“I’m glad someone can appreciate my qualities,” she jokes before her expression softens. “Why are you holding back?”
I want to be truthful, but I can’t force the words out. “I don’t date,” I say instead, offering up a feeble excuse.
“Why not?”
I go with the easier truth this time. “Because my last relationship ended badly, and I swore I was never giving any guy the power to hurt me again.”
“That’s that Cole guy you mentioned before?” I nod, yanking the minuscule black dress up and over my head. Tabs sighs in sympathy. “He was a shit, but not every guy will let you down, and I’m not suggesting you marry Levi.” Her eyes glimmer wickedly. “Just fuck him every which way to Sunday.” I roar laughing as I flick through the clothes in my closet. “I’ll bet he knows how to fuck like a porn star,” she muses, licking her lips, and I laugh again.
“I think you’re right,” I agree, because there is something insanely sexual about the way Levi looks at me. Like he’s stripping every layer off me and fucking me with his eyes. I’m trying to ignore him, because the few times we’ve interacted have ended up with me wanting to gouge his eyeballs out with a pitchfork, but the guy reels me in too, causing my hormones to overheat. A tiny part of me is grateful he’s eliciting emotions and desires I’d long since buried, but the logical part of my brain tells me he’s a train wreck waiting to happen, and I can’t invite more trouble into my life.
Layla would laugh herself silly if she was privy to my inner thoughts. It’s like we’ve reversed roles. If she were still alive, my sister would be the very one urging me to exercise caution. Not to throw myself headfirst into a new romance without considering the likely consequences. The old me would have shrugged, smiled, hugged her, and gone out and gotten my man without any concern for consequences.
But that’s no longer me.
And I’m becoming more like my sister.
That should please me. Because it’s what I’ve set out to do. To be that person for my parents. To give them no reason to worry or fear for my life.
So why does it feel like every day I’m dying a little more inside?
“I still can’t believe you ditched the sexy black dress. You were straight fire,” Tabs grumbles as we push our way into the basement of the frat house. A smoky cloud floats on top of the room, and my nostrils sniff the weed in the air with a pang of nostalgia.
“She still looks hot,” Elsa loyally proclaims, looping her arm through mine. “That dress is gorgeous and sexy in an understated way that totally suits you.” She skims her gaze over the flimsy material floating around me.
This dress is one of my favorites, and I wanted to feel comfortable tonight. It’s been a long time since I’ve attended a party, and I’m a little anxious in case Cole and Mikayla are here. I wanted to look my best without it looking like I’ve made much of an effort. This boho-patterned, sleeveless dress ties under the bust, and the full skirt flows seductively over my hips, stopping mid-calf. When I walk, the split up the front offers a glimpse of skin without showing all the goods. The sneakers keep it casual and effortless, just how I like it.
I’m not going to apologize for refusing the traditional overtly sexy route. It’s just not me. I know Tabs’s heart is in the right place, but tight dresses and stiletto heels have never been my thing. I’ve always favored a more casual, carefree look.
“Thanks, babe.” I kiss Elsa on the cheek. “And you are completely stunning, by the way. Both of you.” Els is wearing a cute, flirty knee-length purple dress, and Tabs is now wearing the dress I declined. But she’s a knockout in it, and she’s already picking up admiring glances from several directions.
After a couple beers, I’m starting to loosen up and enjoy myself. Perhaps it wasn’t such a bad idea coming here after all. Tabs and Els drag me out onto the dance floor, and I give myself over to the music, feeding my soul and dancing as if I haven’t a care in the world.
“Kota,” Tabs whispers in my ear. “Do you know that bitch?” She jerks her head to the side of the dance floor and I look over, ice sluicing through my veins as I spot Mikayla shooting daggers at me.
You’d swear I was the one who had betrayed her, not the other way around. “Yeah. I know her. That’s Mikayla. My ex-best friend. The one Cole left me for.”
“Why the fuck is she glaring at you?”
I shrug, looking away. “Don’t know and don’t care. After everything that went down, I realized I never really knew who she was. I feel like our whole friendship was a setup so she could dig her claws in Cole.”
“Do you want to leave?” Elsa asks. She’s been quietly listening the whole time.
“No way.” I lift my chin defiantly. “They are not going to ruin my night. I won’t let them.”
Tabs nods proudly. “That’s my girl.” She links her arm through mine. “Let’s get drunk and flirt with guys.”
I don’t even attempt to protest. “Lead the way.”
We head to the other side of the large basement, where a makeshift bar has been set up, and grab some more red cups. I’m sipping my beer when Cole suddenly looms large in front of me. “Hi, Kotabear.” He scratches the back of his neck, looking awkward. “Can we talk for a minute?”
I stare through him. “Nope. I’ve nothing to say to you and don’t call me that. I’m not your anything anymore.”
If I’m not mistaken, a flicker of anguish flares behind his eyes, but I’m beyond the point of caring. Cole was the only one I had in my corner in the aftermath of my sister’s death, and he let me down in the worst possible way.
“Please.” He leans in closer. “I have some stuff I need to say. It will only take a few minutes.”
I slant him an incredulous look. “Why should I give you even a second of my time? After what you did?”
“I’m really sor—”
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Mikayla screeches, pushing her way into the space between Cole and me. She starts prodding me in the chest with her finger, as if I’m the one who sought him out. “He’s not yours anymore. He’s mine, and you need to stay the hell away from My. Man.”
I remove her hand and step back. “For starters, don’t touch me. And Cole came to me. Not the other way around. Seems like you might want to have a word with your man.”
“Don’t think I don’t know what you’re up, you little slut.”
“Kayla,” Cole snaps at her. “That’s enough.” He takes her elbow, but she shoves him away.
“You don’t want to start a war with me, Kota. Trust me, you’ll lose.”
I shake my head, laughing. “You’re bat shit crazy if you think I want anything to do with Cole. You’re both welcome to each other.”
At that moment, strong arms slide around my waist from behind, and I’m hauled back against a warm body. His scent tickles my nostrils, and because I’ve come to recognize the smell, I instantly know it’s Levi. I’m not sure what he thinks he’s doing, but I’ll go with the flow because the look on Cole’s face right now is utterly priceless. “Hey, babe,” he says, nuzzling my neck. “Sorry I’m late. What did I miss?”
“Nothing at all.” I twist around in his embrace, smiling up at him like he hung the moon. Levi keeps his arms around me, tucking me in close to his side. Tabs is grinning at me like I just won the lottery, and Els’s eyes are so wide it’s a wonder they haven’t popped clear out of her head. Smiling provocatively, I run my hand up his rock-hard abs and delectable chest.
Hey, might as well take advantage of the opportunity to feel him up while I can, because I’m pretty sure open hostilities will resume the instant Cole and Mikayla are gone.
“I’m glad you’re here.” I rest my head on his chest and wrap my arms around his tight waist, silently fist-pumping the air when he shivers a little from my touch.
“Why the hell are you still here?” Tabs demands to
know, planting her hands on her hips as she squares up to Mikayla. “Fuck off to whatever crazy-bitch-boyfriend-stealing land you came from and never come back.”
I snort-laugh. Can’t help it. I hope I never end up on Tabs’s shit list because she sure knows how to put someone in their place.
“Fuck you, you skank,” Mikayla says, sneering at Tabs before dragging Cole away. Cole glances over his shoulder, casting me an apologetic look, but he should know it’s way too late for that.
Even though I don’t want to, I slide out of Levi’s embrace. “You didn’t have to do that, but thanks.”
“It was a tough job, but someone had to do it,” he says, winking.
“Ugh. Did you seriously just wink at me like some sleazy lothario?”
“Did you seriously just use the word lothario?”
I want to slap that amused grin off his face. “This from the guy who sleazy winks.” I faux roll my eyes.
“Now that I’ve done you a solid, I think it’s time you told me who that douche is.” He lifts a can of soda to his mouth, and even the way his throat works as he drinks is sexy as hell.
Focus, girl. Do not let the hot-as-sin douche distract you. He may have just dug me out of a hole, but Levi is still swimming in the asshole pool. “I already thanked you, and I don’t owe you an explanation.”
“Well, now you’re just being rude and ungrateful.”
“And you’re being an even bigger pain in my ass!”
Tab steps in between us. “You guys are killing me with all this sexual tension. Just fuck and be done with it already.”
Elsa shakes her head in consternation. “On second thoughts, it’s a good thing we couldn’t convince Daisy to come out tonight. Her innocent ears do not need to hear this.”
“Who’s Daisy?” Levi asks.
“Kota’s roomie,” Tabs supplies. “She’s a little sweetheart but completely shy and unspoiled. She’d rather stay home licking her Shawn Lucas posters than come out and sink her teeth into a real man.”
Levi almost chokes on his drink, and I direct a curious look at him before refocusing on my friend. “Don’t be mean, Tabs. Daisy is one of the nicest girls I’ve ever met.”
“I’m not being mean, and I totally agree, Daisy’s adorable. I’m just telling it like it is.”
And that’s pretty much true. Although, I haven’t actually ever seen Daisy lick her posters, that’s a complete exaggeration on Tabs’s part, but she does appear to have an unnatural obsession with the troubled bad boy popstar.
Levi looks a little pale as he addresses me. “She has a thing for Shawn Lucas?”
“I know, right?!” I shake my head. “Can’t figure it out myself. I mean, okay, some of his earlier stuff isn’t too bad, but those last few releases were so clichéd and cheesy I wanted to vomit every time the song played on the radio.”
“Me too,” Tabs butts in, and I try to prepare myself for it. “But I’d still fuck him. His body was made for sin.”
Levi splutters again, and my brows knit together as I stare funny at him.
“Do you always have to lower the tone?” Elsa asks.
“Do you really need an answer to that?”
“I wasn’t into him when he was all prettied up,” I offer, before those two get into it, “but that longer-haired look he’s been sporting recently really suits him. Still, I wouldn’t do him, no matter how hot he is. He’s a giant bag of dicks and way more trouble than he’s worth.”
“I’m with you, chicka,” Elsa agrees, nodding. “He’s a train wreck in the making. Apparently, he gets drunk and coked-up every night, and he’s into threesomes and all kinds of kinky shit.”
“Wow,” Levi interjects. “I must write a memo to the Shawn Lucas fan club telling him never to grace these parts.”
“Don’t include me in your naming and shaming,” Tabs, predictably, adds. “I’m totally down with threesomes and kinky shit. Shawn Lucas can come visit me anytime.” She makes a suggestive gesture with her hand, and I crack up laughing.
“You’re completely and utterly shameless,” I tell her. “And I freaking love it.”
“I still want to know who that douche in the Hawks jacket is,” Levi says, breaking up the light-hearted atmosphere, and blatantly changing the subject.
“It’s none of your business,” I say, pushing out of his way. I make a beeline for the bar at the other side of the room. Given tonight’s turn of events, I definitely need more alcohol.
He trails behind me. “I saw you outside school the other day, when they were there, and you looked upset.”
I stop, turning around to face him. “Were you following me?” An anxious, fluttery feeling builds in my chest.
“What! No!” He rubs his neck, gulping. “It wasn’t like that. I was going the same direction is all.”
“I’m not sure I believe you.”
“Guess you’ll just have to take my word for it.”
“Well, that’s reassuring.”
“Are you always this cagey?”
“Are you always this irritating?”
A sly smirk spreads across his mouth. “Oh, Blondie.” He steps into my personal space. “You have no clue how irritating I can be.”
His warm breath coasts over my face, intoxicating me, and I wobble a little on my feet. He moves closer, crowding me, and heat from his body rolls over me in waves. That, combined with the intensity of the hunger on his face, has me drowning in a pool of lust, and I’m terrified I’m about to give into it. So, I blurt words I had no intention of saying. “He’s my ex-boyfriend, and she’s my ex-best friend.”
Shock splays across his face. “What happened?”
“Why do you want to know?”
“Call it curiosity.”
I sigh, moving back so I can lean against the wall. He follows, lounging alongside me and peering intently into my eyes. I feel myself falling again, so I deliberately avert my gaze, speaking with my eyes glued to the ground. “I was going through some heavy stuff last year, and I wasn’t a very good girlfriend or friend, but I thought the two people closest to me would understand.” My laugh is bitter. “Guess the joke was on me because they started hooking up behind my back, and they didn’t even have the decency to tell me. I found them fucking in his truck, and I haven’t spoken more than a few words to either of them since.”
“And they go to school here.” Levi states the obvious.
“Yep. Surprised you haven’t heard of Cole. He’s a bit of a star on the football field.”
“Star dickhead more like. And what do you expect with a name like Cole.”
I lift my chin up, smiling. “You’re right. It is a douchey name, isn’t it?”
“Keep smiling,” he murmurs, leaning in closer and cupping my face.
I feel his touch all the way through to my toes. “What … what are you doing?” I whisper.
“Said douche is looking over here, and he doesn’t look pleased.”
I scoff. “I couldn’t care less. If he’s harboring any notions of us getting back together, he can get lost. Cheating is a hard limit for me.”
Levi moves in even closer, gripping my hip and pulling me flush against his body. When he presses his hot mouth against my ear, I shiver all over. I can hear his smile when he speaks in a low tone. “Any other hard limits I should know about?” he teases, and I shudder again. His light chuckle tells me he knows it too.
“There isn’t much I won’t try at least once,” I blurt, before mentally slapping myself up the head.
Clasping the nape of my neck, he stares straight into my eyes with lust-filled darkened pupils. “Aren’t you just full of surprises, Ms. Gray.”
Butterflies run amok in my chest, and my core throbs with need. He’s so close. It would only take a second to breach the tiny distance between us and kiss him.
I’m sho
cked by how much I want to.
Especially when I’m not even sure if I like him.
“He’s still watching.” He nuzzles my neck, and I smother a pleasurable whimper. My eyes close, and I clutch his waist, impatient to get closer. “I don’t think he got the message.”
“What message?” I rasp, and I know I’m going to bathe in embarrassment tomorrow when I think back on all this.
“The one that says you’re mine.”
My eyes fly open. My heart hammers wildly behind my chest. “But I’m not yours.”
“He doesn’t know that.” He grips my hips tighter. “Do you want to make him go away for good?”
I can only nod, because my vocal cords are fried.
Along with my brain.
He rubs his thumb along my lower lip, and my knees wobble. “Just play along, okay?” His eyes seek permission, and I nod way too eagerly.
Time moves in slow motion as he bridges the gap between us and his mouth closes over mine. Surprisingly, his touch is soft, almost timid, incredibly tender. My arms encircle his neck as he flattens his hand against my lower back, holding me tight. Heat from his hand seeps into my skin through my dress, accelerating my arousal and heightening my need for him.
I take control, moving my mouth against his with needy urgency, devouring his lips and relishing the tingles zipping through my body. His touch is electric, and he tastes divine.
Like forbidden chocolate on a diet.
Or a crisp, cold beer on a hot summer’s night.
He doesn’t let me down, angling his head and deepening the kiss, pouring everything into his kisses until my head is swimming and my heart is all aflutter. A moan slips out of his mouth, and he pulls me even closer. His hard-on presses into my tummy, eliciting tremors of desire, and I suction my body to his, needing to get even closer. His hands roam up and down my spine, brushing dangerously close to my ass.
If he asked to take me, right here and now, I don’t think I’d say no.
I don’t think I could deny him a thing when he’s setting my world on fire like this.
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