by L. A. Casey
I swallowed and inhaled a deep breath before I started speaking.
“Trent kissed Nala. I knew he had a crush on her, and it pissed me off that he would try to move in on her. I thought he was my friend.” I shook my head. “He smiled when I jumped him; it was like he knew I wanted to fight, and I was more than happy to give him what he wanted. I haven’t been feeling like myself since Mom and Dad died, so I wanted to take out all of the pain I felt on Trent.”
I paused to wipe my nose.
“When he said they deserved to be dead because they were traitors, my mind just snapped. I can’t remember much after that. I just know I was holding the gun and pulling the trigger because I wanted to. I wanted to kill him, but when he fell to the ground and I saw the blood, I instantly regretted everything. I’m a murderer.”
“Stop it,” Dominic suddenly snapped. “Just stop. You’re a good person. You didn’t plan to hurt Trent; it just happened because he provoked you.”
That didn’t make me feel better, but I nodded to keep my brothers happy.
“What did you mean when you said you took care of things with Marco?” I asked Ryder.
“We offered to work for him to work off your debt, and he agreed. You won’t be hurt.”
Dread washed over me.
“What work will you have to do?”
“Business kind,” Kane answered. “We don’t know all the details yet, but we’ll all be in this together, so don’t worry about a thing.”
Don’t worry? How the fuck could I not worry? This was all my fault, and they wanted me not to worry.
“I want to work—”
“No,” Ryder cut me off. “You’re not involved.”
“Not involved?” I repeated. “This is all because of me.”
“I don’t care,” my brother continued. “The terms were we work for Marco, not you.”
I didn’t know what to say. At that very moment, I didn’t feel like I was their brother. I felt lesser than them. They didn’t treat me like their equal. They treated me like I was a baby they had to protect because no one else would.
“I’m staying in here with you tonight.”
I looked at Dominic, and said, “Why?”
“Because I want to,” he answered.
I didn’t argue with him because I knew I would most likely need him to keep me calm. I wasn’t like my brothers; when they got scared, they dealt with it, but when I got scared, I ran to one of them to make me feel better. I always did, and I hated it, but it was something I couldn’t change about myself. Maybe that need for affection was why my brothers treated me like a kid under their feet in the first place.
I was a kid, but I had a responsibility coming my way that wasn’t childlike at all. Nala, my girlfriend of two years, was ten weeks pregnant with my child. She told me a few days ago, and I hadn’t talked to her since. I was fifteen. I wasn’t ready to be a father because I was still a kid myself. I didn’t know the first thing about babies, and I didn’t want to. I was terrified to become a father, but I was even more terrified of having a baby and loving it, because ever since my parents died, I had a fear that all the people I loved would leave me.
I had even found myself pretending that I didn’t even really love my brothers because I was so scared of one of them dying and leaving me. My mind had developed a fear, and I had no idea how to overcome it ... and what was worse, I didn’t know if I wanted to. I killed someone. I took another person’s life. Maybe God was punishing me for that; maybe the pain and fear I lived with was what I deserved.
Everything was all my fault.
Everything.
CHAPTER THREE
Eighteen years old ...
* * *
“Who are you glaring at?”
I didn’t look at Kane when I sat down next to him.
“No one.”
He followed my line of sight and chuckled.
“Alannah.”
I wasn’t glaring at Alannah ... just the pussies who were dancing next to her. Her focus was entirely on Bronagh as they laughed and danced, but the men around within their reach were focused on them. I didn’t like it, and I didn’t like that I didn’t like it. Feeling anything for Alannah was bad news. She was a jewel, someone worth great value, and she was as precious as she was fragile. I messed up people’s lives, it was what I did, and I didn’t want to mess up her life. Keeping away from her when I was so wildly attracted to her was agony, but I endured it. I also endured her sweet smiles, the sound of her laughter, and the longing look of lust she often shot my way.
I withstood it all from the moment I had met her ... but I was starting to break.
“I’m not looking at her.”
Kane laughed and clapped his hand on my shoulder. “A blind man could see that you have feelings for her, little brother.”
“Feelings?” I choked. “I don’t have feelings for her. I don’t even know her all that well.”
Lie. Lie. Lie.
Kane raised a brow. “It’s more than attraction. You wouldn’t give a shit about other guys moving in on her if you only thought she was cute.”
I set my jaw. “Leave it alone, Kane.”
He looked from me to the dance floor, and said, “Never mind, she’s kissing another guy, so you don’t have to worry about her.”
I jerked my gaze in Alannah’s direction so fast I almost hurt my neck. My entire body was tensed to the point of pain, but when I saw Alannah still dancing with Bronagh and not paying attention to any of the guys around her, I looked back at my smirking brother and glared at him.
“You’re an asshole.”
“And you’re an idiot,” he countered. “You like the girl, so what’s the issue? Dominic is in love with Bronagh, and I’ve never seen him so happy. That same goes for Ryder and Branna. That could be you with Alannah.”
I rolled my eyes. “Since when do you give a shit about relationships?”
“I don’t,” Kane answered. “I care about you and the others, and if a relationship is what will make you guys happy, then I’m all for supporting them.”
I didn’t answer him, and he didn’t speak another word. We watched the girls as they danced, and before I knew it, I was on my feet and stalking in Alannah’s direction with Kane’s laughter echoing behind me. Some punk was dancing a little too close to her and had his eyes on her perfect body too long. He caught my eye as I approached, and when he saw the look on my face, he backed off, then disappeared into the crowd. I reached Alannah and tugged her towards me when I noticed that Bronagh was no longer with her.
She tried her hardest to break my hold as she shouted at me, but she stopped fighting almost instantly when she turned and looked up at me. Her whiskey coloured eyes lit up when she saw me, and warmth spread across my chest.
“Damien!”
My lips curved upwards into a smile as I looked at her. I had the sudden urge to hold her, so I placed my hands on her waist, and without a word, I tugged her body until she was flush against me, and it drew a gasp from her. I couldn’t hear it because of the music, but I could imagine it, and it sent blood rushing to my groin. When she gathered her bearings, she placed her hands on my shoulders and bit her lower lip when she rolled her body against mine. My hands flexed and bit into the flesh of her waist.
“I want you so bad it hurts, baby.”
Alannah shook her head, and shouted, “I can’t hear ye’.”
I grabbed her hand and led her off the dance floor. When I turned to face her, Alannah took my breath away when she leaned back up onto her tiptoes, placed her hands on either side of my face, and tugged my head down to hers. She moved in and pressed her soft lips against mine. I held still for maybe two seconds. I had planned to pull away, but the sensation of her lips against mine was all I could take. I wrapped my arms around her petite body and pulled her as close as I could get.
“Alannah,” I murmured against her lips.
She pulled back from our kiss and stared up at me with wide eyes. She said so
mething with a dreamy look on her face, but I couldn’t hear her over the music and the rowdy crowd, so I grabbed her hand once more and led us over to two large men who stood outside the entrance to the back of the club. Once of them was Skull, a bouncer that I had met a few times.
“Can I use an available room?”
Skull glanced at Alannah behind me and grinned as he nodded. “Last room on the left.”
I thanked him, and Alannah hid behind me as we were let by, then when the door closed, and the hallway we entered was coated in silence, she looked at me, and shouted, “Me ears are ringin’.”
I laughed and silently led her down the hallway to the room Skull said I could use. When we stepped into a huge living area, the first thing Alannah spotted was the huge bed. I closed the door as she walked towards it, and I was about to follow her when I came to a dead stop. Alannah reached the bed, then bent forward and ran her hand over the linen.
“This feels good,” she hummed. “It’s so soft.”
I made a sound dangerously close to a gasp as my eyes locked on Alannah’s ass. Her dress had ridden up a bit, allowing me to see the curve of her ass cheeks. My cock throbbed painfully, so I adjusted it and swallowed.
“Heaven, help me.”
Alannah straightened, without fixing her dress, and turned to face me. Her creamy, thick thighs were on display, and I had to forced myself to stay still just so I wouldn’t go to her, drop to my knees, and run my tongue over them.
“Did ye’ say somethin’?”
I lifted my hand and ran it through my hair.
“I said,” I rumbled, “heaven, help me.”
“Why d’ye need help?” she asked, tilting her head to the side. “Ye’ aren’t in trouble.”
“On the contrary.” I licked my lower lip. “I think I’m in a whole heap of trouble.”
Alannah’s eyes were locked on my tongue’s movement, and it caused her lips to part ever so slightly.
“What trouble would that be?”
“The five-foot-five, black hair, and brown eyes kind.”
Her eyes widened. “You think I’m trouble?”
Is she kidding me?
“Babe.” I chuckled. “I think you’re the definition of it.”
“I think ye’ have me confused with someone else,” she said, falling into a sitting position on the bed when she tried to take a step back. “I’ve never been in trouble in me whole life.”
“No, I’m sure you haven’t,” I agreed, my lips twitching. “But I think you could stir up a lot of it.”
“Yeah?” she questioned. “Like what?”
“Like how one kiss has me wanting to touch you in ways you’ve never been touched.”
She audibly swallowed.
“H-how d’ye know what ways I’ve been touched?” she stammered. “I could have already been touched in every way possible.”
She was so cute, so sexy, I almost couldn’t stand it.
“Babe.”
A pretty blush stained Alannah’s cheeks.
“Fine.” She licked her lips. “No one else has touched me, but I’ve touched me an awful lot.”
I locked my eyes on hers.
“Why don’t ye’ change the former and touch me?”
I was seconds away from tackling her back onto the back, and she didn’t even know.
“Be careful, freckles,” I warned. “I think we should just cool it and talk—”
“I don’t wanna talk.” She cut me off. “I wanna kiss ye’, to touch ye’ ... I want ... I want to get into trouble with ye’.”
“My God.” I put my face in my hands. “You aren’t a sex only girl, Lana. You’re the flowers, chocolate, cuddle nights in, and steady boyfriend kind of girl. And I love that about you, but I can’t give you that.”
She frowned.
“Don’t look at me like that,” I said, flustered. “I’m trying to do right by you. I’m trying to convince myself that you don’t really want me like this—”
“I do,” she interrupted. “I know your situation, and I’m not a fool. I know it’s just sex with you, but I want ye’ so much that I’ll take it.”
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
She was saying exactly what I wanted to hear, but it still didn’t feel right.
“This was a bad idea. I shouldn’t have brought you in here.” I began to pace back and forth. “I just wanted to talk to you, but damn, you look edible, and you smell and taste so good. It’s all I can do to stay on this side of the room.”
“C’mere to me,” she beckoned. “Don’t think about the after, think about now. If I’m angry later, it’s on me. This is probably a stupid idea, but I’ve never needed someone like I need you. If this is a mistake, let me make it and learn from it.”
Christ, she wasn’t making this easy.
“You’ve been drinking,” I said flatly. “I tasted it on you.”
“I’ve sobered up a hell of a lot since ye’ told me I was trouble.”
“You are trouble.”
“Prove it,” she challenged.
I took a step forward, then hesitated before I said, “Let’s just chill and talk for a while. Just ... just to see if this is what you really want.”
The words were hardly out of my mouth before she turned and scrambled up the bed, flopping onto her back.
“What are you doing?”
“What d’ye mean?” she asked, holding her position. “I’m chillin’.”
Amused, I folded my arms across my chest.
“You usually chill on a bed with your thighs parted?”
“This is how I lie on me bed. It’s kind of ... freein’.”
I dropped my gaze to the middle of her legs even though I told myself not to. I quickly crossed the room, turned my back to Alannah, and sat on the edge of the bed. Without turning around, I patted the spot next to me, and said, “Come here and talk to me. I want to hear your voice.”
She moved to my side an instant later, and it made me laugh.
“What d’ye want me to say?” she said, a little breathless.
I turned my head and stared into her whiskey coloured eyes, and said, “Say anything. I just want to hear your voice. I love your voice.”
“Ye’ do?”
I shuddered. “Yeah, I hear your voice even when you aren’t around.”
“Ye’ do?” she repeated.
“I hear you when it’s quiet,” I said, my eyes lowering to her lips. “Really quiet.”
I followed the movement and bit the inside of my cheek to remain still.
“What do I say when ye’ hear me voice?”
I huffed a laugh. “You don’t want to know, freckles.”
She scrunched up her face in displeasure. “Why d’ye call me that?”
I lifted my hand, and with my pinkie finger, I ran the tip over her nose and underneath her eyes.
“You have a splash of freckles right here.”
“If ye’ say ye’ think they’re cute,” I grunted. “I may slap ye’.”
I simpered. “Cute is not a word I associate with you.”
Alannah leaned toward me.
“What word do ye’ associate with me?”
“I have a few,” I replied. “Smart, funny, hardworking ... beautiful, elegant, sexy as sin.”
She gasped. “Ye’ think I’m funny?”
I almost instantly burst into laughter.
“Hell yes, you’re funny.” My shoulders shook as I laughed. “Out of all the words I said, you picked funny.”
Alannah blushed. “No one has ever said I was funny before.”
“Well, you are.”
She leaned in a little closer to me. “Ye’ think I’m beautiful and elegant?”
“And sexy as sin,” I rasped. “Can’t forget about that.”
Alannah smiled, stood from the bed, and then kicked her heels off before she turned to face me. She groaned and looked down at her feet as she wiggled her toes.
“Jesus, it feels good to take those hell blocks off.”
“Hell blocks?”
“Until ye’ve walked in high heels”—she playfully glared at me—”ye’ll never understand how much they hurt.”
“It’s a good thing I’m tall then.”
She hummed. “It’s definitely a good thing that you’re tall.”
“You’re looking at me like you want to pounce on me, freckles.”
“I do.”
My whole body tensed when she stepped forward, parted my thighs with her knees, and stepped between them.
“Alannah, what are—”
She brought her mouth down on top of mine and kissed me with raw hunger. She lifted her hands, thrusted them into my hair, and curled her fingers around the strands as she tugged at it.
“You’re playing a dangerous game with me, Lana,” I warned against her lips. “I’d walk away if I were you.”
Her spine straightened.
“That sounds like a challenge to me.”
“Talking.” I groaned into her mouth. “We’re supposed to be talking.”
“We are,” she replied, sliding her tongue overmy lower lip. “We’re talkin’ with our bodies.”
She wanted to have sex with me. I broke our kiss and stared up at her, trying to see in her eyes if this was really what she wanted. I wanted to see a glimpse of doubt, something that told me she was confused, but all I saw my lust and hunger for me.
“I want you so much,” I breathed. “God knows I’ve dreamed of touching you, kissing you, tasting you.”
Alannah’s body trembled.
“What will ye’ do to me if I let ye’ touch me?” she asked, her voice thick with desire. “I need to hear it.”
“I’d kiss you. Nice and slow until my lips are all you know. My hands would explore every inch of you until you only knew my touch. I’d love you so good, the feel of me would be imbedded into you for life. I’d make your body mine.”
“Yes,” she whimpered. “Please, I want that.”
So do I.
My resolve snapped as I pulled her against me and covered her mouth with mine. I hooked my hands around the back of her thighs and picked her up in one swift motion. Alannah latched her arms around my neck and wrapped her legs around my hips.
“I love how tall ye’ are,” she moaned. “It makes me feel tiny.”