by Lacy LeRoch
I asked him why did we have all these pictures of these mystical things and he said the strangest thing to me. That they aren’t things, they’re family and they are our lives. I’ve always been drawn to the men in the pictures, I think that’s why I dream of Bevan. We’ve always been surrounded by them from an early age, so we have gotten used to it. These men make me feel safe, something I haven’t really felt in a long time.
I know my father would never allow me to come to harm on purpose. But I learned a few years ago that no matter how much you wrap someone up in a cotton ball and lock them in a gilded castle, bad will and usually does find a way to come and get you.
I run my hand along the carved back wall and walk into the kitchen. Lucy is sitting at the counter with a cold drink in her hand. She looks lost in her own head. I need to find a way to pull her out, I don’t want her to be me.
“Oh gee, thanks, Sissy. I would love one,” I joke.
Lucy looks up, laughs then walks over to the fridge. She may be a stubborn fool but she would move heaven and earth for me.
“What you want, Sis?” she asks, reaching into the fridge. She turns around showing me a bottle of pop. “Will this do? Or do you want juice?”
Walking over to the counter, I take a seat on the stool next to the one she just vacated.
“Pop of course, as if you have to ask.”
Lucy laughs at my outburst and turns around to close the fridge. She reaches up, grabbing a glass out of the cupboard and pours the drink. She hands it over and glances around the room.
“You okay? You know… with everything that happened?”
It looks like she wants to say more, but she’s holding it back. Oh crap, I really don’t wish to talk about this right now. I feel my chest becoming tighter, and I’m having a hard time catching my breath.
I want to stay strong for her, so I take a deep breath and hold the tears back. “I’m fine, I need to use the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”
There, that should help me for a little bit. I slide off my stool and turn toward the door swamped with a crippling sadness. It makes me want to fall to my knees and weep until I can’t feel or move. I know only half of it is coming from me, and there’s only one other person whose emotions I can feel. I spin back around, grab my sister around the waist and pull her close against me.
“God, I am so sorry, Sis. I mean…” I’m stumbling over the words. I can’t find the right thing to say, I need to explain everything to her. “Umm… oh my God. This is hard,” I huff.
I’m not ready to deal with these demons, but I need to be there for her. I clear my throat and try again, “Lace, I can’t believe I could be so insensitive to your needs. I never meant for this to be as bad on you. I swear if I had…”
I hold Lucy tighter, not wanting to let go. I knew she was hurting and that something was wrong, but the selfish part of me was hoping it wasn’t this. Because now it means, that I’m the reason she’s hurting the way she is. I really do feel like such a failure.
Lucy lifts her head from my shoulder and leans forward, resting her forehead on mine. “Stop, please, not now.”
She pulls back and just looks at me. My heart shatters when I see just how broken Lucy is. I can see it in her eyes, the way they don’t sparkle the way they usually do. What hurts the most is I know without a doubt that I’m the one who did this to her. She buries her head into my neck. The pain is unbearable on both of us. This is the bad thing about our gift, everything we feel is magnified by double.
Lucy wraps her arms tight around me, holding on for grim death. I know that if I was to look at her knuckles, they would be white from how tight she has hold of me. My mind starts to wander to my first mistake that started my downward spiral.
The night air blew on my face, as Lucy and I were running through the fields out the back of the McGregor home. Tears streamed down our faces as we made a mad dash to her car.
This was the “A” list party, only the best of the best got invited. You knew you were in if you got that invite. Lucy and I had been trying for the last three years to become one of the IN crew. We had been raised in money, so that wasn’t the issue. We just weren’t classed in their league. Lucy and I were different, we never really fitted in. Never ever really wanting to either, until then.
While I enjoyed the library, reading and spending time with my nose stuck in a book, Lucy was more into sports and physical activities. It was normal to see her sneaking out of the house to go running, or even going for hikes in the bush.
We were not only different in looks but personality as well. Even with Lucy being in the same teams as half these girls, it still wasn’t enough to get us noticed. We tried everything, we dressed the same as them, talked like them, and even acted the same way as them. We never got noticed, never once, no matter how much we tried. It was enough to give me a severe complex.
It was only Lucy and I. We had each other, but sometimes it would have been good to have someone else to talk to. Someone who wasn’t so close to the situation.
One afternoon after netball practice, Lucy and I were approached by Mark, one of the IN guys.
“Lucy.” He tilted his head in acknowledgment and turned to face me. “Lacy, I wanted to ask you if you’d like to come out to my place tomorrow night, everyone will be going. Please tell me you will both come. Say yes, it’ll be fun.” He winked and licked his lips.
Mark’s brown eyes sparkled in the light. He lifted his hand and ran it through his unruly shaggy blond hair. I think it was a deliberate move to show off the bottom of his stomach, which peeked out of the bottom of his shirt.
To say Lucy and I were surprised was an understatement. Lucy was the shy one when it came to talking to boys. She just stood there with her mouth open, not saying a word. It was up to me.
“Umm… thank you for the offer Mark, but umm… I umm... I’m really not,” I stuttered on my words and felt like such a fool.
Mark cut me off by placing his finger on my lips. The temptation to slip my tongue out and lick his finger is almost too much.
“You will come, Lace, because I want you to.” He turned around to Lucy. “And so will you Lucy. Besides, it’s no fun with only one of the twins.” He smirked to himself, then turned around and headed back to his friends, who were waiting by the bleachers. I stood there shocked, watching the fine piece of male specimen that was Mark Rime, walk away. I turned to Lucy.
“Oh my God, I can’t believe we have finally been invited to a party. Holy hell, this can’t be happening.” I jumped around excitedly on the spot.
Lucy stood there with an intense look on her face as she stared at Mark. It seemed like she was looking right through him. It was creepy when she did that. She had this way of looking at people that made you feel like she was looking deep into your soul, where all your dark secrets lay.
“Earth to Lucy…” I started waving my hand in front of her face. “Lu, you in there?”
I waved my hand in front of her face again, nothing. I grabbed hold of her biceps and stepped in front of her, blocking her view of Mark and his crew. I turned to look in the direction of the boys, Mark waved when he noticed me looking. A small thrill ran through my body. He was starting to notice me. Mark’s friends laughed as they walked away.
The next day flew past so fast and before we knew it, we were outside the McGregor home. Lucy and I had been fighting all day. She didn’t want to come and said something wasn’t right. She just knew it wasn’t going to end well. It could’ve had something to do with the fact that we had to sneak out of the house. We told Dad we were going to a friend’s house for study group.
In reality, it wasn’t that much of a stretch. I asked Lucy to elaborate what she meant about her unease, but all she could tell me was it was just that, an uneasy feeling.
I spent the whole day explaining to her this was most likely our only chance at making it in, to be a part of something bigger than each other, she finally gave in and told me she didn’t want to hear about it if s
omething went wrong.
So there we were, standing out the front of the McGregor home, not sure what to do next. Lucy and I stood there looking at each other. We didn’t have to wait long before Mark and his gang of hotties come striding out of the house carrying beers for us.
Had they been waiting for us? That was so cool. Maybe I was wanted after all. Excitement filled my body, at the thought of being wanted like the other girls.
Mark walked over, reached his hand around my back and rested his hand on my hip giving it a tight squeeze. I could’ve almost fainted, I was that nervous.
“I’m so glad you made it, Lace. Would you do me the honor of walking with me around the yard? I would love to show you around.”
Oh my God, he called me Lace. No one called me Lace but Lucy. I turned my head and looked at Lucy, she shook her head but didn’t say anything. Well, I guess it was now or never to make a stand for my individuality and took a step away from being known as one of the twins.
I turned to face Mark front on and told him confidently, “Sure let’s go.”
I glanced over my shoulder one last time at Lucy, and begged her with my look, shrugging my shoulders. I would have loved for her to understand what I needed, and to know that I had to do this for myself.
“You’ll be okay, won’t you, Lu?” I asked timidly.
I watched her take a deep breath, she turned and walked away from me, not muttering a single word. That was when I remembered her warning from earlier today. That she wouldn’t take any responsibility for what happened if I chose to come here.
Crap, have I messed up my relationship with my sister over some boy?
My nerves had been knocked up a notch, not just from the fact that I was standing there beside Mark, but because Lucy had just walked away from me. She never walked away.
I was not sure what to do. So I calmed my nerves by taking a swig of the beer Mark gave to me. The bitter amber liquid made me twitch as it ran down my throat. Better get used to this Lace. Pep talks always helped.
“Come on beautiful, let me show you around.”
Mark took hold of my hand and led me around the backyard, stepping over beer bottles and empty packets of food. You could tell that at one time this yard was amazing. The hedges were perfectly trimmed and shaped, there wasn’t a single weed in sight. The lawns were perfectly manicured. The only mess was clearly from the hundred or so drunk teenagers and the party.
I thought it would be a lot more fun than what it actually was, but at least, I was there with Mark. Damn, all my luck has been downhill for years now. Finally, the most popular boy in the whole school was paying me attention. Lucy shouldn’t have been so worried, everything was going to be okay. I just knew it. It could just be jealousy. After all, Mark did ask me first.
“Where are we going?” I asked Mark half scared, half excited for his answer.
He looked down at me and slowed his step to match mine. For the first time, I started to feel uneasy. Panic started to rise in my body. He looked at me like a predator might when he had his prey trapped. He eyed me up and down with a leering stare.
“I want to show you around. I want everyone to see you on my arm.”
Oh my God, my stupid sister had put these silly thoughts in my head. I felt so stupid. He wanted to show me off, me! The girl who never got noticed. The most popular guy wanted me on his arm. ME!
I took another sip of my beer, hoping it would stop the silly school girl giggle from rising up and embarrassing the hell out of me. I hadn’t managed to calm down, and I really didn’t know what to say. So the only choice I had was to smile, nod my head and have a drink. I finished the beer I was holding in my hand, and threw the bottle in the bin as we walked past. We had to dodge drunk teens along the path as we walked.
“This is the pool house.” Mark pointed over at a large white building, it was massive and looked big enough for a family to be able to live in. His definition of pool house was my definition of small home. Stupid rich kids, I was so glad that Lucy and I didn’t carry on this way.
“You shouldn’t…”
What was I going to say? Mark looked down at me smirking. I shook my head to clear the fogginess. My legs started to wobble, for some reason they weren’t as stable as they should have been, they felt weak.
“And this…” Mark extended his arm out in the opposite direction, “…is the gaming shed.”
All I could do was to nod, I couldn’t focus as my vision began to worsen—it looked like we were living in a kaleidoscope of dancing color and shapes. My head felt heavy. I was having a lot of difficulty keeping it upright as it kept wanting to flop down. My chin hit my chest a few times before I could regain enough strength to keep it upright. If I didn’t know any better, I’d have sworn I had a dozen cotton balls shoved down my throat. The feeling was terrible. I had no saliva in my mouth and I was having a hard time swallowing. Mark and I walked a short distant up the path, and I stumbled on my jelly legs falling hard to the ground.
“Mark…” I coughed.
Mark looked down at me and growled, “Get up, we aren’t finished with our walk yet.”
He roughly grabbed my arms, pulling me back up to my feet. I wanted to tell him off, I wanted to scream, but my tongue had swollen twice its normal size.
What scared me the most about this whole situation was that I couldn’t tell anyone what was wrong? I was starting to panic. I should have listened. I needed to get out of there and now.
Standing there opening and closing my mouth like a fish out of water, I tried to tell Mark something was wrong. But no sounds came out, not even the smallest of squeaks.
“What do you have here, Mark?” one of the guys asked.
I couldn’t tell who it was. My sight had become that blurry it looked as though I was playing in the clouds.
“Well Mark, are you going to answer us?” the guy asked again.
Darkness started overtaking my sight. This wasn’t good, I didn’t like this at all. I was trying to fight it with all my strength, but I couldn’t. It was closing in fast, I’d never enjoyed the feeling of being helpless.
The last thing I heard was Mark’s reply, “This here boys, is our entertainment for the night. You didn’t think I wouldn’t share the virgin geek now, did you?”
What? He couldn’t be serious? What was he talking about?
I started fighting this darkness with everything in me and began thinking about my sister and how I’d left her unprotected. Was this the last time I would ever see her? With a last ditch of effort to remain in the land of the breathing, I tried my hardest to remember the protection chant that my father had taught us kids from a very early age.
But I couldn’t remember it. Why couldn’t I remember it when I needed it the most?
I hit the ground with a hard thud, unable to move. I realized in that moment no matter how hard I fought this, it didn’t matter. Because whatever was wrong with me, has caused me to lose all control of my body. I lay on the ground crying my silent tears as my surroundings closed in, dragging me under.
The next thing I remember was Lucy pulling at my arms and dragging me along the ground. She was grunting and straining as she pulled my body over the hard surface.
What the hell? Why was she doing that?
I squinted a couple of times, trying to bring Lucy into focus. My eyes felt like someone had taken a sheet of sandpaper to them. It took me about fifteen minutes, before I was able to regain my sight, and when I did I suddenly wished I hadn’t. I would never forget the scene that was before me.
Lucy was covered in blood. I tried to speak to her, but my throat was scratchy. My body burned and ached in places, I never thought existed.
“Oh thank God, you’re awake. I’ve been trying to wake you for almost three hours,” Lucy said relieved, there was a hint of panic in her voice.
She stopped dragging me along the ground and looked me up and down slowly. The look of concern on her face was shattering.
What the hell happened? W
hy couldn’t I remember anything?
“Lace, I need you to stay very calm and try to get up, okay? We need to get out of here. We need to get out of here, right now!”
My senses were all messed up, and my vision was still blurry. I couldn’t talk or swallow without there being pain. How the hell did she expect me to get up and leave? Really? I mean seriously she couldn’t be serious. She could feel our bond so she could feel the pain I was in.
Oh fuck, the bond!
That was when reality decided to check in. I could now feel the pain I had in other places as well, places that shouldn’t hurt after waking up from being knocked out.
Dear God, NO.
My stomach hit the ground at the thought of what had happened. My whole world just came crashing down around me. This couldn’t be happening. The only thing I could think of was, I’m glad it was me and not her. I felt sick, I needed to be sick.
Oh dear Lord, NO. What had I ever done to deserve to have this taken from me?
Lucy noticed the minute I worked it all out. Her face dropped and she tried to turn away from me, I felt her guilt and I knew she blamed herself. Why she blamed herself was beyond me, she didn’t rape me. She didn’t go off with a guy. No, this was all on me, no one else but me. She tried to warn me, and I wouldn’t listen to her. And now I’ve paid the ultimate price. I vowed from that day forward that I would never take my sister for granted again. I would always put her needs and worries before my own.
Lesson learned, time to move on.
Now was not the time for a meltdown. I could deal with this all later. Right then, I just wanted to get out of there, I needed to get my sister to safety. I never wanted Lucy to see me break. She always knew me as the strong one. I couldn’t do that to her, I couldn’t have a meltdown in front of her.