by Cathy Glass
‘I’ll know on Wednesday,’ I said. ‘I have to go to a very special meeting. Your new mummy and daddy will be there, so will your social worker. We will all have our diaries so we can write in the important dates: the days when you will meet your parents and get to know them, and then the most important date of all – when you move in.’ This was life-changing for Alex, so it was essential I maintained the momentum of excited expectation that would have been started by Graham, Sandy and Debbie when they’d talked to him about being adopted and his new parents. I was also genuinely pleased for him. He’d waited a long time for a family of his own and finally it was happening.
Alex smiled broadly and clasped his giraffe in joy. ‘Not long now!’ he said, his eyes sparkling.
‘Not long at all. Do you have any questions?’
He thought for a moment. ‘Not really a question, but can you tell my new mummy and daddy that I’m so happy and I love them already.’
‘I will.’
Alex said similar things to me the next evening – Tuesday – when I saw him into bed. ‘Not long now!’ he said excitedly. And he gave the soft toy elephant he’d chosen for the night a big squeeze.
‘Not long,’ I agreed. ‘The meeting is tomorrow. Any questions?’
‘Will you tell my mummy and daddy that I’m very happy and I can’t wait to be their son?’
‘I will,’ I said, tears pricking the backs of my eyes. ‘I’ll make sure of it.’
On Wednesday morning Alex told us all individually that I was going to a very important meeting today where I would meet his new mummy and daddy and write important dates in my diary. Then in the car as I drove to take him to school he told us all again collectively that I was going to meet his new mummy and daddy.
‘I know, that’s great,’ Adrian said.
But later, after I’d seen Alex into breakfast club and Adrian, Paula and I were in the car again, Adrian said, ‘Can we still see Alex once he’s moved? He’s my friend.’
‘I hope so, but it will depend on his new parents.’
‘If they’re nice, they’ll let us see him, won’t they?’ Adrian asked.
‘Yes, but remember he will only have been with us a few weeks when he leaves, so they might feel it isn’t worth it.’ Harsh, but in my experience true, and it was something the children of foster carers had to accept, difficult though it was.
I saw Adrian into school, and then Paula into the nursery. I checked with Kay that she was still able to collect Paula at lunchtime and then I informed the nursery staff of the arrangement. Having thanked Kay, I kissed Paula goodbye and returned home, where I changed out of my jeans and into a smart skirt and jumper, ready for the meeting at eleven o’clock. I slipped on my coat and with my diary in my handbag I left the house and drove to the council offices, arriving with ten minutes to spare. I signed in at the reception desk and then sat in the waiting area until Jill arrived. My stomach had started to jitter with pre-important-meeting nerves, and by the time Jill appeared it was churning.
‘All set?’ she said, with her usual welcoming smile.
‘Yes, ready to go.’
She signed in at reception and also checked which room the meeting was being held in. ‘So how has Alex been?’ she asked as we made our way up the spiral staircase to the first floor.
‘Really good. No problem. He’s a lovely boy and is so excited about having a mummy and daddy of his own.’
‘Great. He deserves it. And from what Debbie has told me this sounds an excellent match.’
‘Good.’
We arrived outside the room, Jill gave a perfunctory knock on the door, pushed it open and stepped in. ‘Hello, I’m Jill, Cathy’s support social worker.’ I followed her in. ‘And this is Cathy, Alex’s foster carer.’
‘Hello,’ I said, smiling at the four people grouped around the table. Jill and I took the two free chairs.
‘I’m Debbie,’ Alex’s social worker said to me. ‘We’ve spoken on the phone.’
‘Yes, hello.’ Normally I would have met the child’s social worker by now, but the move had happened quickly and at the weekend, so this was the first opportunity. Debbie turned to the others at the table. ‘Would you like to introduce yourselves now everyone is here.’
It was obvious they knew each other, so this was for Jill’s and my benefit. ‘I’m Lin from the Adoption and Permanency Team,’ the woman beside Debbie said.
Jill and I both smiled and said hello. Lin would be the social worker who had matched Alex with his adoptive parents and given them his background details, and would now see them through the adoption process, when her role would end.
‘I’m Rosemary, soon to be Alex’s mother,’ the woman on Lin’s left said confidently and without being asked. ‘And this is my husband.’ She looked to the man seated beside her.
‘Good morning. I’m Edward, soon to be Alex’s father,’ he said with a disarmingly charming smile.
Clearly a very confident couple, well spoken and smartly dressed, who I guessed to be about aged forty. Edward was wearing a light-grey tailored suit with an open-neck shirt, and Rosemary a sophisticated slim-fitting long-sleeve cream dress. We smiled and said hello.
‘Great. Let’s begin then,’ Debbie said with a big grin. ‘We all know why we’re here, and I see everyone has brought their diaries. I do so love these adoption planning meetings.’ We all agreed. Each of us was sitting ready with a diary and pen in front of us and the atmosphere was light and gay. Unlike some meetings I’d attended in respect of the children I fostered, this was a joyous occasion – planning Alex’s move to his forever family. ‘Lin will take a few notes,’ Debbie said, ‘but before we begin, does anyone have any questions?’
Edward cleared his throat to speak. ‘My wife and I were talking on the way here in the car and we think it would be useful if Cathy could tell us how Alex has been with her since the move. It will give us an idea of what to expect.’
‘Yes, absolutely,’ Debbie agreed enthusiastically. Lin nodded. ‘Cathy, I appreciate Alex has only been with you a few days, but if you could tell us how he’s settled in, it would be helpful.’
‘Yes, of course.’ I was half expecting this. Foster carers are often asked to speak near the start of a meeting about the child they are looking after, as they usually have the most up-to-date information on the child.
‘Rosemary and Edward have already been made aware of what Alex’s previous carer said about him,’ Lin added.
I nodded and looked at Rosemary and Edward as I spoke. ‘Alex is a delightful child who appears to be coping very well with all the changes in his life. I could see he felt rejected at having to leave his previous carers, but it hasn’t come out in his behaviour. He’s eating well – he likes a range of foods. He’s sleeping well and is in a good routine. His self-care skills are good. He likes all things that the average boy of seven does: playing games, riding his bike – he had a new one for Christmas – and watching television. He’s getting on well with my son, who is the same age, and also my daughter, who is four years younger.’
‘That’s reassuring,’ Edward said. ‘Our son is just eighteen months older than Alex. One of the reasons we chose him.’
‘It was a matching consideration,’ Lin corrected. The way Edward had phrased it made it sound as though they’d gone to a store and chosen Alex.
‘Thanks, Cathy. Anything else you can add?’ Debbie said to me.
‘Alex is healthy, up to date with his dental and opticians check-ups and is doing well at school.’
‘Yes, he is,’ Rosemary put in. ‘We have a copy of his last school report. Our son, James, is doing well at school too. We have a tutor who comes to help James, and Alex will have the benefit of that too.’
‘My wife and I consider education very important,’ Edward added. ‘We both went to university and we expect our sons to do the same.’
I smiled politely.
‘Anything else?’ Debbie asked me.
‘I don’t think so, other tha
n Alex is looking forward to meeting you both,’ I said to Rosemary and Edward. ‘He said to tell you he’s so pleased you will be his mummy and daddy and that he loves you already.’
‘That’s sweet,’ Rosemary said, while Edward looked slightly uncomfortable.
‘He hasn’t met us yet,’ he said pragmatically.
‘No, but it’s fantastic he’s so willing to accept you,’ Lin pointed out.
Jill and I nodded. ‘He can’t wait to have a family of his own,’ I added.
‘I know,’ Rosemary said quietly, and I saw her eyes mist.
Chapter Four
A Joyful Meeting
‘OK. Now to the actual planning,’ Debbie said, and we all opened our diaries. ‘I suggest we start the introductions this weekend and, if all goes well, Alex will move in two weeks’ time.’
‘The sooner the better,’ Rosemary said, glancing at her husband. He returned her smile.
‘Lin and I will be phoning the three of you [Rosemary, Edward and me] for regular updates in between the visits,’ Debbie said. ‘If we feel we need to slow the pace we can do so, but I don’t foresee any problems.’
‘Neither do I,’ Lin agreed. ‘We started preparing Alex for this when he was at his previous carers’, and it was positive from the start. He’s more than ready for his own family and knows a little about Rosemary, Edward and James, but hasn’t seen a photograph of them yet. Did you remember to bring the album with you?’ she now asked Rosemary and Edward.
‘Yes, of course.’ Rosemary dipped her hand into her bag on the floor beside her. She and Edward would have been asked to prepare a little photograph album with pictures of themselves and their home for Alex, so that when he met them they and their home were already partly familiar. It’s standard practice when any child is moved to permanency.
‘Could you talk Cathy through the photographs, please, so she can tell Alex,’ Debbie said to Rosemary and Edward.
Rosemary slid the album across the table to me and I opened it at the first page, positioning it between Jill and myself. Lin and Debbie had already seen the album; indeed, Lin would have advised Rosemary and Edward on what to include.
The first photograph was of the outside of their house – the first view Alex would see when he stepped from the car. ‘Very nice,’ I said. ‘Where do you live?’ I would have known this and other details about them if I’d been the foster carer involved at the start of the adoption process.
‘We live in Churchwell,’ Rosemary said. ‘It’s a small village about an hour’s drive from here.’ The picture showed a large detached modern house on the edge of countryside.
‘We have five bedrooms,’ Rosemary said, ‘so there’s plenty of space. James likes to have friends stay over sometimes. I’m guessing Alex will want to do the same.’
‘I’m sure he will,’ I said. ‘That’s great.’ I turned to the next page: a portrait photo of Edward, Rosemary and James, dressed very smartly and posing for the camera. Even before Rosemary said it, I knew it had been taken by a professional photographer.
‘It’s our official Christmas photograph,’ she said. ‘We have one taken every year for our Christmas cards.’ I smiled and felt that my Christmas cards with their standard pictures of robins and reindeer might be rather lacking.
‘And next Christmas there will be four of you on the card!’ Lin exclaimed gaily.
‘Yes, indeed,’ Rosemary said, smiling. ‘Alex will love it. We always have some fun posing for the photo, don’t we?’
‘Absolutely,’ Edward agreed, and glanced at his watch. I wondered if he was pressed for time.
James looked as self-assured as his parents in the photograph, and although he was taller and broader than Alex, his colouring wasn’t dissimilar – brown hair and pale skin – so he could easily pass for his brother. Another matching consideration is that ideally the adoptive family should be physically similar to the child and preferably of the same ethnicity so the child blends in, although given the multiculturalism of most large towns and cities now, this was becoming less important.
I turned the page and the next photograph showed the inside of their house – the lounge hall, so spacious it comfortably held a chaise longue and an oval mahogany table, on which stood a magnificent china vase of fresh flowers. A brief image of it going flying as the boys chased each other up and down the hall while playing crossed my mind, but I kept that thought to myself.
Rosemary continued to talk me through the photographs: the dining room with a long, highly polished table and a dozen upholstered dining chairs around it; an exquisitely furnished living room with cream sofas; a morning room with a smaller table and matching oak chairs. ‘That is where we usually take our meals,’ Rosemary explained. ‘Unless we’re entertaining, and then we use the dining room.’
I nodded, smiled and turned the page to a luxurious modern kitchen. ‘Very nice indeed,’ I said. Then there were pictures of the bedrooms and the two family bathrooms.
‘We’ve just had both boys’ bedrooms redecorated,’ Edward said. ‘James’s room was only done last year, but we wanted to decorate Alex’s room and we couldn’t leave James out.’
‘No, indeed,’ I said. ‘I like the blue. I’m sure Alex will love it.’
‘I hope so,’ Rosemary said. ‘There’s a big walk-in cupboard for his toys.’
‘Where will he keep his new bike?’ I asked. ‘He’s sure to ask me.’
‘In the outbuilding behind the garage, with ours,’ Edward said. ‘We didn’t take pictures of that.’
‘They all like to go for bike rides together,’ Lin said. She would know the family well as a result of the matching and adoption process.
I smiled, impressed.
‘James goes for a ride with his father most weekends,’ Rosemary said. ‘I join them if the weather is good.’
‘They go sailing as well,’ Lin added. ‘And horse riding.’
‘Wonderful,’ I said, even more impressed.
‘I don’t suppose Alex has been riding before, coming from a deprived background.’ Rosemary said.
‘No, I don’t suppose he has,’ I replied.
‘We’ll arrange lessons for him at the stables, then we can all ride together,’ Rosemary said. ‘James also has violin and cello lessons in the evening after school. Alex can choose which instruments he wants to learn.’
‘Wonderful,’ I said. ‘I see Alex is going to be a very accomplished young man.’
‘It’s lovely that he’ll be having so many opportunities,’ Lin said.
‘Although he will need time to settle in first,’ Jill put in. ‘There’ll be a lot of changes for him in the first few weeks, so don’t overload him.’ Which was what I’d been thinking.
‘No, I know,’ Rosemary said. ‘We’re just rather excited. We want to give him so much.’ Edward nodded.
‘He’s a lucky boy,’ I said, and Debbie, Lin and Jill agreed.
The last photograph was of their beautifully landscaped garden, which Jill and I admired. Although I wondered how the flowerbeds would stand up to the boys’ football practice. I closed the album and put it in my bag to show to Alex later.
‘Now to arrange the actual dates,’ Debbie said. ‘Cathy, you’ll start the introduction by showing Alex the album this evening and answering any questions he might have. Then on Saturday, Edward and Rosemary, you will visit Alex at Cathy’s house for about an hour. Shall we say eleven o’clock? Does that suit everyone?’
We all nodded and noted this in our diaries.
‘You’ve arranged for James to be looked after for this visit?’ Lin reminded Rosemary and Edward.
‘Yes. My mother will be sitting with him,’ Edward said. ‘Although James was very disappointed he wouldn’t be coming.’ Lin and Debbie would have explained to Rosemary and Edward that it is generally considered best if just the adoptive parents come on the first visit, otherwise it can be overwhelming for the child to meet too many new faces all at once. It also allows the parents to give the child th
eir complete attention without the distraction of other family members.
‘James has only got to wait until Sunday to meet Alex,’ Lin pointed out.
‘Yes, so on Sunday,’ Debbie said, glancing at her notes. ‘Cathy will take Alex to his new home for his first visit. An hour is considered about right when everything is new.’
‘Will your parents be able to look after Paula and Adrian on Sunday?’ Jill quietly asked me. I, too, would be expected to give Alex my full attention for that first visit to his new home.
‘It’s not a problem. They are out with their father,’ I returned quietly. Then to the rest of the group I said, ‘Any time suits me.’
‘Shall we say eleven o’clock again?’ Debbie said.
‘Could we make it twelve?’ Edward asked. ‘So James and I can go for our bike ride first.’
‘Yes, sure.’
We all made a note of the time. ‘I’ll need the address,’ I said.
‘Yes, of course, sorry, Cathy,’ Lin said. ‘The details went to Alex’s previous carers.’
‘I’ll give you our card,’ Edward said. He took a business-style card from his wallet showing their home contact details and passed it to me.
‘Thank you,’ I said, and tucked it into the front of my diary.
We continued planning the timetable of introduction. On Monday evening Rosemary, Edward and James would telephone me to have a chat with Alex. Then on Tuesday they would all visit us after school and stay for tea. They would phone to speak to Alex on Wednesday, then on Thursday evening they would visit us again and take Alex out for something to eat. While they were all getting to know each other they’d be seeing each other every other day and speaking on the telephone on the days they didn’t see each other. If all was going well, I would take Alex to their house again on Friday evening and leave him for a while. Then on Saturday he’d stay for the day and overnight, and I’d collect him on Sunday morning. On Monday Lin and Debbie would telephone Rosemary and Edward and me for more feedback. Assuming Alex was still happy and coping well, I’d take him to his new home again on Tuesday evening and he’d stay for dinner. On Wednesday Rosemary would collect him from school and he’d stay overnight, and then she’d take him to school the following morning. She’d collect him from school on Friday and he’d stay with them until Sunday, during which time he’d have a chance to meet his paternal grandparents – Edward’s parents who lived in the same village. If everything was still fine, we’d move Alex on Monday. It was agreed that he’d have the day off school for the move rather than try to cram it into the evening, and then Rosemary would take Alex into school on Tuesday.