by Knupp, Amy
“I’m glad, buddy. I had fun, too.”
“We always have fun together. I love you the most of anybody.”
Zach nearly swallowed his tongue and lowered himself to the mattress. Fortunately Owen drifted back to sleep immediately, so there was no need to find his voice.
He meant to get up and recover from Owen’s declaration in the privacy of the guest room, but he couldn’t pull himself away. He sat there watching Owen sleep. Held his hand. The corners of Owen’s mouth tipped upward even as he slept.
Overwhelmed, Zach finally stood and snuck out of the room. On the way down the hall, he noticed Josh’s door was closed. He opened it and was shocked to see his brother already asleep. It was early...usually Josh was just getting ready to tie one on about now. Maybe he really was dedicated to sobering up. Zach was afraid to hope.
* * *
“HOW ’BOUT A ROUND OF ice cream on me?” Wendell Salinger and Mrs. Hale walked behind the rest of the group—Lindsey, Katie, and Savannah and Michael and their kids.
The children both cheered.
Allie’s basketball team had just won a game. Katie had driven home for a long weekend and had made a point of arriving in time for the game.
Mrs. Hale had often gone to Lindsey’s and her sisters’ events, but this was the first time she’d joined them for a grandchild’s game. Lindsay’s dad hadn’t been out of the house more than a handful of times since his heart attack. Mrs. Hale held on to his arm.
“Are you sure you’re up for it, Dad?” Lindsey asked.
“’Course I am. Doctor said I’m healed.”
“He’s a big boy, Linds. If he wants to treat...” Savannah shrugged.
“Let her obsess,” Katie said lightly. “She’s good at it.”
“You just tell us if you get tired.”
“You’re mollycoddling,” Savannah said so only Lindsey could hear.
“Yeah, well, you know me.”
“He’s fine now. Let him get his life back.”
Lindsey couldn’t help worrying about him.
Ten minutes later, they’d pushed two tables together and crowded around them, relatively quiet as they went after their ice cream like lions for a side of zebra.
Lindsey looked at her dad as he finished the last bite of his banana split and tossed his napkin in the paper boat. He tapped his fingers on the table nervously, and her internal radar went on alert. Something was up.
When Mrs. Hale finished her single cone, his eyebrows rose in question and Mrs. Hale nodded subtly. Lindsey leaned forward.
“Kids, we have some news. Claudia and I are getting hitched.”
Katie set her half-empty sundae cup down. “Hitched?”
Lindsey reached across the table and squeezed her dad’s and Mrs. Hale’s hands. “Congratulations! I thought you might be heading this way.” They’d been spending even more time together since Mrs. Hale had returned from her trip. Lindsey had been glad to get back to her own home. She’d never been big on third-wheeling.
A glance toward Savannah told Lindsey she wasn’t surprised by the news, either. “I’ve been wondering if you were ever going to make your move, Dad.” Savannah grinned as she finished her ice cream. “Mrs. Hale, are you sure you’re up for this guy?”
She smiled widely. “I believe I am. And you girls should call me Claudia now, don’t you think?”
“Hear that kids?” Michael said, leaning over to pat his father-in-law on the back. “Grandpa’s getting married.”
Logan’s eyes got wide and Lindsey guessed he didn’t understand. Allie wore a huge smile. “Can I be a flower girl?”
“That’s Claudia’s job to figure out,” Lindsey’s dad responded with a wink at his granddaughter.
Katie wasn’t smiling. “When did this come about?”
Their dad chuckled. “Well, it wasn’t overnight, that’s for sure. It’s been building for a long time. Neither of us had the nerve to speak up. Then Claudia had to leave for so long, and we were both miserable.”
“I told you you were grumpy,” Lindsey teased. “He was unbearable.”
“We ran up quite a long distance bill,” Mrs. Hale said. “It’s so good to be back home where I belong.”
Katie stirred her melting ice cream. She’d always been the most protective of their mother’s memory. In fact, she’d come home this weekend to take their dad to the cemetery on the anniversary of their mom’s death. It’d always been Katie’s job to go with him. Savannah preferred to go in private, and Lindsey just plain didn’t go.
Lindsey reached out and touched Katie’s shoulder, giving her a sympathetic look. If this was what their dad wanted, Lindsey was thrilled for him, but she felt just as sympathetic of Katie’s position. It’d take her a while to get used to it. In the end, though, she was sure their dad’s happiness was all any of them really wanted.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
THE MORNING OF MARCH TWELFTH dawned gray and cold. Just as dreary a day as the one twelve years ago.
The night Zach had grown up. That sounded dramatic but it was true. The night Josh had smashed into Lindsey’s car and killed her mother instantly.
The date had always bothered Zach. He’d tried to put it out of his mind each year, but it seemed he always had to write a check or fill out the date on a bid or a contract. And it never failed to scream out at him like the death sentence it was for Mrs. Salinger.
This year, ignoring it was even more impossible since he was right next door to the Salingers. Seeing Lindsey’s car pull up at her dad’s midmorning didn’t help. The housekeeper had returned, and Lindsey had moved back to her own place a few days ago. Her absence hit Zach harder than he’d like to admit. She visited her dad frequently, but it was usually in the evenings, unlike today.
Today must be awful for her.
He tried to concentrate on work. Even though Chuck had given him leave, Zach was adamant about being involved in the next meeting with the commission. He had more to research before they met again, but he found himself reading information three or four times without absorbing any of it.
He played Hot Wheels with Owen, discussed the local bone-headed county government with Gram, paced to the dining room window repeatedly.
“Zachary, what is wrong with you today?” Gram asked.
It was early afternoon, and Zach still couldn’t sit still. He lowered himself into the overstuffed chair. Gram sat in her recliner trying to do the crossword puzzle from this week’s newspaper. Zach had figured out how to tell when she was having a bad day—she didn’t even attempt a puzzle then.
“Thirteen years today.” He was intentionally cryptic because Owen was on the living room floor building a garage for his cars out of Lego blocks.
“Thirteen years what?” Gram squinted thoughtfully, then nodded as understanding dawned. “The accident.”
Sometimes her mind was so clear he could let himself believe she was absolutely fine. But he’d taken her to the neurologist and the doctor had shown plenty of concern. They’d get her results from a whole battery of tests soon.
Neither of them spoke for a couple of minutes, but Gram put her puzzle aside. “Wonder if it still bothers your brother.”
Josh was out in the driveway working on his truck. Sober. Zach imagined he didn’t give that night much thought.
“It was the point of no return for him,” she continued, seeming to speak more to herself than to Zach. “He’s never made it back.” Gram shook her head sadly.
Zach was more worried about how Lindsey must feel.
“She’s not so bad,” Gram said, still lost in her own world.
“Who?”
“Lindsey. She likes to take charge. But she’s good with him.” Gram nodded toward Owen, who appeared to be ignoring their conversation.
�
�What makes you bring her up?”
“She’s on your mind, isn’t she? That’s why you keep looking in that direction?”
“Didn’t know I was,” Zach lied, ignoring the other question.
“I think she’s all right.” Gram watched him closely when she said it. “Must be a tough day for her.”
Gram seemed content with the mostly one-sided discussion so far, so Zach remained silent. When restlessness finally drove him to stand, he paced toward the dining room window again. Old man Salinger’s car was pulling out of the driveway, with Wendell in the passenger seat. Zach strained to see if Lindsey was with him. A woman drove—an older one. The housekeeper. Another was in the backseat, but her hair was too light. Katie, he’d bet.
Which meant Lindsey was probably by herself over there.
He almost wished he hadn’t seen the car leave, because there was no way he’d venture over to check on her with her father home. But now he knew. He was itching to see her.
He sauntered back through the living room toward the kitchen, trying to appear unaffected.
“Zachary.”
He looked at his grandma.
“If you want to talk to her, go talk to her. I’m not going to stop you.”
“Talk to who?” Owen apparently was listening.
“Lindsey,” Zach answered, considering what would happen if he did go over to see her.
“Can I come?” Owen asked.
“No,” they both answered at the same time.
“Not today, O.”
Shrugging, Zach decided to do it. She may not be happy to see him, but he was going to wear a path on the carpet here if he didn’t do something. He grabbed his coat and went out the back door into the frigid air.
Zach headed straight through the back porch to the door and knocked.
He waited for her to answer, and the longer he waited, the more he started to wonder if someone besides Lindsey was there.
Finally the door opened. Lindsey stood there staring at him. She was covered in flour.
“Hi,” he said awkwardly. “Are you by yourself?”
She smiled—too brightly. “Yeah.” She backed up so he could get by her, then shut the blasted cold out. “What are you doing here? What if my dad was home?”
“Nice to see you, too.” Being reminded that her dad considered him bad news was getting old. “I saw him leave a few minutes ago, otherwise I wouldn’t have come.”
Her shoulders relaxed. “Thanks.”
She went back to the kitchen counter, which was covered with clutter—baking ingredients, measuring cups, bowls. A radio played upbeat music.
“What are you doing?” He leaned against the counter, confused that she was acting so...normal. Today.
“Baking. Cookies, cake, bread.”
“I didn’t know you baked.”
“I don’t very often. I guess I’m kind of manic about it. I figure if I’m going to mess up the kitchen, I might as well mess it up good. Want to help?”
“I don’t know a thing about it.”
“Come over here.”
She grasped him by his elbow and steered him in front of a big bowl. He looked down at the sleeves of his dark brown leather jacket and frowned at the white handprints.
“Can I take my coat off?”
She laughed and slid it off him from behind.
She set his jacket on one of the kitchen chairs, then parked herself in front of a different mixing bowl. She measured out ingredients and threw them together as if she’d forgotten he was there. Finally, she looked up at him.
“Well?” she said.
“What am I supposed to do?”
She leaned over and ran her finger down a recipe he hadn’t spotted. “I’ve only got the butter and sugar in there so far. Just go down the list—most everything’s out here on the counter for you. Measure, follow the directions.”
He’d never baked before, but he figured it was best not to mention that now.
He picked up the recipe card for Salinger Chocolate Chip Cookies and read through every word. Okay, he could do this. He started measuring, wondering how to bring up the topic of her mom or if he even should.
“You never told me why you’re here.”
Nice opening. “Do you know what day it is?”
“Saturday.”
He thought her reply sounded almost flippant, but he couldn’t gauge her mood. “The date.”
Lindsey faltered. “Yeah. I know.” She resumed mixing the stuff in the bowl. “They say it’s supposed to snow tonight.”
Maybe she wasn’t as okay as she wanted him to think.
Zach concentrated on adding ingredients before he tried again. “Doesn’t it get to you?”
“No.” She licked some batter from her thumb, then poured the contents of the bowl into a cake pan. “I don’t let it. It’s just another day.”
“How can it be?”
“It just...is. I don’t like to wallow because of what the calendar says.”
Noble. But he wasn’t sure he bought it. “Have you been to the cemetery today?”
“My dad’s there now.”
“What about you?”
Lindsey put the cake pan in the oven and set the timer. She shook her head. “I don’t like cemeteries.”
“No one likes cemeteries.” He measured chocolate chips and dumped them in the bowl. “You really don’t go?”
“I don’t see what good it would do. It won’t bring her back.”
He was stunned. Lindsey was doing a bang-up job of hiding her feelings—from him and herself. He shouldn’t care. He should be glad she wasn’t suffering.
They measured and stirred in silence for several minutes.
“It’s always gotten to me,” he said.
Lindsey’s spoon clattered to the floor. She didn’t immediately pick it up. “What has?”
“March twelfth.”
She stared at him for a long moment, then bent to retrieve the renegade spoon. She threw it into the sink, pulled another out of the drawer and went back to fiercely mixing whatever was in the bowl.
He was sure of it now. The date bugged her, too. Whoever said that men were the insensitive, uncommunicative gender had never met Lindsey.
“You have nothing to say to that?” he asked.
“What do you want me to say, Zach? I’m sorry it bothers you. I really am. Don’t hold it against me that it doesn’t bother me.”
For not being bothered, she was sure defensive.
It was stupid for him to be here. He’d come over to comfort her and she didn’t need comforting. Didn’t want it.
So be it.
As soon as the cookies were mixed and ready to drop onto the baking sheet, he washed his hands.
“I need to go.”
“Yeah, my dad should be home soon.”
Her dad was all that mattered to her.
He went to the door, but before opening it, he paused. “I think you’re scared to visit her grave.”
“No, I’m not.”
“Every time the subject’s brought up, you change it to something else. Anything else.” He stared at her. “I wish I could help somehow.”
He went outside and closed the door before she could tell him again how fine she was.
He felt edgier now than he had before.
As he reached his grandma’s back door, he heard a car and turned to see Lindsey’s dad pulling into the garage. He almost wished the geezer had shown up five minutes earlier. Then what would Lindsey have done?
* * *
LINDSEY DROPPED SPOONFULS of cookie dough onto the baking sheet. Flung them down, actually.
It was no business of Zach’s whether she went to the horrible cemetery or
not. Visiting a grave was a dumb practice, one she’d never subscribed to. It was a stone with a name on it. It wasn’t her mom.
The back door opened and Katie, their dad and Claudia walked in, all of them red-eyed and quiet.
“Hi,” Lindsey said. “The first cookies should be done in about fifteen minutes.” She hated that they all seemed lost in a fog of gloom. That was why she didn’t go with them.
“Thanks, honey. I’m going to rest,” her dad said.
On top of the grief, he looked exhausted. He still wasn’t used to leaving the house. His face was pale and his eyes drooped. He shuffled off to his room.
Katie dropped her purse on the table. “I’m going to change and go for a run.” She hurried out of the kitchen.
Claudia removed her coat and sat at the table.
“Thanks for going with them,” Lindsey said. It was something Claudia had always done. She’d worked for the family since long before Lindsey’s mom had died.
“Of course.” Claudia bent down to remove her boots, then set them on the mat by the door. She watched Lindsey for a minute. “You don’t seem as cheery as when we left.”
Lindsey considered telling her about Zach’s visit. It was her dad who was so against the Rundles. She had a feeling Claudia was much more relaxed in her opinion of them, although she’d never express it openly.
Lindsey glanced over her shoulder to make sure they were alone. “Zach came over. I’m not sure why.”
“Zach Rundle?” Claudia kept her voice as low as Lindsey’s. “I didn’t know you two were so friendly.”
“We’re not,” she lied. “I guess he wanted to tell me I’m awful for not visiting my mother’s grave.”
Claudia didn’t respond. That made Lindsey wonder if she, too, thought Lindsey was a bad person.
“He said I’m scared to go to the cemetery.”
“Are you?”
She glanced quickly at the woman. What was with everyone today? She hadn’t gone in the twelve years since her mother had died and now she was a terrible person?
“I honor my mom every day. She’s the reason I went into social work.”
“Lindsey.” Claudia’s voice was kind. “You don’t have to defend yourself. Everyone handles things differently.” She patted Lindsey’s arm affectionately before leaving the room.