by Billi Jean
“I have to go, you know?”
He grinned at that. She’d always been private but hell, he’d seen her naked. The memory still blazed in his brain. “Sure. I’ll wait here. I ordered us some snacks. You hungry?”
She nodded with a confused smile. “Why, are you going to wait here?”
“A man’s gotta go too,” he lied and watched her spot the white lie like a kid finding candy at Easter.
“Mmm, okay, you stand guard, play solider, okay?”
He grinned at her teasing and folded his arms, leaning against the wall to wait. She rolled her eyes with a smile and turned to the women’s room. He blew out a breath at the way her dress outlined the slender curve of her spine. The thing was open all the way to the rise of her rump. Did she have panties on?
The thought sent a shot of pure pain through his already filled to the maximum cock. God help him, he needed to find out if she wore panties. If not, he might not be able to make it until he could ease her into taking him back. He might have to take things into his own hands. Or hand.
Shit sucked. But hell, he’d been doing the same for years, so why should it be so hard now?
Mandy came out of the bathroom, a smile lingering over her lips that blossomed into a full grin at the sight of him. His heart thudded painfully. He reached out and hauled her into his arms. She let out a surprised laugh but didn’t do more than stare up at him.
“Tell me you’re wearing panties.”
She blinked and her face went blank. “I’m wearing panties.”
Fuck. The liar. She wasn’t. He nearly came in his jeans. Instead, he buried his head in her shoulder and pressed a desperate kiss to her smooth, warm skin. “I want you. Damn, sugar, I want you.”
She kissed his jaw lightly, just a soft press of her lips to his heated skin, but he groaned and pulled her closer.
“Mac, not here.” She laughed.
“Why not? Here is damn good.”
“Because people will see, one, and two, I don’t have sex in bars.” She broke from his arms, but he caught something like anger flash over her expression a second before she brushed her hair back, using her hand to block her eyes as she turned. “Come on, let’s go.”
She sounded upset, hell, she was upset. “Mandy, sugar, I wasn’t suggesting we have sex in a bar. I don’t have sex in bars, either, damn.” He tried to catch her, to laugh, but she evaded him as easily as she had before, this time escaping out of the back door and onto the beach.
“Mandy, wait,” he called and watched her freeze, slowly turning to him.
“What do you want from me, Mac? Can’t you get it from one of your other women? I mean, you do have other women, right?”
Stunned he could only stare down at her. She was serious. His temper shot hot and he planted his fists on his hips. “Where the fuck do you get this shit? You think I’d want you back and have some other woman back on the mainland? Is that it?”
She spun away from him, pacing the beach, clearly pissed off. Good, he was too.
“Whatever, Mac. How can I believe you? You were always the love ‘em and leave ‘em guy, remember?”
Shit, he’d said that for years. Years before he’d slept with Mandy. He exhaled heavily to clear his head but the anger remained. I’ve fucked this up, haven’t I?
Holding back, he’d simply driven into her insecurities that she wasn’t enough for him.
“I’ve slept with women, sure, I’m a man. But fuck, I’ve not chased any tail but yours since I made you mine.”
She froze and the pure pissed off look she gave him had him taking a step back. This Mandy—pissed off and willing to harm—was one hot babe, but one he’d learnt to read a bit better, he hoped.
Her fists tightened next to her thighs and she exhaled angrily.
“You jerk,” she cried. “I can’t believe you would lie! I can’t believe you would think I’d believe that shit.” She pointed a finger at her chest then at him. She didn’t stop, though. She threw her hands up and said, “I saw you, okay? I saw you that night at the club. I saw that woman giving you the blow of your life right there in front of the entire bar. You wanted me to stop following you around. What did you call it, pining for the wrong guy?”
“What are you talking about? I’ve never let a woman—” He didn’t finish because she bent and threw her high heel at his head and stomped off holding the other one in her hand. He chased her down. Turning her gently, he read the anger on her face, the complete truth in her gaze and shook his head.
“I saw you. After you ‘regretted’ our night and raced off on your mission, you went to another woman. I saw it, Mac, okay? I saw it. You.”
The pain, the utter hurt he saw killed him. She didn’t cry, but he knew she had. Knew she’d cried, alone, and hurt over him. But what was she talking about?
“Mandy, sugar, you have to believe me. I’d never do that to you. I’ll never do that. Baby—” He could see her denial, see the way she was closing him out when she grimaced and tried to pull away from him. He felt like he was drowning. Of all the things she could have said, this stunned him. It wasn’t true, but how could he prove that if he didn’t even know what the fuck she was talking about?
“I’ve never let a woman go down on me in public. What are you talking about? Why would I do that to you? Shit, come on, Mandy, think. I’m sure the hell not some exhibitionist.”
She didn’t move but he just knew she didn’t believe him.
“All right. I treated you badly. That night I said those things, I can see now how much I hurt you, but, Mandy, shit, talk to me here. What night? Are you—?” He broke off as details that hadn’t made sense to him clicked into place. Her reaction to him teasing her about being jealous, the way she’d turned hostile at the mere suggestion of wanting her in the bar, the way she had kept a distance between them all day, but had kissed him like she couldn’t breathe without him.
It made sense that she thought he had cheated. But he hadn’t.
‘After you “regretted” our night and raced off on your mission, you went to another woman.’
“Fuck,” he muttered, tightening his hands on her upper arms when she tried to move away. She’d gone to the club where he’d busted the Gonzales ring.
That night came back in a rush of memories he’d not dragged up in years. He’d been the point man because Roland Gonzales’ sister had wanted him. She’d been all over him at the club. He’d been trying to get details about the heroin they were bringing in. He’d finally got her to talk when she was so coked up she’d gone to her knees in front of him. He’d yanked her up by her hair, disgusted by her and finally seeing the end of the mission. The arrests had taken two more days. Two days he’d called Mandy and not been able to reach her. He’d thought she was upset because of the stupid shit he’d said their last night together.
“Snowzie’s. You saw a mission. Nothing more. That woman was our lead. I arrested her. Right then and there—you left before you saw that, though.” Things clicked quicker. “And I sure the hell didn’t let her touch my dick,” he growled. He dropped his hands, afraid he’d hurt her. He wanted to hit something, kill someone, anyone at this point, but Mandy reached out and took his fist. He’d bunched both hands up next to his legs. She lifted his hand and met his eyes with a hesitant look.
He latched onto her hand like a lifeline. “You have to believe me. Did you go to Snowzie’s?”
“Yes,” she said. “Snowzie’s Bar.”
“You thought I went to some other woman when I finally had you. Baby, no one, and I mean no one will ever come between us. I will never stray, never cheat on you. You never have to worry about that shit from me. Do I look stupid?”
She shook her head, confusion twisting her beautiful face. Her grey eyes shimmered as she carefully examined his face, as if testing his truthfulness.
“I’ve never lied to you,” he reminded her gently.
One big tear fell past her lush lashes and she ducked her head, wrapping her arms around his
waist, and turned her face to rest it against his rapidly beating heart. This could have cost him everything. He held her tight, afraid she’d not believe him even still. How could she believe he’d hurt her like that? Use her like that?
Why wouldn’t she, asshole? I did use her, did hurt her.
She shivered, but he heard her whisper his name in a broken voice. “Mac, I, I thought this for a long time. A long time.”
He bent his head and caressed the top of her silky hair with his cheek. His chest felt painful, his throat tight, but he managed to say, “Mandy, damn, baby you’re killing me here. I swear to you, if I’d known, I would have done anything to make you see she was just a part of the mission and I don’t let other women near the goods, baby.”
She husked out a laugh at his attempt at humour but held him tighter. He wrapped her up in his arms, simply holding her, and felt like he’d finally done something right. All this time, she’d thought he’d not only regretted sleeping with her, but imagined he’d gone to another woman instead of her. The idea boggled his mind. Sarge was to blame for some of her low opinion of herself, but he had to take on some of that guilt too.
“Mac, I—” She paused and pushed back from him to meet his eyes. Hers were still shimmering. He couldn’t take her tears. They made him feel frantic, near panic. He reached down and brushed them off her cheeks with his thumbs, gently removing the dark mascara that had bled down around her eyes. “Mac”—she circled her small hand around his wrist—“I should have gone in—”
“And thrown a shoe at me, but sugar, I get it. I get it, Mandy, I do. Tell me you believe me.”
He swallowed harshly when she simply stared up at him. He loved her face, the soft curves of her lips and the line of her jaw, the small, perfect nose and wide, grey eyes.
“I believe you.”
He let out a breath he’d not known he had been holding. That easy, that simply, she trusted him, believed him. He pulled her in for a quick kiss, brushing his lips gently over hers, merely caressing her as he held her close, and soothed her bare back. “Baby, we should go back in, okay? But we can talk about this more. We need to, you know?”
She nodded and traced her fingertips along his scar.
“Does it bother you, this mark?” he asked. He worried she’d be turned off by it. It was long, still dark, and would always be, he imagined. The tip of it cut close to the corner of his mouth. An inch higher and he’d have had one hell of a time eating. Some women didn’t like scars.
“Bother me? That you almost died! God, Mac, I was hurt, but I’ve never stopped caring about you. I—”
He kissed her, this time pressing every inch of her body against his. She cared. She might not want to tell him more than that yet, but he drove into her mouth, tasting her with an urgency that he knew was born from the very idea that he might have lost her again.
Breathless and so hot for her he could barely pull back, he ended the kiss with a low moan. “I can’t believe I have to say this but, baby, we need to slow down.”
She nodded shakily, but licked her lips, looking up at him with such heat that he wished he could lift her up, right here, and sink inside her sweet body. But he couldn’t. Not now. Now he had to get her inside and tell the guys what he’d learnt. Protect and keep her safe, Mac, then make love to her for the rest of your lives.
“We need to go inside. I have to talk to the guys about some news.”
“What? What happened?” The sharp question and her immediate shift had his guard up.
“Just a rumour. One I can’t let go by, though, without checking it out. It will be fine, okay, but we should go in. Ace won’t like the news.”
“News? What news?”
“Mandy, it’s complicated. I don’t want you to worry until I know for sure the rumour is more than just that. Okay?”
“Okay, but I want to talk to you. Later, though.”
He wanted to stop her and ask what was going on, but she brushed at her eyes and he simply nodded. “Sure thing, sugar. We have plenty of time to talk, right? Maybe even dance, huh?”
She smiled and nodded. “Do you dance?”
“Sure, come on, I dance,” he said, following her up the stairs from the beach and over the patio. “Here, you’d better put these on, huh?”
“I guess so, right.”
“Just watch where you throw those things, okay?”
“Mac”—she gripped his arm and stopped him—“I’m sorry—”
“Baby, don’t say it, it’ll just piss me off. You thought I cheated on you. I only wish you had thrown a shoe at me then.”
“Instead of running,” she said miserably and another tear fell.
“Don’t, sugar, don’t. Ace will get all bent out of shape if you go in there with tears in your eyes. We’ll go by the bathroom if you need to take a minute, okay? Then hit the table.”
“No, I’m fine. Let’s go inside.”
He watched her for a second before opening the door and letting her back in the noisy club. How she had even known this was an exit, he wondered, closing the door. Glancing back he saw no exit sign over it, but she’d hit it like she’d known it was going to lead her outside.
Maybe she just hit the first door, dumb-ass, to get away from you. That could be it too, he thought with a smile.
“Hey, man, where you two been? I’ve almost eaten all the snacks,” Eagle called.
“Things good outside, Wolf?” Ace asked before he could tell Eagle to go to hell for eating Mandy’s food. Instead, he had to break the news to Ace that his honeymoon might have a completely new load of shit coming their way.
“Yeah, gotta talk, though.” He jerked a nod to Dare and waited until he’d walked over, before including him in the conversation. “Get some of the men inside, we need to talk.”
“What? What’s going on, Mac?” Lacey asked, but he waited until Dare spoke into his com before turning back to Lacey.
“Not anything like that, Lace, just some issues from the past. Things are good here.” He reached out and squeezed Lacey’s shoulder. “Things are fine, just some intel for Ace, okay?”
Lacey hesitated, but finally nodded. Her blue eyes were worried, though, and when Mac glanced at Mandy, he saw her unease, too.
“I’ll be right back. I got you some nachos, and that dip you like, okay? Eat, then we’ll talk.” He slid his hand over her bare back and leaned closer. “Talk, Mandy, we’re going to do that. No more running,” he added, only for her ears, but he felt her back stiffen under his hand. “We need to settle things, sugar.”
He waited until she nodded, then stood, joining the guys.
“Ten minutes, that’s all we need,” he told Lacey and the girls. Mandy nibbled her lip, but nodded.
Ace narrowed his eyes over at Mac, clearly not pleased. “Ten minutes is all you get, Wolf. This is Lacey’s—”
“Our wedding, Russell, our wedding. Just hurry, okay?” Lacey murmured when Ace bent to give her a kiss.
“Ten.” Ace nodded and headed out of the door, Mac a step behind. Ten was all he was giving himself. Something more was going on with Mandy. She wanted to talk. Mandy saying that made his gut clench, but he headed out, ready to face anything to get her back in his arms.
Chapter Seven
Mandy watched Mac take the other guys outside the club, using the front door leading to the street, rather than the back to the patio. Her heart still beat wildly in her chest from his kisses. Her mind felt like it was spinning, processing the new information, trying to make more sense of her past after Mac’s words. The new details shot through her, causing her to readjust her thinking, and affected her future in ways she struggled to understand. She’d thought for so long she’d not been enough. That kind of fear didn’t simply go away. She’d tried for years to face her past and appreciate that she’d survived it, but the tiny insecurities instilled in her from Sarge, then Mac, were like cracks in her self-confidence, rearing their ugly heads when she was least prepared.
“Mandy, what’
s going on?” Lacey moved closer, taking a seat next to her, while Katya leaned in from where she sat.
“Yeah, what are they talking about?”
“I don’t know.”
Lacey frowned, immediately shaking her head. “Did you tell Mac about this guy?”
“No, not yet, there was no time.” She nibbled her thumbnail and turned to watch the door. “Do you think something happened? Mac said it was just a rumour.”
“I don’t know. Mac knows all about the crew outside, so if they said something, well, it wasn’t about my issues.” Lacey rolled her eyes in frustration.
“I’m sorry, Lacey. When will this all be over for you?” Mandy asked.
“Ace seems to think this year. The last of the people are up for trial and, if convicted, it will break their control over most of the U.S. If that happens, they’ll be too busy trying to regroup to come after me.”
“That’s scary stuff, Lacey.” Mandy couldn’t imagine being under the constant strain of running from a threat. Once she’d arrived in Africa, she’d never heard another sound out of her stalker.
“Yeah, but Ace knows what he’s doing.” Lacey sipped her drink and sighed. “What happened with you and Mac?”
“You look like you two had a bit of a fight, huh?” Katya asked quietly. She’d ordered some blue drink in a tall glass with red at the bottom. Mandy thought it looked like a Popsicle. She sipped the beer Mac had ordered for her, preferring it to the sweet mixed drinks.
“We talked. It was good, though,” she managed after her sip. She took a deep breath, then another. It felt good. She still worried over her stalker, but inside, the pain and anger had lessoned their stranglehold.
“Look, Mandy, trust your heart,” Lacey said. “Don’t think with anger and hurt, but listen with your heart. Believe me, all that anger is going to make you blind to the facts. The fact is, Mac is nuts over you.”
“For now, Lacey.” Mandy met both girls’ surprised looks. She’d never voiced her doubts, her fears before. There’d never been a chance. He’d swept in and out too quickly for her to do more than feel hurt. He’s here now. The fear remained. “For now, but for how long?”