“That’s right,” Siobhan confirmed. “I apologized to my family and I got help so I wouldn’t make those mistakes again.”
“Then it’s not your fault that they won’t forgive you,” Kyle pointed out. “If they can’t see that you’re a good person, that’s on them, not you.”
“We don’t care what you did before!” Finn declared. “We know you now. We like you now. We want you to marry Charlie and live with us.”
Misery spread like smoke through her body, infecting everything. “I can’t do that, Finn,” she said as gently as she could, her voice hoarse with tears.
Kyle nodded, as if he expected nothing more. “Because we’re there. That’s why you can’t be with Charlie. That’s why the people came. That’s why we have to leave, so you and Charlie can be together.”
Siobhan didn’t think her heart could handle another blow. In trying to protect the O’Hallorans, she’d made a mess of things instead. She’d do whatever it took to fix things. Another family wouldn’t be destroyed because of her.
“Finn, Kyle, listen to me.” She took their hands in hers. “Charlie loves you. You mean everything to him. It would devastate him if you ran away. It would devastate me too. I love you guys, all of you. You’re not the reason why Charlie and I broke up.”
“Then why?” Finn demanded. “If you love Charlie and he loves you, and you love us like we love you, why can’t we all be together?”
Siobhan parted her lips to reply, but no answer sprang to mind. Why couldn’t they be together? Because her daughter wanted her to be miserable? Because her mother thought she should pay indefinitely for her past mistakes?
She looked the two boys in their faces, saw their unhappiness that so sharply echoed her own and knew she had to do something. They wanted her. Charlie wanted her—or had until she’d pushed him away. Here was a family that knew what she’d been through, knew her faults and failures, and still wanted her in their lives. Why was she denying them? Why was she denying herself? To gain the approval of people who no longer had a say in her life, people who would never see her as she was now?
“I promise I will talk to Charlie,” she told them. “That’s all I can promise you. First things first though, we need to get you guys home before he gets off work. All right?”
“All right.”
Somehow, she managed to safely load boys, backpacks, and bikes into the Falcon and headed for their house, her heart pounding harder in her chest with every mile she drove. What if Charlie was home? What would she say to him? What could she say to him?
“Do you think he’s going to be mad?” Kyle asked.
“Yes,” she answered honestly. “But not for long, because he’ll be relieved that you’re okay. He’ll probably still ground you for a month, though.”
“That’s okay,” he said, relaxing against the seat. “As long as you guys get back together, he can ground me for a year.”
“Kyle.” She shook her head, trying to blink the tears away. “Please don’t get your hopes up, okay? I promised I’d talk to him, and I will. But . . . it’s complicated.”
“Adults always say that,” Finn said, disgusted. “Charlie said that too. If you love each other, what’s complicated?”
She didn’t have an answer for that.
Her heart lodged in her throat as she pulled onto the O’Halloran’s street and saw Charlie’s SUV in the driveway. “I thought you said he was working late.”
“He usually does,” Kyle answered, slumping down. “He said he was. I think we’re in trouble.”
Charlie burst through the front entrance as Siobhan pulled into the driveway. The first thing she noticed was that he’d grown a beard. The second thing she noticed was his angry expression.
He stalked to the car as she shifted into park and killed the engine. The boys scrambled out and retrieved their backpacks as Charlie stopped, holding up a piece of paper. “You mind explaining the meaning of this?” he demanded, looking at Kyle.
Kyle darted a look at Siobhan, but Charlie spoke again. “Don’t look at her. I’m talking to you. I want an answer.”
“We thought we were doing the right thing—”
“By running away? Running away is never the right thing.” Anger pinched at Charlie’s features. “What are you doing with her?”
Siobhan flinched, but managed a smile when Kyle turned to look at her with a question in his eyes. “They stopped by to talk to me,” she explained, proud of her blithe tone. She’d perfected her everything-is-fine act over several years of being in addiction denial; it was second nature now. “We had a good conversation and then I decided to give them a ride home.”
“Charlie.” Kyle’s Adam’s apple bobbed with a loud swallow. “Don’t be mad at Siobhan. She didn’t do anything wrong. I thought—”
“I know what you thought.” Charlie leveled a finger at his brothers. “Finn, you’re grounded for a month. Kyle, I know you instigated this, so you’re grounded for six weeks. No computers or video games. Go inside.”
Kyle’s shoulders drooped as he slid Siobhan another guilty glance. He and Finn huddled together as they headed toward the front door but as the boys passed their brother, Charlie grabbed them both in a bear hug. “Don’t you ever scare me like that again, do you hear me?” Charlie demanded, his voice breaking. “I thought I’d lost you!”
The reunion was too painful to watch. Siobhan busied herself with untying the cords holding the trunk closed so that she could take their bikes out. Better to focus on that task than the thoughts circling her brain like a slow-draining sink. I’ll never have that. Never have family who’ll be happy to see me when I come home.
She had to get out of there before she did something stupid, like begging them to give her another chance, begging them to let her be part of their family. It was a stupid wish. What could she offer them, anyway? She wasn’t a good mother, wasn’t a good role model. She couldn’t even be what Charlie wanted and needed. She’d tried again, taken a chance again. And had crashed and burned again. There wouldn’t be a third try. Her heart could only take so much.
Screw it. She’d hire someone to deliver the bikes. She fumbled with the door handle, managed to get a clammy hold on it, when he stopped her. “Siobhan.”
Plucking up her courage, she turned around. “Yes?”
“You’ve lost weight.” Accusation filled his voice to match the hurt and anger in his eyes.
“Yeah.” She shrugged. “Eating hasn’t been high on my priority list.” She gestured toward him. “You grew a beard.”
He scrubbed on hand over his chin. “Shaving hasn’t been high on my priority list either.”
She folded her arms across her chest to prevent herself from reaching for him. The last three weeks hadn’t been easy for him, she could tell. Not only was the beard new, but she could see new lines of strain around his eyes, lines she wanted to smooth away.
“Please don’t be hard on the boys,” she said into the thick silence. “They know you haven’t been happy the last few weeks. They thought they were doing the right thing. They—oof!”
Charlie caught her up in a hug so tight she couldn’t draw a breath. “Thank you,” he muttered into her hair. “Thank you for talking to them, for bringing them back to me. When I found that letter and realized what it meant, it felt like my world was ending. Again.”
He shuddered, holding her tighter. She blinked back tears, finally returning his embrace, wanting to comfort him, wanting to take his pain. “I couldn’t let them leave you because of me. I’m sorry you had to go through that, sorry you had that visit from child welfare.”
He pulled away from her. “How did you know about that?”
“Lorelei stopped by the café a week ago, demanded to see me. She told me then.”
“Lorelei.” He snorted. “Always Lorelei. Come inside.”
Her heart pounded. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Siobhan. It’s been almost a month. We need to talk. Come inside before I thr
ow you over my shoulder and carry you in.”
He looked like he meant it. Even though she knew she was making a mistake, she was too weak to resist spending a little more time with him. “All right.”
She followed him into the house to the family room, but was too nervous to take a seat. “Kyle said you were sleeping on the couch?”
He shoved a hand through his hair. “I haven’t been at my best for the last few weeks,” he admitted. “I haven’t treated them with the love and care they’ve needed. Apparently I’m a bitch to live with without you.”
“Charlie . . .” She sank onto the couch.
“How is the investigation proceeding?”
“It’s officially over. Sam gave me the news yesterday.” She turned to look at him. “What about your investigation?”
“Over and done. They didn’t find anything because there wasn’t anything to find.” He captured her hands in his. “Are you ready to give up the idea of making this breakup permanent?”
Siobhan gasped and tried to pull her hand free, but he tightened his hold. “I know that’s what you intended. I stayed away because I didn’t want to cause any problems with your case and, yes, because I wanted to shield the boys. I only intended to stay away until the investigation was over one way or another. I never intended for this separation to be forever. That’s the only thing that’s kept me sane.”
“We can’t, Charlie,” she managed to say, her throat clogged with tears. “I can’t.”
She looked at him then and knew he could see every wrecked emotion on her face. Charlie sucked in a breath. “Dammit, Siobhan, why are you convinced that breaking up is the answer?”
She shook her head so hard it hurt, but now, facing him, words wouldn’t come. “I have to. Your family—”
“Want and need you here,” he cut in. “Just like you want and need to be with us. Do you remember what I said to you our last night together?”
“I do.” Her eyes slid closed as she swayed with the desire to be with them, with him. “You said that I was your heaven. You told me that I’ll always be yours no matter what.”
“No matter what, Siobhan.” His gaze bored into hers. “I love you. I can’t turn it off or pretend it doesn’t exist. I can see in your eyes, in your tears, that you still love me. You wouldn’t be so willing to sacrifice your happiness if you didn’t love us so much.”
“I’m not good for you, Charlie. Any of you.”
“Says who? You’ve given my family good memories at a time that’s usually full of nothing but bad. You’ve helped Kyle and Lorelei.” His voice roughened. “You brought my brothers back home today. How can you say that you’re not good for us? You’ve been nothing but good for us.”
Her mother’s words echoed through her mind, mocking her desire for the foolishness it was. “I can’t . . . I can’t promise that I won’t slip, that my addiction won’t get the best of me. I slipped once before.”
“And your family, especially your daughter, won’t forgive you for it?”
She nodded, her voice too tight to speak.
He took her hand. “I’m not your mother or your daughter, Siobhan. I’m not going to abandon you or cut you out of my life because of past mistakes. I’ll go with you to meetings. I’ll be beside you at counseling sessions. And if you slip, I’ll catch you. If you fall, I’ll help you back up. Because that’s what you do for someone you love.”
His gentle words rang with truth, battering through her fragile composure. He hauled her into his arms, cradling her while she sobbed into his shirt. In halting breaths, she told him about her conversation with her mother. He remained silent throughout her recitation but she could feel the tension that tightened his body. “Are you okay?”
“No, I’m not,” he said, his voice a tight knot of anger. “Family is everything to us. We don’t turn our backs on each other, no matter what was done. When we lost our parents, we thought the world was ending. The only way we survived was because we banded together, we worked together, we survived together.”
He took a deep breath. “I’m sorry to say it, sweetheart, but if they can turn their backs on their own like that, on you, they don’t deserve you.”
“I realize that now,” she told him. “I realize I have to let go. I’ll always love them and I’ll always hope we can reconcile, but I can’t allow them to keep hurting me like that. I can’t keep looking in the past when there’s so much waiting for me here and now.”
He wiped at her tears. “If you mean that, there’s only one solution.”
“What’s that?”
“Marry me, Siobhan,” he blurted out. “Marry me, and we’ll be your family. We’ll be your home.”
Her heart overflowed to bursting. “Marriage isn’t necessary, Charlie,” she told him. “This is where I want to be.”
“Good, because I’m not letting you go again. As for whether or not marriage is necessary, I’ll just have to win you over to my side.”
She smiled, her sadness blown away by the force of Charlie’s love. “How do you plan to do that?”
He stood, then swept her up into his arms. “I can be very persuasive when I want to be, and right now I definitely want to be.”
She laughed. “Then I have to warn you right now that I’m a show-don’t-tell kind of girl.”
“Good, because I plan to show you all night long.”
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Seressia Glass is an award-winning author of more than twenty contemporary and paranormal romance and urban fantasy stories. She returns to contemporary romance with the sexy Sugar and Spice series. She lives north of Atlanta with her guitar-wielding husband and two attack poodles. When not writing, she spends her free time people-watching, belly dancing, watching anime, and feeding her jewelry addiction. Visit her website at seressia.com.
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