by Om Swami
Now that I’ve spelled out the underlying philosophy of emotional hygiene, let’s get to the actual practice.
So, Osoji is in two parts. One is how the Japanese do it. That is to clear your home and declutter your external world. Don’t do it step-by-step. Do it all in one go. Take my word for it and see how different you will feel once you are done with this.
The second aspect of Osoji, which is my current focus, is to declutter the mind. Let’s pile up all the stuff in our minds: emotions, grudges, complaints, confessions, resentment, anger and jealousy and put it all in one place. Now how does one go about doing that?
Please take a notepad and write down the names of the people you feel negatively about, and the negative emotions associated with those names. Write down what you feel: I feel anger; I feel jealously, I feel envy.
I hope one notepad will be enough but feel free to use the entire supply of a paper mill (I am, of course, joking). Take your time and do it thoroughly. The more detailed and thorough you are, the better the after-effects you will experience. Pour out your heart and empty yourself. This is not a diary or a journal. Therefore, don’t write what all transpired. Simply the name(s) of people and the negative emotion you experience at their thought.
Do this with feeling, with sincerity; this is not just an exercise. You are making the commitment today that you are not going to be this person again – that you are truly forgiving these people. But only do it if you absolutely mean it; otherwise, it will have no impact. You don’t have to write the reason for your emotion, but if you want to, you can briefly mention a few words. The focus, however, should be on the emotion itself.
Even if the person is dead, as long as you are holding the negative emotion, write it down. Or that person may well be in your life in the present moment, and today, you are trying to make a commitment that you will not harbour such emotions towards them.
After you finish writing, fold the paper(s), hold it in your hands, just cover it gently and sit peacefully. Now close your eyes and relax. And meditate as follows. (You could use other words if you like but this is just a guideline.)
Today, I’d like to commit myself to a different life. I am going to forgive this person – or these people – whose name(s) I hold in my hands right now. I am doing this cleansing. I am letting go of these emotions. This clutter has no more room in my heart.
From this moment on, I don’t want these emotions in my life. I never wanted them earlier but due to my choices or karma, I had to live through this difficult situation. It made me angry, it made me sad. It made me envious of the other person, and it triggered all kinds of feelings in me – feelings I did not want. I thought badly about that person; all those who have wronged me. All the negative emotions they have triggered in me, whatever be my unfinished business with them, whatever be the cause, I willno longer to keep them in my heart or mind.
I am a beautiful being; an infinite soul; a part of the divine soul. These emotions I hold in my hands were never a part of me, and they will never be a part of me. These were my temporary, thought less reactions to what I was subjected to at the time. I feel the purity in my heart now. And I feel that purity in my mind. I feel the light; I feel the bliss. That’s why I am smiling naturally because the impurities are gone from my system. I no longer want a karmic bond with these people. If some of them have to be in my life now and in the future, I will simply do my duty and choose not to harbour negativity towards any sentient being.
I give no one the right, I give no one the power, to trigger these emotions in me. My relationship with the Divine, with the universe, is unblemished, unpolluted. It is beyond any pettiness or negativity.
What I hold in my hands is the old me – it’s my past, not my future. I flush my system of these emotions. My tears from now on won’t be of pain – they will be of bliss, of gratitude. Every person in my life is there for a reason; let that be. I don’t want to change anything in my life. I just want to re-affirm my commitment to myself that these emotions have no place in my life.
Take a deep breath. Breathe in compassion, love and kindness. Hold it. Breathe out all the negativity, fears, concerns and worries. Whatever be your life, it’s beautiful the way it is. With these emotions out of your system, you are full of bliss, peace and light. Just let things be where they are; focus on yourself. Feel the emptiness inside you: the presence of the infinite universe, which is beyond judgement and pain.
Tear that paper into pieces, shred it or simply crumple it and chuck it in the trash can. It’s gone forever.
Let. It. Go.
Zen Speech
Mulla Nasruddin had an argument with his wife but, as always, he knew she would have the last word so he became quiet after a while. In stone silence, an hour passed.
‘Stop fighting!’ his wife yelled.
‘What have I done now?’ Mulla exclaimed with utmost surprise. ‘I haven’t said a word in an hour!’
‘Yes, but you are looking at me very aggressively.’
Knowing that everything is empty, and walking the path of meditation by simply meditating is not enough. That’s only the beginning of Zen. There are some virtues you cannot do without. If you are serious about progressing on this path, you must be equally serious about instilling those virtues in your daily life.
Otherwise, much as you try to tame your mind, when you sit down to meditate, you are unlikely to experience peace or bliss. No doubt that some days will be good, most days won’t be. This is where most practitioners go wrong, fundamentally. They think that if they pray or meditate a certain way, they will naturally excel on the spiritual path. But it doesn’t work like that.
That’s why in the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali, he put yamas (restraints) and niyamas (positive duties or observances) before everything else: You ought to lead your life a certain way. There are many core virtues, but four are chief. Now, it is not always possible to practice them. The challenges of the real world can derail even the most enlightened. There will be times when you forget or you may take the easy route. What’s worse is that making a choice is not always easy.
Sometimes, the situation is such that either you hurt yourself or you hurt another person. I am not saying you should hurt yourself, but never hurt another person with your words. If somebody is hurt by your silence, then you can’t help it. If they are hurt by your words, however, then you have a problem. Your words should be carefully chosen.
When you make a lentil dish, you carefully sift out any pebbles, etc. – anything unwanted or harmful – from the lentils. Similarly, before you speak, just take a moment to sift out anything harmful in your words. It comes with great practice – mindfulness is not an easy business. It is easy only after you have practiced it a great deal. Until then, it’s hard work because our natural tendency is to forget.
The ability to speak politely, softly (even if firmly), no matter what the circumstances, is the hallmark of a truly enlightened being. Jesus didn’t yell when he was taken to the cross and he was already greatly bruised and battered by then. The crown made of barbed wire was piercing his head and blood was oozing out. Despite that he said, ‘Even you have forsaken me at this hour, Father…’ But even then he went through the entire episode with utmost grace.
Before you speak, just take a step back for a moment and reflect on your words. Ask yourself, ‘What do I really want to convey?’ This is an effective technique for all kinds of conversations – personal, interpersonal and professional. This is one of the reasons I have never had an argument with anybody – ever. Because before speaking, I know what I want to say. Whenever I see that the other person has rather strong views on any given subject, I retreat. I have never found any sense in arguing or pressing my point. Secondly, I learnt a long time ago that by justifying your position you can never justify it. It’s better at times to give it time and if the other person chooses, they’ll see your perspective.
In any conversation, you need to know what exactly you are trying to convey to the other per
son. The moment you have that clarity, your choice of words will automatically align themselves. Once you know what you want to say, momentarily reflect on it. Be satisfied that this is how I want to say it, so your words convey your intention. There is sometimes a mismatch between our intention and our words, and it’s that mismatch which creates a gap between what we are saying versus what the other person is hearing.
A Philosophy of Life
Life is a series of moments and on most of them we are making choices. The choices we made yesterday have a bearing on our today and the choices we are making today is going to dictate our tomorrow. At times, we make wrong choices and live to regret them for a long time. No one can give us an absolute method of always making the right decision, but we can come pretty close to making sound decisions under most circumstances. How, you ask?
Rumour had it that a couple lived a very happy married life. The man’s friends approached him one day and said, ‘How do you do it? Really. How?’
‘It’s very simple,’ he said. ‘We have a clear segregation of work. I make all the big decisions at home and she makes all the little ones.’
‘Does she let you?’
‘That’s how it is. She doesn’t get to choose.’
The friends were intrigued and one of them said, ‘I don’t believe you for one second that she’s happy with you making all the big decisions. Give us an example.’
‘Well,’ the man replied, ‘I decide whether our country should go to war, how we should fight terrorism, who should win the next elections … all the big decisions, you know. She gets to decide what kind of car we’ll buy, which school our kids should go to, where we’ll be vacationing, what colour the walls of our home should be painted and so on…’
In fact, the reason most people feel angry and unfulfilled in their lives is because they want someone else to make the choices for them. Making choices is hard work, it requires us to think things through, to ponder over the consequences of our actions. But, to have a chance at life, we’ve got to make our own choices, to stand up for ourselves, to take responsibility. Religions – Abrahamic, Hinduism, Buddhism or any other – cannot make the choices for us. Each one of us needs to have our own framework. And that leads me to the crux of the matter: a framework of life, or a philosophy of life. Not just any but your philosophy of your life. It will help you make better choices.
Soyen Shaku (1860–1919) was one of the first Zen masters to teach in the United States. He had a simple philosophy of life in the form of a list with some bullet points, something he lived by all his life. Though he called it the rules of life, I think of it more as a philosophy. You don’t have to follow his rules – you write your own philosophy – nevertheless, this is what he wrote:
1.In the morning, before dressing, light incense and meditate.
2.Retire at a regular hour.
3.Partake of food at regular intervals. Eat with moderation and never to the point of satisfaction.
Even Buddha said you should look upon food as medicine; that it’s there to nourish your body, not to bloat it. I read somewhere that some people eat to live, some live to eat. Hopefully, we can be mindful at all times and consume food in a calm manner, in moderate quantity.
4.Receive a guest with the same attitude you have when alone and when alone, maintain the same attitude you have when receiving guests.
How we pretend to be happy when a guest comes! We paint such a picture – assuming, of course, we want to see that guest. Oh, my life could not be better. My husband or my wife is most loving, my children are doing well and I have everything I could possibly need. And look at my big, wide smile! It’s real, you know. That’s the attitude most of us have while receiving guests, we are positive, upbeat and usually full of gratitude.
If you have the same attitude when you are alone as when in company, your way of life and living will change for the better.
Professor A.P. Sharma had great influence on my life. A PhD in English Literature, he had recently retired, and I used to spend hours with him studying English literature and grammar. He was mostly bald and had a very cute paunch. He used to live alone, with his books. Most of my afternoons, from the age of thirteen till seventeen, I spent with him.
He was an extremely soft-spoken man and could never get angry with anyone. Like someone who has weathered enough of life, he had grudges against some people but he didn’t let that stop him from living his life to the fullest. One remarkable quality of him was as per Shaku’s fourth rule.
Whether it was a little child or some senior bureaucrat visiting his home, he would receive his visitor with the same grace. Countless times I saw this. Even if the child of a neighbour, a girl or a boy six or seven years old would come, he would sit them down and ask, ‘Would you like a glass of water or a Coke?’ He would then offer dry fruits, just as he would to any other important guest. I never saw any difference in his attitude towards people. He would greet everybody the same way.
Often, during the summer, he would be sitting there, wearing his vest and somebody would knock on the door. I would say, ‘Should I go quickly and open it?’ He would say, ‘No, what’s the rush?’ He never seemed in a rush. He would say, ‘Son, he hasn’t brought a medal for me, has he? So, I don’t care, he can wait. This person did not intimate me in advance, so I wasn’t expecting him. He can wait. If he is in a hurry, he can go.’
Life was a slow, beautiful and mindful affair around him. Predominantly because he had little pretense. Everything to him was a play written by Shakespeare; he would talk like that, his words flowing gently. Nothing was done in haste, and he was living well; a very happy and graceful person.
I believe his attitude of taking things easy was what gave him that inner peace and joy.
Continuing with Soyen Shaku’s rules of life:
5.Watch what you say and whatever you say, practice it.
I think this is a profound insight. This is the only way your words will have impact. When we say things we don’t mean, our words do not seep into the consciousness of the other person beyond a temporary feeling. If you say ‘I love you’ to somebody and you don’t mean it, he or she won’t feel it either.
A mother took her petulant six-year-old to Gandhiji and told him that her son ate a lot of sugar and if he could do something or fix this problem for her, she would be eternally grateful.
‘Come back after six months,’ Gandhiji told her and promised that he would help the child come off his sugar-binge.
Six months later, with great eagerness, she brought the child back to Gandhiji who merely instructed the young one to not eat excessive sugar. It wasn’t good for the teeth, he told him. The mother was not pleased. She confronted Gandhiji that if all he had was this small instruction then why did he wait six months to say this simple thing?
‘Because,’Gandhiji said laughingly, ‘at the time, I used to eat a lot of sugar myself. How could I tell this boy to do otherwise? My words wouldn’t have had any impact. After I spoke to you, I quit sugar and now my words will do the trick for him.’
And sure enough, the boy stopped consuming excessive sugar. Sincere words can open the gateway to anyone’s heart.
6.When an opportunity comes, do not let it pass by … yet always, think twice before acting.
7.Do not regret the past. Look to the future.
8.Have the fearless attitude of a hero and the loving heart of a child.
9.Upon retiring, sleep as if you have entered your last sleep.
10.Upon awakening, leave your bed behind instantly as if you had cast away a pair of old shoes.
I read once that if we live each day of our life as if it’s the last one, one day, we’d most certainly be right. What a beautiful blessing this life is, the least we can do is live it as if it’s a blessing; by being mindful, grateful, by having compassion in our hearts. Though many people keep lying in their beds, long after they have woken, you can do this if you are feeling lazy on a particular day, but to do it on a regular basis is a sheer w
aste of time.
Whether you consider a person successful in being enlightened or in material or spiritual terms, you would rarely see that successful person waste time. Such people value their time – they don’t waste it.
Everybody procrastinates at some point, and that’s okay. But when you are mindless, you lie in your bed and just read something pointless; perhaps browse through people’s social media pictures. And then an hour or two might pass, and you are still lazing around. You get up then, and you feel bad, think you wasted all your time. It’s much better to leave your bed instantly, and then freshen up, take a bath and then you carry on with your day.
Unproductivity, I believe, lowers our self-esteem, makes us feel empty (not in the Zen sense) and even makes us angry. There is a difference between a planned vacation or time off during the day and just being lazy. When you are able to live through your day as you had planned, you feel a sense of fulfilment.
These were Soyen Shaku’s rules of life. I am convinced that everybody should have a written philosophy of life. Not an essay; not a thesis – just four or five points that you live by: things that remind you about your spiritual conduct; that remind you of how you ought to live, that you have created for yourself.
Having a written philosophy is only the first step. To benefit from it, we have to live. And to live mindfully and be able to practice our philosophy, we ought to cultivate certain core virtues as I briefly touched upon the topic in the last chapter. Let us delve deeper into the four key Zen virtues.
Compassion
This is a real story. It happened in Paris, France, many decades ago. An old lady who lived hand to mouth, lost her handbag. She had gone out for her grocery shopping and on her way back, she sat down to rest in a park. Unfortunately, lost in her thoughts, and the challenges of old age, she forgot her handbag in the park. When she reached home, she realized that she was no longer carrying the bag. She slowly made her way back to the park but there was no bag in sight.