by Willow Rose
"Well I picked up Tobias and Julie after school like we had planned and drove them to the club a little outside of town where Tobias usually takes his riding-lessons. Everything was great, I mean the kids were having fun, enjoying being together again outside of school and we were all singing in the car. When we arrived at the club Julie borrowed a helmet and a horse and the lesson began. All the students were riding in circles in the outdoor riding arena. Julie was picking it up so fast I was really proud of her. I took a lot of pictures with my stupid phone. I guess I wasn't paying attention for a second or two, I was having trouble with this damn thing and the camera, but when I lifted the phone to take another picture I saw that Julie had stopped. She was talking to someone by the fence. The guy was giving the horse a carrot and talked to her."
"What guy? Was it someone she knew? What did he look like?" I asked.
"I never came close enough to take a good look at him before he was gone, but he was wearing a black suit and tie underneath a long black coat. I remember thinking that it was a strange way to be dressed in a place like this."
I looked at Sune then at Dad. I was so confused. What was this? "Why was he talking to Julie?"
"According to what she told me, he said that he knew you. He knew the journalist Rebekka Franck. He wanted Julie to deliver a message to you."
I felt a wave of anger build up inside of me. "A message. What message? Who was this guy?"
"He wanted Julie to tell you that he knew everything about you. He knew where you lived and you were working on a new story. He said it would be worse for you if you didn't back out, if you didn't drop the story."
"What would be worse for me? If I didn't back out from what? I don't get it. What is this supposed to be? Some kind of threat? Do they think this is some kind of mobster-gangster movie or something?"
My dad sighed and put his hand on top of mine. "Sweetie. He threatened your family, your daughter. Are you working on some story that could endanger you or Julie?"
I could literally hear the blood pumping through my veins. I was so angry I could explode. Who the hell did this guy think he was?
"Then what happened? How did Julie hurt herself?" Sune asked.
"Well, as soon as I saw this guy talking to Julie I knew I had to go and see who he was and find out why he was talking to my granddaughter. So I started running, but I couldn't make it in time to stop him."
"Stop him from doing what? What did he do to my daughter?" I asked with desperate voice. This was freaking me out.
"He had a whip of some sort in his hand and as soon as he told Julie to deliver the message to you he raised the whip and hit the horse in the face. The horse was naturally scared and it balked with Julie screaming and holding on to the saddle. Then it took off. It started running through the arena and eventually jumped the fence. The riding instructor was yelling and calling but it was too late. It ran towards the forest with Julie on its back. She fell off it inside of the forest and broke her wrist when she hit the ground. Her head hit a big rock." Dad showed me the helmet. The back was cracked open. "The helmet broke but luckily Julie's head is still intact."
I looked at the cracked helmet. "This could have been Julie's head," I said startled, alarmed to the point of a possible meltdown.
"Thank God she was wearing a helmet," Sune said.
I leaned back in my chair with a sigh. The story the man had been referring to had to be the story about the lobotomies done in the nineties. This was a serious threat to make me not run the story. These guys meant business. They could have killed Julie.
"Can I see her?"
"Sure. They will keep her for the night to make sure her head hasn't suffered any damage, but so far they say that it looks perfectly normal. She suffered a blow to the head though and we need to keep an eye on that. If she starts to throw up or something like that in the next couple of days."
"Sure," I said and got up from my chair. I didn't know whether to cry or be angry. So I chose to do neither. In a state of paralyzed shock I went into Julie's room.
She was sitting in her bed and smiling so sweetly when I entered. Her blue eyes stared at me.
"I'm okay Mom. Don't worry," she started. "Please don't be mad at Granddad."
I smiled and walked towards her. Her arm already had a cast on. "I'm not mad, sweetie," I said and sat on her bed. Then I hugged her for a long time until she pulled away from me.
"Mom, I just fell off the horse. It was really nothing. They say you have to fall off a hundred times before you're a real rider."
I laughed and touched her cast. "I guess we'll have to have all of your friends over to sign this thing, huh?"
She nodded. "I guess."
Then she went quiet, pensive for a moment before she spoke again: "Mom who was that man?"
I shook my head. "I don't know sweetie. I wish I did."
"He was really nice to begin with, but then he did that thing with the whip. Why did he do that?"
"I don't know that either sweetie. My guess is that he wanted to scare me. That's why he tried to get to you and give you the message instead of telling me himself. He wanted me to be afraid that something might happen to you if I didn't do what he told me to. He knows that you mean the world to me and I would never let anything happen to you."
"So you're not doing the story?" She looked at me with discontent.
"I don't think so," I said. "It's not worth it if anything happens to you. I won't risk it."
"Then he won," she said.
I exhaled deeply knowing that she was right.
"Mrs. Lejrskov, our teacher always says that if we don't tell on a bully then he'll just bully someone else."
I chuckled. "Well she is very wise. But this is a little more than bullying. Now get some rest, you hurt your head so you need it. I'll be right outside the door with Granddad and Tobias."
Julie put her head on her pillow with a smile. "I love you Mom," she mumbled just before I exited the room.
CHAPTER 34
I STAYED AT THE hospital with Julie all night and brought her home the next morning after the doctor had checked up on her and assured me that everything looked fine and normal. She could even go to school the very next day if she wanted to, he said.
I called Jens-Ole from my car and told him I wasn't going to come in that day, that I needed to spend time with my family. Luckily he understood. I didn't tell him about the story or the reason for Julie's accident. I guess I was afraid that he would be mad at me for hiding the story from him or for going ahead with a story he had clearly asked me to drop.
Julie was tired but glad to be able to spend an entire day with her mother. I turned off the phone and Julie found an old puzzle with three thousand pieces that she wanted to do with me and her granddad. My dad made coffee and hot chocolate and we sat by the kitchen table for hours and hours putting the pieces in their right places, trying to create the beautiful mountain picture that was shown on the box. We laughed and talked about everything and nothing. It felt good and I really enjoyed it. My stress level went down immediately and I found myself not thinking about work for once. Julie who only had one hand to work on the puzzle seemed happier than I had seen her in a long time.
It was what we all needed.
Later Julie and I took a nap together on the couch while Dad watched some program about gardening on TV. When I woke up it was almost six o'clock.
"Dinner," I mumbled. I had completely forgotten about my dinner with Christian. I looked at Julie. Her head was in my lap. She stretched herself and yawned. I had to cancel it, I thought. I couldn't leave her now. Not when she was this vulnerable and needed her mother the most.
"Weren't you supposed to go out tonight?" Dad asked.
I shook my head and caressed Julie's head. "I'm not going."
Julie sat up on the couch. "Why?"
I sighed. "Because I can't. You need me here."
Julie tilted her head and looked at me with her blue eyes. "Mom. We have been together all day. I'll
be going to bed in like two hours. I think I'll be fine without you until then. Grandpa and I will do something fun, right?" She looked at him and he nodded.
"Sure," he said. "We always have fun."
"Are you sure it's alright?" I looked at their faces waiting for one of them to tell me it wasn't going to be alright, that they needed me here. I badly wanted them to need me; I really wasn't in the mood to go out and especially not in the mood to leave Julie. I wanted to be there to protect her should anything happen to her again. To my disappointment they both nodded.
Julie got up from the couch. "I'll help you find something nice to wear." She started walking up the stairs. I stared at her. I really didn't want to go.
"You can't keep an eye on her forever anyway," Dad said.
I chuckled softly knowing perfectly well that he was right. I needed to be able to live my life and let Julie live her life. It was just so difficult to let go.
Christian knocked at the door at precisely six o'clock. Julie ran to open it. I followed her down the stairs and came up behind her in the open door.
"Hi, I'm Julie," she said and reached out her hand.
Christian looked at little perplexed and I felt a pinch in my stomach. I hadn't told him that I had a daughter yet and suddenly I was afraid of his reaction. I wondered if he would react anything like Giovanni, the Italian artist I had dated.
Christian smiled charmingly and then he shook her hand. "Well hello there," he said. "Have you been helping your mom get ready?"
Julie nodded eagerly.
"I thought so. I think you did an amazing job with her," he said. "She looks gorgeous."
Julie was one huge smile. So was I. Finally, a guy who knew how to talk to my daughter. Finally someone who didn't consider children as something that should be “seen and not heard.” So far so good, I thought.
"Look Mom. He brought you flowers!" Julie said.
Christian pulled out a bouquet he had been hiding behind his back. "Actually they're for you little angel," he said and winked at me while he handed them to Julie. She laughed that sweet childlike laughter of hers.
"You'd better put them in water before they die, sweetie," I said.
"Sure" she turned around and was about to walk away.
"What do you say?” I asked.
She smiled at Christian. "Thank you," she said. "Thank you so much."
He bowed lightly with a pleasant smile. "You're very welcome."
"I like him, Mom," she said just before she ran towards the kitchen with the bouquet in her hands.
"Sorry about that," I said.
Christian shook his head. "No. Don't be. She's wonderful."
"I meant I was sorry I didn't tell you I had a daughter," I said.
"I knew that," he said.
"Oh. I just figured that since I hadn't told you that you didn't know."
"I'm a journalist, remember? I do research," he said with a grin. "How do you think I figured out where you lived?" He reached out his hand. "Shall we?"
I grabbed my jacket from a hanger in the closet right behind the entrance door and put it on. Then I yelled to Dad and Julie that I was leaving and closed the door behind me. He was still holding his hand out toward me. I took it. It felt weird holding someone's hand again. Other than Julie I hadn't held hands with anyone in years. Peter and I never did it much and after we had Julie it kind of stopped. It made me feel like a teenager again. It was odd but enthralling. I guess I enjoyed it.
"I’ve never dated another journalist before," I said. "I guess I can't have many secrets."
Christian looked at me. I was so attracted to him at that moment. He seemed so vulnerable, so sad and yet so strong.
"Or maybe that's what I like about you," he said. "Your mysteriousness. You have an aura of mystery surrounding you.”
I laughed loudly. "I was just thinking that same thing about you. I can't quite put my finger on it. It's like you’re somehow too perfect."
"Then I guess we're the perfect match."
I laughed again and so did he.
We took a cab to the restaurant. Christian had reserved a table at Brohjoernet - which was an old family-owned restaurant right on the water that served old-fashioned Danish dishes like roasted pork with potatoes and parsley sauce or chopped steak with fried onions. The building was from around 1820 situated with views over the waters and Enoe in the distance. We sat at a table by the window and enjoyed the glistening lights from the cars crossing the bridge to the island. It was dark outside but the many lights from houses and cars on Enoe made the view spectacular. It was like the night was on fire.
I had a steak while Christian had the roasted pork. We didn't find it hard to talk to one another like I usually did on a first date. On the contrary we talked so much we hardly had time to eat. Christian made me laugh. He was charming and funny and he had a twinkle in his eye when he spoke. He was passionate about his work and especially about his time in Zimbabwe. He liked being there, he liked it even more so than being in Denmark, he said.
"It was hard to get back."
"Why?" I sipped my wine.
"Because it is so different here. No one is starving, everybody has everything and they don't even know how to appreciate it. Once you've tried living in a place where there is need and once you've tried what it is like to be able to help these people, to live for others instead of just yourself, then you can't go back. It was the most fulfilling yet the most frustrating time I have ever had. But I'd rather have that than living here where everything is status quo. Where there is nothing at stake. Plus it's really cold here compared to there."
I laughed. "I know. I've always dreamt about doing what you've done. Go out into the world and experience what it is like. I would love to help people like that. To hand them food or help them build a school."
Christian drank from his glass. His eyes were serious, passionate. "It was quite fulfilling. But also frustrating because you can't help everybody. The need is so huge that you can hardly comprehend it. I came there as a journalist expecting to do the organization's newsletter, website and basically help spread the word about what they do in order to raise more money but I ended up doing everything else too. By the end I was also a handyman, a schoolteacher and a nurse."
I ate some of my steak thinking how I was wasting my life making no difference in this world to anyone. But it was hard to go out in the world when you had a child who needed education and a stable environment. When I had been a war-correspondent in Iraq I had somehow felt that I was making a difference. I was telling important stories about how the Danish soldiers were helping the population, how they were changing their lives and how they were fighting to get democracy, something we took so terribly for granted in our daily lives. I had found my job there extremely fulfilling. But then I had Julie and now I was here.
Democracy, I thought and tasted the word while my eyes wandered in the room. Wasn't it my job as a reporter to protect it? Wasn't it my duty to tell the Danish population when power was misused by politicians? I sighed and looked at Christian while he was talking about Africa while gesturing with his hands. I needed this kind of passion back in my life.
But was I willing to pay the price?
I didn't know. Julie was my whole life now. I had to protect her before anything else.
"You’re so quiet all of a sudden," Christian said.
I smiled. "It's just been a busy couple of days lately. It's nice to do something else than work for a change."
Christian smiled and nodded. "I know what you mean."
"I bet you do. It can probably get hectic at the Express every now and then," I said. I emptied my glass of wine. Christian poured more in it. I was getting tipsy, but let it happen. I wanted to be relaxed and enjoy this moment. This was a nice restaurant and a nice guy that I was getting more and more attracted to as the night progressed. He kept ordering more wine and little by little I let my guard completely down. I told him about my ex-husband, how we met, how we had grown apart, how
he had developed mental issues after coming back from war, how he had become more and more sick as the months passed and how I finally had to leave him in order to protect my daughter.
"That must have been tough on Julie?" Christian asked.
I smiled. I loved that he thought about her before me. I nodded. "It was. She was still pretty young so she didn't understand much of it, but she missed him a lot. Still does."
"So where is he now?"
I shrugged. "Haven't heard from him in two years. He probably left the country to go God knows where. Like you he found it hard to come back. He was an adrenalin junkie. So he kept going back."
"That's really sad," Christian said. "He had everything. A beautiful wife and a wonderful daughter. I don't get people who throw away everything like that. What I wouldn't give to have what he had."
"You're a family man?" I asked surprised. He kept amazing me. He was nothing like I had first taken him for.
"I always wanted a family."
"So why don't you?"
"Well, it just never happened. I'm thirty-seven and I'm still alone," he said. "I guess I made some stupid choices along the way. I thought it would happen eventually, but it never did."
"Haven't you been close? Like engaged to be married or something?" I asked while the waiter brought my dessert. Apple pie with whipped cream. I didn't even think about it twice before I dug in.
"There have been a few," he said while I ate, "but never anything really serious. I think I have been too involved in my work to really be able to devote myself fully to a relationship."
The warm apple pie tasted heavenly. I drank some wine. Then I looked at him. His eyes had a sadness to them.
"My parents died when my sister and I were only eight," he said. "I guess I find it hard to be close to anyone. I'm too afraid to lose them."
I smiled and put my hand on top of his. The touch made my skin shiver. He had never looked so attractive than he did at this vulnerable moment.
"So you're twins? You and your sister?" I asked. "You said you were both eight when they died."