Another tear rolled down my cheek.
“Wanty Coo?” Stella’s voice called down the hallway. “Wheeere arrre wuuuu?”
“Please Q.” El pleaded. “Please get up. It’ll be good for you.”
***
El was right, seeing Stella was the best thing for me. She was the only one that didn’t look at me like I’d lost my mind anymore.
“What are we going to do about work Quinn? I really could use you back.”
I’d been on leave for six weeks. I knew I wasn’t being fair on El, or the company, but I couldn’t work like this. I couldn’t focus, hell, I could barely stay awake.
“I don’t think I’m up to it El. Maybe you should just replace me.”
I avoided looking at her as I answered, fiddling with Stella’s cup instead.
Ellerslie didn’t say a word, but I could feel her eyes boring holes into me.
I finally plucked up the courage to face her. I looked at my best friend, my sister-in-law and saw the disappointment in her eyes.
“Don’t look at me like that.” I pleaded, disappointed in myself for letting her down.
She sighed. “I don’t know what to do with you Quinn. I’ve tried to be here for you, when that didn’t work, I gave you space… I make you food, talk to you.” She shook her head. “But nothing is working. I don’t know what more I can do.” Her voice cracked.
“I’m sorry.” I mumbled. “I’ll try and do better for you.”
“It’s not about me.” She snapped. “It’s about you. What the hell happened to you Q? You’re the strongest person I know. You’re the sassy, fierce one… you ripped Baxter a new asshole when he hurt me. What happened to you?”
“Love happened to me.” I snapped back at her. I could feel the tears threatening to spill. “He happened to me. I know we weren’t married, or even engaged. But I thought he was it. He is it.”
“Quinn –” El had an apologetic look on her face.
I didn’t give her a chance to apologize.
“How would you be coping if it were Lawson? If he’d given you no choice but to leave? If he was out there risking his life and there wasn’t a damn thing you could do about it?”
I realized I was yelling at this point and I took a deep, ragged breath.
“I’m sorry.” I whispered, gaining control of my emotions again. El looked like she was going to cry.
Shit… I’m such a bitch.
Stella peeped around the corner. “Momma cwing.”
Her heartbroken little voice cut me deep to my core.
“I’m sorry El.” I whispered.
She shook her head and pulled me in for a hug.
“Momma’s fine Stella girl. She just got an ouch.” I tried to reassure Stella over El’s shoulder.
“Bwand waid!” She hollered as she ran off in the direction of the bathroom and box of Mickey Mouse band-aids.
El burst out laughing.
“She’s so sweet El.”
“She really misses you.” She sniffed.
“I know. I’m so sorry I’m not handling this better.”
“Oh god, Q, no. I get it… He’s your Lawson. I’m sorry, I just feel so helpless.”
I hugged her tight; I knew there was nothing she could do except for be there for me. The only thing that was going to fix this was him.
He’s my Lawson.
***
Hours after El left I got a text message from her.
“Who You Are – Jessie J.”
I searched for the song on Spotify and cried my way through the whole thing.
It’s okay not to be okay…
48. Harrison
This was without a doubt the most intimidating thing I’d ever done. It was one hundred times more terrifying than the conversation I’d had with the detective yesterday and undoubtedly induced more fear than the favor he’d asked of me.
I rang the bell and fought the urge to run back to my car and get the hell out of here while I still had both of my kneecaps intact.
The door opened and I gulped.
Lawson was shirtless… and huge. I’d talked myself into thinking he wasn’t as massive as I knew him to be. It was like he knew my thoughts, and whipped his top off just to taunt me.
“Oh c’mon man, what the fuck do you want?” He reached up and held onto the top of the doorframe, his huge body filling the entire space.
This is gonna fucking hurt.
“Who is it?” I heard Ellerslie call from somewhere inside the house.
“You don’t even want to know pretty girl.” He called back over his shoulder.
He turned back to me. “You better hope like hell that she doesn’t come out here.”
I almost cracked a smile, thinking he was kidding. But the utter seriousness in his expression told me he wasn’t joking.
“I just need to talk to you, I –”
“Well, well, well. What the hell do we have here?” Ellerslie interrupted me, sliding around Lawson’s body.
Ellerslie was Quinn’s best friend, sister even, and I knew that by hurting Quinn, I’d hurt Ellerslie too. I also was well aware that the combination of hurting those two women would put me right at the top of the man in front of me’s shit list.
“I needed to come here, to apologize and try to explain.” I told them.
“You came to the wrong place.” Lawson stated as he wrapped an arm around his wife and I almost flinched at the sight of his bicep bulging.
“I’m going to see Quinn right after, I just needed to say –”
“Don’t you go there. You’ll just hurt her more.” Ellerslie stepped towards me as she spoke.
“I’m different now, I’ve been –”
“I don’t want to hear it.” She interrupted me. “You’ve been nothing but bad news for her.”
“You don’t understand.” I pleaded with her. “I’m –”
“I don’t understand?” She yelled. “Are you fucking kidding me?”
She looked back at Lawson. “Is he fucking kidding me?”
Lawson shrugged, a hint of amusement in his eyes.
“You’re the one that doesn’t understand Harrison.” She jabbed a finger into my chest, and I had to give her credit. The girl had balls. “You have no idea what it’s been like to try and pick that poor girl back up after you –”
“I love her.” I interrupted her. I couldn’t stand here and hear what a mess Quinn was. I was getting desperate, I needed to fix her.
“You love her?” Ellerslie shrieked the words back at me. “I just… I can’t… you make me so…” She was so angry she couldn’t speak.
I never even saw it coming.
She socked me right in the head. She had a killer right hook, I’d give her that. My head snapped around and I knew that was going to come up in one hell of a bruise tomorrow.
Jesus.
It was a good shot; I could almost feel my brain rattling around in my head as I tried to focus on the pair in front of me.
Lawson grabbed Ellerslie and tucked her into his huge frame. Shushing and comforting her like she was the one who had just been punched in the face.
“Oh my God.” She whimpered. “I’m sorry.”
She was crying now.
Shit.
“Are you okay?” I asked her, I reached out for her, but pulled my hand back at the last minute, thinking better of it.
Dammit!
The last thing I needed on my conscience was her having a broken hand. I lightly pressed the spot she’d hit.
Ow fuck.
She peeked out at me. “I am so sorry.” She choked out quietly.
I gave her a small smile. “Don’t be. I deserve a lot worse than that.”
She grimaced.
“I’m serious.” I told her. “I knew, coming here that I was going to get smacked in the head. I just figured it’d be from this guy.” I pointed at Lawson, who was looking at his wife with a mixture of concern, amusement and pride.
“I’m not allowed to
hit you.” Lawson chuckled. “Quinn’s orders.”
I knew it was ridiculous of me to feel thrilled at the thought of Quinn still wanting to protect me, but I couldn’t deny it was a good feeling.
“She should have extended that rule to me.” Ellerslie murmured, clearly horrified with herself.
She looked at me again. “I’m so sorry. I’ve never got angry and hit anyone like that before, and I shouldn’t have done it now.”
“Forget it.” I waved away her concern. “It’s the least of my worries at the moment.”
Ellerslie nodded and gave Lawson a shove inside.
“Come in. I’ll get you some ice and we’ll hear what you have to say.”
If taking a punch in the face got them to listen to me, it was a pretty good deal in my book.
***
I knocked on the door and stepped back. She was bound to know I was here, and I wanted to give her some space... just in case she decided to throw something at me.
I held back a groan as the door opened and Logan stepped outside.
“You’ve got a lot of nerve turning up here now man.”
I looked him in the eye. He was a good man, an honest man. He was the kind of man that Quinn should be with. I felt bile rise in my throat – just the thought of Quinn choosing another guy made me sick.
“What did she tell you?” I finally asked him.
“Enough.” He stated. He was calm, too calm. It was like the airy kind of feeling right before a huge storm hit. I had not accounted for Logan in my plans.
“Can I talk to her?” I pleaded with him. “I just need to talk to her.”
Logan stepped further out of the door and pulled it shut behind him. “I’m guessing, from the look of that shiner, that there’s nothing you could say to her that would make a difference right now.”
“This?” I lightly touched the left side of my face. “That’s bruising already?” I asked in disbelief. “I went to Lawson and Ellerslie’s before I came here.”
That made him smile. “Lawson smacked you a good one huh?”
“Lawson?” I snorted. “All he did was hold his wife back. Ellerslie was the one who punched me.”
Logan barked out a laugh. “El punched you?”
“Right in the face.” I gestured to my eye again. “Got me a good one… I deserved it.”
“I know.” Logan’s face turned serious again. “I don’t think you’ll ever be able to comprehend what you’ve done to that woman in there. She’s a complete mess.”
My throat suddenly felt dry. Quinn was the strongest person I knew. I’d convinced myself that she was okay, that she was surviving better without me than I was without her. It was killing me to learn that I’d been wrong.
All these months.
“Is she okay?” I choked out.
He shook his head. “No. She’s not. She barely eats, barely sleeps. Her work is a mess – if she even goes at all. There’s only one thing she does with any real effort these days.”
“What’s that?” I asked, even though I was scared to hear his answer.
“She scours the news sites, reading about every assault, every attack.”
He stopped and stared me dead in the eye. He looked like he wanted to kill me.
“That woman spends her days looking for your death notice.”
My death notice…
I flinched. I’d fucked her up big time.
“Please just let me see her. I can fix this.”
“I’m not sure you can.” He looked down at his feet and kicked at something with the toe of his boot. “I want to believe you can… but I don’t know. I’ve known her a long time, and I’ve never, ever seen her like this.”
“Please.” I begged him. “Just let me through that door.”
He was torn. They never expected me to come back – I could see that now. It pained me to realize that all this time, while I’d been working to better myself, so I could be worthy of her, she thought I was never coming back.
He stepped aside and I released a heavy breath.
I closed my eyes momentarily. “Thank you.” I breathed as I stepped around him.
His hand landed heavily on my shoulder. “I’m sure you’ve already had this from Lawson…” He glanced at my puffy eye. “Maybe El too… but if you fuck this up, it’ll kill her.”
I nodded in acknowledgement.
“And then…” His grip tightened. “Whoever gets there first, will kill you too.”
I’d been within an inch of my life before, but I’d never felt a threat like this.
I swallowed slowly. “Thank you.” I held my hand out to him.
He frowned. “I threaten to kill you, and you thank me?”
“I can see how much you care about her, so thank you for keeping her alive.”
He nodded once and shook my hand – hard.
I reached for the door handle and turning it, pushed the door open. I looked back over my shoulder.
“I was always coming back for her you know? I expected it to be a conversation from a jail cell… but I just needed to make an honest man of myself first.”
He shook his head at me. “I’m not the one you need to convince.”
“Sometimes two people need to fall apart to realize how much they need to fall back together.”
- Colleen Hoover
49. Quinn
He’s here. He came back.
Ellerslie was right. I didn’t know what it meant, or what he would say… but he was here.
He’s here.
For the first time, in a long time, I felt hopeful.
***
I wanted to hide from him so he couldn’t see me. But I couldn’t, he’d done this to me and he needed to see the damage.
I knew Logan would let him inside. He knew how I felt about Harrison, and even though he’d deserted and damaged me, he knew that I needed to see him. He wouldn’t send him away.
My breath caught in my throat the moment he entered my line of sight. I very nearly whimpered.
He was slimmer too – not in the way that I was, but in an ‘I run everyday now’ type of way. His waist was slightly narrower than I remembered and his muscles looked leaner.
He lifted his head and his step faltered when he saw me. His eyes swept over my body and I resisted the urge to wrap my arms around myself.
“Jesus.” He hissed quietly.
I looked down and pulled at the hem of my now baggy tank top. I didn’t want to look at him – it made me feel like I was going to cry.
He approached me slowly, like somebody would a wild cat, cautiously, like it might bolt at any second.
“Quinn?” He whispered it like a question, as though he wasn’t sure it was really me. It was lucky he hadn’t come over two weeks ago; thanks to Logan and El force feeding me, this was at least an improvement on that.
I nodded, one short jerky bob of my head. The first tear falling from my face.
“Oh Quinn.” His voice was distraught, broken. The sight of me was causing him physical pain.
He reached an arm out towards me slowly, silently asking if he could touch me.
He stepped forward and I fell into his arms. I clutched at his shirt, my tears instantly soaking the front.
I didn’t care in this moment that he’d destroyed my heart, that I’d barely eaten in months… he was here, alive and well. I’d been convinced that the next time I’d see him; it’d be in a body bag. I knew that I shouldn’t find so much comfort in the man that had caused me so much pain, but I couldn’t stop the feeling of safety and contentment that washed over me the minute I was in his arms.
“Skippy. God I’m so sorry.”
He grabbed me under my knees and scooped me up into his arms. He walked me over to the couch; and sat with me in his lap, cradled against his body, my face buried into the side of his neck.
He stroked my hair and rocked me back and forth, like a child.
“I’m sorry. I’m so, so, sorry.” He murmured over and over again.
I was exhausted. Seeing him, feeling his body, being in his arms had taken everything out of me.
My eyes closed and I drifted to sleep.
***
I was dreaming. It was the best dream I’d had in months. Instead of Harrison being chased down a dark alleyway and stabbed to death or beaten, he was here, holding me, placing soft, wet kisses to my hair, my forehead, my nose.
I sighed and smiled.
This is a really good dream.
“Come back to me baby.” He murmured.
I smiled again at the familiar sound of his voice. I inhaled deeply and breathed in his scent.
The smell slapped me back into the present with a flying backhand.
He’s here.
My eyes snapped open.
I’m in his arms.
“Harrison?” I asked cautiously. My voice was croaky and hoarse from crying and sleeping.
“Oh thank god.” He breathed a sigh of relief. “You’ve been out for three hours. I was worried.”
Three hours?
“Can you put me down?” I asked him quietly.
He lifted me effortlessly, using only his arms, and set me down next to him on the couch.
I took a minute, not looking at him, to get my bearings. I was disorientated and shaky. I knew I needed food, but I wasn’t hungry enough to stomach it.
When I finally looked over at him, he was rising to his feet.
“Wh… where are you going?” I stuttered.
“I can’t look at you like this Quinn.” He answered as he stood and walked out of the room.
My head hung forward and if I hadn’t already cried myself dry, I had no doubt the tears would have begun falling again.
He’s gone again.
I internally gave myself a dead leg for letting him hold me like that. It was only going to hurt me so much more now that he was gone again.
“Quinn?”
His voice startled me.
“Eat this. Please.” He begged, holding out a plate with a sandwich and a large glass of milk.
He didn’t leave.
I don’t know what it was, but I suddenly felt hungry enough that I wanted to eat it, and confident that I wouldn’t throw it straight back up.
Hunted (Love like Yours Series Book 3) Page 19