Ryan opened his mouth and then closed it. She knew he wanted to interrogate her about Jeffery, but he was controlling the urge. Instead he nodded as if coming to a silent agreement within himself. “Okay.”
“You want to ask more questions, I can see it.”
“Doesn’t matter what I want. Besides we aren’t here to talk about your neighbor. We’re here to talk about us and,” he paused and laid his hand on her belly. “Our baby.”
The thread of warmth that had been traveling through her burst into flame. How could he do this to her? How could one touch set her alight as though she’d never been touched by a man before. It was insane and ridiculous. Yet it felt right. As though everything in her life had been leading up to this moment.
In the back of her mind a little voice was cautioning her that he’d given up on finding out about Jeffery too easily. But it was drowned out by the other voice encouraging her to lean in to his touch. To close the gap and kiss him. Like the kiss they’d shared in the doctor’s surgery. The same kiss that had been playing on repeat in her mind ever since they parted ways. It was surprising she hadn’t stuck herself with a IV needle on her shift, she’d been that distracted.
“God, you’re so beautiful,” he whispered, bringing her back from the deep recesses of her mind. She registered his lips were a hairs-breadth away from hers.
Had she voiced her need to him? One glance at the slumberous look in his eyes and she had her answer–he wanted to kiss her as much as she wanted to kiss him. The problem was, why wasn’t he taking the final step. He hadn’t hesitated at her appointment. He’d taken.
“Can I kiss you?” The question shocked and delighted her. Never before had anyone asked to kiss her. Not even the night they slept together. The passion between them had flared to life the second she’d arrived at the restaurant. It was why they ended up in a nearby hotel and not at her place or his. The thought of having to travel any distance had been abhorrent to them. It had been freeing to do something so out of character for her. Following an attraction she’d never experienced before.
“Yes.”
He groaned, and his lips met hers. For a second they merely touched, as if they were kissing for the first time. A sweet kiss. A kiss that promised heaven if she wanted to reach for it again. Boy, did she want to reach for it again. She placed her hands on his shoulders and moved until she was straddling his legs, their crotches meeting. His hands gripped her waist, preventing her from moving. Like she had any plans to move from this position.
Ryan’s hands slip up her back, taking her sweater with them. The cool air caressed her exposed skin. His fingers traced up and down her spine, her skin tingling. Suzie wanted to get her hands on him. Reacquaint herself with the ridges of his hard chest. Kiss all his scars. Relive the sensation of him sliding into her, pausing before he moved in a steady pace in and out of her. Her hips mimicked the road her thoughts were heading down. Her panties dampened as she rubbed herself along his hard length protruding through the denim of his jeans.
A moan of disappointment escaped her when he dragged his lips away and pushed her back so their bodies weren’t so tightly locked together.
“As much as I want to take this further. I really do think we need to stop and talk.”
How the hell could the man think clearly when all she could think about was getting him naked? Shouldn’t it have been her that put the brakes on? Guys normally thought with their dicks and women thought with their hearts. Yet role reversal at its finest was occurring between them.
As much as she longed to continue what they were doing, her voice of reason wrestled control back. Ryan was right, they needed to talk. Plus, she had promised him dinner and she needed to check on it.
Reluctantly she wiggled back along his legs until her feet touched the ground. She pulled her sweater down as she stood.
“You’re right, and I need to check dinner. Why don’t you come into the kitchen?”
“Give me a minute and I’ll be there,” he said ruefully as he lifted his butt and adjusted his jeans. His arousal was as plain as the nose on her face. Poor guy had to feel uncomfortable. “Shit, Suzie, keep looking at me that way and I’ll forget about being a gentleman and take you right here on the couch.”
Her blood sizzled in delight as images of her and Ryan on the couch pummeled her brain. “Not the worst of ideas,” she murmured. He groaned, and she decided to take pity on him. “Kitchen’s down the hall. Come find me when you’re ready.”
“Uh huh.”
She shook her head as she walked the short distance from her living room to the kitchen. In all honesty she hoped Ryan took a little time before he joined her. The room wasn’t huge, and she had an inkling that his presence would fill the space, tempting her to see if she could persuade him to eat her instead.
Heat swamped her. What the hell was she thinking? This wasn’t her. This wasn’t how she normally acted. She could try and blame it on pregnancy hormones, she was after all heading into her second trimester and the books she’d been reading had all stated her sexual appetite would return. It wasn’t her hormones though. A couple of kisses with Ryan and it seemed her desires had all the subtlety of a herd of elephants.
She moved over to the sink and flicked on the cold water faucet, running her wrists beneath the clear liquid. Her body temperature lowered and when she figured she had her emotions under control she turned it off and dried her hands.
The timer on the oven beeped at the same time and she crossed the tiled floor to pull out the dish of enchiladas she’d made. The aroma of the tangy tomato sauce assaulted her senses and her stomach grumbled.
“Something smells good.”
She turned and almost burned Ryan with the hot pan. She was right, he did fill the room, with not only his physical self but the air of self assurance and confidence that surrounded him. “Move or you’re going to get burned.”
His eyebrow quirked in surprise at her curt tone but took a couple of steps back. In two steps she was at the small table tucked into the corner of the room and placed the food down.
“Take a seat I’ll just get the salad.” She went to move past him, but he grabbed hold of her hand. “Yes?”
“Is everything okay?”
“Fine.”
“Italy maybe the only guy on the team with a significant other, but even I know when a woman says fine she’s anything but fine. So, what gives?”
Suzie huffed out a breath. She had no idea why she’d gone from vixen to bitch in thirty seconds. Ryan hadn’t done anything wrong when he halted their kisses. She was just so confused with her whole life at the moment. Everything was turning upside down and she didn’t know how to control it anymore. She’d fought hard for her independence. To stand on her own two feet and make her own decisions about her life and where it was headed. But right at this moment, all she wanted to do was lay her head on Ryan’s strong chest, have his arms wrap around her and take away the decision making from her.
But she couldn’t do that. Before Ryan had landed in her hospital she’d made the decision to travel the pregnancy road alone. She’d come to grips with it and had started making plans. Now that was all up in the air because of the man standing in front of her.
“I know the reason I’m here tonight is to talk about the baby and how we’re going to move forward, but if it’s too much for you I can leave. I won’t be offended, even though those enchiladas look even better than the ones I get from my favorite Mexican restaurant.” He reached out and stroked a finger down her cheek. “You won’t get any pressure from me, Roses. You are in control of this thing between us, not me.”
Suzie couldn’t help it, she burst into tears.
If there was one thing Ryan didn’t know how to deal with, that was crying women. Fortunately, when on a rescue mission and a woman started to cry, Robot was the guy to deal with them. Although on the last mission, the one he tried to block out because he would have to remember how he’d gotten shot, T-Rex had been the one to comfort their hostage.
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This was one situation he couldn’t walk away from. One he didn’t want to. Suzie needed him for emotional support and, even though he didn’t have a clue on how to handle it, he would.
“Hey, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to make you cry.”
She sniffed loudly and very unladylike. He had no doubt under different circumstances she’d be embarrassed with the sounds erupting from her. No way was he going to make her feel bad for being human.
“I’m s-s-sorry.” She hiccupped. “I’m not u-u-usually so e-e-emotional.”
With one hand holding her tightly against his body, he used his other to hook a finger under her chin and lifted her face so she was looking at him. Even with tear tracks staining her face, puffy eyes and red nose she was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. “Never apologize for being you. I happen to like you exactly the way you are.”
Her mouth formed an O as though she couldn’t believe his words. Had someone battered her down so much she didn’t know her own worth? He could relate to that. All through school he’d been the guy who was the weakest link on every sports team. The pity pick because the school had a policy of if anyone showed interest in sport they would have a go on the court for basketball or the field for football.
The only place he’d ever felt any sort of value was the second he joined his SEAL team. He’d been relied upon and respected. He wanted to give Suzie that feeling. Wanted her to know he appreciated the person she was.
Their eyes stayed focused on each other for endless moments. It would be so easy to kiss her again. Boy, did he want to do that. He wanted nothing more than to drown in her embrace. He controlled the urge though. The last thing she needed was for him to go all alpha male on her.
“Let’s eat,” he said, breaking the connection and tamping down the fire threatening to engulf them.
For a moment, he didn’t think she was going to move, but she reluctantly inched away from him. He missed the contact, but he needed the distance himself to accept the thought flowing through his mind. A thought he never imagined he would be having.
Suzie Waterson was becoming important to him, and not just because of the child they’d made together. She was becoming important in the way Erin was to Italy. The way Maria was to Ash.
And it scared the hell out of him.
Chapter Seven
Dinner was over and Ryan had insisted on doing the dishes while she relaxed in the living room. The clattering coming from the kitchen had her wondering if it was such a good idea to readily agree to his suggestion. It didn’t sound like any plates were being broken, maybe chipped. Suzie immediately squashed the thought. It wasn’t any different to the sounds she made when she did her own washing up. She needed to trust the guy. Hadn’t he proven to her this evening that he was the complete opposite of Peter? She needed to stop comparing the two. Stop expecting Ryan to act the same way as Peter. If she’d burst into tears in front her former husband, he’d have told her to quit being a baby. He never would’ve pulled her into his embrace like Ryan had done.
“I left the dishes where I didn’t know where they went on your table. Do you need a drink or anything?”
Ryan stood in the doorway, all tall and delicious looking in his jeans and grey button-down shirt. There were a couple of wet patches on his top. He looked sexily rumpled and a desire to be wrapped in his strong arms again washed over her.
Insanity.
That was the only word that could describe her visceral reaction to him. She was slowly going insane.
“You do realize I asked you over to dinner. I should be the one offering to get you a drink.”
He sauntered into the room and sat down on the couch next to her. “You cooked dinner for me.”
“And you cleaned up,” she countered. “The least I can do is be the one offering you after dinner refreshments.”
A wicked gleam entered his eyes and she had a fair idea which road his mind was headed down. A road she wouldn’t mind travelling but not tonight. They still hadn’t addressed the reason Ryan was sitting in her apartment. Their child.
He leaned a fraction closer to her. “Please don’t tempt me, Ryan,” she whispered.
“Tempt you how?”
“By making me forget the reason you’re here. For wanting to go back to the night we met and experience what happened in that hotel room all over again.”
His eyes darkened with every word she spoke until they were almost black. His breathing was coming as fast as hers. Only a few inches separated their lips. “Would it be so bad?” he asked.
She laid a hand on his thigh, the muscle jumping beneath her touch. Suzie didn’t have to look down to see the bulge of his erection against the zipper of his jeans. She could tell his body would be primed for action because her panties were wet with longing.
Her tongue darted out to moisten her dry lips and Ryan groaned closing his eyes. “You are a siren in scrubs, Suzie Waterson.”
She laughed at his description. But it had the desired effect and broke the sexual tension clouding them. “Let me tell you, there’s nothing remotely attractive about hospital scrubs.”
“I don’t know. They look pretty sexy on you. It’s probably a good thing you didn’t visit me too much while I was in hospital. Those gowns you make patients wear are pretty unforgiving when it comes to disguising a man’s desire.”
“Ugh,” she groaned. “That’s terrible.”
He shrugged his impressive shoulders as if he was an innocent in this sexual banter flying between them. “It’s the truth.”
“A truth I really didn’t want to know, thank you very much. I have to go back to work tomorrow wearing scrubs. I’m never going to be able to look at a male patient again.”
“You can’t tell me that you don’t get a reaction when you give a guy a sponge bath.”
Suzie shook her head, but couldn’t stop the smile tugging at her lips. “I cannot believe I am having this conversation with you. You are insane, Ryan Smith.”
“I made you smile and that’s all worth it.”
Damn, here goes that sexual attraction again. She really needed to get a handle on her reaction around him.
Think of the baby. You know the one the two of you created. The one you saw on a grainy black and white screen a few days ago. The reason Ryan is sitting on the couch next to you.
Yes, that little voice in her head sounded very reasonable. “We still need to talk, Ryan. About the baby and,” she waved her hand around in the air. “Everything.”
Ryan grabbed hold of her hands and held them firmly. “I will do whatever you want me to do. If you only want me to see the baby once a month. I’ll do that. If it’s only financial involvement then I can do that too. I would like to be a part of this baby’s life, but I know this pregnancy wasn’t what you planned for your life. I will support you in any way you want me to. As I said earlier, you’re in charge here. Not me.”
He’d given her an out by saying he would only provide financial support. She knew SEAL teams and they went on long missions. Missions where he would be gone for weeks on end where he wouldn’t be able to see her or the baby.
Remembering what he did. How dangerous it was should have been all she needed to take him up on the finance only offer. Only she couldn’t do that to him. Or her baby, regardless of that being her original plan when she’d seen the word Pregnant show up in the digital screen on the white stick. Ryan was sitting beside her offering his support and it was up to her with how much she gave him.
Taking a deep breath, she squeezed his hands. What she said next could have him running for the hills. It was a risk she was willing to take because her instincts were screaming at her that she would be rewarded greatly. “I believe there is something between us, Ryan. Something more than the baby we created. I want you by my side, every step of the way. But only if you want to.”
Ryan leaned forward, touching his forehead to hers. This close it was impossible to read the expression in his face. In his eyes. He could be g
etting ready to say goodbye. Suzie really hoped that wasn’t the case. “I want that very much, Roses. And yes, there is something between us. But with my job and all that it entails, are you ready for it?”
Suzie knew what he was alluding to. It mirrored her thoughts before she told him she wanted to explore this thing growing between them. If she backtracked now she wasn’t only hurting herself and her baby, she was hurting Ryan. “Yes.” She practically whispered the word. Now that didn’t sound convincing. Breaking the connection of the touching foreheads she straightened her shoulders. “Yes Ryan. I’m ready.”
“You won’t regret this, I promise.”
As he pulled her tightly against him, she hoped they’d made the right decision. How had one night ended turned her life upside down?
The next day Ryan arrived at PT with a spring in his step and a smile as wide as the ocean fixed on his face. When he’d arrived at Suzie’s place the previous evening he never imagined that when he’d left he’d be embarking on a serious relationship with her. The sexual attraction between them couldn’t be denied. Hell, they’d breached the latex barrier and created a baby.
He refused to the let the thought form that if he hadn’t been shot he may never have seen Suzie again, nor found out he was going to be father.
“Oooooh lookie here, someone got lucky last night,” hollered Cowboy.
Ryan rolled his eyes. “Shut up.”
“Come on, you can’t turn up here skipping down the beach like a little girl with a big smile and expect us to be satisfied with shut up,” mocked Red.
“I was not skipping.”
A hand clapped him on the back. “You kind of were, dude,” said Italy.
Shit. Had he really been skipping? No, SEALs don’t skip. “Whatever.” Ryan shrugged. “I’m in a good mood. What’s the crime with that?”
“The crime is,” started Robot as he walked to where Ryan stood. “unless you spill your guts, I’m gonna work everyone’s ass three times harder than normal.”
Special Forces: Operation Alpha: Guarding Suzie (Kindle Worlds Novella) Page 6