Hang Ten for Dear Life!

by Nicholas O. Time

  “Kai-chan,” Mom says sternly, to get my attention. “Remember that I love you.”

  She gives me a kiss on my head and smooths my shirt.

  “I love you too,” I say.

  I wait behind the stage and listen to the girl who’s on right before me. She’s killing it!

  “Please don’t bomb. . . . Please don’t bomb. . . . Please don’t bomb . . . ,” I repeat over and over again in my head.

  When she’s finished, the girl hops down the stairs heading backstage and gives me a high five.

  “You were great,” I tell her.

  “Break a leg,” she says.

  “And now . . . the comical wonderings of Kai Mori!” a radio-friendly voice announces to the crowd.

  I run up the stairs, trying to erase the image that suddenly appears in my head: that I am heading onto a platform where there is a guillotine waiting for me. I get onstage and look around. Microphone, check. No guillotine, thankfully.

  I look out and I can’t help but smile. The first friendly face I see is Maria’s. She totally scammed me and said she had a report to do today. Next to her is Ms. Tremt. Then I see Matt, Jada, Patrick, Jay Kapoor, Jason Miller, Luis, Grace, and pretty much my whole baseball team crowded into the seats up front. I instantly feel a thousand times better.

  “Did you ever wonder . . . ?” I start.

  [Pause . . . scrunched-up thinking face . . . Happy, Mom?]

  “. . . why we yell ‘heads up’ to tell someone that they need to duck?”

  I see Matt and the other baseball players think about that one and shake their heads and smile. It’s not the big laugh I was hoping for, but I’ll take it.

  I take a deep breath and continue.

  “Did you ever wonder . . . ,” I say, “if a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?”

  Jason Miller laughs out loud at that one, and my heartbeat starts to settle down so it doesn’t feel like it’s going to burst through my chest at any minute.

  “Do you ever wonder . . . ,” I joke, “why people always say they slept like a baby? Babies cry all night long!”

  That one gets even more chuckles. I still have some nerves, but now I feel like they’re giving me a boost instead of getting in my way. I look out and pretend that my friends up front are just sitting on the bleachers after baseball practice and I’m joking with them the way I usually do. I channel my nervous energy to rattle off the rest of my set.

  “Do you ever wonder . . . ,” I ask, “why they don’t make mouse-flavored cat food?

  “Do you ever wonder . . . why glue doesn’t stick to the inside of the bottle?

  “Do you ever wonder . . . what the speed of dark is?”

  My timing is getting better. I start to settle into a rhythm, and I feel comfortable enough to move around the stage more, waving my arms and making my gestures more exaggerated to punch up the humor, and trying to make eye contact with different people in the audience. It’s a tricky thing, eye contact. Sometimes you look at someone and make a connection right away. They smile back at you and you can tell it helps them connect to you. Other times they look away uncomfortably. When that happens, it can kind of throw you off. But I have a great backup plan. I always turn and look right at my mom next. I know she’ll never look away.

  “Do you ever wonder . . . why grown-ups say that you’re cute as a button? Are buttons really cute?

  “Do you ever wonder . . . how much deeper the ocean would be if sponges didn’t grow in it?

  “Do you ever wonder . . . if swimming is such great exercise to keep trim and fit, then why do whales have so much blubber?”

  The crowd is chuckling a lot now, and my friends are starting to get a little loud, the way they do when they’re cheering for me when I’m up at bat during our baseball games. It’s a great feeling.

  “Thank you, Kai Mori!” the announcer calls out when my time is up.

  Faris, Matt, Maria, and everyone in my family gather around me after it’s over. They’re all so excited for me to win, and I hope I don’t disappoint them. I’m feeling really good, though. I didn’t let my nerves get to me and I did better than I thought I would.

  The judges start calling out the contestants in order from last place to first. I feel a sense of relief when my name isn’t called in the last-place spot. As the judges keep moving up the list, my nerves start acting up again. I’m not fifth . . . or fourth . . . or third. . . . Could I have actually won this thing?

  “Kai Mori,” the judge in the middle says. “Second place!”

  “First place loser!” I cheer. “I’m the man.”

  “Kai, that’s great for your first stand-up,” Mom says encouragingly. “I came in fourteenth my first time!”

  “I know, Mom. I’m really happy, honestly,” I tell her.

  When the judges announce the winner—Mona Myers, the girl who went before me—I cheer louder than anyone. She was really good, and I’m definitely going to hit her up for some advice before we leave.

  “I’m so proud of you,” Mom says as we head back to the minivan. “Maybe one day when you’re a pro, I’ll get to see your stand-up at a real comedy club.”

  “Maybe,” I say. “Unless I decide to go into a totally different field.”

  “Like what?” Mom asks.

  “Oh, I don’t know,” I tease. “Marine biology, maybe?”

  “Now, that’s funny!” Mom laughs.

  If you could actually visit Hawaii in 1900, you could walk through a sugarcane plantation like the one where Akemi worked. The state of Hawaii is made up of eight main islands. Akemi would have traveled more than thirty-five hundred miles to get to Hawaii from Japan. More than two thousand miles away from mainland United States, the city of Honolulu, on the island of Oahu, is one of the most remote cities on the planet.

  The Hawaiian Islands are actually the tops of a mountain range that rise up from the floor of the Pacific Ocean. The tallest Hawaiian mountain, Mauna Kea, would be taller than Mount Everest if measured from below sea level and is technically the tallest mountain in the world, from base to top.

  Remoteness has made Hawaii a unique place. Because it is such a difficult journey to get to the island (but not by time travel!), Hawaii has the highest percentage of species that do not exist anywhere else on Earth. It also has the highest rate of extinction per square mile. Almost all of the state’s native birds are in danger of becoming extinct.

  The Hawaiian rail that traveled through the portal with Kai and Maria is an extinct bird species that once lived on the Hawaiian Islands. It was a small, insect-eating bird that lived on the forest floor. It became extinct after people brought new animal species, such as dogs, cats, and mongooses, to the islands. The last individual Hawaiian rails were seen in 1884, but it’s possible that one could have existed in 1900.

  The first people traveled to the Hawaiian Islands around 400 CE. They came from Polynesian islands like Tahiti and brought their traditions with them. One of those traditions was riding the ocean waves on a longboard—surfing, just like Leilani and Tua! Hawaiians had many chants, legends, and traditions related to surfing. Even the royal family surfed, and many famous Hawaiian chiefs, like Kamehameha I, were known for being excellent surfers. After European missionaries arrived on the islands in the 1820s, they tried to force the Hawaiians to adopt Western culture. Only a few Hawaiians still brought their boards to beaches that were once filled with hundreds of surfers. Surfing began growing in popularity again in the early 1900s, and it is Hawaii’s official state sport today.

  Queen Liliuokalani was the last Hawaiian ruler of the islands, and when she took the throne in Iolani Palace in 1891, she became the first woman to ever rule Hawaii. Much of the power on the islands, though, had been taken over by rich businessmen and landowners. Liliuokalani fought to restore power back to the royal family, but she lost the battle. In 1898, Hawaii was annexed to the United States, and in April 1900, a provisional government was established. Still, most of the power belonged to the rich landowner
s and US-based businesses.

  Plantation owners recruited workers from China, Japan, Korea, and Portugal. They shaped the population of Hawaii. In 1853, native Hawaiians made up 97 percent of the population. That number fell to 25 percent by 1900, and Japanese immigrants made up 40 percent of the population at that time. Akemi would have been one of thousands of Japanese immigrants working on Hawaiian plantations.

  Workers signed three- to five-year contracts. It promised a small amount of money (such as three dollars a month) plus transportation to the island, food, and clothing. Workers had to agree to work twenty-six days a month and ten or more hours a day. If they refused to work or wanted to return home before their contract expired, they would be jailed.

  Plantation workers had to plow, chop, and weed sugarcane plants all day long. Plantation managers were strict and made sure that everyone followed the rules. If they didn’t, there would be fines or punishment. A worker like Akemi could get in trouble for talking in the fields, or even stretching. Life was so harsh that about half the workers left at the end of their contracts.

  After Hawaii officially became a territory of the United States in 1898, these contracts weren’t valid any longer. Many workers left the plantations and returned home, but some stayed and looked for new work. The workers who stayed started to strike and fight for their rights. There were twenty-five strikes in the year 1900, and they helped bring the pay rate up to seventy cents a day.

  MORE FUN FACTS ABOUT HAWAII

  Aloha is the most popular word in the Hawaiian language. It can mean “hello,” “good-bye,” “welcome,” “love,” or “best wishes.”

  Hawaii has the southernmost point in the United States.

  Hawaii is the only state where coffee is grown.

  The word Hawaii means “place of the gods.”

  Moonwalkers Buzz Aldrin and Neil Armstrong prepared for their moon mission by walking on the lava fields of Mauna Loa.

  You could also have met Jacques-Yves Cousteau in the library . . .

  The man Kai and Maria met in the library was Captain Jacques-Yves Cousteau, an undersea explorer, filmmaker, inventor, and environmentalist. He invented diving and scuba equipment, as well as a waterproof camera that could film deep undersea. In 1951, he began going on annual trips on his research ship the Calypso. He recorded his explorations and used the film to make documentaries and the television show The Undersea World of Jacques Cousteau.

  Jacques-Yves Cousteau showed millions of people a world that few had ever been able to explore before in person. He also taught people how human activity was destroying the oceans and why it was important for everyone to care about marine habitats and the creatures that live in them. Jacques Cousteau is author of the books The Silent World, The Shark, Dolphins, and Jacques Cousteau: The Ocean World. He formed the Cousteau Society in 1973, and even though he died in 1997, his environmental work lives on.

  I’M BILLY SURE. YOU’VE PROBABLY HEARD OF me. Wait, that sounds weird, like “Who is this kid and why does he think I’ve heard of him?   ” But it’s not like that. I mean, I’m not like that. And you probably weren’t thinking that anyway because . . . well, like I said, you’ve probably heard of me. Because I’m that Billy Sure, the famous kid entrepreneur, inventor, and CEO of SURE THINGS, INC. At the moment I am also the kid who is sitting on a blue couch in a plain little room backstage at the Better Than Sleeping! show.

  Maybe you will see me on the show tonight, if your parents let you stay up that late on a school night. (If not, maybe you can watch it in your room with the sound turned way down. Just don’t get caught—I don’t want to be the kid who gets your TV taken away!)

  “You’re bouncing your legs,” Manny tells me. Manny Reyes is my best friend. He is also the chief financial officer of Sure Things, Inc., which is just a fancy way of saying he likes crunching numbers and has a really smart head for business.

  I didn’t even realize I was doing it. I look at my legs. Reason #35 why Manny is the greatest CFO: He is always right. My knees are definitely bouncing like Ping-Pong balls on a trampoline.

  “Don’t do that when you’re onstage,” Manny continues. “It makes you look nervous. Don’t pick your nose, either. Or burp. Or throw up. Definitely don’t throw up.”

  “But I am nervous. I might throw up,” I say.

  Manny gets a puzzled look on his face. “Why? You’ve been on TV before.”

  “Just the local news. This is national TV. Millions of people will be watching!”

  Manny grins. “Exactly. This is a fantastic marketing opportunity. So don’t blow it!”

  “Way to make me less nervous,” I reply, grabbing my knees in an attempt to stop my bouncing legs.

  My dad leans forward. He’s sitting at the other end of the blue couch. “You’ll do great, Billy. We’re proud of you. I just wish your mother could be here.”

  My mom travels a ton, as a scientist doing research for the government. I don’t know much more than that. She’s been on assignment for a while now, but she knows all about what’s been going on with me because we e-mail a lot.

  “Why do I have to be here?   ” my sister, Emily, moans. She hasn’t looked up from her cell phone in three hours. “I’m bored, hungry, and thirsty.”

  “I couldn’t just leave you at home while we came to New York, Emily. That’d be illegal,” replies my dad.

  “I’m fourteen!” she argues, keeping her eyes on her phone. “And very mature for my age. I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself!”

  “Sure you are, Ninja Spider,” I taunt her. Lately Emily wears only black. Black shirts, black pants, black shoes, black everything. That’s why I’ve nicknamed her Ninja Spider.

  Emily finally looks up from her phone to glare at me. She wipes her blond bangs out of her face. Everyone says we look alike, which is weird because she’s a girl. She notices my legs are bouncing again, despite my best efforts to stop them.

  “A kangaroo called. He wants his legs back,” she says.

  Before I can think of a comeback, a can of soda appears in front of Emily’s face. “Soda?   ” someone asks. “I heard you say you were thirsty. In the room across the hall there’s a fridge full of free drinks. Stuff to eat, too. Chips. Candy. Fruit, if you’re feeling healthy.”

  Emily, being in a classic Emily mood, takes in a deep breath. I know her well enough to know that when she exhales, she’ll snap that she doesn’t want a soda; she wants to go home. But before she speaks, she looks up and sees who is holding the can in front of her.

  DUSTIN PEELER!

  I’m sure you know who Dustin Peeler is too. (See? I don’t just say that about myself. Not that I think I’m as famous as Dustin Peeler.) In case you don’t know, Dustin Peeler is the most popular teen musician on the planet at the moment. He can sing. He can dance. He can walk on his hands. He can play guitar, piano, drums, English horn, and didgeridoo—upside down. And according to Emily, he is the most gorgeous human being who ever graced the earth with his presence.

  Dustin Peeler smiles his perfect smile, teeth glistening like ocean waves on a sunny day. Emily’s mouth drops open, her jaw practically scraping the floor. “Thank you,” she manages to squeak out as she takes the can of soda. Her knees begin to shake.

  “No problem,” he replies.

  “Now who’s part kangaroo?   ” I whisper, pointing discreetly to Emily’s shaking knees.

  But Emily ignores me. She still can’t take her eyes off Dustin.

  I try again. My sister is seriously making a fool of herself, and I feel like it’s my duty to let her know. “Emily,” I whisper a little louder this time. “You look really dumb with your mouth hanging open like that!”

  And then Dustin Peeler notices me for the first time. “Hey, you’re the All Ball dude! That thing is awesome!”

  “Thanks,” I say.

  An assistant sticks her head in. “Dustin, we’re ready to do your hair.”

  “But his hair is already perfect,” Emily
says like she’s in a trance.

  “Oh, they’re just doing their jobs,” Dustin says, smiling another dazzling smile. “Have fun out there!” He gives us a double thumbs-up and leaves. Emily resumes breathing.

  “Who was that?   ” Dad asks.

  Emily sighs.

  “He said the All Ball was awesome,” Manny says. “Maybe we could get him to do an endorsement of some kind. Or even write us a jingle!” Quietly singing, “All Ball, All Ball . . . the only ball you’ll ever need,” Manny pulls out his phone and taps a note to himself.

  I told you Manny has a great head for business. He has a ton of brilliant ideas about how to sell Sure Things, Inc.’s products. Without Manny, I wouldn’t have a business, just a bedroom full of inventions. And dirty laundry. And a few hidden candy bars (okay, maybe dozens).

  Emily pulls out her phone again and immediately starts texting all her friends that Dustin Peeler just handed her a can of soda. She even texts a picture of the can. “I’m keeping this can forever,” she announces.

  “Be sure to rinse it out,” Dad says.

  I guess it was cool to meet Dustin Peeler. I’ve never bought any of his songs, but I’ve certainly heard them. But I am much more excited about the other guest on Better Than Sleeping! tonight. Manny spots him first, standing out in the hallway. I see his eyes widen with surprise.

  “Hey,” he says. “Isn’t that the baseball player you like? Carl Somebody? The shortstop?   ”

  “Like” is a slight understatement.

  Carl Bourette has been my favorite athlete since I was in kindergarten. I have every Carl Bourette baseball card. Carl Bourette bobbleheads. A nearly life-size poster of Carl Bourette, hanging on my door. I know all his stats. His favorite kind of bat. What he puts on his burgers.

  My brain is screaming, “CARL BOURETTE!”

  But my mouth is saying nothing. My jaw is hanging open, but no words are coming out. Possibly a little drool, but no words.

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  NICHOLAS O. TIME is a retired physics professor and the oldest player in the North American United Soccer League. He built his first time machine when he was twelve, successfully sending his pet mouse back to the Stone Age. Unfortunately, a glitch in the machine caused the mouse to clone upon return. After several trials, Nick’s parents destroyed the machine and adopted a thirty-pound feline named Barney to address the growing rodent problem. Nick and his wife, Rose Maryann, have one son, Justin.