“Nothing happened. That was it. She wanted more from us, but I just couldn’t handle anything more than what we already had. We hooked up occasionally, but that’s all we ever did. I didn’t want to be in an actual relationship with her, and tonight I guess she finally realized why I didn’t want one.”
Nick’s eyebrows rose a little. “Don’t leave me hanging, man. How exactly did she come to this realization?”
Jordan shrugged his shoulders like it was no big deal. “I guess she saw me and Cassie together and got the impression there was something still between us…like I was in love with her.”
“Are you still in love with Cassie?” Nick couldn’t help but ask. He knew he didn’t know Brielle that well—they had only shared one quick conversation together—but to Nick, she didn’t seem like someone to question her concerns and opinions aloud if she didn’t think there was a little bit of truth to them.
Nick knew Jordan didn’t like or know how to express his real feelings very well, especially when it came to a member of the opposite sex, which was probably why he and Jordan had been friends for as long as they had.
“I honestly don’t know. Considering Cassie and I didn’t end on the best of terms, and given our complicated history, I think there will be a part of me that will always love her. She was my first real love; not to mention, she’s also the mother of my son, so we will always be connected to each other.”
Jordan didn’t exactly answer the question though. Truth be told, he didn’t even know what he was feeling, so how could he answer Nick’s question if he wasn’t even sure of the answer. He’d been feeling this way since his return to Yellow Valley, and his late night of cookie baking with Cassie hadn’t helped the situation. His feelings for her were all over the place now more than ever, especially after Brielle assumed he was still in love with Cassie. Was it really as obvious as everyone seemed to think? He knew how crappy their relationship ended last time, and he didn’t want to break Cassie’s heart all over again. He couldn’t do that to her, especially when they couldn’t just think about themselves anymore. Jake needed to be taken into consideration, and even if he and Cassie decided to rekindle their relationship and it went sour again, they would still be a part of each other’s lives.
“Do you want to know what I think?” Nick asked.
Jordan had mixed fillings, but he knew it wouldn’t stop his best friend from stating his opinion anyway.
“Because I’m going to tell you whether you want my opinion or not. I think you do love Cassie, but you’re too scared to admit how you really feel. You don’t want to get hurt, and you care for Cassie too much to break her heart again.”
Yep. Nick was right. Jordan knew that. He hit the nail on the head.
“The same goes for Cassie,” Nick continued, his eyes carefully studying his friend’s face. “I think she’s still in love with you, but she’s too scared to admit the truth, because she doesn’t want her heart to be broken all over again like it was six year ago.”
Jordan was amazed by his friend’s prudent thoughts, but at the same time, he screwed up his nose, rubbing his chin. “When did we start talking about our feelings? I don’t ever remember doing that before.”
Nick laughed. “I know. Maybe it’s because we’ve gotten older and more grown up than the two kids we used to be in high school, when all we cared about was football, what we saw for our futures, and which girls we wanted to hook up with.”
Jordan nudged Nick in the shoulder as they neared the elevators, pressing the down button and waiting for the doors to open so it could take them downstairs to the cafeteria.
“Speak for yourself. I didn’t care so much about the girls.”
“Oh, that’s right. You only had eyes for one girl. And still do now, if I’m not mistaken.”
Nick searched Jordan’s face for clarity, but came up with nothing.
“Or maybe I hang out too much with Cassie and Gabby and they’re beginning to rub off on me.”
Nick slapped Jordan on the back.
“Either way, you and I need to start hanging out more and start discussing manly topics while you’re still here, and you need to really figure out where the hell you stand with Cassie, because you’ll never be truly happy with anyone until you do so.”
The doors slid open, halting the conversation when two people got off and they stepped in. Jordan knew Nick had a point. He would never be truly happy with someone until he and Cassie figured out what they wanted from each other. It was something they would simply have to work out together, or risk being totally miserable, and that was a risk he wasn’t willing to take.
Almost an hour-and-a-half later, Cassie was beginning to feel the effects of sitting for such a long period of time in the hospital. At least by now she knew Jake was going to be okay. He had come out of surgery thirty minutes ago, and was now resting comfortably in the children’s ward of the hospital. Cassie and Jordan sat at his bedside waiting for the anesthesia to wear off and their little boy to open his eyes to see both of his parents smiling at him together like a family.
Nick and Gabby went home once Jake came out of surgery and knew he was going to be okay. They promised to visit tomorrow.
Jordan couldn’t help but glance over to the other side of the bed where Cassie sat in her chair almost half asleep. Tonight had definitely taken its toll on her. He wished he could take her in his arms and never let go, telling her that everything was going to be okay and they were going to be a family once and for all, but Jordan knew how she felt about him. She didn’t think they would be able to make it work as a couple—not again.
He folded his arms across each other, resting his right leg on his left knee.
“You can go to sleep if you want. I’m here. I’ll wake you up if Jake opens his eyes.”
“Why? Do I look tired? Is this your way of telling me I look like shit?” Cassie gave him a hazy-eyed look.
Even on a bad day, in Jordan’s eyes, Cassie could never look shit. She was always going to be the prettiest woman he had ever laid eyes on.
“You look tired like any parent in our situation would.”
Cassie rubbed the sides of her face with her hands, shaking her head. “No, I’m okay. I don’t think I’m going to be able to sleep in these chairs anyway. Besides, I would rather ask you about your tattoos.”
My tattoos? Jordan asked himself. Why did she want to know about his tattoos? That subject had never really come up before. He knew he didn’t have ink six years ago when they had been together, but why would she be so curious to know about them now? Was she just now getting a better look of the words and images scrawled across his arms?
“Okay, shoot—what do you want to know?” He unfolded his arms so his tattoos were exposed, giving her a better look. She was allowed to ask him anything. He couldn’t shy away from her thought-provoking questions anymore.
“Have you always liked them?”
“I’ve never been opposed to them or anything, but I’m not going to rush out and get a whole sleeve. The tattoos I have all mean something to me. I guess, in a way, it was something I knew my father couldn’t control in my life like everything else he insisted on taking control of.”
Like you, for instance, he thought.
“What’s the meaning of your tattoos?”
Jordan pointed to the one on his left wrist. They were Chinese symbols Cassie was curious to know what they meant.
“This says ‘believe’.” He then pointed to the other Chinese symbol on his right arm. “And this one says ‘love’.”
One by one, his finger led a path to each of his tattoos, explaining why each of them had a momentous meaning. He pointed to the cross on the inside of his left arm. “I got this cross after we broke up. I got it as a symbol of faith. I didn’t believe I could have any in myself until I realized all I needed was a little faith that everything would work out the way it was intended to, and maybe one day, fate would lead me back to you.”
Cassie couldn’t stop her
heart from doing a little flip flop over the fact he got a tattoo for her. She had a special place in his heart and she liked it.
“And this,” he said, pointing to the angel taking up most of his right forearm, “I got for my grandparents after they passed away. They’re like my guardian angels watching over me from heaven. Maybe it’s because of them I was drawn back to you. They did always like us together.”
“I think they were your only family members who actually liked me and didn’t feel as if you needed to find someone better than me.”
Cassie didn’t mean to be such a bummer, but this was how she used to feel toward certain members of Jordan’s family when they had been a couple—particularly his father.
“I guess it’s why I gave Jake his name.”
“He’s named after my grandfather?” Jordan was surprised to learn of the origin of his son’s name, even though it shouldn’t have been that big of a surprise.
“Well, I wasn’t too keen on the name Jacob, so I shortened it to Jake instead, but he is actually named after your grandfather.”
“That was so amazing of you,” Jordan replied. “I’m sure he would have loved to know his great grandson is named after him.”
Cassie paused for a moment before jumping into another confession. “He came to see me, you know—your grandfather. After I had Jake, he paid us a visit at the hospital. I hadn’t named him at that point, but he said I was doing the right thing and told me to hang in there, because everything would get better eventually. I know he didn’t realize it would have been his last conversation he would share with me, but his final words stuck with me. And somehow, I just knew that Jake and I were going to be okay, even if I was going to be a single mother. We would get through life in the end.”
“I believe you’ve done very well raising Jake on your own.”
“Well, I haven’t really done it alone. I’ve had plenty of support surrounding Jake and me throughout the years. But thank you. I’ve only done what I thought was right all along. Apparently, I was born to be a mother.”
She was born to be a mother to Jordan’s son, though he didn’t tell her that.
“I’m a little tired,” Cassie finally said, looking away from Jordan. Her eyes were focused on Jake in the bed. He was still asleep, and knowing how good of a sleeper he could be, maybe Cassie would be able to get some shuteye—even for just a few minutes or so. It was all she needed to gain a little bit of energy so she’d be ready for when Jake eventually woke up.
“I’ll let you know when he wakes up,” Jordan told her before she tucked her yoga pants-clad legs up underneath her as best she could, while still sitting in a very uncomfortable chair and closed her eyes.
Jordan watched the stunning beauty before his eyes drift off to sleep. He remembered watching her sleep when they had dated. She looked so peaceful, almost like an angel, except he remembered she used to snore. When he’d told her about it, she tried to deny that she snored, insisting he did instead. He studied her closely, watching the rise and fall of her chest as she breathed. He too drifted off to a light slumber, forgetting all about the events of that night.
It wasn’t until morning of the next day when the early sunrise was gently streaming in through the hospital window that Jordan realized his light slumber had turned into actual sleep, despite the uncomfortable position he was sitting in. Jordan looked over at Cassie as sun lightly reflecting off her blonde hair, giving her a golden glow. He couldn’t help but wonder how he ever got so lucky in the first place that Cassie chose him to be with when they’d dated in high school. She was stunning, even though he knew Cassie wouldn’t agree right now with her hair sticking up and mascara smudged around her eyes.
His dark brown eyes shifted over to their son, and even now, he still had trouble absorbing he had a child. Jake hadn’t moved. His body was perfectly still besides his breathing, and something told Jordan this was the only time Jake wasn’t busily moving about. He ought to capture this moment forever of his two favorite people in the entire world while he had the chance.
He took his iPhone out of his pants pocket and snapped a quick shot of his girl and then his son before they both stirred. He knew Cassie wasn’t really his girl anymore, but once upon a time, she had been his, and he hoped she would be again. Life was simply too short to let her slip away again.
His phone buzzed in his hands, and Jordan was thankful it was on silent, which would’ve no doubt disturbed Jake and Cassie from their sleep.
What could Paul want? Jordan thought to himself when he read the name of the caller on the screen. Jordan paid Paul big bucks as his agent, mostly making his life run smoothly as he dealt with the press, tabloids, and business side of his life that came from being a professional football player, leaving Jordan to concentrate on the sport itself. He didn’t like dealing with trashy tabloids eager to make up a story over the real deal just to sell their magazine. Jordan thought of them as money hungry people, but he figured it was the life he asked for in order to follow his childhood dream.
Jordan’s finger slid across the screen to answer the call, then he slipped out of the room and talked to his agent in a hushed tone.
“What’s up?”
“How are you? I’m calling to check in with you and make sure you’re on track to return to Miami for training camp. I haven’t heard from you since the night you called to tell me about your kid. So tell me, how is fatherhood treating you?”
Jordan shook his head. He knew Paul couldn’t possibly be interested in hearing about his sudden thrust into fatherhood. When he’d made the phone call to fill Paul in on the recent revelations in his life, Paul hadn’t been interested in hearing about his news until Jordan confirmed through a DNA test that Jake was really his. Despite his reluctance, Jordan had managed to convince Paul to spin the story to the press in a positive way. Luckily, Cassie didn’t mind when he asked her for a DNA test. She understood that his job sometimes required an exact answer in regards to what happened in his personal life.
“You don’t really want me to answer that, right?”
“No, you’re right. I don’t. Despite everything, that isn’t what I called to ask you about.” Paul wasn’t the type of guy you could sit down and have a beer with. He only wanted to know details about your life when he needed to spin it in a positive way to the public. Jordan paid him a lot of money to do his job, and he had to admit, he did his job the well.
“We’re almost into July. That means training camp is approaching fast before the season commences, so the team is wondering when you’ll be back.” Paul was straight to the point.
“Yeah, that’s the thing,” Jordan said, his words running into each other. His hand ran over his hair. “I may not make it back by then. I’m not saying I won’t for sure, because I simply don’t know yet. But regardless, I will back by the end of July or beginning of August.”
Jordan listened to pure silence on the other end of the phone except for deep breathing.
“Does that cause a problem with the team? I’m not missing the season or anything, and I will be there for most of the camp. I’m only missing the first week or so.”
“Is there anything you need to tell me? What’s going on there?”
“My son is ill. He’s going to be okay, but he had to have an appendectomy and I would like to spend a little more time with him. It shouldn’t cause too much of an issue though, because most of the other players on the team are fathers themselves.”
Jordan continued to hold the phone to his ear as he listened to his agent respond to his worries, telling him how everything would be okay and he wished him the best of luck and not to think about football until his son was in the clear. Only then did Jordan finally realize he had hired a great agent. He wasn’t just someone who worked for him but he was a friend. Paul was one of the good ones, whose number one priority in life shouldn’t just be all about business, but family too. And now Jordan was beginning to realize just how much that statement meant to him.
Cassie slowly opened her eyes and looked around at her surroundings, remembering where she was and realizing last night wasn’t some kind of nightmare. She was instantly slapped in the face with reality when she saw her little boy sound asleep in his hospital bed, and then noticed Jordan was gone from his chair.
She was wondering where he got to until she heard his deep voice outside the door, and Cassie was curious about whom he was talking to.
Cassie got to her feet, smoothing down the wrinkled clothes she was sporting. She could only imagine what her hair looked like right now. She bet it wasn’t the prettiest of looks, but she didn’t care. It wasn’t as if she was trying to look pretty for anyone special.
She walked over to the door, her ballet flats barely making a sound on the linoleum floor as she craned her head around the half-open door and saw Jordan with a phone to his ear.
Cassie tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear while she held onto the door and hoped Jordan didn’t see her, and if he did, then she hoped he didn’t mind she was practically eavesdropping on his conversation.
She tried not to listen, instead focusing on the patients, doctors, and nurses roaming the hallway, but something about his latest comment struck Cassie. Had she heard him correctly? Did he really just say he was staying in Yellow Valley a little longer?
Then Jordan hung up the phone, placed it back into his pocket, and turned around to find Cassie standing there.
“Cassie—”
But she didn’t give him much of a chance to say another word or explain himself.
“Did you mean it?”
“What?” he asked. He gave her a puzzled look. His nose was screwed up, but Cassie thought it was cute. “How long have you been standing there?”
She looked to the ground. “Not long. I didn’t hear your whole conversation, if that’s what you’re wondering, but I did hear you say you’re staying a little longer in town. So is it true?”
“Would it bother you if I did?” Jordan wanted to know what she was really thinking. His eyes were searching hers, waiting for a response.
Home is Where the Heart is Page 14