Alvar shook his head, and when he turned to Sophie his eyes looked pleading, begging her to understand what he was trying to say.
And she did understand. At least a little.
“You don’t want to be who you were,” she guessed.
Alvar nodded, swallowing several times before he asked, “Have you ever woken up from a nightmare that felt so terrifyingly real, you wanted to cry with relief when you realized it was over and you didn’t have to live those horrors?”
Sophie stared at her right hand, shuddering as she remembered the way the bones had shattered. “Not really. My nightmares are all flashbacks of things I’ve been through.”
“And how many are memories that Alvar was a part of?” Fitz asked her. “At least half, right? More?”
“The part of me that did those things is gone,” Alvar insisted.
“Yeah, well, the part of you that’s left still needs to pay for what you did,” Fitz told him.
“I already am—don’t you get that?” Alvar asked, raising his voice for the first time. “Do you think I don’t see how much pain I’ve caused? How you and Biana barely look at Mom and Dad because of me being here, and how often I catch them crying after you yell at them? Did you know Councillor Oralie broke down sobbing when she explained what the Neverseen did to Councillor Kenric? She looked at me like . . . I might as well have been the one to burn him alive.” He glanced at Sophie as she wrapped her arms around herself. “Do you think it’s easy to sit here knowing I helped drag you out of that cave—and then stood there while they tortured you—and that there’s nothing I can ever do to make amends? The only worthless thing I have to offer is to let you sit in my uncomfortable chair for a few minutes—and you won’t even take me up on it because you hate me that much. Or how about—”
“STOP!” Fitz shouted, stalking over to his brother. “Stop trying to make everyone feel sorry for you!”
“I’m not.”
“Yes you are—and you know how I know?” Fitz leaned closer, getting right in his face. “If you were actually sorry, you’d volunteer to spend the rest of your life in that horrible cell. Same goes for if you really wanted to make sure you never hurt anyone again. But you don’t care. All you care about is yourself. And that’s how I know that even if you don’t recover your memories, someday you’ll go back to being that same creepy murderer.”
Alvar had no answer.
He just blinked hard and turned back to stare out the window at his unimpressive view.
“Well,” Biana said, appearing in the darkest corner. “Looks like this is off to a great start.”
Grizel’s hands curled into fists. “I’m going to strangle Woltzer for letting you sneak away again.”
“Oh, come on, did you really think I wouldn’t be here for this?” Biana asked, raising one eyebrow. “Most of you guys didn’t even squeal this time.”
She had a point—though that didn’t mean Sophie’s heart wasn’t pounding in her ears.
“How are you feeling?” Biana asked her. “You look . . . really good. Is that a new tunic?”
“It is! Flori made it for me, and it has all these cool pockets for—”
“Can we discuss fashion later?” Sandor interrupted gently. “The less time we spend around the prisoner, the better.”
“Right. Sorry. Should we get started?” Sophie asked Fitz.
“Are you going to bother explaining what you’re doing to me this time?” Alvar wondered. “Or do I just get to sit here hoping you don’t shatter my sanity?”
“You get to sit there,” Fitz told him, pressing two fingers against one of Alvar’s temples and reaching for Sophie with his other hand.
“I’m assuming we’re going gloves off,” Sophie verified.
“Are you up for that?” Fitz asked.
She nodded, peeling off her gloves and handing them to Biana, who’d moved to stand between them in case they needed someone to lean on.
“But I’m only making contact with you,” Sophie warned Fitz. “I don’t think it’d be good to boost Alvar.”
“Yeah, definitely not,” Fitz agreed.
“Am I supposed to know what you’re talking about?” Alvar asked.
They both ignored him, each taking a breath to steady themselves before Sophie laced her fingers with Fitz’s, letting the warm energy grow stronger and stronger between them before they stretched out their consciousness and shoved into Alvar’s mind.
They started with probing, since they’d never tried that on him before—transmitting any words they could think of that might connect to his time with the Neverseen.
SPY!
LEGACY!
LODESTAR!
NIGHTFALL!
KIDNAP!
ADDLER!
FORBIDDEN CITIES!
MOONLARK!
OREM!
LUZIA!
RAVAGOG!
On and on and on.
Each time, the word shot into Alvar’s mind like a lightning bolt.
And each time his fuzzy gray headspace absorbed the energy without so much as a spark.
When they ran out of words, they tried digging deeper into his consciousness. But it was like wading through an endless stack of heavy blankets, each layer more smothering than the last. And there was never anything underneath except more gray fuzz.
Sophie even tried to heal him, wondering if the enhancing would make a difference. But healings only worked when she could find a thread of warmth to follow. And Alvar’s mind was much too bland.
“I think you guys need to take a break,” Biana warned, her voice sounding very far away. “You’re both looking pretty shaky.”
Sophie hadn’t realized she was trembling—she’d kind of lost track of her body. But she wasn’t going to be the one to pull away. She knew how much Fitz needed this.
And the monster wasn’t trying to wake.
“I’m fine if you are,” she told Fitz.
Alvar moaned, and that seemed to rally Fitz’s determination. “Want to do another round of probing?”
She tightened her grip on his hand, sending any energy she could spare.
But their words were seriously scraping bottom.
CLOAK!
CAVE!
SKILL TRAINING!
RUY!
BRANT!
“How is this not working?” Fitz asked, the words practically a growl.
“Because there’s nothing left!” Alvar told him, his voice thick and strained. “Just accept it.”
Fitz snorted. “I’m sure you’d love that.”
“Don’t they say the definition of insanity is trying the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome?” Alvar wondered.
“HOW CAN YOU REMEMBER THAT AND NOT REMEMBER WHY YOU JOINED THE NEVERSEEN?” Fitz screamed. “YOU REALLY THINK—oh.”
He staggered back, dropping Sophie’s hand and clutching his chest.
“Are you okay?” Sophie asked, grabbing his arms as his knees gave in.
He would’ve collapsed completely if Biana hadn’t caught him by the waist—which made it pretty impossible to believe him when he said, “I’m fine.”
“I think he needs some air,” Biana warned. “You take him—I’ll stay here and keep an eye on things.”
Sophie nodded, hooking Fitz’s arm around her shoulders and leading him back out to the clearing.
“How’s that?” she asked, pointing to a spot in the shade where he could lean against the side of the house.
“I think I need to get away from this place,” he admitted. “Can we walk for a bit?”
“You sure you’re up for that?”
“Yeah, the echo’s calming down. I just need to clear my head.”
Sophie glanced at their abundance of bodyguards. “Is that okay with you guys?”
“Stick to the grounds,” Grizel told her. “And plan on a few of us trailing behind.”
“That’s fine,” Sophie said, bending her knees to get a better hold on Fitz before leadin
g him out of the clearing. “Where do you want to go?” she asked when the path split ahead.
“Left,” he decided. “There’s something I want to show you.”
THIRTY-FOUR
WOW, THIS IS REALLY BEAUTIFUL,” Sophie murmured, spinning in a slow circle to fully admire the clearing.
The trees looked ancient. Lots of crackling bark and knobby branches dripping with tendrils of moss as they formed a wispy canopy. And the long grass was peppered with swaying wildflowers. But the best part was the sculptures that seemed to sprout out of the uneven ground—thin strands of dark metal twisting and spiraling around colorful glass orbs.
“So where exactly are we?” Sophie asked, turning again and squinting through the trees to where she could see the halo of Everglen’s perimeter fence. Tarina stood in the glow from the bars, keeping watch from a respectful distance.
Sandor and Grizel had opted to stay at Alvar’s apartment—which had definitely surprised Sophie. But she couldn’t blame them if they’d wanted some alone time after everything they’d been through. She’d also lost track of Bo and Flori, though she was sure they were out there, along with two other goblins who kept marching slowly around the clearing.
“It doesn’t really have a name,” Fitz told her, stepping closer and leaning in to whisper, “but this is where the emergency override is. That’s what I wanted to show you.”
Sophie’s eyebrows raised as he led her toward one of the larger statues and pointed to the teal orb supported by intricate swirls of metal. It was the size of a basketball, with silver circles speckling the thick glass.
“This is it?” Sophie asked, keeping her voice low.
Fitz nodded, leaning closer again. “I thought you should know how to find it. And . . . I think you should know the code that activates the panel.”
“Why?” Sophie whispered.
His lips curled into a small smile, and their eyes locked. “I told you—you’re the only one I trust.”
She sucked in a breath.
The words sounded even better out loud than they had in her head. And she was pretty sure her heart was going to punch through her ribs any second.
“Is it okay if I transmit the code?” he asked, and she hadn’t even finished her nod before her mind filled with his crisp voice.
Scion.
She repeated it to make sure she’d understood.
Yep. And you key it in like this. He placed his palm in the center of the orb and the glass flared with a subtle glow, making each of the silver flecks light up with a tiny letter.
Is it reading your fingerprints? she asked.
Nope, just responding to touch. And there was no rhyme or reason to the letter arrangement, so it took Fitz several seconds to locate the S-C-I-O-N. But as soon as he pressed the final letter, the glass orb rotated, revealing the thin seam of a small square.
He tapped the center and the glass swung open like a hinged door, revealing a hidden metal sensor.
That’s where you put the DNA to trigger the override, he explained.
And Alvar’s DNA no longer works? Sophie verified.
That’s what my dad keeps claiming. But that doesn’t mean Alvar can’t use ours. One good punch and he’d have some of our blood.
Sophie shuddered. That’s why you have guards. And the Warden.
I know. But I’m trying to be ready for anything. That’s why I wanted you to know where the override is, and how it works. I don’t know why it might come up, but it’s better to be prepared. Do you think you’ll be able to find your way here again, if you ever needed to?
I think so, she said, trying to remember which path they’d taken. It hadn’t had very many splits to keep track of, but she was feeling turned around. Are we back near the main gate?
No, the override is in the opposite corner of the property.
Why? If you’re trying to open the gate, wouldn’t you want the override to be near it?
I asked my dad the same thing when he first showed it to me, and he said Luzia thought it was better to have it near the back entrance, since that’s a lot smaller and easier to move manually.
There’s a back entrance?
I didn’t know there was one either. We never use it. But it’s over there. He pointed toward the spot Tarina had been watching them from a few minutes earlier. She’d moved closer to the clearing now, probably trying to figure out what they were doing. Luzia hid the button to open it between those two trees right there. And then I guess there’s a DNA sensor hidden in the bushes outside to open it from that side—but it’s probably all crusty and gross. Honestly, I don’t even know if it works. But that’s another reason I’m glad my dad posted guards here.
Me too. Okay, Sophie thought, focusing her photographic memory on recording every detail around her. I should be able to find my way here if I ever need to, but, uh . . . what good does that actually do? Without your DNA—
That’s why I brought you this, he told her, pulling a tiny vial from the pocket of his navy blue cape, packed with something that looked sorta solid.
Cotton maybe?
I know it’s kind of weird, Fitz added, but it’s the only way I could think of to give you a sample.
Wait—is that . . . is that your DNA? she asked, trying not to grimace.
Actually, it’s Biana’s DNA. I refused to give you a vial of cotton soaked with my spit.
Sophie appreciated that immensely—not that it was much better knowing it was Biana’s. But it helped a little.
So I guess that means Biana knows you’re doing this, she said, not feeling ready to reach out and take the spit vial yet.
I told her last night—and she wanted me to tell you she swabbed her cheek for the sample right after she brushed her teeth. So it’s clean. Well, as clean as it can be—it’s still cotton soaked with spit, so . . .
Yeah . . . Sophie had to squirm a little.
She’d never been a fan of the elves’ lickable DNA sensors—but this was definitely a new level of yuck.
Though what was the alternative?
Using blood, like Lady Gisela had?
Or fingerprints, like humans did, with sensors that were much easier to fool?
Still, seeing the logic to the system didn’t make it any easier to grab the spit vial—but at least she had lots of pocket options.
This was definitely something that screamed hide it in your boot.
“Anyway,” Fitz said, switching back to verbal conversation as he closed the tiny door on the teal orb and the override spun away. “I guess I should let you head home. You probably have training to do.”
She had skipped her morning lesson. But . . . “I can stay a little longer—unless you’re too wiped from Alvar and want me to go.”
He shook his head. “I don’t want you to go.”
Their eyes met for a second and Sophie commanded her heart not to do any flips.
But when it came to Fitz, her heart never listened.
He offered her his arm. “Want to search the grounds and make sure you don’t spot any security gaps?”
“Sounds good.”
They spent the next several hours wandering the property’s perimeter, searching for anything that might be amiss. And Bo and Flori split off to do their own checks. But Tarina stayed with them, and even with her trollish senses on high alert, she couldn’t find anything concerning. She even had them circle the entire lake and search several clearings on the other side.
“There really is no trace,” she said, scanning the meadow they were standing in.
“No trace of what?” Sophie asked.
“Anything.” Tarina spun around to squint at the nearby trees. “There’s no trace of anything concerning.”
“Yet,” Fitz added. “I still think there has to be a reason Alvar’s here. Or why Luzia gave up this place, or—”
“What do you know about her?” Tarina interrupted.
“Luzia?” Fitz clarified. “Not much. Why?”
“Just curious,” Tarina
said, turning back to face him. “I’m trying to take full stock of the situation. Because as far as I can tell, everything seems in order. I heard some of the other guards mention that you have a way of tracking your brother’s movements. Is that true?”
Fitz nodded. “He has a gadget around his ankle.”
“It can even knock him out if he starts to do anything suspicious,” Sophie added.
“Smart,” Tarina said, mostly to herself. “That should cover everything.”
“Let’s hope,” Sophie mumbled, unable to shake the feeling that they were missing something. “Has your dad let you search his office?”
“Not yet—but that’ll be my next demand.” He bent to rub the muscles in his healing leg.
“Looks like you need to rest,” Sophie noted.
“Probably,” he admitted.
“Can you make it back to the house?” The meadow they were in wasn’t that far away—but there were a few good shade trees if he needed to sit.
“I can make it,” he promised. “And hey, then I can show you where I’ve been hiding out, so my parents couldn’t make me do as many Brotherly Bonding Sessions.”
Sophie sighed. “I’m so sorry you’re dealing with all of this.”
“Me too.” They set off toward the house, with Tarina trailing several steps behind them. And they were nearly halfway there when Fitz said, “The thing is, though . . . I guess it’s only fair. You had to grow up hiding your telepathy and feeling like you didn’t belong—and then you had to leave everything behind and start over in a world where people keep trying to kill you. Keefe had to live with his creepy mom and his awful dad manipulating him. Tam and Linh got banished and had to survive all alone for years. Wylie’s dad was exiled and his mom faded away right in front of him. Dex has had everyone looking down on him his whole life because his parents are a bad match. I mean . . . when you really think about it, I’ve had it pretty easy.”
“But that doesn’t make it any less awful when hard things happen,” Sophie reminded him. “You’re allowed to feel what you’re feeling.”
“Not really.” Fitz stared at his fingers as he pressed his hand over his heart. “Not until this echo fades away. Until then it’s lots of deep breaths and bottling up the rest.”
Flashback Page 42