After the second day I gave up trying to fit in. There was no use; I’d come home in shame. Yes I’d just finished the American leg of a major campaign, in which I was the new face of a known label, and in a few weeks I would be off to Europe to finish up there, but I felt like a failure all the same.
I realized now that all of that meant nothing to me; nothing meant anything without him, my master.
Just thinking of him brought a sharp pain that made me curl into myself. I had to stuff my fist into my mouth so as not to alarm the rest of the household. Already they were whispering and wondering what was wrong with me.
My smile was no longer fooling anyone, it couldn’t hide the torn ravages of my heart and I’m sure they’d all heard me crying myself to sleep at night.
I’d been keeping up my journal though since he’d packed it in my suitcase the day he sent me away. I poured my heart and soul out in that thing when there was no one there to hear my words.
I couldn’t share this new experience with anyone here. They wouldn’t understand I don’t believe. Besides I didn’t want to share him with anyone I needed to hold the memories inside less they fade away.
So I kept up my journal and I hoped and prayed everyday that he would show up, but by the end of the first week and the middle of the second I’d given up hope.
Why would he bother? I’d known the rules, and that last day I’d broken them spectacularly, not because I found them confining or too strict, no I needed that, I fed off of it. But because I was being a petulant child I had lost everything.
I thought of getting on a train or a plane, I could afford that now, and going to him, confronting him, insisting eh take me back. But each time I played out that scenario in my head it always ended with the same thought. That too would be disobedient, he’d sent me here and here is where I needed to stay until he came. But what if he never came? Then I was lost forever.
I heard my mother come into my room and sit on the edge of my bed. Her hand smoothing back my hair brought a modicum of comfort but not enough to pierce the dark void of my heart.
“Sweetheart you have to come down, you must eat something it’s been three days if you carry on like this your father and I have decided we’ll have no choice but to take you to ole doc Lewis.”
“I’m fine momma I just want to sleep.”
“But that’s all you’ve done since you got here and I can’t see where it’s done you any good. Now come on down and sit with the family. Grandma Rose brought over some of that boysenberry jam you like so much.” Her warm lips against my cheek brought back childhood memories, memories of a happier time, a time before I knew what true heartache really meant.
I just rolled over and turned my face to the wall. Her deep sigh of disappointment couldn’t break through the cloak I’d wrapped myself in. I didn’t care, I only cared about him and the love I knew I’d once had but had squandered so stupidly in one selfish act of rebellion.
***
CALLAN
Something woke me out of a deep sleep. I’m not sure what it as but I woke up in a cold sweat. Looking over at the bedside table a look at the clock told me it was almost three in the morning.
I couldn’t for the life of me remember what had awakened me but…”Kitten”. I dropped me feet on the side of the bed and jumped up. The urgency was riding me hard as I rushed through getting dressed and calling the pilot to get ready. If he couldn’t make it I would fly the damn thing myself.
It was a three hour flight with added time for airport travel here and there it should take me no more than for hours tops that would put me there at about six or seven just when the farm was waking up I suppose.
I could call and talk to her but somehow I knew that wouldn’t do it. I’d have to stop and look at what made me so sure that she was in trouble and that she needed me at another time, right now I just wanted her in my arms where I was sure she was safe.
Anyone who says that cussing at people to get them to move their ass doesn’t work hasn’t tried it. I had to ream out more assholes in a ten-minute span than I usually do all day.
It got the job done though I’m sure some of those people were calling me every name in the book. I’d make it up to them later, right now anything that stood in the way of me getting to her was going to be annihilated.
By the time I was strapped in and the plane was flying over the city, I was finally calming down. I’d called Josh and told him where I was going, since I wouldn’t be there for our daily briefing session.
He’d only bitched for a minute before telling me ‘I told you so’ and then gone back to sleep. I liked it better when he was on my shit list.
I had a car waiting for me when I landed and barely spared the people at the counter a glance. My usual courteous behavior had flown the coop.
When I got out and on the road, it was like being in another world. I actually felt myself relax back in my seat. It could be because I was going to her, because I was in the place where my baby had grown and been nurtured in her formative years, I have no idea, all I know is that the raw energy that had been coursing through me since she’d been gone was winding down.
When the GPS said two minutes to your destination my cock perked right the fuck up. I fought and won control. There were still some things that had to be dealt with.
What happened could never happen again. The problem was that I was in love with her, there was a delicate balance, I didn’t see why the fuck that had to be, but it was.
Being in love with her didn’t stop me from wanting to control the shit out of her, in fact it made me want to do it more, but maybe she wasn’t as submissive as I’d first thought.
That wasn’t it either, and I hadn’t figured it out in the days that we’d been apart so I was pretty sure I wasn’t going to in the next minute and a half.
Whatever the problem we were going to have to figure some shit out soon. A Dom in the true sense is never to make his sub think that she is irreplaceable, she must always know that he can live without her.
A husband on the other hand is a whole different story. I may not have a grasp as yet as to what her problem was, but I knew mine. I was in love with her before I ever touched her.
My two worlds collided; I still need to dominate, to control, to own. The lover and the Dom had become one, there was no distinction between the two. Is that why she’d been confused?
Shit, my brain would choose now to kick in to gear. In the last few days I’ve been going on autopilot. Between running the business and keeping up with Josh’s shenanigans where his mother was concerned I’d hardly had time to think.
He wanted to rush into things and feed her just desserts. I wanted to make sure there was no backlash on him from whatever we did.
In the end, I had the perfect solution and hoped like fuck it worked the way I wanted it to. I had planned on waiting until after that had been taken care of before brining Kitten home but this urgency I felt told me I didn’t have the luxury of time.
Somehow, I’d convinced myself that she was here having fun; that she was playing catch up with her friends and relaxing because she knew I was going to come get her eventually, now I wasn’t so sure.
I made the turn off to the farm and got my first surprise. I’d been expecting some little rundown farm- house with weather beaten barns dotting the landscape and half starved cows crying in the backyard with chickens clucking or whatever the fuck it was they did.
When I’d looked into her family’s background, I hadn’t paid too much attention to their layout here. I knew they were finally breaking even for the first time in years and that her dad seemed to have a pretty good head on his shoulder, the business farmer I’d secretly dubbed him.
Still, I’d never given much thought to what the place might actually look like. It was like every painting I’d ever seen of Midwestern America from a gone by era.
The barns instead of worn grey and toppling over were bright red with white trim. The house itself was Georgian style br
ick which some of it I could see had been recently added.
The land seemed to go on forever and instead of the off-putting smells I’d half expected, the sweet smell of hay filled the morning air.
I saw the wiry man with the wide brim hat pulled low over his brow approaching as soon as I came to a stop.
I hopped out of the car and waited for his easy-going gait to catch up. “Morning, you lost?” he was her father, had to be; same hair, and my baby’s eyes.
“Is this the Harper farm?”
“Sure is, and you are?”
“Callan O’Rourke.” He sized me up but I could see he wasn’t too surprised by the name. I saw the little smile cross his face before it was quickly replaced by something else, something more formidable.
“Well now, I don’t know if to welcome you or kick your ass boy.”
Boy, he wasn’t much older than I am. The other, I’d leave alone for now until I found out why it was he wanted to kick my ass. Not that he’d ever get the chance. I’m in love with his daughter yes but I haven’t lost my fucking balls.
I just folded my arm and rested back against the car and let the man say what was on his mind. “And why is that?”
“Well now, I don’t know what all went on between you and my little girl and I reckon she’s of that age when she can do as she please. Her momma had her when she was about her age so I figure she’s grown. But what I didn’t figure was that when I sent my little girl off to the big city to make her way that she would come back here broken.”
I stood up from the car and advanced towards him.
“You wouldn’t happen to know anything about that would you Mr. O’Rourke? The reason I’m asking is because you told me and he ma that we could trust you to look after her…”
“Where is she?” I started looking around like I expected her to materialize right in front of me.
“I don’t know if I should…hey.”
He was talking to the wind because I pushed past him and bounded up the three short steps and through his front door. “Kitten, Gabriella.” I think I lost my mind for a second or two. I ran through those people’s house opening doors and shouting for her with my heart in my throat.
Broken, he’d said broken. There were footsteps following the crazy man around the house by now, I saw a couple younger boys and one little girl watching me like I’d lost my fucking mind.
The father had entered the house by now and was whispering to a woman who I supposed was her mother but I didn’t have time for niceties.
I found her in the last room in the back on the second floor that looked over the fields and the barns. She was asleep on top of the covers. There were tear tracks on her face and she was curled into a ball.
When she made little whimpering noises in her sleep I thought my heart would break, but it was when she sighed my name on a sob that I really lost it.
I snatched her up from the bed and into my arms, probably gave her a heart attack. Her body felt lighter than it had when she’d left, when I’d sent her away.
She opened sad bloodshot eyes and looked at me like I wasn’t real. “Kitten, baby?” I kept my voice low to hide the horror of what I was feeling. It had only been a little more than a week, this couldn’t have happened in that short amount of time could it?
I looked around for someone to scream at, how could they have let this happen? But even as I thought it I knew it was my doing.
I don’t know how long I sat there with her in my arms rocking her, talking to her, promising to take better care of her.
I knew she was awake and listening when she started to cry, when her body shook with weak little sobs that tore my heart out and left it a bloody mess on the floor of that ole farmhouse.
“Shh, it’s okay baby, I’ve come to take you home, there’s no need to cry anymore now shh.” She refused to let go of me and I had to carry her bundled against the early morning chill when I went downstairs to talk to her parents.
I’m sure they were pissed and blamed me rightfully for their daughter’s condition but I couldn’t really think about their feelings right now.
I needed to get her the hell out of there and back home where I could take care of her. “I have a plane waiting I’m taking Kitten home.”
Her father’s brow raised to his hairline and he looked like he was about to argue until his wife placed a restraining hand on his arm.
“Why should we trust you with our girl Mr. O’Rourke? Look what happened the last time you promised to take care of her.”
I wanted to lash out and tell them that she didn’t look like this when I put her on the fucking plane a week ago, but I knew they were right, knew that it was my treatment of her that had brought her to this.
The Dom and the lover fought an ongoing battle, one of them wanted to whip her ass for being stupid, this was not following orders, she was supposed to follow her daily routines of health and hygiene and wait until I came and got her, she was supposed to trust that I would come back for her.
The lover wanted to wrap her in cotton balls and keep her safe; I was totally fucked. “I have no answers for you right now. All I will tell you is that we had a falling out of sorts and I sent her home for a while. I’m here to take her home now and nothing like this will ever happen again.” Now that I knew how she’d react to a separation, no. There’s no way in fuck I will ever let this happen again.
They had a lot of questions, but I just wanted to get her out of there and back home. In the end, telling them that I loved her and promising to have them come out soon seemed to work, and I was finally able to leave without having to break anyone’s face.
Throughout all this she barely moved, not even when her mom got her dressed. She was just listless and dazed. Trapped between sleep and wake.
Once we boarded the jet, I took her back to the bed and let her sleep while I went back to sit and look out the window at nothing.
I searched and found her journal hoping that she hadn’t forgotten or abandoned all her training. I wish I hadn’t opened the fucking thing.
Soft she was too soft for this. I felt tears prick the corners of my eyes as I read her despair. I had a hard decision to make.
Sitting there for the next three hours, I took a good look at myself. The old battle carried on but in the end there was only one decision that I cold make.
I was in love with her all the way and knew that she felt the same. Too bad it took her almost killing herself for me to see that.
Chapter 31
I got us through the airport and back home and still she didn’t wake up. She’d open her eyes for a few seconds, call my name and go back to sleep.
I was torn between wanting to shake the shit out of her and hugging her to death. In the end I just left her to sleep it off.
I walked into the playroom and looked around, for the first time hating that part of me that needed such things. But how do you turn off who you really were? How do you stop being you?
I left the room and locked it for the first time. I checked in on her from time to time to make sure she was okay. Josh called sometime during the day but I wasn’t interested in Marion’s demise just then.
He wanted to come over and see Gabriella but I out him off for another day at least.
About three hours after bringing her home and putting her to bed, I walked into our bedroom to find her awake.
“Hello sweetheart, how’re you feeling?” She stared at me like I was an enigma or some shit, then she sat up in bed letting the sheet fall.
I had undressed her before putting her to bed and her breasts were bared to my eyes. I felt revulsion at my body’s quick reaction.
Here she was sick and scared and I wanted to fuck her. Damn, I really was a bastard. “You’re real.” she looked around the room as if seeing it for the first time.
When she started crying, I walked over and took her in my arms. “Shh, it’s okay, I’m here now. It’s okay, you’re okay.” I kept whispering nonsense phrases to her while she hugged
me tighter and tighter to her.
I tried sitting back but she wasn’t having it, she just cried harder and held on tighter.
When she tried to pull me over on top of her I didn’t know what to do. My cock was hard and hurting after going without her for so long, but I couldn’t just fuck her after all that I’d out her through.
“Please…” she kept repeating the word over and over as she fought to release my dick from the sweats I was wearing.
When I finally gave in and held still so she could take the clothes from my body, she latched onto my cock with her mouth.
The sound she made was that of someone who’d been starved and was now offered a full course meal. She sucked my cock and hefted my balls in her hand.
I played in her hair gently not quite sure what the fuck to do, was she even awake? I had no time to think about it when she fell onto her back and pulled me between her spread thighs.
I decided to let her run the show, do as she pleased. She rubbed my cockhead up and down her slit before wrapping her legs around my waist and pulling my cock into her pussy, using her heels to pull me into her cunt.
I sank into her and held still as the feel of her wet heat engulfed me. “Fuck me fuck me fuck me.” She went wild beneath me as she carried on with her chant.
That part of me that was still a little decent knew I should pull out and wait until after we’d talked but fuck it had been too long and I needed her. Needed that bond.
I wrapped her hair around my fists and pulled her head back. There were tears in her eyes as she pushed her cunt up to my cock.
I looked down at her as I took over and pounded into her. I wanted to hurt her, wanted to pound her pussy until she couldn’t move from my bed.
I fought the urge to mark her all over, my mark was gone from her body and I needed to see it there but I didn’t do it. Never again will I push her.
She strained against me as if seeking something so I upped my pace fucking into her harder and harder until her screams rang out in the room.
My Little Farm Girl Page 28