I returned the nod but didn’t trust my voice not to crack so I said nothing.
“I see you brought a sparring partner,” Helix said.
“I was sitting outside, waiting to see if our girl would show up for her morning workout,” Jake explained.
I pinched my lips together, trying to avoid any outward sign I knew Jake was lying. Helix noticed my twinge because he gave me a raised eyebrow and a half grin in return. I’d gotten the result I’d hoped for, but the misdirection was still hard to take.
“Got an open mat?” I steered the conversation in the direction I wanted to go.
“Right over there.”
Helix pointed to an empty mat so Jake and I walked to it and squared off.
“Let’s not get as serious as the last time,” he said.
The first and last time I’d sparred with Jake in Helix’s gym things got a little out of hand. We both left with broken noses and blood smeared all over our faces.
“I don’t want a broken nose,” I agreed with him.
We started out with a little boxing with no face punches then I threw in one of my favorite moves and swept his legs out from under him. I didn’t use it often anymore so when I did it was more of a surprise than expected.
Jake fell to the floor and I moved to stand over him. I smiled and offered him my hand.
As soon as he regained his footing he surprised me in return with the move I’d just used. I was down and he stood over me, offering his hand. I couldn’t help but grin back at him as I took his help up.
Things got more aggressive after that, but neither of us could get the better of the other. Finally, I feigned a misstep and Jake grabbed me from behind. He slid his arms under mine and interlocked his fingers behind my head. My arms were being held over my head and I let them go limp. We stood there for a moment, panting.
“You let me get ahold of you, didn’t you?” Jake said into my ear.
“Uh-huh,” I said in a playful tone while backing as snugly into Jake as I could.
Jake’s breathing became heavier and I felt him almost nuzzle the back of my head with his face. I smiled at Helix, who was glaring with disapproval from across the gym and dropped out of Jake’s hold far enough to get a grip on Jake’s arms, then I put all my weight into throwing him over the top of me and to the ground. This time I didn’t go over to help him up.
“There are advantages to being a woman,” I said when Jake righted himself. Then I tossed him a towel to dry his sweat and wiped at my own face.
“Want to go for lunch?” he asked after we’d both dropped our towels into one of the towel bins near our mat.
“Nah. I have some things I need to get done.”
I hadn’t checked my surveillance of White and Associates yet today and I needed to keep up on it. I didn’t expect to find anything helpful, but I didn’t dare put it off in case something came up.
“You going to shower before we go?”
“Might as well,” he said.
I followed him toward the locker rooms and as soon as he went into the men’s I went over to Helix and thanked him for the use of his gym.
“Nice move you had there,” he said.
I grinned at him and told him I wanted to leave before Jake got out of the shower and I didn’t want him following me. I’d needed some physical touch and the sparring in the gym worked just as well as sparring in the bedroom.
“No problem. I’ll stall him as long as I can. Hope I’ll be seeing you again soon.”
I smiled and left by the front doors.
I’d already taken a quick shower and was preparing to go over my surveillance tapes before Jake called.
“What the hell, Alex?”
“Sorry. I’m relocating again so I left before you got out of the shower.”
“Damn it. I thought you were going to start trusting me again.”
I laughed. “Never again, Jake. I might take a risk from time to time but don’t mistake that for trust.”
“I’d like to know if you leave town. That’s if you can bring yourself to keep a friend informed,” he said.
I laughed.
“I’ll keep you informed. Just find me another job. I’m getting bored.”
“I bet no one has ever complained about your work ethic.”
“Not yet.”
I hung up and started replaying the audio and video I’d captured from White and Associates over the past day.
It was business as usual until around noon yesterday and I heard Gabriella’s voice come through the intercom.
“Line one,” she said.
Green picked up the phone and said, “No progress to report.”
“We’re doing everything we can,” he said gruffly after a short pause. “I’ll be in touch as soon as I get new information or I’ll talk to you again next week.”
Another pause and then Green said, “Understood.”
He replaced the receiver back into the cradle with more force than was necessary. Then he pushed the button on the intercom.
“Gabriella? Can you call Mr. Red and ask him to come to the office as soon as possible?”
“Of course,” Gabriella’s voice came back to him.
I fast forwarded the feed until I saw Red walk into the office.
“I just had my weekly chat,” Green said.
“And?”
“And he’s getting anxious. Are we certain we know where Alan is?”
“Yes,” Red confirmed.
“Do you understand what this means?” Green shook his head and sighed heavily.
“Yes.” Red looked troubled. “We have a very powerful enemy pretending to be an ally.”
I could tell from their demeanor things were serious over at White and Associates and the only thing I could do was remind myself my help wasn’t wanted. They had thrown me away so why did I feel the urge to help them if they were in trouble. I beat down the concern with all the bad memories of the past months.
“We’re going to have to make a decision soon,” Green said.
“You can’t be considering an actual trade.”
“We might have to.”
“Look. The news of Alan’s whereabouts is a blow, but he needs to stay there,” Red said.
“Retrieving him will be the final option but I think we might be coming up on that sooner than we’d like.”
“Our odds of retrieving Alan and surviving aren’t good. Haven’t we already lost enough?” Red asked.
“We’ve lost too much. I’m only trying to save what we can. Tell me where we’re at with our latest lead.”
“Brown and I are flying out to check into that lead in about an hour. Our best bet right now is to let this play out before we jump into treason. This could be the information we need. But, if we move too fast and take the steps out of order we run the risk of losing any chance of recovering anything and we might end up with less than we have now,” Red cautioned.
“I know. I just don’t like leaving people in the hands of the enemy.”
“Give it a little more time. I’ll be in touch as soon as we meet with the informant. Probably later this evening or first thing in the morning.”
Green nodded his head and Red left the office. As soon as the door was shut Green started pacing and didn’t stop for thirty minutes.
Through the course of the day, Green fielded a few more phone calls but spent a great deal of time pacing. He even ate his lunch on his feet. Just before quitting time Gabriella announced Red was on the phone.
Green answered the call.
“Tell me you have good news, Red. What information did he have for us?” Green asked.
It must have been bad news because Green rubbed at his temple with his free hand.
“Get home then.”
As soon as he hung up he walked to the front office. I had to turn up my volume because I could barely hear him ask Gabriella if she minded closing up. She must have agreed because he left for the night.
I fast forwarded through
the rest of the night until I saw Green and Black walk into the office together.
I slowed the feed to regular speed just in time to hear Black say, “I saw Alex this morning.”
Green cocked his head to the side. “She must be back from Chicago. What was said?”
They must have an open search on the name Alex Grey to know about the flight I bought to Chicago.
“Nothing. Jensen was with her.”
“Where did you see her?” Green asked.
“The gym. She called and asked Helix to set up some sparring partners so I thought she’d be coming alone. Not sure what’s going on over at Mesa. We might want to keep a closer eye on that and her.”
“I already am. She’s no longer staying at the lodge, but I haven’t located her yet,” Green said.
I got a little chill when I heard him say they were actively looking. I’d have to be careful. I was familiar with a lot of their employees but not all of them.
Black said, “Call me when you have any solid leads on Grey or—Malone.”
“Will do,” Green said.
That was the first time I’d heard them speak his name since I started my surveillance. The hesitation and sorrow in Black’s voice as he spoke made me sick to my stomach with my own grief.
After Black left the office, I fast-forwarded until I caught up to real time and switched the live feed to record. It was too much to deal with right now.
Chapter Eleven
TWO DAYS ALTERNATING BETWEEN LYING in bed, reconsidering my life choices, and pacing my apartment didn’t do much to lighten my mood.
Hearing the way Black said White’s name a couple days ago had put me into a funk I couldn’t shake. I wasn’t the only one still grieving, but I was the only one who didn’t have anyone to talk to. Black hardly ever spoke so what was wrong with me. Why couldn’t I handle this like him? I was barely functioning from day to day. The loss of White was literally eating me from the inside out.
Red’s face popped into my mind and not because I was picturing new ways to get even with him but because I was seriously considering getting some professional help. This scared the crap out of me. Not only knowing I probably needed help but asking Red for that help. Neither one of those things was something I ever wanted to do, not even in an imagined scenario. I didn’t have a psychology degree, but I knew I couldn’t go to a stranger and tell them my sad story. So that left Red.
I have to get past this on my own. I have to.
I imagined myself lying on the couch in White’s office and Red sitting in White’s chair with a notebook, writing down everything I said, my desolation growing as broad as Red’s smug look with each passing minute. Then Jake stormed into my thoughts and punched Red in the nose.
“She doesn’t need you. She has me,” he said.
I felt triumph before I realized Jake would never do that. It wasn’t in his nature to save me, even if I wanted him to.
Despite the serious depression I was fighting I kept having inappropriate thoughts about Jake. Him standing in his doorway in nothing but his underwear was where it usually started. Somehow that same animal attraction was acceptable when White was the target of my obsession but impure when Jake was the temptation.
I tried to redirect my daydreams of Jake to memories of being with White, but I couldn’t think about White without wanting to curl up into a ball and pretend I no longer existed. Thinking about being with another man so soon after finding out White was gone was wrong and I knew it. So why was I doing it?
My latest fantasy left me frustrated rather than exhilarated. Yet it gave me reason to analyze my current state of mind. Why did I always end up thinking about Jake? My grief had morphed into a yearning for physical touch.
Our relationship hadn’t been a bad one. If White had never been in the picture I was sure I would have caved to Jake's charms on the first day we met. I’d become friends with Jake but he wasn’t one of those types of friends that helps you no matter what, he was one of those friends who helped you if it helped him. If that attitude would have allowed for anything more than a physical relationship was unclear. White would have died for me. That would never cross Jake’s mind. Had I never known White I might not have known the way it was really supposed to work. If only I could die to bring him back to the men across the street who were still grieving him.
It took me the past two days of wishing White back at my own expense to figure out that I was teetering on the edge. The fantasies of Jake made more sense. I was putting him in all the little holes left from losing White, my partners, Colin—everything.
Considering a different man for anything, even just companionship, felt like a betrayal. Still, I wanted someone to hold me tight and tell me everything would be okay. Tell me the pain would lessen with time, and until then they’d be there for me. I guess I wanted Jake to fill those shoes. Why I’d been trying to compare him to White was insanity. No one would ever compare. That kind of thing happened once in a lifetime and I should be happy to have found it, even if it didn’t last long enough.
I TOOK IN A DEEP breath and rolled out of bed. It was already late in the day so I ordered some food for delivery. Jake might be a good choice for man of the hour but for a lasting commitment he wasn’t what I wanted. I couldn't let things go any further than they had already until I was sure I could walk away emotionally. I literally slapped myself in the face and said out loud, “Put on your big girl panties!” It didn’t help and I broke down and cried until my intercom announced my food was finally here.
I paid the delivery man out in the lobby and brought the food back to my apartment.
I’d been ignoring my surveillance and it was time to catch up. It was highly possible I’d missed some telling information while I was wallowing in my own sorrow.
I turned on my laptop and started scanning the recording.
I stopped the action several times, but I didn’t hear or see anything worth my time until all of my partners met in the office around midnight last night.
“I know we are all aware of what’s going on, but we have some decisions to make,” Green started the meeting.
“Since none of our leads have panned out we have to start over,” Green said. His tone made me imagine an eye roll to go with his statement but he was facing away from the camera so I didn’t see it.
“Are we really back to square one?” Brown wasn’t asking a question of any of the men in the office.
“I know this is frustrating,” Red said. “But I think we need to try all avenues before attempting to retrieve Alan.”
Who was this Alan guy? Did he have anything to do with White’s death? If not, why had they stopped looking for answers?
“But,” Green cut in, “I think we should start considering that option.”
“I’m not convinced that’s even an option,” Blue said.
“Man. I know that Alan deserves the entire world to come crashing down on him but I’m inclined to agree with Green,” Brown said.
Green held up his hand.
“I suggest we take a vote tonight to find out where we all stand. That gives both sides at least a day to explain our positions to one another. When Red and I get back we’ll hold another meeting and discuss our options in more detail, and if need be, take another vote.”
I saw the men all nodding their heads in agreement.
“A vote yay is in favor of retrieval and nay is opposed. Brown?”
“Yay.”
“Blue?” Green asked.
“Nay.”
“Red?”
“Nay,” Red said.
“Black?”
“Yay.”
“And I vote yay,” Green said. “Three in favor of retrieval and two opposed.”
“If we go in for Alan I’m certain we won’t make it out,” Red said.
“You’ll have the opportunity to sway me, Black, and Brown before we take another vote,” Green said. “But right now we have other decisions to make. First off, we need to decide what we�
��re going to do about the Admiral. He’s not been forthcoming and we all know it. I hate to say it, but I’m not certain he can be trusted any longer, for anything.”
That was a shock to me. I wondered what my father was doing to put my partners so on edge about his loyalties. He owned at least half of White and Associates so I couldn’t imagine him doing anything to hurt the company. Not without a much larger agenda.
“I don’t think we need to vote on that one,” Blue said. “I sure as hell don’t trust the prick. He knows exactly what happened to White and so do we. It pisses me off he’s treating us all like a bunch of idiots.”
Wait. What?
I rewound the feed and listened to that again. I wasn’t sure what I should take from this. Blue said the Admiral knew what happened to White. That wasn’t new information, but he also said they knew, too. Why wouldn’t they let me know? Why would they keep me in the dark?
“I recommend not taking any more jobs from him that could be sensitive in nature until we’ve figured everything out,” Red said. “But I’m not opposed to allowing our current contracts with the Admiral to continue. Or even starting up new contracts with him. Just nothing significant. Stanton knows we are wrapped up in our investigation into Malone and won’t find it strange if we don’t take on anything critical. If the Admiral has anything to do with any of this, we can’t let on we know, or even suspect his involvement.”
“I agree. If anyone has a different suggestion let’s hear it,” Green said.
The room was quiet for thirty seconds. My thoughts were all over the place. Could my father have something to do with White’s death?
“Since we are all in agreement all sensitive jobs for the Admiral are suspended. Now onto something we’ve all been avoiding. What are we going to do about Grey? Anything?”
“What can we do?” Blue asked. “She’s making her own choices and I don’t even know what those are. Do you?”
“No. Still haven’t had any luck in locating her. She could become a serious liability that we’ll have to contend with.”
“She could be one already and we’re just not aware of it. Her profession isn’t one that lends itself to a well-balanced mental state for the standard mercenary and we all know Grey’s not the standard Merc. My contact inside Mesa says they don’t even know where she’s at. If she has no one in her corner that only adds to the risk,” Red said.
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