Oh, my word, Jace is sitting in the car witnessing his mommy make out. I snap out of the hold Tyler has on me.
“I really have to go.”
“Until later, sugar tits,” he says as he pinches my nipple, hard.
Chapter Eight
After a long day at the tanning salon and picking Jace up, I run by the house and pick up Faye. Tomorrow is her birthday, but I have to work at Indigo, so I am taking her out for her to celebrate this evening. After a quick change of mine and Jace’s clothes we are ready to go. It is a scorcher; I feel like I just may turn into a puddle. Maybe I should reschedule the birthday dinner. Faye looks miserable as she leans toward the cool air of the vent.
“Sure you’re up to this, I mean we can stay in, and I can cook or order takeout.”
“Aria, I only get out of the house for doctor’s appointments. I am ready to get out even if I don’t feel much like celebrating my final birthday.”
“Why do you say things like that? You don’t know that. You have no way of knowing that. Unless there is something you’re not telling me.”
I wasn’t able to go to her last appointment with her. Bender actually took her, or so she said. Next time, I intend to go with her. I get the feeling she is purposely scheduling them for when I am at work. Caroline has been going with her when Bender can’t. I bet she knows what she is hiding. My mom has probably made her promise to keep the information to herself too. A bottle of good wine may get her to spill. One can hope anyways. I’d like to think Faye wouldn’t keep anything from me, not now, after we have grown so close these past few years.
It feels so nice to be out with just the three of us, Jace, Faye, and me. We haven’t gotten to spend hardly any time together lately even though my schedule isn’t as hectic. Our reservation is at a pretty ritzy place; I just hope Jace behaves himself. He is a pretty good kid, but he is only four. He looks so adorable in his khaki trousers and blue dress shirt. His hair is a mess of curls, but I still can’t bring myself to cut them.
Faye on the other hand looks like a ghost of her former self. Jace and I get our wavy hair from her. Her once lustrous locks are dull and dry. Her eyes don’t have any shine to them at all. She used to have curves in all the right places. We used to almost look like sisters instead of mother and daughter. It makes me so sad to see how the cancer has changed her.
“So, I notice you are spending a lot of your time with Tyler.”
I cut her off. We aren’t going there tonight. “Oh, no you don’t. This evening is about celebrating your birthday.”
She clenches her jaw and clamps her mouth shut, refusing to speak at all.
Dinner is a disaster. Jace is cranky from the heat and Faye has no appetite. I end up getting our food to go. Trying not to let Jace’s tantrums get to me, I take him home and get him his bath. I have never talked to him about his dad, and I guess there is no time like the present to introduce the idea to him. He may not understand much of it now, but I know it is something I should have talked to him about from the start.
After digging around in my closet, I find the perfect way to tell Jace about his father and the perfect way to show him too. I have been keeping a scrapbook of Brian and all of his greatest moments playing baseball. I started working on it all the way back in middle school.
Settling on a glider on the front porch, I pull Jace into my lap and open the book. “Mommy wants to talk to you about someone important, so listen closely okay?”
He places his tiny fingers on the first page. “Baseball,” he says looking at me for approval.
“Yes, your favorite. Do you see the boy in the picture, Jace? He is your dad. Do you know what a daddy is?”
“Jace plays ball.”
“Yeah, Jace plays ball, like his daddy.”
I continue showing him the pictures, explaining the best I can that he will be getting to meet his daddy soon, I hope. He falls asleep in my lap. I put the box to the side and pet his hair watching him dream, wondering what is running through his tiny head.
I hear Tyler’s car coming up the street. I’d know the sound of his engine anywhere. He approaches the porch after he’s parked, and seeing Jace slumped in my arms he takes him from me, taking him in his arms, carrying him to bed. Something his dad has never had a chance to do, another experience I have robbed him of.
Tyler rejoins me on the porch and takes a seat beside me.
“So, I want to understand Aria, before I put my heart out to you anymore than it already is. I want to know more about your situation with Brian and where you stand with him. Whatever this is between us, has taken over my world. I want to be here for you and Jace, but I need to know what I am walking into.”
“I need to know more about your world too. I don’t know a lot about the club and what all it entails.”
He nods.
I explain to him how I had planned on putting Jace up for adoption. Holding nothing back, I tell him all about my life growing up. How my dad had given up everything to raise me. Don’t get me wrong, had my dad not had his job in the coal mines, he would not have been able to provide for me the way he had. My dad gave up a lot when he married my mother. They were young and dumb. They ended up resenting one another after marrying so young. I didn’t want to doom me and Brian to their fate. I wanted a better life for both of us, and I loved him enough to let him go.
I explain about Faye’s drinking, it split my family up. I don’t want to raise a child in that environment. During my confession to Tyler, I also realize that I don’t have to be with Brian to raise Jace with him. Something I never really put thought into before.
Continuing with my story, I tell him about the emails Brian would send and how hard it was to hear that he had gotten married. He was living his dream, even got drafted to his favorite team, the Red Jackets. I knew I couldn’t come back to him after a few years and tell him he had a son.
“Brian was newly married and starting his career. Everyone would have thought I was after his money. Then another year passed and now another. There never was a right time to tell him. How could I after all this time had passed? I’m still not sure now is the best time to tell him. He has always had a drinking problem. I worry about Jace having to grow up the way I did, with my mom’s addiction taking so much away from us.”
Telling him he has a son I have kept from him, may push him over the edge.
Tyler tenses next to me. I don’t know what he’s feeling. “Are you still in love with him?”
“I don’t know, I thought I was…until you came into my life. Now, I don’t know if it’s that I love him because he is Jace’s father, or because I really am in love with him.” I pause for a minute, letting him soak my words in. “This conversation isn’t fair to you.” I wrap my hair in my fingers and twirl it. “Then there is the fact that you are my boss. I don’t want people to think I am screwing my way into becoming a spotlight dancer. I don’t deserve you Tyler, but lord knows I want you anyways.”
“Let’s take it one day at time. I don’t do relationships well, but I am willing to try, for you.” We spend a few more hours talking about his role in the club. He can’t tell me much. It’s as if they are a secret society. “I won’t have you around the clubhouse or any of that life until we know what we are.”
I understand. Faye has told me briefly that girlfriends and old ladies don’t generally hang out at the clubhouse unless it’s a family event. None of the girls who dance at the club are hangarounds. The MC runs a smooth, classy operation. They keep a tight lock on their way of life.
Tyler can’t give me many details, but he’s working on a deal that if things go his way, he will be made a partner of the Miami club and give him full control over it. This is a really big deal for him. This is why we need to be even more careful with our relationship, now more than ever.
“When are you going to tell Brian?”
“I don’t know, but I know I need to soon.” I don’t want to think about Brian anymore. My mind and my heart are focused on
the man in front of me.
All I can do is kiss him right now in this moment. Tyler is everything I could ever want in a man. I mean he is sexy as sin, good with my son, and so understanding of my situation.
He breaks away from our kiss before it even gets started.
“Aria, I want to be with you, but I don’t know if I can do this, not knowing where you stand with Brian. I want you to take a few days to think. If you are sure you don’t want to try to work things out with Jace’s dad, then I’ll be here. But, if you decide you want a family with him…Aria, I will walk away for good.”
What just happened? I thought we were taking two steps forward only to take three steps back.
Chapter Nine
I am getting really nervous about telling Brian the truth—that he’s a father. I have played the words over and over again in my head, but no matter how I say them, they never sound right. His reaction is what scares me the most. I mean he could be really happy or really pissed. If it were me, I would be royally pissed off. How do you take everything that someone thought they knew about you, and say sorry it has all been a lie, but my intentions were true? Up or down, I don’t know which way is right anymore. I am still confused by my feelings for him. My talk with Tyler has me reevaluating my feelings on everything in my life.
I am trying so hard to figure it all out. No one has ever made me physically feel the way Tyler has, but when I look back on my relationship with Brian, we shared such an amazing emotional connection. However, now that all these years have passed, will our connection still be strong, can our love survive time and all the lies?
I can’t keep thinking about it, I have to get to work for a meeting.
This week there is a huge biker rally taking place and the MC is hosting. The owner of Indigo, Scorch, who happens to be the president of Rightful Bastards is calling a staff meeting, which means I have to be there, and I have to see Tyler there as well.
When I get to the meeting Tyler won’t even look at me.
“This weekend is going to be one of our biggest yet. We are going to need everyone to work this weekend, even if you are scheduled to be off, your ass better be here. Things will be different. The Grim Executioners are a friend of the club, and I promised them a good time. You’ll see to it that they get it.” The meeting ends.
Then it happens, Tyler looks at me and my heart jumps into my throat. I want to jump over the chairs and the people seated in front of me and tell him I don’t care. I want him to take me in his arms and tell me none of it matters. That we will work through it all together. I want him to want me. It’s now that I realize that I am no longer in love with Brian. I have been in love with the idea of what could have been. Tyler breaks our brief gaze and exits the room. I start to go after him, but Erin stops me. She’s gushing about how when Indigo hosts a private event for motorcycle club, the guys tip generously, but they also expect more than dancing in return.
It doesn’t take a genius to figure out what she means. I won’t fuck random bikers for money. I’ll quit first.
I rush home to get away from Indigo and away from thoughts of Tyler.
I’m able to get through the night keeping myself busy with taking care of Jace.
The next day I have to take Faye to an appointment with her Oncologist. They want her to start chemo again and she is refusing. I am so frustrated by her.
I’m in my bedroom getting dressed to take her to her appointment when I hear a loud thump, and assume it is Jace playing roughly with his toys. As I walk past his room, I notice he’s on his bed looking at baseball cards.
“Faye, are you about ready, we have to get going if we are going to beat the midday rush,” I call out to her, but she doesn’t answer me.
I make my way to her room to see if she needs my assistance getting dressed.
“Fuck!” I let out in a cry. Jace comes running to see what has me so upset. Faye is lying on her floor motionless. Jace’s presence snaps me from my shock. Grabbing the house phone from her nightstand, I dial 911 and start checking her for a pulse; she has one but it is faint.
“911, what’s your emergency?”
I relay the information to the operator the best I can. I am trying to hold back my sobs. I don’t want to frighten Jace. I know he isn’t old enough to fully understand what is going on, but I don’t want him terrified and scarred from this later on in his life. He is already going to have enough to deal with, no thanks to me and my bad decision making habits.
“Jace, baby, mommy needs to you to be a big boy and go to your room. Can you do that for mommy?”
He nods his head and does as I ask. He is such a good kid, most of the time.
I am so scared I can’t lose her, not yet. “Don’t leave me mom, please, please hold on for me, for Jace!” I brush her hair back from her face. I position her and start chest compressions. Fuck, how many times did the operator say to do it? I pick my phone up off the floor.
“Ma’am, are you still with me? How many times did you say?” I choke out.
“One hundred miss, just try to remain calm. The paramedics will be there in a few minutes.”
Positioning my hands between her breasts in the center of her chest, I begin pumping. I silently count each compression in my head. A few moments later, I am being pulled away from her as the paramedics begin working on her. They get her stable and an oxygen mask is placed over her mouth. They let me know I can follow the ambulance if I like but they are taking her to Walter’s Memorial Hospital. I start to call Caroline, but then I remember she is working today and Erin is in class. I have no one left to call but Chrissy or possibly Bender. I could call Tyler, but Jace isn’t his responsibility, he’s mine.
Chrissy tells me to bring him by the tanning salon. I rush him there, and I thank her a million times as I leave Jace in her care. I’m frantically trying to reach the hospital to see my mom.
“Why don’t you let one of the guys drive you. Tyler was at the gym, earlier. I’m sure he’d be here in a heartbeat for you.”
I can only shake my head. I have to go now. Before I leave, I promise her that I will be back for Jace as soon as I can.
When I arrive at the hospital, they don’t have good news for me. Faye has suffered a stroke, and she isn’t responding. When the stroke hit, she fell and knocked her head on the floor. That was the thump I had heard. There is swelling on her brain, and they can’t give me any other information until they run more test.
They have her on life support. The Doctors ask me a gazillion and one questions, because I am her next of kin. They are asking me so many questions about her cancer that I don’t know the answers to. An hour later, the doctor pulls me aside and tells me that they have a living will on file for her and that in it states that she does not want to be kept on life support any longer than two days. The weight of his words hits me like a ton of bricks. I feel off balance and the room is spinning. The doctor makes me sit down and hold my head between my legs.
“Just breathe Miss Stuart. Slow deep breaths, that’s it.”
He further explains that he has had time to review her file more thoroughly and due to the advance state of her pancreatic cancer her chances of recovery are slim to none.
I walk back to Faye’s room in a daze. I wish this were a nightmare. The weak state of her body from the cancer is not in her favor. She looks so frail in her bed with all the tubes in her body. Have I not noticed how bad she has looked these past few months? I take her hand in mine and trace the lines on her palm. I tell her all the things I have always wanted to say but never had the courage. I tell her how angry I am with her for leaving me once again. How dare she put me through this? Our times not up. Jace needs her. I need her, damn it!
Placing a kiss on her cheek, I stand to stretch my legs. They are stiff from sitting hunched over her bed for so long.
There is a light knock on the door. It’s Caroline. She pulls me into her arms and holds me as I cry. “How did you know?’
“Mrs. Moore from across t
he street told me. Now here I am. I am so sorry Aria. How is she? Is she going to be okay?”
I wipe my tears away and slide my hands down my pants. “No, she’s going to leave me. I’m not ready for her to go Caroline. I can’t do this. And I need to pick up Jace. I can’t just leave him with Chrissy. He is probably so scared and confused. I can’t reach Bender’s dumb ass either. He should be here.”
“I can pick him up and bring him here if you want, or I can take him to the park for a little bit if you want to stay here a little longer. Just let me know what you need from me. Do you need me to call work for you?”
“No, I am going to work tonight. I can’t just sit here doing nothing. I need to keep busy.”
Chapter Ten
Jace was more than excited to go to the park with Caroline and I’m sure Chrissy was ready to be relieved of him. She loves kids, but Jace can wear a person out. I arrive at the park to take him home with me for some time alone with him. All of this shit has me scared now more than ever to tell Brian the truth. I can’t lose my baby boy too. I watch him as he grins at Caroline. The two of them together is a sight of pure perfection. Caroline is so good with him. She’s tickling his tummy. He is shrieking in protest, the cutest thing ever.
I take him home with me for a bit. I get Jace fed his dinner and give him his bath. I know he is confused about Faye being gone. He keeps asking where “Mam Mam is,” and going to her recliner. It breaks my heart.
The evening passes by quickly. We play with his cars and watch one of his favorite movies, The Sandlot.
Caroline is back home and able to stay with Jace for me while I go to work. I feel horrible for leaving him again, but I need to keep the bills paid.
Tonight, is crazy busy; I haven’t seen Tyler all night. I want to tell him about my mom. He has grown attached to her. I sometimes tease him that he only comes to the house so he can visit her. I am in need of a break. Turning the knob to the lounge, I try to gain entrance, the door is jammed. What the hell? I go over to the bar and take a seat. There is only one reason I can think of for the door to be locked and it makes my stomach churn. I keep my eyes glued to the door waiting for anyone to come out, anyone but Tyler. Ten minutes pass, my break is almost over when finally, I see the door crack.
Dirty Truth (Fighting Dirty Series Book 2) Page 7