“What just happened?” he asked in astonishment when the room allowed him entry. “She’s alive?”
The Empress took a moment to find words. When she spoke, she said, “I’m not sure you want to hear this.”
“At this point, I’ll be content to have an idea what’s happening here.”
She nodded. “Do people have a name for what Keti did? When she killed all those people?”
“Some call it the Awakening, some people call it Day One. I can't find a word that fits it.”
She could tell that he was holding his tongue for her sake.
“There’s another one like Keti, who feels the same way,” she explained. “She said that while she slept, or whatever she did before all this happened, it corrupted her.”
“That explains a lot.”
“Yes. There’s more, but it’s not important now. This…god, he brought people back to life so he can punish her. He can’t hurt Keti. She says that she can’t die, even willingly, because they don’t exist in that way.”
Dugan’s shoulders slumped. “But we can die,” he finished for her. “The only way to punish her is to kill the people she spared. Including her precious Empress.”
“He brought them back, and they’re close to the outlands. Not everyone she killed, but the ones from whatever land he watched over.”
“If they can bring people back to life, why doesn’t Keti do it?!” he demanded too loudly.
“I don’t know. You came back before she could tell me more.”
“How long do we have?”
“An hour.”
Dugan put a hand on his temple and squeezed his eyes shut. “A god brought an army of people to life, and set them an hour away, rather than just killing us himself…or putting them right inside the City?”
“I think he wants to draw it out for my sake.”
“So this is it,” he said in disbelief. “Everything led to this. It’s fucking unbelievable.”
The Empress looked at a pile of wrappers she’d thrown next to the bed, and began laughing to herself. Seeing the look on Dugan’s face, she said, “It’s not really funny, but I always begged her to just let me be a normal girl before it was too late.”
Dugan sat down beside her and stared at his lap.
“Yeah,” he said lightly, “you got your wish after all. They never come true the way you wanted, though. It’s usually better to have this happen fast than when it slowly goes wrong in front of you.”
When he looked up, she was wiping a tear from the corner of her eye.
There was a clump of napkins in the bag of food from earlier; he pulled one out and used it to dab her cheek dry.
She pushed his hand away before saying, “I think Keti found that out too.”
“You know,” he said with a wry smile, “I never admitted to myself what I wanted to wish for.”
She waited for him to elaborate, but he didn’t. He looked into her eyes as their time slipped away. When he moved to stand up, she was unsure if she should wipe his tears away, so she did nothing.
He stood with his back to her. “If I had been honest with myself long ago, I could have had a daughter about your age. Instead of being mad at Keti, and the Citizens, and everyone else, I could have done something positive.”
Dugan paused to force the tremor from his voice. “I just…I didn’t even want a boy. They’re trouble. She wanted me to settle down, but she knew not to say it. There was one night when I was in bed next to her and I pictured us raising a little girl together…”
He held his head in his hands, breathing in ragged bursts.
“I didn’t believe that it could be like that,” he said. “I thought that life was too cruel to let me have anything that meant that much to me, so I went away from her. She went to stay with family out of state, and that’s when it happened.
“If I had tried, she would have been with me when Keti killed everyone. She’d have lived, and I might have had the chance to make it all come true.”
He came and knelt at the foot of the bed. “And I’d have had a daughter just like you,” he said before burying his face in the rough comforter on the bed.
The Empress looked down without reacting. “You’re talking like it's too late. I already told you that this won't be sad in the end.”
Dugan lifted his head with anger in his eyes. “You don't know what you're talking about!” he shouted. “You've had the luxury of being protected from the real world.”
He shoved himself off the bed.
She was unmoved by his outburst. Holding her head high, she said, “Your emotions are distorting your judgment.”
“Thanks for the insight, Keti.” He spit the name at her, hoping to pierce her calm.
“You're clinging to misery because it's familiar to you. I would do the same if Keti hadn't shown me the big picture,” she replied.
Dugan grabbed her by the wrist; not hard enough to hurt her, but firmly enough that she stopped talking.
“Think about what you're saying,” he warned. “Keti’s perspective is too far removed…she has no compassion. That isn't you.”
She pulled her wrist free from his grip.
He let angry words go unspoken. Finally, he wondered aloud, “Fuck it. What's the point?”
“No,” she said flatly. “You won't agree to give up without a fight. I think that isn't who you are.”
“It never was before,” he admitted, knowing it carried no conviction. “So what then? Beg Keti?”
“That would be pointless. She doesn't change her mind. I told you that people were coming to kill us. I didn't say they'd succeed.”
She paused to consider Dugan’s question.
“I guess,” she continued, “we journey to the City, and see what part we have to play.”
Her words seemed to strike a chord with him. He leaned against the wall, facing the bed.
“If my fate isn't in my own hands, I'm not interested in helping anyone prove it. We stay here because I'm more interested in the chance to ask all the questions that I've had since this started.”
She smiled faintly. “I'd say that the Third Assembly is about to happen between myself and the mercenary who couldn't save my life at the Second Assembly, but that's not a true Assembly.”
Dugan shifted uncomfortably. “It really was you,” he said, almost to himself. “So Keti let you die, but brought you back?”
“Like most things involving Keti, it's hard to explain. I'm realizing now just how hard it is to explain. Dugan, I need to be honest with you. When Keti came to me after you left, she did more than speak to me.
“Words are a primitive way for her to communicate. She prefers to…express herself directly to my mind. Kind of in the same way that an idea can appear in your mind, and be fully formed.
“She showed me a lot more than she’d have had the time to tell me while you were gone. I didn't think it would matter to you when we have so little time before we’re swept away in what happens next.”
“Wait. What happens next?”
“I don't know exactly. Believe me when I say that something will happen to tear us away from this conversation, and it won't matter if we agree to it. But for now, we’ll do as you wish.
“I only remember that there was a disturbance during the Assembly. The next thing I knew, I was in the Needle. But now I know what happened. It's part of what Keti showed me. That boy shot me. When you saw me laying there, you cared. Even though you hated me, you cared.
“That's what made Keti choose you, even though she didn't know what it would lead to. I think I finally understand something I never got before. Keti said she doesn't see our bodies; she only sees our energy. That always sounded stupid, but she told me it was a simple way to explain something too complicated for us.
“She didn't see you as the outlander I saw when I first spoke to you; she saw who you truly are, and knew you were the right choice.”
“Okay,” Dugan began slowly, “he shot you…”
“That's another thing that's hard to give a clear answer about. Was I physically there during the Assembly? Kind of…I think. When you partially wake up from a dream, but don't realize you're awake, are you dreaming or conscious? It's like that.”
“Maybe I'll stick to questions you'll have answers to,” Dugan said. “Couldn't Keti revive everyone she murdered? This other one brought some back, right?”
“I think she could. If she hasn't, it's because it's not allowed. According to Keti, the universe’s timeline is already written. The important things are supposed to only happen in the way they should.”
“And everything else?”
“Controlled chaos. There's a probability of one outcome, but events will randomly defy the odds. If you take the same way home every day, something will eventually force you to take a different route.”
A pensive look crept over Dugan's face as he questioned whether he still wanted to know the hidden parameters of his world.
“So there's the goddess, and a god. How many more are there?”
“I don't know if Keti herself could say. She had forgotten that the other one existed until he appeared to her after the Assembly went wrong.”
She considered whether to say more. Time was running out before they'd have to act.
“I wish I'd had more time with Keti today so I could show her what it feels like,” she said.
“What do you mean?”
“She thought she knew it all. If I tried to tell her she was wrong, she would usually disappear because it was pointless to listen. I hated that. Keti told me that my reality was a self-contained sphere with nothing hidden from her sight.
“It’s sad, now that I think about it. Even Keti was unsatisfied. Omniscience meant that there was no possibility for surprises, or discovering anything. Knowing everything still left something missing.”
“But she didn’t know everything. She got what she wanted.”
The Empress nodded. “And I’d love to remind her that humans already had learned that lesson: you can get what you want, but it’s never what you thought it’d be.”
“Like you being free of Keti and the Needle.”
Before she could respond, Dugan blurted out, “If Keti chose you as her Empress, was the kid who shot you this other god’s version of that?”
Hesitation showed in her eyes. “No,” she said. “Only for long enough to let this god speak to Keti. I was avoiding this, but Keti didn’t choose me…she made me. Whatever state she was in before coming back, it allowed her to be corrupted. Without consciously realizing she’d done it, she isolated part of herself to protect it from that.”
Dugan opened his mouth but no words came out.
The Empress continued. “She showed me all of this at once, and I didn’t get time to process it because you came back. It was more urgent that I warn you about the threat to your life than tell you something that wouldn’t change that.”
“That doesn’t make any sense,” he said. “This doesn’t make any sense.”
“It makes sense to me, Dugan, but it won’t help. I’m not Keti; I don’t have the power to do what she can. I’m just a tiny part of her that wasn’t corrupted. When she saw me, and my energy was pleasing to her, it was because I was the missing piece of her.
“But then she spent all this time trying to perfect me, not realizing that her standard was imperfect.” She paused, distracted by her thoughts. “My mind says it must be true, but I don’t feel any different. I grew up being human, and this is who I am.”
Dugan cut in. “Keti can’t be killed, so you can’t be killed. I watched you bleed all over that stage, and then you magically woke up alive in the Needle. No wonder you were so sure that you’d be safe.”
She put her hands together on her lap.
“Dugan, you can’t be mad at me,” she pleaded. “This situation is more complex than you can see. I'm part of her, but I’ll forever be separated from the other part. I can’t fix the imperfection in it, so I can’t merge with it.”
“What happened to the universe’s timeline already being written, and there being no way to change it?”
“If there’s an answer to that question, it’s not going to be one you’ll like. Once a flaw was introduced into our universe, entropy began.”
“Who created our universe? Who created Keti?”
She shook her head. “The answer to that is beyond words. Our universe wasn’t created. It existed before it existed. Maybe now you understand why I decided to hide the rest of what I saw.”
Dugan exhaled loudly. “This is too much for me.”
“It isn't, though. Why are you so quick to give up?”
“You want the truth?” he asked. “I'm realizing that I don't know what it was all for. I spent most of my life fighting to stay alive, but there wasn't anything to stay alive for.”
Abruptly, she stood up and walked past him. “You won't know that until you see how this ends. Your answer is outside that door.” Seeing that he didn't move, she added, “You won't like the answer you find if you refuse to go with me.”
With that, she motioned impatiently at the wall. The door came into focus, then opened as she walked forward.
Chapter Eighteen
None of them spoke as they neared the home of the heathens. No words were necessary; the barren land under their feet said it all. The devil Keti had committed a heinous act against humanity and decency, just as their savior Makil had declared to them.
Makil glided in the midst of thousands of his people. He took the form of a young man, though none of them could say for sure who that young man had been. Perhaps he was a long-dead prophet of Makil’s.
The ground was uniformly destroyed; despite its ridged appearance, it presented no holes or bumps to watch for. In the absence of conversation, the only sound was the earth crunching under a multitude of feet.
Silhouetted in the distance, the Needle rose defiantly into the clouds. Makil had called it a monument to wickedness.
The concept baffled them, but here before them was the proof of Makil’s words: the devil Keti held a place of honor here. Despite her actions, despite her absolute lack of remorse, in the absence of any steps toward contrition, people gloried in her existence.
They continued on in silence. Left unsaid, but at the front of their minds, was the fact that billions of innocent people were still dead. Makil had only brought back a slightly larger number of people than Keti had spared.
The vast majority of them had been peaceful citizens of their cities at the time of their deaths. They weren’t fit for an army which marched on the territory of a cruel goddess. Yet, cut off from their former lives, and encouraged by the protection of Makil, calm prevailed as they were swept up by destiny.
In time, they neared the outlands. Makil appeared at the front of the mass of people.
“These ones,” he announced, “are exempt from punishment.” His voice wasn’t loud, but it reached them all clearly.
They waited for an explanation of who these people were, living outside the cursed City but left alone by the goddess.
Makil turned his back and continued on.
The outlanders formed two lines to allow Makil through. It was unclear to his forces whether he was willing the people to move or if they parted on their own.
As they passed by in silence, Makil paused to look around him.
“You would not want to live in the world I will leave behind,” he said to the assembled outlanders, “and I will not leave you to suffer in it. I come to judge Keti. To punish those who glorify her disruption of the natural order.
“A day will come when this planet once again is home to your kind. Forests will cover it, new species will develop within its ecosystem, and order will be restored to the aberration which Keti wrought.
“But today, a cycle ends. A new one will begin, bringing new potential. Spend your final moments knowing this, and taking solace in it.”
With that, Makil stepped forward and was no longer there.
The people he had escorted to the outlands were left awkwardly facing the outlanders.
A small boy tugged at his father’s shirt, saying, “They dress like Grandpa and Grandma.”
Dugan looked up at the patch of sky between skyscrapers.
“You've never seen a plane flying over you,” he said, still pondering the dull sky.
Her eyes narrowed slightly as she considered it.
“I’d never thought about that,” she said. “Is it loud?”
“No, not unless it's close to the ground…”
The Empress turned to face him a little too quickly, drawing Dugan’s attention away from the clouds.
“How close did they fly to the ground?!”
Dugan’s expression softened, the closest he got to smiling anymore. “Well, landing requires coming down to the ground.”
“Oh.” She didn't understand, but decided not to press him for details.
Dugan glanced behind them as he walked. “I've never seen the City streets empty before. It's not helping me relax.”
“I wouldn't think you’d have anxiety about an absence of threats.”
“That's what life does to you.”
He slowed down until she turned to look back at him.
“There's one question I wanted to ask you,” he began.
“Just one?”
“When you said that things will be okay…were you just saying it to calm me down? Or was it true?”
She looked away and began walking faster.
Over her shoulder, she said, “I haven't told you any lies.”
“That's fair. Sorry I asked.”
“Let's not waste time being sorry.” When he didn't reply, she added, “It's my turn to ask a question. Do a lot of people hate me, like you do?”
“I don't hate you. If I did, I'd have taken you to Lorenz. I'll admit, though…I hated you before I met you. You could say I hated the idea of you. Now I see that your life wasn't quite what I thought it was.”
She broke the silence that followed. “I wish…”
“You wish what?”
“If I could have one wish, it'd be to get time here as one of you. To be a normal Citizen, and get to be part of the…I don't know how to put it in words. I don't know if there'll still be a City, though.”
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