by Knupp, Amy
She pulled her head back enough to look at him, to reassure herself this was really the man she’d had a thing for since...nearly as long as she could remember.
She traced his lips with her finger, enjoying the contradiction between the hard lines of his jaw and the soft, tender way he touched her. She shivered. She was finally as close to him as she’d always wanted to be. And it was even better than she’d imagined to feel his arms around her and his strong chest below her. Her heart pounded as she leaned forward to kiss him again, putting the ramifications completely out of her mind.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
THE COLD WIND WAS LIKE a slap in the face, snapping Lindsey out of the warm contentment she’d felt in Zach’s arms as they’d kissed and held each other for hours.
Back to reality.
Back to her dad’s disapproval.
What was she doing? This was crazy. Her heart pounded as she walked slowly through the backyards. The windows were completely dark, which gave her only a tiny measure of comfort. If he was up and wanted to see what she was doing, he’d have all the lights off, anyway.
She couldn’t go inside, not at this hour. With her fingers crossed, she whipped around the corner of her dad’s house, onto the driveway. She hurried down it and made a beeline for her car. Thank goodness she’d parked in front of the neighbor’s house. Her dad would still be able to hear the engine if he was awake, but at least it wasn’t right outside his window.
She felt like a thief in the night. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. But she’d known letting her guard down with Zach would result in a barrage of guilt. At the time it hadn’t mattered one bit.
After climbing into her car, she shut the door quietly and eased away from the curb. She wondered how she would ever look her dad in the eye after seeking solace in the arms of a Rundle on the anniversary of her mother’s death.
* * *
LINDSEY FIGURED SHE’D TURNED manic-depressive overnight. She’d woken up light and happy this morning, but once she’d stepped into the shower and had become really alert, a bone-deep sadness had overcome her. It wasn’t just that she’d betrayed her dad. That was horrible enough, but a wrenching sorrow for her mother hung over her, overwhelmed her whenever she let her guard down. It was as though talking about her last night had unleashed the memories Lindsey had held back for so long. She’d lost the power to block them out.
For most of the day, Lindsey had hidden away in her bedroom and buried herself in reports and paperwork for her job. By midafternoon, she’d joined Brooke for a fluffy chick flick in the living room, but even one of her favorite movies couldn’t get her off the emotional seesaw.
It was so ironic that she’d found a man who could make her float one minute and be weighted down by guilt and sadness the next.
If she had her way, she’d avoid her dad for a good week or two just so she wouldn’t have to look him in the face. But she knew if she cancelled—the whole clan was gathering for dinner at his house this evening—he’d suspect something was wrong. She never cancelled on her father.
She dragged her feet for as long as she could and finally drove to her dad’s. As she walked up the driveway, she avoided looking toward the Rundles’. She wanted nothing more than to see Zach, to talk to him, reassure herself the connection they’d formed last night still hummed between them. She wanted to float some more. But she couldn’t let herself. Not here or now. It’d be tough enough to act normal around her family as it was.
She walked into the kitchen just as Savannah’s daughter, Allie, was setting the table. It wasn’t like Lindsey to show up this late. Too late to help Claudia prep the meal. She could swear her dad looked at her funny. No, it was just her guilty conscience.
After suffering through dinner, Lindsey escaped to the front living room. The chatter was getting to her, and for once she didn’t have much to add.
She gravitated to the piano—specifically, to the framed picture of her mother with Lindsey and her sisters. The picture had been there since before her mom’s death. Lindsey didn’t usually pay much attention to it. She was so used to seeing it, she’d become blind to it.
Not tonight.
Her mother was so young in the picture. In her late thirties. Far too young to die. But it had been taken no more than a year or two before the accident. They’d given it to their dad for Father’s Day one year.
Elizabeth Salinger had been proud as could be of her three children, and it showed in the picture. Her smile wasn’t fake. She looked natural, beautiful, happy.
Lindsey closed her eyes and held the photo to her chest as her throat swelled with sadness.
“Yesterday still bothering you?” Her dad’s voice startled her, and she set the photo back on top of the piano.
“No more than usual,” she lied, as she walked back toward the kitchen. If he only knew the other things she was keeping from him.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
ZACH STOPPED IN SHOCK WHEN he reached the bottom of the stairs. Owen and Josh were on the living-room floor together, working on a Spider-Man jigsaw puzzle. Instead of making a big deal about it, he walked past them into the kitchen.
“What prompted that?” he asked his grandma, pointing over his shoulder.
“Not sure. Maybe it’s a good sign.”
He liked to think so. “Of course, just when we need to leave for Topeka, they start bonding.”
Today was the day Gram would get her test results. They’d decided to keep Owen home from school and take him with them since they wouldn’t be able to make it back in time to pick him up.
Zach was trying to stay positive about the appointment, refusing to believe it could be anything incurable or otherwise bad. Regular aging got his vote for the cause of Gram’s spells, or so he kept reminding himself.
He glanced at his watch. “O, get your shoes on. We need to leave.”
“Where are we going?”
“Topeka.”
“To the train show?”
Zach grinned. “To the hospital for Gram’s appointment.”
When Owen didn’t budge, Zach walked into the living room to get him going.
“I don’t wanna go to the hospital. It’s boring.”
That was a new word from Owen.
“You can bring a couple toys to play with.”
“Please, can I stay home?”
“He can stay with me,” Josh said.
Zach’s first instinct was to say no, but Josh caught his eye. There was a challenge in his brother’s look, an unspoken, Are you going to give me a chance or not?
He’d stayed sober for close to a week. That was saying a whole lot.
“Will you be okay here with your daddy, O?”
“Yeah.” The boy’s attention was back on the puzzle.
Zach moved closer to Josh. “You sure, man? You can handle it?”
“Forget it. You don’t trust me.”
“I didn’t say that. I just want to make sure you’re comfortable with it. We’ll be gone for three or four hours.”
Josh shrugged as if to say it was no big deal.
“Really? You want to do this?”
“Go on,” Josh said. “We’ll be fine.”
Zach hesitated. He wanted to trust his brother, but it’d be better to start with a shorter trip. An hour or so. But if they did that, they might never get the chance. Josh and Owen needed to get used to each other. Both of them were willing right now. He wasn’t going to get any better opportunity to let Josh prove himself.
He nodded. “I’ll have my cell phone. Call me if you need anything.”
“We won’t. We’re just going to hang out, right, Owen?”
The boy was busy trying to fit two pieces together. “Yeah,” he said absently.
All right, then. Owen was
comfortable with it, as was Josh. Zach could live with that. This was the first step to getting Josh into full-time fatherhood.
* * *
THE CAB OF ZACH’S TRUCK was silent, save for the noise of the engine as he and Gram drove back toward Lone Oak.
What was there to say?
Gram’s diagnosis had left no room for small talk, and the thoughts that were likely on both their minds seemed too big, too ugly to utter.
The doctor couldn’t say with one hundred percent certainty that Gram had Alzheimer’s, but it was probable. They could only pinpoint the diagnosis after she died. Zach shuddered at the thought. There’d be a lot of difficult days between now and then. He could tell Gram was scared. That scared him because Gram didn’t scare easily.
There wasn’t much positive to take from their appointment today. Nothing good they could say about the future, no hope they could offer. Just a downhill road that might last a long time. There was no way to know.
He glanced at her, wishing he could say something that would help. She stared out the windshield, not blinking.
His throat tightened, and he watched the road ahead as well. He couldn’t bear to think about what Gram faced. Or what he faced when she was gone. There was no way to hide from the fact that she wasn’t going to live forever, and what time she had left would be painful for everyone.
Zach shivered and turned up the heat. It was a nasty cold day, and the bad news just made it all the more bleak.
His cell phone rang, startling him. He glanced at the caller ID and saw Gram’s home number.
“Hey, what’s up?” he answered, knowing it had to be Josh.
“You gotta get home, man. Owen took off.”
Zach’s chest tightened and his mouth went dry. “What do you mean he took off?”
“He’s gone. I looked everywhere.”
“How long has he been gone? What happened?”
Josh didn’t answer immediately. “Look, just get here. I need to go search the neighborhood again.”
“We’ll be there in less than an hour. Go find him.”
Zach hit the accelerator, grateful the highway was clear, even though there was a dusting of snow everywhere else. Snow. Cold. It wouldn’t take long for Owen to freeze if he was outside by himself somewhere. He explained what he knew to Gram, hating to worry her but there was no way around it. She didn’t say a word, just swallowed hard and paled.
All he could do was drive like a crazed man. And one other thing. He dialed Information and waited for them to connect the call.
Lindsey answered her office line on the first ring.
“Owen’s gone.”
“What do you mean?”
“Josh stayed with him while I took Gram to Topeka. Owen apparently disappeared. I don’t know.”
“Oh, no, how long has he been gone?”
“I don’t know. Josh wouldn’t say much. He’s heading out to search the neighborhood. I’m forty minutes away.”
“I have an appointment in twenty minutes and one right after that. It’ll be two hours at least. There’s no way I can cancel on these people. These meetings are critical.”
“Do what you need to do. I’ll get there as soon as I can. Maybe he’ll turn up by then.”
“Keep me posted, Zach. Please. I’ll try to get done early.”
“How can I keep you posted if you’re in meetings?”
“Leave messages at this number. I check them constantly.”
“Okay. Thanks, Linds.”
“He’ll turn up, Zach. He’ll be okay.”
“Hope you’re right.”
He hung up, feeling no better than he had five minutes ago. He couldn’t ask Lindsey to help Josh look for Owen even if she didn’t have meetings. She couldn’t be expected to cooperate with Josh no matter what the reason was.
“Interesting,” Gram said.
“What?”
“You and that Salinger girl must be mighty close.”
“Lindsey, Gram. You know that.”
She shot a weighty look at him that he tried to ignore. “We’re close,” he finally said, unwilling to say another word about it.
“Is this the fastest you can go?” Gram asked.
“We’ll get there.”
They did, thirty minutes later. Zach went to the passenger door to help Gram down from the truck, but she shooed him away. “Go find him.”
He went inside first. The house was empty. He took a quick look around in all the nooks and crannies, thinking maybe Owen had simply outsmarted Josh. No such luck.
On his way out the back door, he noticed Owen’s coat wasn’t on the hook where it belonged. Maybe Owen had thought to bundle up. The temperature was above freezing right now—barely. But when the sun went down this evening.... He had to find Owen before that.
Gram came in, and he ran out, saying, “Stay here in case he comes back.”
“Where’s Joshua?”
“No idea.” He couldn’t worry about that right now. Josh would have to take care of himself and hope this wasn’t his fault. If it was, Zach might strangle him.
He ran into Josh three houses down, searching under bushes and behind garages. Joining in, he made an effort not to jump down his brother’s throat. Yet. “What happened?”
“All my fault, I’m sure. I messed up. Aren’t we all surprised?” His voice was bitter, full of self-loathing, but Zach didn’t feel much sympathy for him.
“What’d you do?”
“I lost track of him.”
Zach stood up from looking underneath the neighbors’ canoe. How did you lose track of a kid like that? He glared at Josh, but his brother didn’t notice. Zach was getting more frustrated by the minute. One second Josh seemed worried, the next, he acted like it was no big deal.
He grabbed Josh by the arm.
“What’s that for?” Josh said.
“You’ve been drinking.”
Zach could smell it.
“I’m not drunk.”
“Only because you can hold more gallons of liquor than the average army brigade.” Zach walked off in disgust. His brother had just blown his last chance.
Half an hour later, Zach was sure Owen wasn’t hiding in one of the neighbors’ yards. A couple people had come out to help him look. Zach jogged back to his grandma’s house, his gut churning.
Not caring what old man Salinger thought, he cut through his backyard, eyeing the barren field behind their houses. It was flat for a ways, but then the land dipped. There were small groves of trees here and there. Places a boy could hide. Zach hoped Owen hadn’t trekked through the field and gotten tired. If he didn’t keep moving, he’d get too cold, regardless of his coat.
When he got inside, he called the cops, his heart racing. He’d hoped to find Owen tucked under a nearby bush, just as Lindsey had several weeks ago. But that wasn’t the case.
The police got there quickly, and wouldn’t you know it, one of the responding officers was Kurt Humphrey. He kept it professional, though, asking more questions than Zach had time for, waiting while Zach searched for a recent picture. Josh didn’t show his face. Zach wasn’t even sure he was home. Didn’t really care. The cops told him they’d scour the neighborhood and surrounding area.
Almost before they’d pulled out of the driveway, Zach hurried to the backyard, heading into the field on foot. He doubted the authorities would get out of their cars and canvass the area yet. If they did hit this field, so much the better. There was a lot of area to cover.
Every step of the way, Zach’s anger grew. At himself. At Josh. His brother had always been self-absorbed, but there came a time when you had to put someone else first. When you had a child, for instance.
But Zach was the idiot who’d decided to let Josh stay with Owen for a f
ew hours. That was the biggest mistake of the day.
* * *
“THIS IS LINDSEY.”
Zach hesitated. “I expected your voice mail.”
“I was just about to call you. Any news?”
“The cops found Owen a few minutes ago. He’d made it to Main Street. In his socks and coat. No shoes. He’s in an ambulance on his way to the hospital in Layton.” More than two hours had passed since Zach and Gram had arrived at home. He’d been about to combust when he’d gotten the call.
“Is he hurt?”
“They suspect frostnip or frostbite, maybe hypothermia setting in, but they think it’s mild. They want to check him over thoroughly.”
“When are you going?”
“As soon as I hang up. Want me to pick you up?”
“Yes. I can get out of here for the rest of the day, no problem.”
“I’ll see you in a few minutes, then.”
He told Gram he was leaving. She wanted to go with him, but he convinced her she’d had enough excitement for the day. He hurried out to his truck.
* * *
ZACH AND LINDSEY COLLAPSED on to the connected chairs that formed a sort of bench in the waiting area.
“Thank goodness he’s going to be okay,” Lindsey said. She felt as if they’d been in the hospital for twenty-four hours straight, when, in fact, it had been only a few hours.
“Physically, anyway.”
She was worried about Owen’s state of mind, too, but she didn’t need to let Zach know that. He was concerned enough. “We’ll get him through it.”
According to what Owen had told the police, he’d left the house because Josh had yelled at him for asking him to play cars with him. He was scared of Josh and thought everyone else had deserted him. It sounded like Josh had played with Owen at first before getting irritated and ignoring him. Then he’d apparently laid into the alcohol, or as Owen said, “the bad-smelling drink.” Lindsey would never have left him with Josh, but then Zach seemed to have more faith in his brother than she ever would. There was no need to bring it up now. The damage was done, and Zach regretted it like crazy.