Laura looked in her freezer. Ice cream. Perfect. Who needed dinner when she had chocolate marshmallow?
Flopping on the couch, she glanced at the TV remote but hadn’t the energy to turn it on. She didn’t want to hear inane chatter or bother to find something to watch. Nothing on any channel could possibly cheer her up.
Scooping a spoonful of the chocolate marshmallow, she wondered if maybe she should get a dog. A pet would always be happy to see her, right? Then when she traveled, a little dog could easily get on the plane with her. Go everywhere, keep her company.
Granted, the dog wouldn’t be Tyler, but then in a few days, or weeks, however long Rose said it’d take, she wouldn’t have Tyler, either.
Once more doubts fought for dominance. The doubts over her marriage. The doubts over ending it without talking to him. The doubts that anything between them had truly been real.
“For a woman who never leaps into things, I’ve leaped from affair to marriage to divorce in a month.”
Her words echoed harshly around her empty apartment.
She wanted what happened with Tyler to be real. Laura scooped another mouthful of ice cream. The problem, she thought as she chewed a marshmallow, was that it’d been too perfect. Yes, too perfect, a Christmas fairy tale. Laura snorted and licked the spoon.
A Christmas fairy tale? Her life was anything but.
Chubby girls didn’t get princess endings. They got the prince’s overweight squire or the stable boy. And they’d be grateful to even get them, and not some shack in the country, alone. Never Prince Charming himself.
Disgusted, she pushed the ice cream away. Standing from the couch, she put the lid back on the carton and tossed it into the freezer, slamming the door closed.
Outside her bedroom, she stopped and leaned against the wall. What did she want? To walk away from a man she definitely had feelings for—deep feelings, the kind Laura was desperately afraid went far deeper than a divorce could sever?
So what did she want? To walk away from Tyler, put on her exercise clothes, and head to the gym? Work out like she was on The Biggest Loser? She’d done that. Done the exercise, the jumping onto every diet there was. Nothing worked.
She lost weight, gained weight. At her smallest she’d been a size 12. Tyler deserved more.
Laura swiped at her cheeks, cursed her tears, her doubts, her fears, her lack of self-esteem. Tyler deserved a tall, size double 00 blonde. Not her. Not her with her big ass, her big…everything.
She made her way into the bedroom and carefully lay down. Her skin felt delicate, her body as if it were made of glass, thin, fragile glass threatening to shatter. Curled into herself, Laura looked at the other side of the bed. Empty. Cold.
A sob caught in her throat and she tried to stifle it. Laura balled her hands into the bedding, but it was no use. She didn’t deserve Tyler Kamari. He deserved someone skinner than she—someone with far more self-esteem than she could ever possess.
Laura knew she loved him and that this wasn’t just a holiday fling; her feelings for him ran far deeper than that. He deserved more and she’d step away from him. Back to the shadows where she belonged.
Chapter Fourteen
Thirteen days. Laura had never considered thirteen to be an unlucky number, but today she seriously debated reconsidering that. Her mood had followed her since seeing Rose and getting the divorce proceedings started. The quiet, withdrawn way she moved about the office had earned her odd looks from most of her coworkers, a vicious smirk from Amy, and Sam’s overly concerned questions.
Laura had done her best to wave away Sam’s concern; she’d been the exact opposite of successful.
She’d received several more calls from Tyler, but hadn’t known what to say to him. Having a trite “nothing’s wrong” conversation seemed, well…trite. Laura didn’t want to tell him about the divorce over the phone; that seemed unnecessarily cruel. On the other hand, Laura didn’t want to surprise him when the papers showed up at his office.
His office, where she’d told Rose to send them, because she didn’t know where Tyler lived. She had no idea where his apartment was in New York or if he had a house in the suburbs, or both. Or even if he preferred living in various hotels across the country. That was one of the many, many things she didn’t know about him.
So she’d let every single call go to voice mail.
Did that make her a coward? Laura stared blankly at her phone, replaying the last message he’d left. Again.
Yes. Yes, it did.
The worst part was that she’d kept all his messages. From the short, quick ones where Tyler said, “Hello, I miss you,” to the longer ones about construction problems and the changes his Copenhagen client wanted.
Damn. She missed his voice. Missed the way it flowed over her, the way he sounded so excited over a project or an idea and how his entire being lighted. The way his eyes brightened and his smile made her smile in return. How his enthusiasm triggered hers and breathed new life into work she already loved.
The way his words caressed her as they made love. How he kissed along her body, whispering against her skin.
Her hand clenched around her phone, knuckles white. She stared blankly at the picture shining brightly from her screen—she and Tyler skating around the outdoor ice rink, hand in hand and grinning like idiots.
She didn’t throw the phone across the office. Throwing her phone only resulted in messing up the phone. And it didn’t make her feel better. She’d tried that yesterday after a short “I’m sorry I missed you—again” message. And the day before that when she’d stared at the phone as it rang, only to immediately listen to the message the instant it appeared.
Luckily, no matter how often she’d given into her strange and sudden need to toss her phone all over the place, she hadn’t cracked the screen.
Though, Laura supposed, that’d give her an excuse not to call him back. Of course then she’d missed his calls and messages to begin with.
Sighing, she dropped her forehead to her desk. Damn. Thumping her head once more, and hoping it knocked some of her wildly fluctuating feelings into one place, she glared at the phone. She needed to get a grip. Get a grip and make up her damn mind.
Did she want him to stop calling? Or did she want to call him back? At the moment, all she wanted was to see him again. Not that Laura had any idea what to say to him, but despite that, she did want to see him again.
Even if it was only to hand him the divorce papers in person.
Laura pressed the button to replay the message. It was garbled and she only heard the beginning bit—“Hello, Laura”—and the last part—“I miss you.”
The words in between were static-filled no matter how many times she listened to the message. She thought she heard Copenhagen, possibly a part about a new something or other—a new project? Definitely her name.
She wanted to hear “I love you.” But he hadn’t said that in any of his recent messages. Not that Laura blamed him. She hadn’t exactly called him back in the last week or so. And she’d never left that on the messages she did leave.
The call had come in about midnight last night. Laura chewed her lower lip and looked at her watch. It was nine now, which made it three in the afternoon there. She could call him, she supposed. Tell him his message was garbled.
But then she’d have to confess why she hadn’t called him before now. Why she’d avoided him the last week. And that wasn’t a conversation she wanted to have on an international call in her office.
Then again, she’d already established she was a coward.
Laura ended the call and turned her phone upside-down on her desk so she didn’t have to see their picture. Not that she seemed able to bring herself to change it.
An indecisive coward. Great.
In addition to avoiding Tyler, or his calls at least, Laura also avoided her parents. Since Christmas, one of them had called her every day. Laura had sent a quick text pleading busyness on her new project and on wrapping up the old on
e and promised to call. The eventually had been implied, though she knew her mom thought that time frame to be considerably shorter than Laura planned.
And, really, what was she going to say to her parents? They’d know something upset her and naturally ask her about it; Laura didn’t have enough confidence in herself to think she could lie convincingly. And then the entire story would stumble out and then what?
Then there’d be pity and empty words of comfort. And probably anger that she’d married a man neither of her parents had met and hadn’t even told them she was dating, let alone married.
She pinched the bridge of her nose and logged onto her e-mail. Time to get her day started.
Laura was quite proud of herself for working. She’d e-mailed several vendors with detailed requests and hadn’t once given into the overwhelming temptation to look at her phone. Or call Tyler back.
Crossing to her files, she opened the drawer that held the surveys on Napa Valley. Outside the closed office door she heard raised voices but ignored them, proud of herself that she was able to do so. Maybe this was the upswing of her depression. Maybe she wouldn’t wallow so much now.
Maybe she was suddenly an optimist. Hey, stranger things had happened.
The door opened and Laura called out to Sam. “I was thinking that Indian place down the street for lunch,” she said, inordinately pleased with the steady enthusiasm of her voice.
Yes, all she’d needed was a little time to—
“Laura.”
Her head jerked up and Laura stared at Tyler. He looked rumpled and tired, but his blue eyes shone with happiness. She barely had the chance to realize he stood in her office, that he looked unbelievably sexy in that rumpled suit, and that Sam winked at her before closing the office door as Tyler crossed the distance between them.
He gathered her in his arms, pulled her close to him, and kissed her.
She melted into that kiss. It was hot and thorough and sent a bolt of heated lust right through her. Her mouth opened to his, her arms pulled him closer, and Laura forgot all the once very valid reasons kissing Tyler Kamari wasn’t a good idea. Because with his mouth on hers and his hard, lean body pressed to hers, there wasn’t one good reason for not kissing him.
One bad reason, either.
Her nails scraped over his scalp, and his goatee felt wonderfully erotic against her skin. He tasted of coffee and mints. Laura sighed and kissed him deeper, her fingers pressed hard into his shoulders, rising on her toes to better feel him against her.
Slowly, he broke the kiss, but didn’t pull back. His lips trailed along her jaw, down her throat. His hands settled on her hips, his thumbs working her blouse from her skirt to caress her bare skin.
“Two weeks is way too long for newlyweds to be separated,” he said against her mouth.
Laura was inclined to agree. Until she realized what he’d actually meant and stepped back. She shook her head, but shaking away the feel of kissing him was next to impossible. His hands still rested on her hips and when she focused on him, she saw the way his eyes heated, the wicked twist to his mouth.
She cleared her throat, tried to organize thoughts that had scattered when she realized he stood in her office.
“Tyler,” she finally said. Her voice was breathless and though she was proud she’d managed that, she didn’t think she could find the rest of her words.
“I certainly hope you didn’t expect anyone else to kiss you like that.” But he smiled that slow, sexy grin that seared through her and made her toes curl.
“I didn’t expect you here,” she said, and cleared her throat. Laura took another step back, just out of his reach. She ignored his frown. “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?”
“I tried.” He frowned and shrugged. “I left you a message right before I boarded last night, but wasn’t sure if it went through or not.”
Oh. Laura nodded, but couldn’t look away from him. “Must’ve been that garbled one.”
He chuckled. “Surprise!”
A ghost of a grin slashed over her face, but she couldn’t do more than that.
“We have a lot to talk about,” he said. His eyes looked her up and down, a slow perusal of clear interest. “And,” he added in a low voice, “a lot of other things to do.”
Laura nodded before she realized she was. “Yes.” She took another step back, only to hit the table. “A lot of things to talk about.”
“I know, I’m a terrible husband.”
Confused, she blinked up at him. A thousand thoughts whirled around her head, everything from he’d cheated on her to how he regretted rushing into marriage to him sweeping her off her feet and making love to her on the conference table. Laura shook that last one away. That had been a fantasy she’d had her first day back in her New York office.
Nothing more than that—a fantasy.
“I just didn’t expect this thing in Denmark to be so complicated.” He ran a hand over his face, up to scrub his head. The move, one she’d seen so many times before, tugged at her heart. “I called my apartment, expecting you to pick up.” Tyler shook his head. “But then I realized I never gave you a key.”
“I don’t even know where your apartment is, Tyler,” Laura began. She swallowed hard, her fingers pressed against the table at her back. “I got to thinking,” she said, jumping in. “This all happened too fast, too crazy.”
Like the coward she was, Laura eased sideways so she could cross the room to her desk. Away from Tyler and hopefully behind the wall she’d hastily rebuilt around her heart.
“I’m sure you find this awkward,” she said from the relative safety behind her desk. “Coming back to New York and finding a wife you didn’t have a couple months ago.” She stopped and frowned, looking down at her desktop.
“Hell,” she added softly and forced herself to look back up at him. “Not even two months ago.” She took another deep breath. “Something came over us in Vermont; I don’t know what it was.” She gave a weak laugh. “The holidays or the hotel we created. But we were lost to it.”
Tyler, showing none of the open happiness of before, scrutinized her warily. He shoved his hands in his pocket and took a couple steps to her desk. For long, long minutes, he didn’t say anything.
“Laura,” he finally said, and the way her name rolled off his tongue sent a shiver of arousal through her. “That doesn’t mean it wasn’t real.”
Snapping her mouth closed, she eyed him for a heartbeat but then shook off his words. His words threatened to seduce her again, and Laura couldn’t afford that.
“Yes,” she said quickly, clearly. “It does. It was a lot of fun, but it’s not like either one of us to do something so impulsive.”
Laura took a deep breath, smelled only Tyler’s scent, and cleared her throat. Her fingers twisted together, but she forced herself to smooth them against her skirt. She could do this. She’d already done it; now all she had to do was confess.
“I took the liberty of going to a lawyer.”
Tyler froze. His entire body stiffened and he stared at her as if she’d spoken in an alien language. Surprise widened his eyes. Before she lost her nerve, or Tyler had the chance to comment and she lost her nerve, Laura rushed on.
“I wanted to make this easy for both of us,” she said quickly. “So I had divorce papers drawn up. Don’t worry,” she said with a slight smile that felt horribly forced and farcical. “It’s a we-go-out-like-we-came-in kind of thing.” Laura nodded. “A clean break. And, hopefully, not too many regrets.”
Hurt. That was his reaction. Hurt. Surprise and hurt, and his expression tore something deep inside her she’d thought she’d walled up. Unable to look at him any longer, Laura tugged open her top drawer and pulled out the papers.
Her hand shook as she handed them over to him, and Laura’s gaze skittered away from his intense one. She cleared her throat again and tried to remember how to breathe.
“I had a set of papers sent to your office.” Her voice caught. “I have this set here;
I’ve signed mine, if you want to look through it, but it’s pretty straightforward.”
Tyler made no move to take the papers. In fact, he hadn’t moved at all since he stepped away. Now, all that stood between them was her desk, and that suddenly felt like the flimsy barricade it was.
She swallowed hard and dropped the papers onto her desk. Raising her head to meet his gaze—hurt, shocked, and just a bit angry—Laura straightened her shoulders and gathered every ounce of courage she’d ever possessed.
This was what she wanted.
Oh, God, it wasn’t. But it was what should happen.
“I’m sure they’re in order,” he said coolly. “You’ve always been very efficient, Laura. But I’ve just returned from Denmark and I’m not up to dealing with this at the moment.”
She felt horrible. He’d come straight to her office from the airport, from a seven-plus-hours flight and who knew what sort of traffic to her. To this.
Tyler rocked back on his heels and nodded with that same detached coldness. It froze her heart. “Come by my apartment after work. We’ll discuss it then.”
His eyes never leaving hers, he pulled a key from his pants pocket. Without looking at it, he dropped it onto her desk, right on top of the divorce papers.
“That’s for you.”
Tyler turned sharply on his heel, stalked to where he’d dropped his luggage, and left without another word or glance. The door closed with a decisive click behind him.
Laura gasped out a breath and sank into her chair. Tears blurred her vision and she impatiently blinked them away. Picking up the keychain, she read the inscription.
“To my beloved wife.”
On the other side was his address.
Bile rose in her throat, but Laura swallowed it down. She sank her head into her hands, fingers curling against her scalp. A tear splashed onto the divorce papers, but she didn’t even notice.
Chapter Fifteen
Christmas Curvy: A Curvy Girl's Holiday Fling Page 11