I tell you this, Abbey, not to besmirch the man I loved. He admitted what he had done, which was the unforgivable. He’d had an affair. But in the end, though it took me some time, I forgave him.
The reason why I’m telling you this is because of what he did. He betrayed my trust. Yet in the end, I was the one made stronger by it. I was the one to overcome adversity, as you have so recently done.
The day that your uncle Gerald told me of his affair was the day I started taking classes for my pilot’s license. In some ways his admission freed me to follow that part of my soul that longed for something more, and I will always be grateful to him for that. And yet … And yet I regret that I waited so long. That I waited for him to free that piece of me. I wish I had done it for myself.
You’ve been through a lot, Abbey, and it breaks my heart to know that you have gone through such trying times alone. Losing your best friend, and in a sense part of yourself (for who are we, really, when our dearest friendships suddenly end?), is something that I wish you would have never had to experience. Although I know that it has made you a stronger person, I’m still your auntie, and I don’t want you to have pain. Ever.
All I want for you, Abbey, is to live. Live and love like nothing has ever broken your heart before. And choose.
Choose wisely. Choose freely. Choose for you.
All my love,
Aunt Marjorie
I sat there for a long time, rereading the letter and thinking about what she was saying. Even though she didn’t know what was truly going on, in the end her advice to me was that it was really all about my choice to be with Caspian.
Choose wisely. Choose freely.
I knew what choice I would make.
Chapter Thirteen. AN OPPORTUNITY
He came clattering up to the school door with an invitation to Ichabod to attend a merry-making or “quilting frolic …”
– “The Legend of Sleepy Hollow”
The first week of October came and went before I even knew it, while I was on a strange buddy system with the Revenants. One of them was pretty much always nearby. When Caspian dropped me off at school in the morning, I’d see Cacey there, talking to the other seniors. Sometimes it would be Sophie, stopping in to discuss real estate with the school secretary in the afternoons.
It wasn’t so bad at first. And it seemed to be working. There wasn’t a peep out of Vincent. But after the second full week of being trailed by bodyguards, I was starting to feel caged in.
“We need to tell them to relax,” I whispered to Caspian. We had scooted in the side door to school early one morning before classes started, and we were hanging out by my locker. Kame was walking the halls. “Can you say something to them?” “I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”
The bell rang, and the outside doors opened up.
“Please?” I pulled out the big guns; I pouted a little.
“What if Vincent is waiting for them to stop hanging around before he does something again?” he replied. “I don’t want to take that chance.” The hallways filled with students coming in from outside, and lockers started opening. I kept my voice low. “Okay, fine. They don’t have to stop their protective-detail thing. But can it be toned down? Like, can you and I actually go somewhere just to hang out without feeling like they’re watching our every move?” Even in my bedroom it didn’t really feel like we were alone anymore, knowing that one of the Revs was always downstairs, or outside watching the house.
“I’ll talk to Uri about it,” he said. “But no promises, okay?”
My pout turned into a grin. “Okay!”
Caspian groaned. “I mean it. I’m not promising anything. If they think it’s best to keep doing what they’re doing, then it’s going to stay that way.” “But you will talk to them?”
“Yes. I will talk to them.”
“That’s all I ask.” I stuffed my book bag into the bottom of my locker and pulled out the first set of books I’d need. “Okay. Gotta run. See you after.” “Have fun,” he said. He grinned at me, and I blew him a quick kiss before he turned to leave. I was just about to shut my locker door when I realized I forgot to grab a pencil.
“Shoot.”
“What’s up?” Cyn’s voice drifted over the top of her locker, startling me.
How long has she been there? “I, uh, just forgot to grab something.” After reaching for a pencil, I slammed the locker door shut. “Got it now. Catch ya on the flip side.” I gave her a quick wave, but she just stood there and watched me go, wearing an odd expression on her face.
Ben caught up with me at lunch and slid his orange plastic cafeteria tray next to mine. Beth joined us a moment later. She’d been eating lunch with me since the first day of school.
“Meatloaf surprise,” Ben said, staring down at the quivering blob of gray mush in front of him. “Surprise! No meat.” Beth laughed. “And yet, you’re still going to eat it. Aren’t you?” She had a small tub of wilted lettuce in front of her and was steadfastly picking out all of the brown bits.
I pushed my spork around in my meatloaf. “It’s not too bad if you cover it with gravy. Then you can’t tell what it is.” “I’ll stick to my salad, thanks.” Beth picked up a tiny forkful of lettuce and chewed. “Did you guys see the new posters the cheerleaders put up for the Hollow Ball this year? It’s supposed to be some art-deco thing, but it looks like crap.” Ben snorted some of his meatloaf surprise.
“It’s true!” she said. “It looks like someone took twelve buckets of paint and just splashed it all around. And I think that someone was blind.” “Hey,” I said. “Blind people can create amazing art. I saw this exhibit in the city once that was just incredible.” “Let me rephrase.” Beth tilted her head to one side and thought about it, lettuce dangling limply from her fork. “A blind someone who isn’t a professional artist and doesn’t have an ounce of creativity in their body. Better?” Not really, but okay. “I can’t believe that it’s October already.” I changed the subject. “Where did the last two weeks go? I never even saw them putting the posters up.” “You didn’t?” Beth looked shocked. “They’ve been putting them up, like, every two feet around the whole school. And the bathroom walls are plastered with ’em.” I shrugged. I’d been too busy thinking about the Revs and Caspian to pay any attention. “Who are you taking to the ball?” I asked her. “Lewis? Or someone new?” “Depends on what day of the week it is. If you ask me on a Monday, I’m going with Lewis. But if you ask me on Thursday? I’m thinking Grant, a cute junior I have computer class with.” “Does it matter what day of the week the Hollow Ball falls on?” Ben asked.
I nudged him with my knee. “Ooooh, good question.”
“I don’t get it,” Beth said.
“Well, if you tell Grant on a Thursday that you’ll go with him, but the Ho’ Ball falls on a Saturday, does that change things?” Beth stuck her middle finger up at him, and Ben just laughed.
“I’m sure whoever you go with, you’ll have a great time together,” I said.
“Thanks, Abbey,” Beth said sweetly. “I think so too.”
I moved my sludge-masquerading-as-food around a bit more. No amount of gravy was going to help it. “Ugh, I’m so done.” “Me too.” Beth pushed away her salad and then downed a carton of milk. “I have to-” Her phone buzzed, interrupting her. She looked down at it. “Aaaand, it’s Monday.” She punched a couple of buttons, then looked up and glared at the table two rows away from us. “He’s sitting right over there. But does he come to me? No. I have to go to him. Gah!” Gathering her tray, she shot us an aggravated look. “Bye, guys. Time to go make Monday happy. Thursday’s looking better and better.” I gave her a pitying smile. “See ya. Good luck.”
Ben just shoveled in another mouthful of meatloaf and grunted.
“Well, that was fun,” I said, watching her go.
“Hey, how well do you know the new girl?” Ben said suddenly. “Cyn.” “Okay, random much?”
“Yeah. Sorry.” Ben gave me a cheesy grin. “B
ut still, how well do you know her?” “Why? Are you hoping I’ll play matchmaker? Do you want to ask her to the Hollow Ball?” He looked uncomfortable. “I thought about it, but now I’m not sure.” “Why? What is it?”
“Don’t take this the wrong way, okay? But she was asking me about you.” “Asking what?”
“Like if you talk to yourself, or talked to Kristen, or anything like that.” She must have heard me talking to Caspian this morning.
“What did you tell her?” I demanded.
He put up both hands in surrender. “Nothing. I just wanted to let you know. She said that it was cool, no big if you do,” he said quickly.
“She probably just heard me singing along with my iPod,” I muttered.
Ben nodded and looked like he wasn’t even giving it a second thought. “Anyway, I just wanted to know if you guys had, like, a history or something.” “Nope. She’s cool, I think.”
But I wasn’t very sure about that.
“So, then, you don’t mind if I ask her out?” His grin was obscenely flirtatious, and I flicked a piece of leftover salad at him. “Hornball.” On Friday, Ben met me at my locker again and danced his way down the hall to see me.
“Cute,” I said. “Trying to impress all the single ladies?”
“Nope. Just you.”
“Color me impressed.”
He reached into his back pocket and pulled something out, using one hand to shield it like a magician drawing cards. “This is what should impress you.” He held out two tickets.
Silently I groaned as soon as I saw what they were. “That’s supposed to impress me? Paper?” “Not just any paper but two magical tickets to a fantasy land called the Hollow Ball.” He dangled them in front of me. “There are only two weeks left. These babies are a hot commodity.” “So why are you showing them to me?”
“Because I’m asking you if you want to go.”
“Ben …”
“Abbey …”
“I don’t know.” I groaned out loud this time.
He brandished the tickets again. “Come on. May I please have the honor of your company at the Hollow Ball? Or something like that. I showed you all of my best dance moves.” “Why me?”
“Because when I heard Beth talking about who she was taking at lunch the other day, and didn’t hear you talking about who you were taking, I knew who I wanted to spend the evening with.” “A friendly evening?” I said.
“I can’t promise that once you see me in my studmuffin tux you won’t want to rip the clothes right off my body. But if that happens, I’m sure we can find a nice, quiet place.” “I’m sure I’ll have a hard time controlling myself,” I said dryly.
His face perked up. “Is that a yes? What time should I pick you up?” “That’s an I-don’t-know. Let me think about it.”
He opened up the front page of the Spanish book I was holding and stuck the tickets inside. “Here. Now you can make your choice. And if you choose not to go with me, you can take someone else. I’ll understand.” My mouth dropped open and I shook my head at him. “Ben. Why are you such a nice guy?” He turned to dance back down the hall. “It’s just my nature.”
“I think you should reconsider,” Caspian said again as we walked home from school that afternoon. I’d told him about the tickets Ben had given me, and Caspian had made the same argument the entire way home.
“No. I don’t want to go.”
“This is the only chance you’ll get to have a senior prom. Do you really want to miss out on that?” “It’s just a stupid dance. Besides, I can’t go with the person I really want to go with, so why go at all?” “Lots of people take dates who are just friends to dances. It doesn’t mean anything, and at least you won’t miss the opportunity.” I raised an eyebrow at him. “So you’re saying that you want me to go on a date with Ben?” “Not a date-date. And he better keep his hands to himself.”
“Or you’ll what?” I teased.
“I can throw things, you know.” His smile disappeared. “This is important, Abbey. It’s a rite of passage that I don’t want you to look back on and regret missing.” “Do you really think I’ll regret missing a rubbery chicken dinner in bad mood lighting?” I laughed. “That won’t happen.” “Please, Astrid?” he said quietly. “Please go? For me.”
Caspian knew how to pull out the big guns too. Sexy eyes, and lips, and hair that he kept brushing away … “I’ll think about it,” I said. “That’s what I told Ben, so that’s what I’ll tell you, too. Okay?” “Okay.”
“I can’t believe my boyfriend is trying to talk me into going to the prom with another boy,” I grumbled. “On what planet does that even make any sense?” “I’m doing this for your own good, you know,” he replied.
I snorted. “So if I go, do you think that means the Revs will go too? That would be kind of funny, seeing them try to blend in. I can just imagine their outdated formal wear.” Then I cocked my head. “Speaking of, I haven’t seen them around as much. Were you able to convince them to give us some space?” “Yeah, I talked to Uri. He agreed to tone it down. They’re still hanging around, but I think now they definitely take longer lunch breaks.” He shot me a grin. “Trust me, though. One day you’ll thank me for pushing you to go to your senior prom. Dances are a lot of fun.” “Oh, yeah?” I said, raising an eyebrow. “And how do you know that?” He looked sheepish. “I’ve been to my fair share.”
“Mmm-hmm. Really.”
He ran a hand through his hair and looked embarrassed. “What can I say? I was the mysterious, quiet guy. Girls wanted to get to know me.” I moved closer to him, feeling a surprising stab of jealousy spike through me. “And how many girls did you want to get to know?” “There were quite a few dances …” A mischievous smile tugged at his lips.
“And?”
“And … I don’t kiss and tell.” “Ooooooohhh.” I narrowed my eyes.
Caspian laughed. “I love when you get all grumpy, Astrid. It’s quite adorable.” He held a finger next to my cheek. “This number right here is the number of girls I’ve danced with that I wanted to get to know. One.” My heart melted a little. “Me?” I said hopefully.
He nodded. “You.”
I thought about what Caspian had said about the prom all weekend but was still undecided, and I found Beth and Ben standing next to the flagpole before school Monday morning, having a heated discussion about the best way to rig the pulley if you wanted to send something heavy up. Like a body.
“You guys have the weirdest ideas,” I said, joining in. “Like, seriously weird.” “Do you think it could be done?” Beth asked.
“It’s totally possible,” Ben replied. He launched into some long explanation that involved physics and weight and mass versus matter, as my eyes glazed over.
“Yes, but why would you do it?” I just shook my head at him.
Cyn walked over, smoking a cigarette and wrapped up in a long black coat. “How’s it hanging, peeps?” I didn’t know how to act around her. I wasn’t exactly mad at her, but I wasn’t entirely comfortable, either. “We’re analyzing the merits of hanging a body on the flagpole,” Ben said.
“Vertical or horizontal?” she asked.
“Vertical. Unless we’re talking a stiff stiff.”
“What would happen if the body didn’t have a head?” said Beth. “Ooh! That would be the coolest thing ever!” “Doable,” Ben said.
They all looked at each other and grinned.
I laughed loudly, and it echoed around us. My friends are really strange. The bell rang, and the group turned to go. I stood there for a moment, gazing after them as they walked. That thought sinking into my brain. My friends …
“Yo, you coming?” Beth yelled.
“Yeah.” I smiled down at the ground. “I’m coming.”
“All right, superstar.” Ben grinned at me as I walked out of English. “What color bow tie should I wear? I know you probably don’t have a dress yet because girls have to wait until the last minute for everything, right? I know the
‘girl rules.’ But just let me know when you know, so I can get the right one.” “The right color bow tie?” I gave him a confused look. “Um, what?” “For the Hollow Ball? I got your note. In my locker.” A suspicious feeling filled the pit of my stomach. “Can I see the note?” He dug into his pocket and pulled out a folded slip of paper. I recognized Caspian’s handwriting right away. He’d even taken the time to draw little hearts.
One word was all there was: YES.
Clearly all signs were pointing to yes.
Why fight it? I sighed. “Yup. It was about the Hollow Ball.” “I knew you couldn’t resist me.” He grinned, then said, “Beth’s going with Lewis, so do you want to rent a limo with them? We could take Candy Christine, but the limo is classier.” Ugh. This means dress shopping … “Um, yeah, sure. That’s fine with me.” “Okay. I’m on it. Oh, and what about the wrist flower thing?”
“Corsage?”
“Yeah.”
“Don’t worry about it.”
He looked relieved. “Okay. Great. Let me know about the bow tie, though. Gotta go.” “Will do,” I called as he walked away. I’ll get on that just as soon as I’m done chewing my boyfriend out.
* * *
When Caspian came to pick me up at the end of the day, I was waiting for him. Arms crossed. He read my face. “You found out about my note, didn’t you?” I glanced over at Cyn, who was rearranging her dead plant menagerie to make room for another one. “Not here,” I said quietly.
“All I wanted to do was-”
“Something that I didn’t want you to do,” I interrupted. “I told you I wanted to make my own decision. Why didn’t you respect that?” Cyn paused and glanced over her shoulder at me.
I moved away from her, away from Caspian, and started walking down the hall. We needed to finish this discussion somewhere private. Where no one could hear me. I didn’t let loose again until we were home, in the safety of my room.
“How could you do that?” I stormed, stalking around the bed. All of my words were pent up inside me and ready to burst out. “I just can’t believe it.” “I thought it would help.”
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