He gently slipped his arms around her waist when what he really wanted to do was tie her down and never let her go. “I want to protect you too.”
She closed her eyes then, a single tear slipping down her cheek as her composure cracked. Somehow she managed to wrestle it back. “I appreciate that, but the kids come first. That’s rule number one. I’ll be okay.”
Maybe she would. He doubted he would be, though. He brushed his thumb across her cheek, capturing the tear. “You love me,” he told her, daring her to deny it.
She jerked then froze, as if she’d break if she moved. Then she raised her gaze to his, a heartbreaking smile curving her lips. “I love you, Charlie O’Halloran. With my whole heart I love you.”
He kissed her then, kissed her because he couldn’t not kiss her, because she was right, because he had to stay away from her for two weeks when all he wanted was to never leave her again. He kissed her because he needed it, she needed it, and at that moment nothing else mattered.
Siobhan moaned as he drove his hands into her hair, holding her by the grip on her hair, the press of his lips, the weight of his body. Her hands slid into his back pockets, dragging him even closer, her mouth moving greedily against his.
“Charlie, please,” she whispered against his lips. “Take the pain away, even if it’s just for a little while. Help me to forget everything but here and now.”
TWENTY-NINE
For one wild, charged moment, she thought Charlie would refuse. He gripped her shoulders, holding her away so he could read her eyes. She had no defenses against him and knew he could see how destroyed she was. She just hoped the love and the need she had for him overrode everything else.
“Please, Charlie,” she whispered again. “I need something good today, and you’re the only good thing I have. Take me out of my head for a little while. Please.”
His fingers traced a slow path over her lips, down her chin and throat, leaving fire in their wake. She took a deep breath as the heat of his hands seeped into her heart. Holding her gaze, he gripped the collar of her blouse then jerked, sending buttons flying.
Yes. She nipped at his bottom lip to goad him on, needing the roughness. Needing to forget everything but this moment, this pleasure, this man. She crushed her mouth to his as her shirt went flying, tunneling her hands beneath his shirt to sink her nails into his back. He hissed in approval, his mouth branding the curve of her neck, the rise of her breasts.
He ripped her bra off next, cupping her breasts so that he could feast on them. She gasped as his teeth closed on her nipple, shooting sparks of delicious sensation through her. He knew, he always knew what she needed and how she needed it, stoking her desire with an expert hand.
His lips and tongue and teeth scorched her skin as he kissed and bit his way down her body. He scraped kisses along the soft expanse below her navel, biting kisses that echoed in her sex. Drowning in need, she held her breath as he made short work of her capris and panties, finally, finally leaving her bare.
He looked up at her, his gaze tangling with hers. So much emotion spun across his gorgeous features that she couldn’t speak, could only drink him in. Then she felt his touch, warm and sure, glide over her folds then press inside. She sucked in a breath as his fingers filled her, her head thumping back against the wall. Widening her stance, she opened to him, to the magic he wove.
Again he positioned her as he wanted her, her right leg over his shoulder, opening her farther. The sweep of his tongue on her clit had her clutching at his shoulders, his name slipping from her lips on a groan as her body went liquid for him. He buried his face between her thighs as if he couldn’t get enough, would never get enough, tongue and fingers driving her higher and higher in a relentless ride.
All too soon she could feel her orgasm building, coiling deep inside her as Charlie continued plundering her, his fingers stroking up and in as he licked and suckled her clit. Her hips undulated, taking as much as she could, taking more until the coil of desire snapped and took her screaming into ecstasy.
Boneless but still wanting more, she slid to her knees as he rose to his feet. With frantic movements she worked his shorts down, his cock spilling hot and hard into her hands. She licked and suckled him eagerly, savoring his taste, his feel, his heat and hardness.
He snagged his fingers in her hair. “That’s it, sweetness. Fuck me with your mouth. Just like that. God, yes, like that.”
He held her hair in both fists, keeping her still as he rocked his hips, driving his erection into her mouth. She hollowed her cheeks and took his thrusts, her fingers teasing his balls, eager to give him every bit of pleasure he’d given her.
With a soft curse, he slowed his pace to savor each thrust until he stopped. She reached for him but he withdrew, then pulled her to her feet. “I need to be inside you. Bed or wall, your choice.”
“Bed.” She wanted the scent of him on her pillow, her sheets, in her most private space. She’d need that last bit of him to last her.
He scooped her up and made his way to her bedroom. Depositing her on the bed, he made quick work of the rest of his clothing, then joined her. The wildness roared back as his body slid against hers and she clutched at him, craving every touch, every taste. They rolled together in a desperate tangle of limbs and a clash of mouths, engaging in a sensual warfare.
He rose above her, his features taut with desire, with anger, with the inevitable parting. “You’re mine, Siobhan Malloy,” he said as he sank into her, filling her. “Say it.”
“Yours,” she agreed, groaning as he slid into her to the hilt.
“You’ll always be mine, no matter what.” He withdrew completely, then sank back into her again with a slow, eye-rolling glide of pleasure. “You know that, don’t you?”
“Always, Charlie,” she vowed, knowing it was true. “I love you.”
A flash of pain arced across his face and he closed his eyes against it. Then he stared down at her, his gaze dark with intensity. “Say it again, sweetness.”
“I love you.” Her back arched off the bed, the physical pleasure and the emotional pain almost too much to bear. She wanted him to know that she loved her, wanted him to feel it in every kiss, every thrust of her hips, every score of her nails down his back. “I love you, Charlie.”
“You’re my heaven, my goddess,” he told her, moving into her with slow rolling strokes. “I need you to remember that. Remember that I love you.”
“I will, I swear,” she promised, tears clogging her throat. “I won’t forget.”
He hooked her legs over his arms, sinking deeper, so deep he’d always be a part of her. He stared down at her and she couldn’t look away. She met him stroke for stroke even when he increased his pace, reaching between their colliding bodies to stroke her clit so that they could shoot off into the stars together.
Afterward they lay entwined, sharing soft kisses. She didn’t speak and neither did he, knowing there weren’t any words, wasn’t anything that could be said that would make everything all right. She could feel the minutes ticking by and though she wanted to hold on, she knew she had to let him go.
* * *
Every day she missed Charlie. Every day hurt. Every day she had to convince herself that she had done the right thing, that she couldn’t return his calls, couldn’t see Lorelei when she stopped by the café, couldn’t stalk them on social media or stop by Charlie’s office even for professional reasons. Eventually she became numb, burying the pain down deep in order to function.
It took three weeks for the local media fervor to die down. The café staff and Siobhan’s friends had banded together and when the media got no response to their questions from anyone associated with the café or the burlesque troupe, they had thankfully grown tired of the speculation without substantiation. The good news was that there were enough issues in other parts of the state to keep Crimson Bay from gaining too much attention. The bad news was that Siobhan’s personal and professional business had spread like an oil slick through t
he town, forcing her to spend most of her time in the kitchen or office instead of on display behind the sales counter. Not that she’d minded—she just didn’t have it in her to smile and pretend everything was all right when very little was.
The police investigation had been as subtle as a bull in a china shop. They had raked through her entire life, unable to believe that a former drug addict and burlesque dancer could be an upstanding contributing member of society. The one saving grace was that she was positive she’d been successful in keeping Charlie and the kids from getting dragged deeper into the morass of her life. She’d had to carve her own heart out of her chest and quit them cold turkey, not answering phone calls or texts from anyone remotely connected to the O’Halloran family.
“I was told yesterday that the investigation is finally over and no charges are going to be filed,” Siobhan told her friends. Their Tuesday Bitch Talk sessions continued, but they’d moved upstairs to Nadia’s condo away from the curious and the well-meaning.
“About damn time,” Audie said, curling up in one corner of the couch. “They knew they didn’t have a case. They just wanted to give you a hard time.”
“They saw a lot of smoke. They just wanted make sure there wasn’t a fire.” Siobhan cradled her tea in her hands, but didn’t drink. Doing the simplest things took too much effort. All of her energy went into cooking for the café and presenting a calm façade to the world.
Siobhan did her best to move on with her life and prove that she’d accepted everything that had happened if only because she was so damn tired of everyone asking her if she was fine. No, she wasn’t fine. She wasn’t going to be anything close to fine for a long time.
“The only fire was the one started by Colleen,” Audie pointed out. “Is there any sort of blowback on her for filing a false report?”
“She didn’t file a false report,” Siobhan reminded her. “It was obvious that I slapped her, something that I regret every day.”
Nadia finally broke her silence. “You were defending Finn and Kyle. Don’t regret facing off with a bully.”
“Colleen’s not a bully,” Siobhan protested. “She’s just—”
“She’s not misunderstood, if that’s what you’re going to say,” Audie cut in. “She’s an adult now, the same age you were when you had her.”
“Yes, and I didn’t know my ass from my elbow back then. At least I had my grandmother Mary Katherine and Mike.”
Nadia voice was gentle when she replied. “She has her grandmother, and Mike’s her father.”
“Yes, but her grandmother is my mother.” Siobhan sighed. “I know I need to let it go. You guys aren’t saying anything my therapist hasn’t already suggested. Asking me to give up on my only child—it’s not easy.”
“Sometimes you have to walk away,” Audie said, her tone hard. “Sometimes the family you choose is better for you than blood family.”
Siobhan knew Audie had left her family as a teenager. “Don’t you have regrets? Don’t you sometimes wonder what it would be like now?”
“It would be hell.” Audie wrapped her arms around herself. “It was hell then and it would be hell now. Even living on the streets was better than being in that house.”
Vanessa reached over to rub Audie’s shoulder until the redhead relaxed. “Sorry about that,” Audie said, blowing out a breath. “I don’t like having those memories in my head.”
“Siobhan, when are you going to call Charlie and tell him the dust is settled?” Vanessa asked, not bothering with subtlety for her segue.
Siobhan stirred her tea, then looked at Nadia. Her best friend pursed her lips but remained silent. She already knew the answer, though Audie and Vanessa didn’t. Yet. “I’m not. We broke up. Permanently.”
Audie’s mouth dropped open. “Oh, Siobhan. Why?”
“Because he got a visit from Child Protective Services, that’s why.”
Shock rolled through the room. Even Vanessa’s usual composure faltered. “What?”
“Lorelei stopped by one afternoon and told me that they had a request for a welfare check from a concerned citizen,” Siobhan explained, her tone level. She’d been cold inside for days, ever since she’d said good-bye to Charlie. Any hope she’d harbored that they could get back together had died with Lorelei’s panicked visit. “Apparently the social call was instigated because Charlie had associated with known unsavory characters, namely me.”
She gave up the pretense of drinking her tea, setting it down on the coffee table. “Charlie had nothing to hide, but from what I understand, he didn’t take the visit very well. I haven’t heard anything from him or any of the kids since. It’s for the best.”
“The best for who?”
“For him. For the kids.”
“I thought you loved him,” the redhead said, her tone ripe with accusation.
“I still do, Audie. Sometimes love isn’t enough. If it were, my daughter wouldn’t have tried to have me arrested.”
She curled her hands into fists. No, don’t go there. If you do, you’ll open the door to pain that needs to stay locked away.
“What are you going to do?” Vanessa asked, her voice soft with concern.
“The only thing I can do. Live my life.” She gave them a smile she didn’t feel. “You only fail if you don’t try, right? I’m learning to live without drugs. I’ll learn to live without Charlie too.”
She had a feeling that it was going to take much longer to get Charlie out of her system.
After Bitch Talk, she went back to the office to run the numbers. Nadia had done much the same when she had broken things off with Kane. The difference was there hadn’t been children involved. There hadn’t been a police investigation to endure. And Nadia and Kane had gotten back together.
“You know we love you, right?”
Siobhan looked up from their inventory management program as Nadia entered the office, a cupcake peace offering in her hand. “I know.”
She accepted the confection, placing it beside the keyboard. “I know you guys want what’s best for me, and all of you think I’m making a mistake with Colleen and with Charlie. Yet you can’t deny the fact that he’d have been better off if I had stopped things before we got started.”
“You can’t mean that.”
“Of course I do.” She saved her entries, then closed the program. “Charlie will do anything to protect his sister and brothers, and their worst fear has always been the fear of being separated. Having Child Protective Services contact him—even if they found nothing—had to have been a nightmare for them. He’ll make sure they don’t have a reason to visit him again. That means staying away from me.”
It hurt to say it, but it was true. She was a liability. Charlie would realize that eventually, if he didn’t already.
“Do you want to go grab an early dinner?” Nadia asked. “Or you could come and have dinner with us.”
Right. Nothing would make her feel better like being the mopey third wheel with Kane and Nadia. “No, but I appreciate the invite. I have a couple of phone calls to make, then I’m heading home.”
“Siobhan . . .”
“I need to know that she’s okay,” Siobhan said, trying not to sound defensive. “I’m not going to try to call her directly.”
Nadia frowned. “You’re going to call your mother.”
Her best friend’s tone telegraphed her opinion of the idea. “I have to. If I don’t, I’m going to keep worrying. I need one thing that I can stop fretting over.”
“You’ll keep it short and sweet and to the point?”
Siobhan managed a smile. “Promise. I don’t want to talk to her longer than I have to.”
“All right.” Nadia patted her shoulder. “I’m going to do a final check out front and in the kitchen. We’ll walk out together.”
“Don’t you have to be here early?” Siobhan wondered. “You don’t live upstairs anymore.”
“Wednesdays are my late days,” Nadia reminded her. “Jas has the early shift. B
e back in a bit.”
Nadia left. Siobhan blew out a long breath, then reached for her cell phone. She placed a call she knew she’d regret, but she needed to know how Colleen was doing. Since she couldn’t contact Colleen, there was only one other person she could call.
THIRTY
“Hello?”
“Mama?” She clutched the handset so hard her hand shook. “It’s me. Siobhan.”
“Just a moment, please.” Her mother’s voice twanged over the connection, accompanied by the muffled sounds of movement. “Okay, now I can talk. Are you in trouble?”
Siobhan gritted her teeth. Why did her mother immediately assume the worst when she called? Yes, there had been bad moments in her life when she’d called her mother, but she’d been clean for years. She owned her own business, was an upstanding member of the community. But to her mother, and especially her father, she’d always be a fuckup.
“No, Mama, I’m not in trouble, despite what Colleen did. I’m doing good, and so is the café.”
“Are you sure?” Her mother’s voice thinned with worry. “Colleen told me about your argument.”
“Argument. Is that what she called it?” Siobhan asked, ignoring the stab in the vicinity of her heart. “She shouted me down in my own restaurant, in front of customers. She wanted to have me arrested for assault!”
“Oh, Siobhan, can you blame her?” Her mother sighed. “You abandon her for years, and then when she tried to reach out to you, you shut her out. Then you slapped her.”
Blood pounded in Siobhan’s ears. “I shut her out? She’s the one who demanded I not attend her high school graduation, but I attended anyway. I called her for weeks trying to get her to come see me. Then she tried to get me arrested, but somehow I’m the bad guy?”
“Why are you trying to make this Colleen’s fault? You abandoned your flesh and blood for another family.”
Ice pellets churned in Siobhan’s stomach. “I did not.”
“Colleen told me about the girl and the two boys who came between you two. She said they seemed very protective of you.” Anxiety ripened her tone. “Oh, Siobhan, do you really think it’s a good idea to get involved with someone, especially someone with kids, given your troubles?”
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