“You don’t get it because you’ve never been married, but it’s not that easy. We have a history together. It’s hard to let that go.”
“A history of what? A couple of good years before he stopped supporting his family and started spending your money on his booze habit? That ship has sailed, Alex, whether you care to admit it or not. You said he’s refusing treatment, so he doesn’t even want to help himself. The only thing you can do at this point is help yourself and Emily, and get out of there.”
“I know you’re right, but I don’t know if my heart can let go.”
“You told me you find him disgusting now, not even attractive. Is your heart even hanging on still? Or are you just there out of some self-made obligation to take care of him?” she asked as she folded up her napkin and put it on her plate.
“I don’t know,” I said, taking the last bite of my burger. “I honestly don’t know.”
“I think you need to figure that out. If you need someone to watch Emily, let me know. The offer still stands.”
***
“Alex, can you come into the office, please?” Chance called when I arrived back at the station. “I need your help with some paperwork.”
While I hated paperwork with a passion, I appreciated the opportunity to focus on something besides my own problems for a while. Drowning myself in schedules might be just what the doctor ordered.
“I’ll be right there,” I called back. “Just let me make a coffee first.”
“Make it snappy, would you?” he called back.
I hated it when he pulled rank. It felt like he was always trying to remind me that he was the boss. It’s not like I could forget. He had my office, after all.
“What’s the problem?” I asked when I walked in his office and sat down in front of the oak desk that used to be mine.
He’d done quite a bit of redecorating in there. The gray walls were now covered with pictures of his family: his parents, his sister, his brothers, and his cousins. None of his ex-wife, though, not a single one.
“The paperwork system here is different than what I’m used to. Can you get me up to speed?” he asked as he set his coffee cup down on the desk and looked up at me.
His green eyes penetrated mine, and as much as I tried I couldn’t look away from his stare. My eyes wandered down to his soft pink lips, and I wanted to reach out and touch them, kiss them.
I shook my head to try to bring myself back to reality. I prayed he couldn’t read my thoughts, that he didn’t know that I was crushing on him hard.
“You mean like a crash course?” I asked before I took a sip of my coffee.
“Exactly,” he said, flashing me a winning smile. “Of course, that will mean that you’ll need to spend a couple of days in here working closely with me.”
Bastard. Didn’t he know what working beside him would do to me? I wanted him—no, I needed him—and now he wanted me to spend hours with him each day. How could I do that and keep my job?
CHAPTER EIGHT
~ Chance ~
Lexi, oh Lexi, I couldn’t stop thinking about her. Getting used to calling her Alex was almost impossible. She was still the beautiful girl next door, the one I’d had a crush on. The one I would always have a crush on. But now I had to keep things on a professional level.
When she came out of the shower wrapped in a towel, my jaw dropped to the floor. She’d looked so plain in her uniform, but the voluptuous curves she displayed set my body on fire. My pants swelled under the table and I hoped to God nobody would notice.
I wanted to take her right there and then. Picturing myself calling her into my office and bending her over my desk only made my need grow stronger. I had to divert my attention to Billings, knowing my erection would disappear in a heartbeat.
Had I not been her boss, and had everything not been riding on our ability to work as a team, I would have jumped all over her. But she had a husband, and I knew I needed to keep it in my pants no matter how much it hurt.
But oh, to touch those breasts, and to run my hands along those thick thighs. I’d give anything to run my lips all over her body and kiss her deeply. If only I could.
I decided if I couldn’t have her, I could at least find a way to spend more time with her. So I devised a stupid plan to spend hours alone with her in my office. I made up a lie about the paperwork being different.
Everybody knew that the paperwork was exactly the same from station to station, but I bargained on the chance that she didn’t. I was right.
When I asked her, I was shocked that she agreed. I’d get to spend hours inhaling the sweet scent of her perfume and staring at her beautiful face all in the privacy of my office.
Just as she came around to start teaching me how to use the computer programs, the fire bell rang.
“Saved by the bell,” she laughed as she set down her coffee cup and headed out of my office.
“Unfortunately,” I said under my breath while I stood up from my chair. I grabbed my gear and headed out into the sea of people rushing to the trucks.
When the upstairs was emptied and the last person ran down the stairs, I started down them. I was always the last one out. It was my job to make sure all my men had their gear and made it to the trucks.
Alex sat on the seventh stair holding her gear and shaking. I started walking down slower as I approached her.
“You okay?” I asked as I sat down beside her with my gear still in hand.
She looked up at me with tear-filled eyes. “No,” she sobbed. “I can’t go, Chance. I just can’t.”
“Listen to me,” I said. “You can and you will. You’re a seasoned firefighter, and sitting here on the stairs isn’t putting out any fires. Now let’s go out there.”
“You don’t understand, I just can’t.”
“You’re always trying to prove you can do it all. So why can’t you go on this call?” I asked.
“I’m afraid,” she admitted as she wrapped her arms around me and started sobbing into my shoulder.
I closed my eyes, almost afraid to hold her, knowing that it would stir up feelings in me that I wasn’t ready to face. Finally, I put my arms around her and stroked her long, silky hair to reassure her.
“What are you afraid of?” I whispered.
She just kept crying. I don’t think she was capable of answering.
“Are you afraid of fire?” I asked, worried that I might be losing one of my best men.
“No,” she managed to get out. “The last time I hesitated and nearly cost two men their lives. I’m afraid of doing it again.”
“You won’t,” I promised her. “Like Billings said, it could have happened to anyone. You won’t make the same mistake twice.”
“And then you yelled at me, and that scared me,” she said.
When I yelled at her, I hadn’t meant to terrify her. I only wanted to get my point across.
“Has nobody ever raised their voice to you before?” I asked curiously.
“My father, when he’d come home drunk and hit my mom. Us kids would all hide as soon as we heard him come in the door, because we knew after he was done with her, it was our turn.”
I held her even tighter. Had I ever known, I would never have raised my voice to her. There were other ways I could have handled the situation, but I’d handled it badly.
“I’m so sorry, Alex,” I said. “I didn’t mean to frighten you. When you hesitated that night, it brought so many memories flooding back to me. I had a sister who passed away before we moved into the house next door to yours.”
“I remember,” she said. “You used to talk about her all the time. You two were really close. I think you were twins or something.”
“Yes, we were twins. We moved into that house because our old house caught on fire and burned down.”
“I’m so sorry,” she said.
“Let me finish,” I said, pushing her face into my shoulder. I didn’t want her to see the emotional pain that I knew was going to show on my face. �
�The fire, it was my fault. I was playing around with matches in the garage and there were chemicals around, and...”
She pulled her face out of my chest and looked up at me with her big blue eyes, now swollen from tears. “You can’t blame yourself,” she said. “You were just a little boy.”
“My sister was upstairs in her room playing. The fire got out of control quickly and I was scared. I ran to my friend’s house to play. I don’t know why. I guess I just thought if I wasn’t there to see it, it wasn’t real.”
“You were really young. You didn’t know any better,” she said as she ran her fingers along my shoulder.
“The fire spread from the garage to the house before a neighbor saw it and called 911.”
“Thank God someone saw it. Where were your parents?”
“God only knows. They used to go out all the time and leave us to ourselves. Anyway, by the time the fire trucks arrived on the scene the fire was out of control.”
“So nothing could be saved?”
“Not even my sister. They coaxed her to jump out of her bedroom window, but she hesitated just like you did and the fire took her. I’ve never forgiven myself.”
“I’m so sorry, Chance,” she said. “What a horrible thing to have to go through and carry around on your shoulders. It’s not your fault. You can’t keep blaming yourself.”
“When I yelled at you, I was yelling at my sister, but more than anything I was yelling at myself. I couldn’t stand the thought of losing someone else.”
She reached out and touched my hand while I closed my eyes and relived those painful moments. When I opened them she was still looking up at me with those tender eyes. I could feel my heart beating faster as my palms began to sweat.
She leaned further and further forward until her lips almost touched mine. I wondered if I was going to let her kiss me, if I was going to kiss her back. In the back of my mind, I kept telling myself to keep it professional, but oh how I wanted to taste her lips, just once.
“Now why don’t we get out there with the others and take care of that fire?” I said as the chief in me took over and I straightened my hat.
“Yes, sir,” she said, grabbing her gear and rising to her feet.
CHAPTER NINE
~Alexandria~
What a day, I thought to myself on my way home from work. That fire had been a doozy, but we managed to get it out in record time, and this time I didn’t hesitate. I was able to get the job done as I had many times before. I was back, thanks to my pep talk from Chance.
Somehow that talk made me feel closer to him. Now that I knew about his childhood and his sister, I felt like I understood him. He’d been through a lot. It was almost like every fire was an opportunity for him to make amends, in his mind at least.
“We need to talk,” I said to Mike when I walked in the door.
He was so inebriated, I didn’t think the talk would get very far, but I figured it was worth a try.
“About what?” he slurred.
“About your drinking,” I said quietly.
“Do you want some?” he asked as he held out his vodka bottle and sat down on the couch.
“No, I don’t, and I don’t want you to drink anymore either,” I said sternly as I tried to pry the bottle out of his hand.
“I’ll drink if I want to drink,” he said. “You can’t take this away from me.”
“Mike, things aren’t working out. Either you give up the bottle, or you give up me.”
“This,” he said, holding up the bottle, “this is all I have left. I’m stuck in a miserable marriage with a wife who’s never home and a daughter who can’t hear a word I say. My life has gone to hell and you want to take the one thing I can control away from me.”
His words stung. I knew his drinking started getting bad when Emily was born, but I had no idea that it was because of her. I’d always thought he’d been happy all these years.
“You can’t have it both ways,” I said. “Either give it up, or get out.”
His facial expression changed into something I’d never seen before. The contortions were almost frightening as he leapt from the couch and towered over me.
“You think this has been wonderful for me?” he screamed. “I’ve supported you and stayed with you no matter what. I’ve been your glorified babysitter for years, and now you want to kick me out because I enjoy a drink now and then? You stupid bitch.”
I didn’t even see his fist coming before it smacked hard against my cheek. Between the shock and the sting, it took me a few seconds to realize what had happened.
“Mike,” I said, scrambling to get away from him. “Mike, please stop.”
He continued after me like a madman with his arms swinging, making contact whenever he could. I struggled to get away, even after he stumbled and fell, but he just grabbed my ankles and pulled me down with him. He continued pounding on me despite my pleas until I finally passed out.
***
“What’s with the sunglasses?” Anderson asked when I went into the station the next day.
“It’s a little bright outside,” I replied as I poured my morning coffee.
“You’re inside now, dear,” he laughed.
“My eyes haven’t adjusted yet,” I said calmly as I added my milk and sugar.
I’d spent an hour on my makeup trying to cover my bruises, but it didn’t do any good. At the last minute I grabbed my sunglasses, hoping they would cover a multitude of sins. The last thing I needed was anyone else finding out what I was dealing with at home. I already had enough people giving me advice.
The entire time I was getting ready, Mike apologized profusely. He’d never hit me before and he swore it would never happen again. The way he cried, I believed him.
When my coffee was ready, I walked over to join them at the table. The whole gang was already there sipping their drinks and chatting away.
“You going for the movie star look?” Chance asked when he saw me in the sunglasses.
“You’re the one talking about throwing a ball. I just wanted to add some social grace to the place,” I giggled.
His eyes had a look of deep concern as he kept staring at me. I kept trying to hide behind the glasses, but somehow I thought he knew my secret.
“When you’re finished with your coffee, would you like to join me in my office?” he asked.
“To teach you how to do your job, sure,” I laughed as I set my cup back down.
Chance just nodded and pulled away from the group. He went into his office and shut the door behind him.
“Uh oh, Alex is in trouble,” Billings laughed. “Getting called to the chief’s office and everything.”
“No, he just needs a little bit of help,” I said. “Someone has to teach him how it’s done.”
I stood up from my chair and excused myself before heading toward Chance’s office. When I got to the door, I hesitated and smoothed my hair.
Who the hell am I fooling? I thought to myself. I look like hell. It’s not like smoothing my hair is going to make it any better.
“Come in,” he said when I knocked.
“Where do you want to start?” I asked before I picked up a chair and started carrying it around to his side of the desk.
“At the beginning,” he said. “You can start with the sunglasses.”
“How about we start with the logging program?” I offered as I sat down. The scent of his woodsy cologne filled the room and I just wanted to sit there inhaling him and thinking about nothing else.
“I’d rather start with your sunglasses,” he insisted. “Take them off.”
“I’d really rather not. Can we just get down to business?”
I was starting to get angry at his obsession with my sunglasses. As long as I helped him, what did it matter if my eyes were covered?
“Do you trust me?” he asked.
“What kind of a question is that?” I asked as I started looking over his shoulder at his computer screen.
“Our whole t
eam rides on how much we trust each other. We need to know that we always have each others’ backs. Now I’m asking you, do you trust me?”
His stare almost paralyzed me. I nodded, barely able to speak as he reached up and gently pulled the sunglasses away from my face.
“I’m sorry,” I said as I turned my head away in embarrassment while I tried to hide my face.
“Why are you sorry?” he asked as he reached for my chin and tilted my face back toward him.
“I’m sorry that I look like this,” I said, stammering for words.
“Did you do this to yourself?” he asked as he held my face in both of his firm hands.
“No, of course not,” I said, staring up at him.
“Then you have no reason to be sorry. What happened, Alex?”
“I really don’t want to talk about it,” I said, trying to look to the side and break his stare.
“We need to talk about it,” he said as he held my face firmly in place. “Now, what happened?”
“I was running up the stairs, and I fell. My face took the blunt of it, I guess.”
He tilted my face from side to side, studying it carefully. “I’m not buying that,” he said. “Stairs wouldn’t have done this. Now why don’t you try telling me the truth?”
“My husband, Mike,” I said, staring up at the ceiling. “He...he hit me when I asked him to stop drinking.” The tears that streamed down my face stung my wounds as he wiped them away with his thumbs.
“The drunk guy who was here yesterday, he did this to you?” Chance asked.
“Yes, but he was just upset. He’s not like this.”
“You can’t go back there, Alex. If he hit you once, he’ll hit you again.”
“No, he won’t. You don’t understand,” I said. “He’s never hit me before. He said he was sorry.”
“Did your father say he was sorry when he hit your mother?”
His words stung, and I wished I’d never told him about my parents. I didn’t expect him to turn around and throw it back in my face.
“Yes, but this was different,” I said as I tried to pull his hands away from my face.
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