by Willow Rose
"You will get out of this room. When you're ready," he said with deep assuring voice. "But right now you're not well, we need to help you get back on your path with God. It's God's will. He brought you here."
Soren stroked the girl's cheek gently while smiling. Oh the smoothness and freshness of young skin. He always enjoyed touching it especially the new ones. It excited him so.
"Don't worry. I'm here to help you. You'll thank me one day."
The girl was sobbing now, first sign of the brokenness starting in her. She was about to give in now. This one wasn't going to take long. She was feisty still, but Soren had seen worse cases. He had taken care of them all.
Just like the Priest had taken care of him.
Just arriving at the camp Soren had thought he was only going to stay there for a few days and nights - just until he found a place to live and could take care of himself again. He probably only needed a few days to recover he thought as they showed him a small room at the camp with nothing but a bed, a dresser and a huge wooden cross on the wall over the bed. On the dresser lay a book that Anders Granlund had written and a silver cross that Soren still carried with him wherever he went. Toilet and bathroom was shared with the others in the camp and was down the hallway, they told him. Then they let him alone, let him settle in and get some sleep.
Never in his life had Soren slept better and heavier. This was really a nice place and the people were so nice to him it was almost unbelievable, he thought when he woke up and looked outside the window onto the deep dark pine forest surrounding the camp. Underneath his window was a huge courtyard where he saw people walking and talking, some were alone praying while holding a book out in front of them.
It was nice to know that he always had a place to turn, where friends would welcome him with open arms if he ever found himself in trouble again. He was beginning to think that this God-thing maybe wasn't so bad after all. The love for your neighbor and the forgiving part, he really liked. Maybe he would look into it some more. If these people were representing God then he wanted God in his life as well. He wanted to be good like them, good to others, taking care of them.
So Soren Sejr stayed at the camp for a few more days than planned and studied the ways of the church members and was very impressed by the way they labored and worked for the community without complaining, without murmuring about the hard work. And they never expected anything from him. Not once did they tell him that he had to do anything. For the first time in his life no one bossed him around, no one told him what to do, no one asked him to take care of them like his girlfriend had done, like his parents had done before her. For the first time the heavy weight of responsibility was lifted off his shoulders. It filled him with relief and great peace at mind.
"Just enjoy yourself and let the love of God fill you," they said.
So he did. He enjoyed the food, the friends, the beautiful surroundings and on his long walks through the forest where he often talked to God and asked him for direction, he never thought once that the high barbed-wired fence could be meant for anything else but keeping people out of the camp. It never occurred to him that it might be there to keep him and the others in.
After two months Soren Sejr thought it was time to move on. He had been living of their generosity long enough he told his new friends. But now he was feeling great and ready to start over. He would never forget their hospitality and all they had done for him and if he ever could repay them, he would.
"Just let me know. You're my friends and I really see you as my family."
Anders Granlund whom Soren had learned to call the Priest like the rest did in the camp looked at him while shaking his head slowly, closing his eyes, exhaling deeply.
"Well here you go again leaving people," he said. "Isn't that what you always do, Soren? Leave the people you love? I know you've done it in the past, first your parents, next your girlfriend. Isn't it about time you broke that pattern and stayed for once? We feel it is time for you to break those bad behavior patterns in your life and we're here to help you."
The Priest had looked to the other three from the leader-group that was present and they nodded in agreement.
"I don't understand," Soren said and looked from one face to the other of the camp leaders. He smiled and chuckled insecurely thinking it was like they didn't understand what he was saying. He felt a little overwhelmed by their love for him, thinking they exaggerated slightly and acted a little overly dramatic. "I mean I will definitely be back to visit every now and then. I just think it's time for me to get out and get a job and take care of myself for once. I think I'm ready to stand on my own two legs again."
"Well that's where we disagree, Soren. We don't think you're ready for that world. It'll just tear you apart again. What kind of a family would we be if we didn't protect you against such a failure and disaster? We think you should stay," the Priest said.
"We really think you should," one of the leaders repeated.
"But ... I don't want to be a burden anymore. You guys have already done so much for me," Soren said.
"True," the Priest replied. "We have done much for you. That's what families do. So why are you repaying us by leaving us?"
"We are very saddened by your decision to leave us," another leader stated.
Not knowing what to say to not hurt their feelings further, Soren Sejr had stuttered and looked at their faces with helplessness. "I didn't know you felt this way," he said. "But I have friends on the outside that I miss and I want to get an education. It's about time I start taking responsibility for myself and move on with my life. I have decided I want to be a carpenter. I want to start my own business. Maybe I want to find a girlfriend and have children and start a small family of my own."
The Priest and the three others around the table had stared at Soren Sejr while shaking their heads in disbelief.
"I have to say you really disappoint me, Soren," the Priest said. "I'm sorry to have to do this, but it is for your own protection. You will never make it out there in the world. You belong here with us now. We're your family. We only want the best for you."
Then the Priest signaled the three others and they stood up and grabbed Soren by the arms and dragged him inside, into a bathroom where they locked the door and left him for five days without food or toilet paper. He survived by drinking the water from the tap. Every day the Priest would check on him. He came into the bathroom with a stick in his hand and a crucifix in the other. Then he beat the fierceness out of Soren until he pleaded him to stop.
When they finally unlocked the door and let Soren come out, he knew he had lost. He was defeated and he never talked about leaving the camp again. The humiliation had done him good, just like it would do this girl good too, Soren thought to himself as he slapped her across the face till she fell onto the tiles, bleeding from the mark his ring had made on her cheek. Then he held up his crucifix and kissed it before he pulled off her panty hose.
"I'm so sorry I have to do this to you," he said as he took out his sex and she screamed. "It's for your own protection. I only want what's best for you."
CHAPTER 38
IT HAD BEEN a full day, Soren Sejr thought to himself as he prepared for bed. He said his Latin phrases that the Priest had written in his book and told them to say before going to bed, then he repented and asked God to forgive all of his sin and finally he kissed his silver crucifix ninety-nine times like the Priest had taught him to do.
Soren wouldn't say he actually missed the Priest but he did feel kind of sad that he was gone. He had taught Soren so many valuable lessons and nothing would ever be the same with Isabella Dubois as the leader. Soren knew that much. But luckily for Soren he had been around so long that he had nothing to fear from her. He wasn't a threat and he had always treated her nicely, always obeying her orders. Even if she was much younger, she had a higher rank than him and Soren had been smart enough to respect that fact from the beginning. He never questioned the Priest's methods or orders and he wasn't going to do
that with Isabella either. He was way too smart for that. Soren Sejr minded his own business and never got in anyone’s way. As long as he could have his, taking care of the youngsters and newcomers, he was satisfied. As soon as he had broken them he would hand them over to Hans Christian Bille who would begin rebuilding them. That wasn't Soren's thing. He enjoyed breaking them. The rest he didn't care much about. It was beating the resistance out of them, beating their willfulness out of them that was the fun part. That was what he loved and was good at.
But now Hans Christian Bille was no longer there either and that upset Soren. Who was supposed to take over where he left off? Soren sure wasn't going to do it. He didn't have it in him to be gentle. That wasn't his strength.
Well that was Isabella's headache now, wasn't it? He thought to himself as he put the head on the pillow and closed his eyes.
That night Soren Sejr had a dream. He was walking towards the isolation room when he realized the iron door was open and someone had escaped. He ran to the courtyard outside where someone stood with their back turned and bent over the ground. He looked down and realized the person was drawing circles in the gravel. Carefully inside of them she placed objects, one in the middle of each. As he slowly approached he saw what it was she was placing inside of them. It was human parts. In one it was teeth that had fallen out, in another hair that looked very similar to his own, in a third it was a finger bearing his ring, then an eyeball that was staring back at him resembling very much his own eye, finally in the last one she placed a drop of something greenish, some liquid that glowed in the dark night. Soren looked at her not understanding what all this meant. Then she turned her head and he staggered backwards. He recognized her crooked face and glowing green eyes.
Then she laughed. A manic hysterical laughter while the green stuff in the circle grew and turned into a huge flood that soon drowned him. Under the surface he felt hands grabbing his feet and pulling him down.
Soren Sejr woke up with a scream.
He gasped for breath and tumbled out of bed, still wheezing, panting breathlessly. Even if the dream was over he still felt like he was drowning, his lungs filled with water. He coughed and coughed trying to get it up and be able to breathe again and soon he spurted blood out all over the floor. He tried to scream again, to call for help, but no sound left his body. Half-choked he reached to the dresser and grabbed his crucifix. He held it high in the air and prayed with spurts and gushes of blood spraying out of him. He felt the skin burning on his fingers and arms and soon he noticed it started to fall off along with his teeth and hair. He squeezed the cross praying, asking God why this was happening.
"Oh but you already know, don't you?" a voice in the room said.
Soren turned his head and while vomit spurted out of his mouth he tried once again to scream. But not a sound left his body. The little girl with the green eyes standing in front of him smiled and laughed like she had done in his dream.
Yes, Soren Sejr knew perfectly well why this was happening in the seconds before he died.
He only wondered why it hadn't happened until now.
CHAPTER 39
WE ENDED UP spending the night in Dad's room at the hospital. The nurses rolled in more beds for us and made sure we had enough to eat. When we woke up the next morning and finished our breakfast the director of the SIS, Gunnar Moll, came into the room and asked to talk to me and Sune.
I told him I appreciated that he spared the kids unnecessary worry as we walked into a small office he had borrowed to the occasion.
"Well, I have kids of my own," he said.
Gunnar Moll sat behind a desk and looked at the both of us. I felt nervous and grabbed Sune's hand.
"First of all I'm very sorry that we had to put you all through this, but I do hope you understand that we have to be very cautious with this kind of thing," he said nodding.
I couldn't quite detect if he was about to give us good news or bad news. I hoped for the first and expected the last.
"We're glad you're thorough," Sune said.
Gunnar Moll stared down at the papers in front of him for a little too long for my taste. It made me feel sick and uncomfortable. It seemed like he was finding the courage to tell us the results.
"It doesn't appear that any of you - except for your father - have been exposed to any radiation, I'm pleased to tell you," he finally said.
A huge sigh of relief came from the both of us.
"Yes I understand you're feeling relieved. But the fact that we haven't been able to detect anything in you or on your clothes doesn't mean that you are completely in the clear. You might have been exposed to something that we can't detect or you might be exposed to it otherwise later on. Since we haven't found the source of your dad’s exposure, that doesn't mean it's not there. Therefore you all be aware of the following symptoms of radiation sickness." Gunnar Moll lifted a piece of paper and started reading: "fatigue, fainting, bruising, hair loss, diarrhea, weakness, bloody stool, dehydration, mouth ulcers, vomiting blood, sloughing of skin, nausea, open sores on the skin, skin burns, redness, blistering, ulcers in the stomach, bleeding from the nose, mouth, gums or otherwise, inflammation, swelling, bleeding of the skin. Be aware that early symptoms of radiation sickness mimic those of the flu and may go unnoticed unless a blood count is done."
He put the paper down and looked at us. "Again any of these symptoms should in your case be a cause to visit a doctor immediately. And remember we there is a difference between external contamination and internal contamination. External contamination happens when radioactive material in the form of powder, dust or liquid comes in contact with a person's clothing, skin or hair. People who are contaminated externally may become contaminated internally should the radioactive material get inside of them. Internal radiation contamination happens when people either breathe or swallow radioactive materials, or when these materials enter their bodies through open wounds or get absorbed through their skin. Some forms of radioactive materials remain in a person's body and get deposited in various organs. Other forms of radioactive materials are eliminated from a person's body through urine, blood, feces or sweat. If someone who has been exposed to radiation vomits less than an hour after being exposed, it usually means the dose of radiation they received is very high and they will most likely die. Please see a doctor if any of you have severe symptoms or even if you're in doubt. Now as far as we know we are talking about Polonium 210 here and luckily for you it acts slightly different than other radioactive materials. Polonium 210 is a highly radioactive and chemically toxic element. But it represents a radiation hazard only if taken into the body. It's important to note that alpha particles do not travel very far - no more than a few centimeters in air. They are stopped by a sheet of paper or by the dead layer of outer skin on our bodies. Therefore, external exposure from Po-210 is not a concern and Po-210 does not represent a risk to human health as long as Po-210 remains outside the body. Most traces of it on a person can be eliminated through careful hand-washing and showering. It might leave a rash but it is no further risk to the person's health if not ingested. Po-210 can enter the body through eating and drinking of contaminated food, breathing contaminated air or through a wound. Internal contamination with Po-210 is however very dangerous. It is more than 250,000 times as toxic as cyanide, and is very hard to find in the body. Polonium 210 has a half-life of about 138 days, making it thousands of times more radioactive than the nuclear fuels used in early atomic bombs. It is considered to be one of the most hazardous radioactive materials known and if ingested, it is lethal in extremely small doses. Less than 1 gram of the silver powder is sufficient to kill. Once deposited in the bloodstream, its potent effects are nearly impossible to stop. A poisoning victim would experience multiple organ failure as alpha radiation particles bombard the liver, kidneys and bone marrow from within. The symptoms - nausea, hair loss, throat swelling and pallor - are also typical."
"But ... but my dad has internal contamination, then," I said feeling slightly
confused on the verge of panicking. "Will he die? What is going to happen to him?"
"We will need to monitor his blood count and white blood cells. So far it all looks fine, but we don't know if it will affect him further. The dose that was found in his bloodstream is far less than the lethal dose and only slightly higher than what is normally found in the human body. I can't say for sure that it won't have any effect on his health along the road, I wish I could, but I can say that I'm very optimistic."
"You don't know where he was exposed to it?" Sune asked.
I felt his frustration. It was great to know that we were in the clear but since we didn't know where Dad had been exposed to this radiation we had no chance of avoiding it in the future. For all I knew it could just as well have happened here than back at home.
"We have examined the cabin you have been living in and found nothing. At first we suspected it might have been a transport accident nearby that might not have been reported, contaminating the ground and maybe the water, but that didn't seem to be the case. The dose your dad has been exposed to is very very small and it is only because he was weak and had previous health issues before it happened that his blood clotted."
"But it's internal? Won't it destroy his tissue eventually?" I asked.
"We do have treatments. We will give him Dimercaprol right away and I have great confidence that it will prevent just that," Gunnar Moll said and accompanied the statement with a small yet quite reassuring smile.
I felt somewhat relieved but still disturbed as we said goodbye to Gunnar Moll. A doctor came to our room and told us we could leave the hospital if we wanted. My dad was to stay however since they wanted to monitor his development further. Plus they were about to begin a new treatment on him and wanted to make sure he didn't have a bad reaction to it. Given his age and earlier health issues it was vital to keep him under observation.