by Cathryn Fox
Kathryn backed up into the hall. She took a breath to get herself under control as emotions overwhelmed her and then made a noise, announcing her presence. She cleared her throat and stepped into the kitchen. He lifted his head, and stared blankly at her. Their eyes locked but she had the strangest sense that he couldn’t even see her. She pushed down the unease welling up in her stomach and pointed to the fridge.
“Oh, I didn’t know anyone was here,” she fibbed. “I was just getting a drink.”
He didn’t speak. Instead he sat unnervingly still, his eyes following her as she walked to the fridge. She pulled open on the door handle, the refrigerator light spilling into the room. She grabbed a bottle of water, unscrewed the cap, took a long pull, and then put it back. She shut the door, plunging them into near darkness. With shivers skipping down her spine, she headed toward the hall.
“Kat.”
The pain she heard in his voice stopped her in her tracks. She slowly turned around, and when their eyes locked again, and she saw raw emotions backlighting his baby blues, air left her lungs in a whoosh.
“Yeah?” she asked working to keep her voice steady.
“Want to go do something?”
She looked at the clock on the microwave. “It’s three in the morning, Noah.”
“Yeah, so?”
She tightened her robe around her waist. “I think we should get some sleep.”
“Okay.” He sounded so damn dejected, her heart missed a beat. She stood there a minute longer, and listened to his throat work as he swallowed.
She put her hand on the doorframe, worry moving through her. “Are you okay?”
“Can’t sleep.”
Something inside her softened and she found herself asking, “Where did you want to go?”
“I don’t know.” His brow lifted, hopeful. “Maybe a ride up the mountain.”
She watched him for a long moment, everything inside her hurting for him. What was going on with him? “Give me a minute to get changed okay?”
She made a move to go, and paused when he said quietly, “Kat.”
“Yeah.
“I’m sorry.”
Her throat clenched. “It’s okay.”
“I didn’t know. I wouldn’t have…”
“Why wouldn’t you have?”
“Because your first time shouldn’t have been with me.”
“I wanted it to be with you.”
A tortured look moved over his face and he scrubbed his chin. “I didn’t mean…”
“I know.”
He stared at the ceiling, looking like he was a million miles away. A moment later he broke the quiet. “About you and Caleb...”
When he let his words trail off, she toyed with the hem of her nightshirt and gave a confused shake of her head. “What happened? Why did you do that?”
“I’m an asshole.” He forced a smile and her heart missed a beat. “Haven’t we already established that?”
“Don’t say that,” she whispered. “You’re not an asshole.”
His eyes dropped and stared a spot on the floor near her feet. “You don’t know anything about me.”
She thought about his fight with Caleb, the biggest guy at the party. “I know you have a death wish,” she teased hoping to lighten his mood a bit, but once again he fell serious.
His hand went to the tattoo on his arm, and he looked like he was a million miles away again when he rubbed it. “I have bad dreams. Sometimes I do things…” He let his words fall off.
“Are your dreams about J?”
His head came up. “What?”
She pointed to his tattoo and he stopped rubbing it.
“Oh. Yeah,” he said, his voice so low she could barely hear it. “Jonny.”
Her heart squeezed, making it hard to breathe as she waited for him to say more, but when he didn’t she said, “Just for the record, there is no me and Caleb.”
The tension in his posture relaxed, softening his features. “Okay,” was all he said.
Kathryn hurried to her room to get dressed, and ten minutes later she was on the back of the bike with Noah, wind whipping her hair over her shoulders as they climbed the mountain. The streets were quiet, but he drove slowly through the winding turns. She tightened her grip on his chest, splaying her hand over his hard muscles. The air was cold and she pushed against him as a shiver moved through her. When one of his big hands closed over hers, rubbing to create friction, her heart swelled inside her chest and it occurred to her just how much she liked him. It also occurred to her that this was the only time he let her touch him. Why was that? Why didn’t he like to be touched? She wanted to ask, but she was afraid it might bring up more painful memories.
After a long ride he pulled his bike off the road, and they both climbed off. He set his helmet on the seat and sat on the guardrail. He tapped the metal beside him. “Come here. You’ll like this.”
She sat beside him and hugged herself, wishing she’d worn more than a sweater. As though in tune with her needs, he pulled off his coat and draped it over her shoulders, then put his arm around her to pull her close. The warmth of his body reached out to her, and his scent, which was all over his coat, filled her with a different kind of warmth.
“Look,” he said, pointing to the mountains in the distance. “Watch for a minute.”
She sat there watching, then sucked in a breath when long fingers of golden light crawled over the mountaintop and lit up the valley floor below.
“It’s beautiful,” she whispered, guessing this was one of his go to places after one of his nightmares.
“Do you have your phone?”
“Right, pictures.” She fished her phone from her sweater pocket and took a bunch of photos. “So gorgeous.”
Noah reached into his coat pocket and pulled out his own phone. He snapped a few pictures and said, “You should paint this.”
“I’d love to. I just don’t have the supplies or the space.”
They both fell silent, and after a long time she turned to look at him. “Noah?” she asked.
“Yeah?”
“What happened to Jonny?”
He jumped to his feet and walked to the ledge overlooking the valley below. Body tense he scrubbed his hand through his hair. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
She stood and moved in next to him. She put her hand on his back, and when he flinched, like her touch physically hurt him, she pulled her hand away. “Maybe it will help.”
“It won’t bring him back.”
“No, it won’t. But maybe talking can help ease the pain.”
He scoffed. “I deserve the pain.”
“If you don’t want to talk to me, maybe you can talk to a professional.”
“No.”
Pushing him a bit, she said, “Maybe you could talk to Amy. She’s studying to be a psychologist.”
“I don’t need to talk to anyone. Jonny died, it was my fault, end of story.”
“How did he die?”
He walked away from her and dropped onto the ground, his feet dangling over the ledge. “Kat, please, I don’t want to do this…”
Kathryn sat down next to him. “Okay.”
Noah picked up a small rock and tossed it over the mountain ledge. She listened for a long time before it hit. He threw himself down flat and stared up at the sky. She spread out beside him, watching the sunrise.
She breathed in the fresh mountain air. “I wish I could stay here forever.”
“Why can’t you?”
She turned to see him staring at her. “Because,” she began giving him a playful smile. “Unlike you, I have responsibilities.”
He looked at her long and hard. His mouth opened and closed, like he wanted to say something, like he was battling an internal war. Finally he asked, “If you hate business school so much, why do you do it?”
That statement took her by surprise. “Who says I hate it?”
“I do.”
She frowned, not bothering to deny
it. “My dad wants me to join his investment firm. I think he even has a nice accountant lined up for me to marry, too.”
“And if you don’t?”
“My mom died a few years back, and I’m all he’s got. I feel bad, and don’t want to disappoint him.”
“I’m sorry about your mom.”
Her heart squeezed. “I miss her so much.” She shifted on the grassy embankment, and their hands touched. Hyperaware of their closeness, and the way their fingers were joining together, she looked back at the sky. While she wanted to know more about him, she didn’t want to touch on another sore spot and upset him. Treading carefully, she began, “Are your parents…?”
“Both alive and in Ottawa.”
“Is that where you’re from?”
“Yup. I have a younger sister too.” A small smile touched his mouth. “She’s brilliant.”
She looked back at him and as her glance moved over his face, she suspected his little sister wasn’t the only brilliant one in the family. “Sounds like you’re close.”
He shook his head. “I haven’t seen them since…well since Jonny died, and I moved here.”
“Oh.” He went quiet, and his fingers tightened around hers. “You must miss them.”
He turned the conversation back to her. “So it’s just you and your dad?”
“Yeah. We’ve only got each other.” She plucked at the grass below her. “I just don’t want to disappoint him, you know.”
He rolled onto his side to face her. “What do you want, Kat?”
“I want to be happy, I want to enjoy life. I want to have fun.”
He smiled at her. “And when you grow up, what do you want to do?”
She shrugged. “If I could, I’d love to be a muralist.”
“You could, you know. If you really wanted to, you could.”
As she though more about that, she wondered if he wanted more out of life. “What about you, Noah? What do you want?”
He rolled onto his back. “I don’t want anything.”
“Do you want to stay here and work at the resort forever?”
“Maybe.”
“Did you ever think about trying something else?” She remembered how skilled he was in front of Shannon’s computer. How his eyes came alive as he helped her. “Maybe something with computers.”
A noise crawled out of his throat. “Yeah, I thought about it.”
With the sun climbing higher on the horizon, Kathryn yawned.
Noah jumped to his feet, and pulled her up with him. “You should get some sleep.”
She took in his tired eyes. “You should, too.”
They climbed back on the bike, and she held him tight, resting her cheek against his back as they drove. He pulled his bike into the garage, and she climbed off. Instead of following him to the door, she ran her hands over the bike he was restoring. She thought about what Amy had told her about Noah lending Jared the money, money he’d been saving for parts.
“How close are you to getting this up and running?”
“I’m in desperate need of a gearbox.”
“Oh, yeah.”
“This bike is a vintage 1940s Indian Chief, so parts are either hard to come by, or too damn expensive to buy.”
Her glance went to the papers he had strewn across a small workbench. She picked up the piece of paper with an ad for a gearbox on it.
“I put a bid in on that one but had to pull out.”
“So this is it, this is the part you need to finally get it going?”
“Yeah, this is it.” He picked up the bike’s old gearbox from the table and showed it to her. “The shop said this one was toast, and even if I could find the parts to rebuild it, it would cost a fortune. They told me I was better off finding a working one. There are still a few other parts I need, but I’ve not been in any hurry since I can’t get a working gearbox.”
“Interesting,” she said.
“Come on,” he said, grabbing her hand. “I know you don’t really find this interesting.”
“Sure I do.”
He grinned. “You’re not a very good liar.”
“And here I thought I was.”
She walked with him to the garage door and then stopped to take one last look at the bike. “Noah,” she said quietly.
“What?”
“Was that Jonny’s bike?”
He nodded.
“Is this how he died?”
“No.” He went quiet for a long moment, then drew a deep breath and let it out slowly. “He was walking home from a party, and strayed right into an oncoming car.”
“I’m sorry.”
That haunted look returned to his eyes. “It’s not your fault.”
“Why do you blame yourself?”
“I was supposed to pick him up.” She wanted to ask more, but he turned from her. He visibly shivered, like the memories had chilled him to the bone. “Let’s get out of here.”
Warm sunshine spilled over them as they stepped outside and walked back to their building. They climbed the stairs and Noah stopped outside his door. He opened it, and she was about to walk past but stopped when he said quietly, “Kat?”
“Yeah?”
He dipped his head, and touched the hem of her sweater, running the material between his fingers. His Adams’s apple bobbed, and he gestured with a nod over his shoulders.
“Will you stay?”
She looked at the bed, then back at him, wondering exactly what he was asking.
As if sensing the question lingering on her lips, his hand moved to her face, his thumb lightly rubbing her cheek. “I don’t mean like that. I’ll take the floor if you want. I just…I’d just really like it if you’d stay.”
Her heart squeezed as she looked into his troubled eyes, knowing it took a great deal of courage for this rough and tough guy to admit, in not so many words, that he didn’t want to be alone.
“Okay,” she whispered. “I’ll stay.”
He turned sideways to let her pass, and she walked into the room. She slipped out of his coat and draped it over his chair. Leaving her clothes on, she climbed into the bed. The fresh scent of laundry soap filled her nostrils as she snuggled in, her thoughts travelling back to the last time she’d been in this bed. Noah tore off his t-shirt, but kept his jeans on. He threw a pillow onto the floor and was about to flop down.
Kathryn shifted on the mattress, making room for him. “Come here, Noah.”
He stilled. “Are you sure?”
“I’m sure.”
He climbed in next to her and, knowing he didn’t like to be touched, she resisted the urge to put her arm around him, to hold him tight and tell him everything would be okay—even though she had no idea if it would be.
“G’night,” he said.
“Sweet dreams, Noah.”
Chapter Eight
Noah awoke to a squirrel chattering loudly outside his window. As memories of last night came rushing back, he flipped over quickly, and relief rolled through him when he saw Kat lying there, her eyes still closed. He ran his hands through his hair, completely unnerved by how happy he was to find her there.
By rights she should have told him to fuck off last night. He didn’t deserve her forgiveness or for her to spend the night after the way he had treated her. She was sweet and kind and far too good for an asshole like him.
As she breathed softly, he ran a long lock of her hair through his fingers, and that’s when he realized how well he’d slept. Somehow having Kat there had kept the demons away¸ her warmth driving back the cold inside him. He thought about the things they’d talked about last night. He’d gotten personal with her and he swore he wasn’t going to do that. But there was just something about her, something honest and genuine that made him want to know everything about her, and had him telling her things he didn’t talk about with anyone.
Noah rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling. He thought about Luke and the stupid bet he’d made. A wave of guilt moved through him and a low
groan crawled out of his throat. Shit, he was such a fuckup.
He felt a soft hand on his arm, and he turned to find Kathryn staring at him, those pretty green eyes of hers wide with worry. “You okay?”
“Yeah.”
“Sleep well?”
He shook his head. “Not really, it was hard to get any sleep with all that snoring you were doing.”
She laughed and whacked him with her pillow. “I do not snore.”
He laughed with her, and grabbed the pillow from her. He reached for both her hands, and pinned them over her head as he climbed on top of her, like it was the most natural thing in the world for him to do.
Their laughter faded, and sexual energy arced between them as his weight pressed down on her, his cock growing thicker by the second. Like a skittish cat, she went still, perfectly still. Their eyes locked and when he read the question lingering in their stormy depths of hers, his blood cooled. No way, no how was he ever going to go at her like a rutting animal again. She deserved better than that. Just then his stomach growled, easing the tension between them.
“I need food.” He rolled off her and stood.
She smiled. “You always need food.”
“What can I say, I’m a growing boy.”
Just then her eyes met with his swollen cock, and color moved into her cheeks.
Oh yeah, he was a growing boy all right—right between his legs.
He shifted and picked his t-shirt off the floor.
“I…uh…I guess I should get going.” She smoothed her hair back.
He tugged on his shirt. “Do you have any plans for the day?”
She walked to the window, pulled the curtains open, and folded her arms. “I should probably talk to my father at some point. I’ve been avoiding his calls and he’s probably worried.”
“Do you want to do that now?”
She turned to face him and drew her bottom lip between her teeth. “Maybe later.”
“I have to go into Copperville, the next town over. There’s a guy there who has some parts I need. I was wondering if you wanted to come.”
“Sure. I guess. If you want me to.”
“I do.” He rubbed his stomach. “Now let’s go get something to eat. I’m starving.”
They made their way to the communal kitchen. Kat opened the door and frowned. “I haven’t really stocked the fridge yet.”