to keep my shit together, and I needed to keep them together. So I did what I had to do.”
“Act now, ask for forgiveness later?”
“That’s the family motto.”
Releasing her, he sighed. “You asked me yesterday what my birthday wish was. I didn’t want to answer you because I don’t make wishes. I haven’t wished for anything since my parents died. Wishing didn’t bring them back. Wishing didn’t stop people from trying to take my family from me. Wishing didn’t help me keep them fed and housed and emotionally sane. Wishes haven’t done anything for me.”
He turned back to her, and the raw vulnerability in his eyes brought tears to hers. “Then I met you and I started to wish again. I started to want things for myself again—things that involved you. You asked me what my birthday wish was,” he said then, his voice low as he folded her in his arms. “There’s only one thing I wish for. I wish you would stop looking for reasons why we shouldn’t be together and start seeing the reasons why we should.”
Was that what she’d been doing, even after she knew she loved him? She’d been ready to leave instead of talking this out with him. Ready to walk out on a man she professed to love. What did that say about her?
Charlie had had a huge responsibility thrust on him at a time when most men his age would have been trawling for the next pretty coed and keg party. He’d done it because he’d believed it was the right thing to do and because his three siblings needed him. She’d had one child to raise alone while Mike was in the service and she’d had her hands full. She couldn’t imagine having to shoulder the obligation of taking care of three children.
“You’re an amazing man, Charlie O’Halloran,” she said, her voice thick. “A woman would have to be a fool not to want you.”
“What about you?” he asked, hope flaring in his eyes. “Do you want me?”
“I could tell you,” she answered with a smile, “but I hear that you prefer to be shown. So why don’t I show you how much of a fool I’m not?”
She kissed him then. A desperate kiss because it had been hours and she needed to show him, show herself that they were still connected. With a groan of pleasure, he palmed her butt and hefted her up. She locked her ankles together around his waist, her tiny skirt and teeny panties a flimsy barrier to the imprint of his erection against his fly.
Hungry, she gave herself over to the kiss, over to him. He grabbed her braid in one fist, holding her where he wanted her as he plundered her mouth, whispering apologies with every breath. Tiny zings of delight sparked through her body as he kissed her, his free hand tunneling beneath her blouse to cup her breast.
It wasn’t until he sat her on the island that she partially came to her senses. “No. Open. Kids. Soon.”
He frowned for a moment. “Oh. It’s too open and the kids could be home soon. It probably wouldn’t be good if they caught us having sex in the kitchen when they get home.”
“Not enough eye bleach in the world to clear that up,” she agreed.
He stepped back from her. “We probably shouldn’t anyway. You’re still sore.”
She pouted, but she wasn’t sure if the tingle in her sex was joy or dread at the prospect of having sex. “We’ll take it easy and be inventive. You’re a creative guy, right?”
“That I am.” He scooped her up again then pivoted for the master bedroom.
“Oh, wait! The dishes.”
“Leave them for the kids. I’m going to show you just how creative I can be.”
TWENTY-SEVEN
“I don’t care how much you beg, Finn, you’re not getting me on a surfboard,” Siobhan vowed. “Not going to happen. Besides, isn’t it too cold to get in the water?”
“Oh, come on,” Finn cajoled. “We’ll get you a wetsuit so you’ll be warm enough. It’ll be fun.”
“Fun, he says.” Siobhan turned to Charlie. “Do you hear the words coming out of his mouth?”
“I do.” Charlie tried and failed to swallow his smile. “I happen to agree with him.”
“Trying to teach me to balance on a surfboard at my age wou
ldn’t be fun,” she pointed out. “I could break something.”
“It wouldn’t be that bad,” Lorelei chimed in. “There are plenty of people older than you who go surfing.”
“Yeah, people who’ve been surfing since before they could walk,” Siobhan retorted, leaning back against the hard wall of Charlie’s chest. “Does no one remember the paddleboard incident? I was stiff for days.”
She wasn’t really complaining. How could she? Charlie, his brothers, Lorelei, and Lorelei’s boyfriend had come into the café after the recovery group meeting had ended to place an order for a picnic at the beach, ordering enough for a small army. She soon discovered that small army included Lorelei and her boyfriend, Nadia and Kane, and many in their extended circle of friends. The thought touched her in ways she couldn’t describe. After they closed down the café, she’d get to spend a lazy Saturday afternoon at the beach with the man she loved and her chosen family. The day could not get any better.
She suppressed a pang of regret. The only thing that would make the day better would be for Colleen to be with her. Siobhan had called her daughter several times over the last few weeks, hoping to encourage her to come to Crimson Bay for a visit before Colleen went off to college. If Colleen’s intent was to go off to college. Siobhan wasn’t sure, and attempting to communicate with her ex or her parents was worse than getting a root canal.
As her therapist has encouraged her, she set aside the worry over circumstances she couldn’t control and focused on the here and now instead. “I think I’m a little too old to be trying something new.”
“Oh, I don’t know about that, sweetness,” Charlie drawled, his fingers tracing a light pattern on her arm. “People try new things all the time. Sometimes they even find they like those new things.”
Siobhan fought a blush as Lorelei stared at them in mock horror. “You better not be talking about what I think you’re talking about,” she warned.
A chuckle rumbled up from Charlie’s chest, vibrating through Siobhan. “I’m talking about getting my girl into a bikini,” he said, his tone entirely too innocent. “What are you talking about?”
Seeing as how Siobhan had been on beach trips in a bikini more than once, she knew Lorelei wasn’t buying it. Sure enough, Lorelei stuck her tongue out. “Don’t be gross, Charlie.”
“What’s gross?” Lorelei’s boyfriend, Stephen, chimed in. “She’s hot for an old chick. Like, you’re a smoking thirty.”
Charlie stiffened behind her. “Unless she’s sweating next to a barbecue grill in the middle of a heat wave, I don’t want to ever hear the words smoking and hot coming out of your mouth in reference to my woman ever again.”
Poor Stephen nearly swallowed his tongue apologizing, until Siobhan and Lorelei burst out laughing. “Don’t let Charlie scare you,” Siobhan told the younger man. “The fact that he’s letting you come to the beach with us means he likes you well enough. By the way, you got a brownie point for saying I’m thirty, but you lost it by calling me an old chick. We’ll let you off the hook this time, though.”
“As a matter of fact,” Charlie added, “why don’t you guys go on ahead and scope out a good spot? We’ll be along as soon as we close up the café.”
“Well, well, well. Isn’t this a cozy picture?”
Surprise and joy shafted through Siobhan as she looked up into her daughter’s tight features. She extricated herself from Charlie’s hold and surged to her feet. “Colleen! You came!”
“Colleen?” Charlie interrupted, holding on to her hand. “Your daughter, Colleen?”
“You know about me? That’s weird, because I know nothing about you.” Colleen folded her arms across her chest, stepping back as Siobhan reached for her. Her hard gaze raked over Charlie and the others before swinging to Siobhan. “Is this what you’ve been lighting up my phone about, Mother? Wanting to introduce me to your replacement family?”
Siobhan stepped between her daughter and the O’Hallorans, conscious of the curious gazes of her last few customers focusing on her corner of the café. Conscious of Charlie’s family staring at her. She could understand Charlie’s disbelief. Colleen was her father’s daughter: tall, slender, dark-haired. The only hint of Siobhan in her daughter lay in the thick wave of her hair, the creamy skin, the blue of her eyes. Though she was always beautiful to Siobhan, Colleen would be a definite stunner if she got rid of the sullen teenager demeanor.
Siobhan hadn’t seen Colleen since the night of her graduation. Before that it had been two years since she’d last attempted a reconciliation. Colleen had been sixteen, and Siobhan had given her daughter a job at the café despite Nadia’s objections. Colleen had done little to assist customers, and her sour attitude had driven some away. Siobhan’s relationship with her partner had taken a hit, especially after they had discovered that Colleen had skimmed money from the register.
“It’s hard to tell you anything when you won’t return my calls,” Siobhan pointed out. “Why don’t you come back to the office so we can talk?”
“Why? Afraid I’m going to embarrass you?”
Siobhan tightened her hold on her patience, not wanting to escalate things and cause a scene in front of her customers. “I’ve got nothing to hide, Colleen. I was hoping you’d finally decided to accept my invitation. Unless you wanted to talk about something else. Did you come up here by yourself?”
“Yeah. Dad got me a car for graduation.” She shrugged one bony shoulder. “It’s how I got up here.”
“Oh, good. You’ll be able to drive it to college then.” What teenager wouldn’t be thrilled with getting a car? She didn’t bother asking how Colleen was going to pay for the gas and insurance on a car. Obviously her father wouldn’t have given Colleen the car if he hadn’t made plans to cover the upkeep. Throwing things at Colleen was Mike’s way of apologizing for having Siobhan as a mother.
“I’m not going to college.”
“What?” Siobhan asked. “Why not?”
“Because I don’t have to go if I don’t want to.” Colleen folded her arms across her chest. “Like you care,” she added with a mutter. “Dad’s fine by the way. Donna’s pregnant again. Grandpa and Grandma are doing fine too. I’m living with them now.”
More proof that they got along just fine without her and had for the last five years. Her family didn’t need her. What was now painfully clear was that they didn’t want her.
Charlie climbed to his feet beside Siobhan, and it was only then that she realized she held his hand in a death grip. “Colleen, this is Charlie O’Halloran. We’re dating. This is his sister, Lorelei, and her boyfriend, Stephen, and these guys are their brothers, Kyle and Finn. Everyone, this is my daughter, Colleen.”
“Hi, Colleen,” Charlie said at his most charming, sticking out his free hand to Colleen. “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you. We’re heading out to the beach after Siobhan closes the café. Why don’t you come with us?”
“Oh, you totally should,” Lorelei chimed in before Siobhan or Colleen could reply. “We were just getting ready to head out and stake out a spot. If you didn’t bring a suit with you, we can pick one up on the way. It’ll be fun!”
Siobhan’s heart clanged. The O’Hallorans were trying to make space for Colleen just as they’d made space for Siobhan. She squeezed Charlie’s hand in silent thanks before turning back to her daughter.
For one heart-stopping, blindly hopeful moment, Siobhan thought Colleen would say yes. That her daughter would set aside years of hurt and anger and accept an olive branch of reconciliation.
Hope died a quick death. “You’ve got them all fooled, don’t you?” Colleen asked, incredulous. “They have no idea what you are or what you did to me.”
“Colleen, please—”
“I think your mother had the right idea,” Charlie cut in. “Maybe you two need to talk in private.”
Siobhan knew Charlie was only trying to help. While she appreciated it, his assistance would only make Colleen angrier. God, less than ten minutes fac
ing her child’s sullen anger and she was already wrung out from the beating her emotional shields were taking.
Colleen snorted. “What’s to keep private? That she abandoned her only child to drugs? That she almost got me killed?”
A rush of blood pounded in Siobhan’s ears, drowning out the gasp of shock that rose in the café. She knew saying anything would only goad Colleen but she couldn’t stop herself. “You know that was an accident—”
“You were strung out on pills,” Colleen screamed. “You chose drugs over me twice! You’re nothing but a drug addict. Everyone needs to know that!”
Pain blossomed in Siobhan’s chest. The scene began to take on a surreal quality. It felt as if she were dreaming, but Siobhan couldn’t wake herself up. It’s just a nightmare, she thought. I’ll wake up and find myself wrapped in Charlie’s arms. I’ll open my eyes and everything will be okay. This isn’t happening.
She released Charlie’s hand even though she wanted to cling to him, wanted to hold on to the comfort he provided. “That’s enough!” Siobhan shook with anger, hurt, and a bone-deep sadness. “You have issues with me, fine. I get it. But you’re an adult now, and it’s time to act like it. You don’t come into my place of business and insult my friends and customers. I won’t stand for that.”
“You think I care what you want?” Colleen seethed. “You need to be reminded of what you did. Everyone needs to know what an awful mother you are, especially your picture-perfect new family! They need to know that what you did to me, you’ll turn around and do to them!”
“How dare you!”
Siobhan blinked in surprise as Lorelei shot to her feet. “How dare you come here and speak to her like that!”
Colleen drew back, then sneered. “What gives you the right to say anything to me?”
“Our mom died eight years ago,” Lorelei said, her voice loud in the electrified silence. “I was ten. There’s not a day that doesn’t go by that I don’t miss her, that I don’t wish she was here. I can’t get my mom back, and your mom is right there.”
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