The towel was wrapped around me again. I snuggled deeper into it, and deeper into him. My eyelids were heavy but I didn’t want to sleep, didn’t want to waste a single second of our precious time together.
Twining our fingers together, I moved my head so that I could hear his heartbeat. I’d only get this one chance. “Stay with me,” he whispered. “Stay awake for me.”
But I was already drifting away.
Sunlight was streaming in through the windows when I woke up again. I propped myself up and just looked at Caspian, lying beside me. He stretched and turned to face me, green eyes glinting in the sun.
I brushed some hair off his face and whispered, “Take him and cut him out in little stars, / And he will make the face of heaven so fine That all the world will be in love with night And pay no worship to the garish sun.”
He touched my hand and turned it to his lips, kissing my palm. “What’s that?”
“Just something I found written on a piece of paper. Shakespeare.”
“Mmmmm.” He stretched lazily, and I touched the tattoo on his arm.
“I talked to you, you know,” I mused, almost to myself. “Even though you couldn’t hear me, I spoke to you.”
“I heard every word,” he said. “Every whisper, every plea. Every heartfelt emotion you poured out to me … I heard them all. And I held them close.”
I dragged one finger down his bare chest. “You know, I’ve wanted to touch the tattoo on your back ever since you first showed it to me, and now I get the chance.” He rolled, and the dark outline was suddenly in front of me. His shoulder blades flexed as he positioned his head on his arms.
I let my finger glide, following the smooth black line as it angled in and repeated itself. His skin was warm-something I’d wondered about when I’d thought about what this day would be like.
“Is it strange?” I asked.
“Is what strange?”
“Living. Being real. Just for one day.” Now both of my hands glided across his skin.
“For the first two years, it was strange. Really strange. This year? I don’t have any complaints.”
“What are we going to do?” I leaned over him and breathed the words onto his skin, coaxed the fine muscles to ripple to life. “How are we ever going to go back to not being able to touch after this?”
He sighed deeply, but didn’t answer.
We spent the rest of the day being completely lazy. We headed downstairs and curled up on the couch to watch movies, just enjoying the chance to lie wrapped up in blankets and wrapped up in each other. I made us popcorn and brownies. And for dinner it was just simple spaghetti.
Caspian told me it was the best spaghetti he’d ever had.
As night fell and the shadows came cruelly chasing away the rest of the daylight, a dark cloud settled on me. Our time was slipping away. Already it was eight o’clock. Only four more hours to go. Four more hours left to fit in a year’s worth of touching.
It wasn’t nearly enough time.
Eventually we got dressed. Him in a pair of jeans and an old T-shirt that had once been Dad’s, and me in jeans and a dark blue sweater. I grabbed a large flannel blanket and made us each a steaming mug of hot chocolate, and then we went to the front porch. The swing was out there, and so were the stars.
We cuddled together in the dark, safe in our big, comfy blanket. One of his hands rested securely on my hip, and one of mine rested safely against his heart. He hummed a soft lullaby as I looked up into the night sky and made wish after wish after silent wish.
The hour was fading. And my heart started to hurt.
“Astrid,” he said suddenly, shifting his body away from mine. “I have something for you.” He reached into his jeans pocket. I could tell by the change in his body language that he was nervous.
I sat up. “What is it?”
He held out his hand, opening his fingers slowly, and there sat a ring.
The stone was oval-shaped, a color somewhere between ruby red and pink grapefruit. Delicate filigreed scrolls of dark metal flared out around it, holding the jewel in place. Eight tiny matching jewels dotted the edges. Even in the dim light, it sparkled.
“It was my grandmother’s,” he said softly. “My dad gave it to me a long time ago, and I kept it safe in the treasure box that we found back at my old house. I can’t exactly ask you to marry me, as much as I want to, since I spend most of my time hidden from the rest of the world.” I opened my mouth to interrupt, but he shook his head. “Just let me finish.”
I nodded, and he continued. “But I want you to have it as a promise of my forever. Whatever that is. Whatever I can give you. You have all of it. All of me.”
I held out a shaky left hand, and he slipped the ring onto my hand. It fit perfectly.
I reached out to cup his face, the ring solid on my finger. Like it had always been there. “I promise you forever too,” I vowed. “Whatever that is. Whatever I can give you. You have all of it. All of me.”
“Astrid,” he whispered, closing his eyes. “Astrid …”
I closed mine too, and our lips met, clung. Frantic words of love and eternity passed between us. Utterances of sacred vows that meant more than anything we’d ever said before. And when I started to taste salt, I knew where it came from.
I didn’t bother to wipe the tears off my face.
Chapter Twenty-three. THE DAY AFTER
The hour was as dismal as himself.
– “The Legend of Sleepy Hollow”
My feet were cold, and I wondered why the blankets weren’t covering them up all the way. I tried to dig my toes further into the bedsheets, but felt only a hard surface beneath me. Eyes opening, I looked around.
I was outside, on the porch swing. A flannel blanket was sliding off me.
Caspian sat on the front steps, staring out into the yard. He must have heard me moving, because he turned around. “Morning, beautiful.”
“Morning.” I wrapped the blanket more securely around my shoulders and walked down to sit next to him. “Sorry I fell asleep.”
His smile was sad. “It’s okay.”
Without even thinking, I leaned my head against him. Or at least tried to.
The sensation of falling over hit me, and I jerked upright. Our time was over. It was November second. He couldn’t touch me anymore.
I knew I wouldn’t be able to hide the tears, so I quickly stood up. “I’m going inside. I need to …”
But I couldn’t finish. I raced for the safety of the bathroom and sat on the edge of the toilet lid, weeping until my heart couldn’t break anymore and I had no tears left to cry.
When I was done, I still didn’t feel any better. All I wanted was to be able to talk to someone. Someone who had been through this. Someone who knew exactly what I was feeling. Katy. Go talk to Katy.
Katy was the perfect person to talk to! She had been in my situation. Exactly.
Stumbling to my feet, I barely managed to remember to run upstairs and get dressed. Caspian was sitting at the window seat, looking out the window. He must have come up while I was in the bathroom.
“I’m going to take a walk,” I said.
But he didn’t respond.
I threw on a different pair of jeans and a sweatshirt. Grabbing my jacket, I went over to him. “Hey,” I said softly. “Are you ignoring me?”
He looked up at me, eyes faraway. “What? No. Sorry. I’m just distracted. Thinking.”
I wanted to touch his hand. His face. Anything. Instead I stuffed my hands deep into my pockets. “I won’t be gone long,” I told him.
“Where are you going?” he asked.
“To see Katy.”
“Do you want me to come with you?”
I answered carefully, trying to avoid explaining why I wanted to talk to her. “That’s okay. I think, after yesterday, I just need … I think I just need some time. To deal with this whole not-being-able-to-touch thing again.”
I softened my words with a smile, and he smiled back.
“Okay,” he said. “Take your phone and be careful. I’ll be here.”
I gave him a smile again, but I walked out of the bedroom quietly, my head full of questions that didn’t have easy answers.
I made my way through the woods that would lead me to Nikolas and Katy’s house, and when I got there, Nikolas was working out in the yard again. He saw me approaching and waved excitedly.
“Hi, Nikolas!” I said.
The front door was open, and he called for Katy to join us. She came out with knitting needles in hand. “Abbey!” she said. “I’m so happy to see you.”
I ran to her and wrapped her in a hug. She smelled faintly of lavender and tea. “I’m happy to see you, too,” I said. “How are you?”
“We are well. And you?”
“Good. I was hoping we could have some tea and catch up on things.”
“Absolutely.” She gave Nikolas a knowing look.
He just smiled. “I will go back to my task, then,” he said. “And leave you ladies to yours.”
He turned away from us, and Katy directed me inside. I sat down as she put a kettle of water on to boil over the fire. The room was warm and cozy, and I shrugged out of my coat.
“How are things with Caspian?” she asked, taking the seat beside me.
“November first was the anniversary of his death day,” I said, trying not to blush. “We got to spend it together.” She nodded, but didn’t say anything. “Actually, that’s why I’m here. I had some questions for you, if you don’t mind. You’re the only one I know who was like me.”
“I’ll do my best,” she said. “What do you wish to know?”
“How did you know you were ready to be with Nikolas forever? Were you scared? Worried? Did you ever doubt yourself?”
Katy folded her hands on the table. “My situation was different, Abbey. I was sick. I knew that I had a limited amount of time left. It was not a difficult choice for me.” She looked me directly in the eye. “You are having a difficult time, though, yes?”
“Yes. But I know it’s going to be soon for me, too. Caspian has been … Well, he’s been losing his ability to touch things. And he falls into this deep sleep. A dark place that he goes to. Where he can’t wake up. Sometimes it’s hours, even days, before he comes back to me.”
“And you are worried about your future together?” Katy guessed.
I leaned forward. “What if I complete him and eventually we become unhappy?” I told her about Abbey’s Hollow and how Mom had paid the rent for my first year. “What if I start to resent the fact that I’ll never have the opportunity to own my own business? Or make perfumes again? What if I start to hold it against him that I’m stuck here? Wherever here will be.”
The teakettle whistled, and she got up to prepare the tea. She returned with two cups, then she went back for the milk and honey. I doctored mine up while I waited for her to sit down again. Eventually she said, “Who has told you that you will never get the chance to make perfumes again?”
“I’ll be dead. How am I going to get supplies and stuff?”
She gestured around the cottage, to the bundles of dried flowers decorating the walls. “Supplies are all around you. Oils come from plants, do they not?”
“Well, yeah, but …” I took a sip of my tea and thought about it. I did have my plant distiller. As long as I had access to that, and fresh flowers or herbs, I could make my own essential oils. “Actually, I guess I could still make my perfumes. If everything works out right.”
She nodded, a wise smile on her face. “You do not have to give up everything you love for the one you love.”
“And how can I be sure of that?” I said desperately.
“You must find that within your own heart,” she replied.
I leaned back in my chair, playing with the handle of the delicate teacup. “I know that I love Caspian,” I said. “I know that without a doubt. But I also love my friends. My family. My future plans for my shop. Why am I going to be forced to choose between them? Why me?”
“Why are children taken before their parents? Why does disease and poverty fill the world?” she said. “It’s just the way it is. Some things we must accept.”
“Yes, but diseases can be cured. Poverty ended. Those things can be changed with enough man power and enough money.”
“But you cannot cure death,” she said quietly.
“You’re right,” I agreed. “That’s the one thing there’s no getting out of.”
As I finished my tea, I didn’t want the conversation with Katy to end on such a heavy note, so we switched to talking about knitting and patterns and string. When I realized how long I’d been sitting there, I told her I needed to go. I needed to get back to Caspian.
Saying my good-byes was bittersweet. I didn’t know when I’d have a chance to see her again, so I just hugged her and promised that we’d get together soon.
I said good-bye to Nikolas when I got outside, but he offered to walk me to the edge of the woods.
“Have you had any more run-ins with Vincent?” he asked as we walked.
I was partially turned away from him, and I turned to face him fully. “No. I don’t know what happened to him. I don’t know if he’s gone, or what. I like to think he is, but I’m not really sure. Why?”
“Have you talked with the other Revenants?” He asked the question casually, but it felt like there was more behind it.
“Yeah. But why? About what? Uri told me more about their background, and what they really are, but I get the sense that they aren’t telling me everything.”
“You know that the Revenants are needed to help a Shade and his other half be completed,” he said slowly. “Have you ever thought about which ones will help you cross over?”
“Is Vincent …” Horror filled me, and I felt sick. “Is Vincent one of my Revenants?” I asked. “Is he supposed to be the one who helps take me?”
“I cannot be sure, but I have my suspicions,” Nikolas said.
I turned blindly from him, waving my hand in some semblance of a good-bye. I couldn’t speak. Couldn’t think. Could barely breathe. Vincent was one of my Revenants? I had to get back to Caspian. I had to tell to him about this.
All this time? All this time, he was supposed to be one of the ones to cross me over? To see me in my final moment and help me get to Caspian? And the other Revenants knew? Was this what they didn’t want to tell me? That I wasn’t going to be able to complete Caspian because my Revenant didn’t want to do his job?
The trees rushed past me, their dark colors blurring into one another. I couldn’t move my legs fast enough. My mind was screaming, NO, NO, NO. It couldn’t be him. He couldn’t be the one …
My head was down, trying to watch my feet so I didn’t stumble on another rock, when a shadow filled my vision.
I looked up.
“Hello, dear,” Vincent said. “Long time, no see.”
And then he punched me in the face.
When I woke up, immediately I became aware that my jaw was hurting like hell, and I was lying on the seat of a strange car. The backseat. My legs were stretched out, and I could feel leather beneath my hands.
An engine roared as we picked up speed, and the sick feeling in my gut matched the feeling of pain in my jaw. I couldn’t see the driver, but I knew who it was.
I was in Vincent’s car. And I had no idea where he was taking me.
Panic started shooting off in my brain, and I lay there for a good ten minutes just letting the fear take over. Finally I told myself that all I had to do was stay calm. If I could get out of the car, I could run. Wherever we were, I had to be able to run to a phone or a house or something.
That calmed me down a bit, and I focused on visualizing myself running down the road, away from him. My fingers slowly groped for my pocket. My phone.
But it was gone. Of course.
The car drove on for what felt like hours, and I had absolutely no clue in which direction we were headed. All I could do was li
e still and preserve my strength. And try not to think about the fact that the back molar on the left side of my jaw wiggled a little bit now.
Asshole.
Eventually we came to a stop. The car shut off. “Are you awake back there yet?” Vincent asked.
I ignored him.
“Aaaaaaaaabbeeeey. I said, are you awake?”
My toe started itching. I pictured myself scratching it, but it didn’t help and it was driving me crazy. I shifted subtly, trying to relieve the tension.
“You big faker,” Vincent said. “I knew it!”
My eyes opened just in time to see Vincent leaning over the seat, and then there was an excruciating pain in my jaw as he pressed down right on the spot he’d hit.
“Aaaaaaaaaammmmmmmmppppppphhhh!” I screamed, and he took advantage of the moment to shove a bandanna into my mouth. Before I could do anything, he was tying it around my head. I lifted my hands to rip at him, tear at him, do anything to him, and he zip-tied my wrists together.
Tears of humiliation ran down my cheeks. I’m so stupid!
I’d been so busy thinking about how I was going to run away from him that I’d never even taken inventory of my own body. If I had, I would have realized that my legs were tied together.
“I got you a new bandanna,” he said courteously. “It should taste nice and fresh. You can thank me later.”
I rolled my head back and glared.
“Your eyes say you want to kill me, but your tears say you are such a baby.”
He let go of my hands, and I kicked my legs against the seat out of sheer frustration.
All it did was scuff up the leather a bit.
He noticed it, though. So I did it again.
“Don’t.” His voice was deadly.
I kicked harder. My legs weren’t moving much, but my shoes had black soles on them that left nice rubber marks on what looked like a brand-new leather interior.
“Stop it,” he said again. “Do. Not. Do that.”
I kicked as hard as I could, and he leaned down and touched my jaw.
Pain like I’d never felt before roiled through me and split my head in two. I screamed again, but it was muffled by the bandanna. He just kept his finger there, pressing on that tender nerve, until all I could do was whimper. And stop kicking.
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