Jaded
Hearts
Olivia Linden
Copyright © 2012 Olivia Linden
All rights reserved.
DEDICATION
TO DEVIN,
The inspiration to everything I do.
I love you!
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Thank you, to all my family and friends who put up with me and, my neurotics as I went through my first book writing experience. To Omar and Pat, you both cheered me on and gave me the spark to finish my story and fast! To Mom and Christine for putting on your grammar school hats and being patient with each time I was absolutely finished. Melissa, you surprised me with your plot input and overall help with everything. Thank you! Yammie, your feedback, along with Jasmine's, was invaluable and bolstered my confidence in my own skills. You made this fun for me. My guinea pigs Lexi and Mr. Casalona. I also want to thank all of my Facebook buddies who offered kind encouragement and shared my work with others. Last on this page, but never least in my life, I thank God for blessing me with the ability to put the creative twists and turns that swirl around in my mind on paper, and surrounding me with wonderful support team.
I am truly blessed.
Prelude
The Lord is My Shepherd...
I felt like I was lying on a slab of ice. My body was so cold I was certain that was what woke me up until a sheet of ice cold water came crashing over me. I tried to scream but all I could manage in my drug induced state was a long groan. I couldn’t move, but I could still feel.
Oh God!
I opened my eyes to a see the concrete ground that was acting as my pillow, and a pair of shoes. An expensive pair of Italian loafers to be exact and they were approaching me. The owner used one of those shoes to nudge my forehead upwards. I felt like my body was not working because I couldn’t move a muscle. My head was so heavy it just kept rolling to the side.
“I think this bitch is finally awake. Douse her again to make sure.” Italian shoes backed away and a pair of leather boots approached. I tried to lift myself up but I couldn’t because my hands were tied behind my back. I groaned in panic and agony as I received another blast of arctic water. I didn’t even know where I was, why I was here or who was doing this to me.
“Fucking leave her alone already! She has nothing to do with this!”
The familiar voice sounded so hoarse and strained. I looked past my tormentor’s shoes to see the man tied to a chair. His once beautiful face was bruised and bloody from whatever abuse he had received. Mr. Italian shoes walked over to him and slapped him across the face with a large opened palm. His head swung violently in the direction of the slap and I gasped in horror. “Shut up you piece of scum. You’re concerned for this whore, but there was no concern for my daughter. My daughter!”
The man’s voice was a loud angry roar which scared me even more than I already was. I was in terror as he came back towards me but realized too late that it was the man in the boots who was my assigned tormentor. Another bucket of water was splashed roughly in the direction of my head momentarily causing me to choke.
Were they trying to drown me?
“Please, stop!” I managed to plead while choking and shivering violently. Italian shoes came to me this time using his foot to examine my body.
“I can understand the attraction, she is a beautiful woman, but was she worth my daughter’s misery? You beg for this bitch the way my daughter begged for you while she was in pain after having an abortion of your baby. After you turned your spineless back against her.”
As he talked he used his foot to admire the curves of my body and then swiftly kicked me in the stomach at the end. I curled into my pain as much as my restraints allowed, a moan of agony escaping my lips.
What the hell was going on? The Lord is my Shepherd!
I prayed every prayer I knew to make me wake up from this nightmare. This had to be a dream, but in my dreams I couldn’t feel Italian shoes kick me in the head. I closed my eyes and thought back to the night my life took a turn. When I decided to leave my safe zone.
1 What about us?
I let the phone on the other end ring three times before that sinking feeling crept in. I wasn’t going to get an answer. Just as I was about to give up, the line crackled open. I could hear the buzz of a busy bar floating in the background.
“I think Evan is cheating on me.” I blurted.
“Jade? What's going on? Where are you?” That was my best friend Colleen. She was my go-to phone call when I was feeling irrational.
“I'm at home, but Evan isn't. I haven't heard from him all day. It's after midnight! He's cheating on me Lena. I just know it!” I ranted. She let out a long sigh before she responded.
“Do you know that for sure, or are you just speculating? You've got to stop doing that. If you plan on making a decision about your life, you're going to have to calm down and think clearly. When he gets home ask him. Until then you should get some rest.” Her tone was dismissive. Not what I had expected. I needed her support.
Not wanting to ruin the rest of her night out, I let it go.
“OK. Sorry to interrupt you.” I said.
“Jade, you’re a smart, beautiful and capable woman. If things are not making you happy, then you know what you have to do.” She replied in a slightly softer tone. “Thanks.” I hung up, only slightly satisfied with our exchange.
I leaned back into my comfy spot on the couch. Some help that was. If I was going to be able to decide what the next step in my future was I needed to focus on my options, not my emotions. And they were forming a knot as my nerves frayed with every passing hour. My fiancé was unwittingly helping me make my choice.
3:45 am. That was the time on the clock when I was jolted out of my sleep. The loud jingling of keys alerted me to Evan's late arrival. He never came in this late, and the worst part was that he didn’t even call. I shifted up to a sitting position to face him as he entered the room. He spotted me on the couch and his face filled with disdain.
“How did I know?” He grumbled.
My blood began to boil. All the composure that I had prayed for while I waited quickly evaporated.
“How did you know what? What the hell is that supposed to mean?” I barked.
He just shrugged nonplussed and walked past me.
“Because, every time I come home that's where your ass is planted. Honestly Jade. Maybe if you got off the couch once in a while I might look forward to coming home again.” He kept on walking towards the bedroom without stopping to look at me again.
I can't believe this.
I was waiting up for him because I had news; News that I wanted to discuss with him; News that could have a big affect our future together; Really good news for me, but now, I would just tell him of my decision. His attitude just confirmed what I had already known. It was over between us, and I was leaving him. It's funny how things work. Had he come home earlier, or called me, I might have made another choice.
I dragged myself off the couch and made my way to our bedroom. My nerves flared as I prepared to face him. Even though I had practiced this moment in my mind for hours, there was nothing that could prepare me for this. We have been together for six years and engaged for two. He was the only man I had ever loved, but all that didn't matter now.
When I entered the room he was putting on his boxers, just at the end of his bedtime routine. To look at him you would never guess he was so cold and detached. That demeanor had kept me in a holding pattern for years, too young to understand that there was no breaking through his barriers. Evan looked up to find me staring at him and smirked.
“What? Did you lose your conversational skills too? Why don't you chec
k between the couch cushions? You might find them there.” His voice was full of sarcasm.
I nodded in mock agreement as I walked over to the dresser.
“Thanks. I'll be sure to pack those along with the rest of my things when I leave.”
He laughed as he sat back on the bed. “You can't move back in with your brother now Jade. He has a roommate.”
His condescending tone helped fuel my confidence. I could feel it growing inside me with every smirk and snide grin he shot my way. I stripped down to my underwear and wrapped my hair up in a bun.
“I'm not moving back in with Andrew. I'm moving to New York.” I actually said it. My stomach flip flopped as I waited for his reaction. I watched his eyebrows knit together.
“You're moving to New York? Why?”
“Yes, you heard right.”
“Why?” He asked a little bit firmer.
“I have a very lucrative job offer, and I’ve decided to take it.” I was on a rush. I waited eagerly for his next question.
“A job offer in New York? Who is offering this to you? Where did this come from?”
OK, make that three questions.
“Vivian's company is looking for an image consultant and offered me the position. It's ninety-thousand to start and she has a loft apartment being prepped for me to move into. My first assignment is to help my cousin promote the boutique she manages.” I eyed his reaction through the mirror. I relished as his expressions went from disbelief, to confusion to shock.
“Vivian? Your aunt who changes jobs like she changes her underwear? That is what you told me about her, right? Now you're moving all the way to New York to work for her? Just like that? What about us, Jade? What happens to us?”
Evan paced as he questioned me. In his typical stance with one hand on his head and the other on his chest. I swear he could have been an actor. These dramatic tendencies had tricked me as a teenager. This response usually resulted in me doing things his way, I always got sucked into his overreactions. Normally the sight of him struggling with his emotions would have stopped me. I would have melted and done everything I could to reassure him.
But not now. Not tonight after the blatant disregard he had shown for my feelings over the last few months. The late nights had gotten later, the lectures about my lack of direction had gotten longer and my patience had gotten thinner.
“That's a great question. Us? What us? Were you thinking about us when you were out with another woman tonight? You don't talk to me. You don't make love to me, and now you don’t want to come home to me. So where does that leave US? Oh, and I decided this when you decided not to come home tonight. I had other offers I wanted to run by you, but when you didn’t come home or call me to let me know what the deal was I figured it out. I'm already alone, so moving away couldn’t be any worse.” I surprised myself with my rant. Evan was obviously stunned too and stood with the posture of a man who was a day late and a dollar short.
After a few long moments of silence he snapped out of his 'stuck on stupid pose' and shook his head.
“You know what, if that's what you want to do then go ahead. Just make sure that when it all falls apart you don't call me, 'cause if you leave me I'm not going backwards Jade. Not even for you.”
Rolling my eyes I headed out to the patio. I flipped the switch to the Jacuzzi with my toe and waited on the edge of the tub as it heated up. My thoughts were swirling like the bubbles that rose up to the surface. 'What about us?' kept repeating in my mind.
I met Evan at The University of Miami. I was in the second semester of my communication major and he was in his third year of sports medicine. He was my biology lab partner and we bonded over his love, and my dislike of the subject. Our friendship was instant. Being as shy as I was, friends were rare. Evan and Colleen were my support system.
My grandmother passed away the summer before I started college, leaving me to take care of my younger brother Andrew. My aunt Vivian was our official guardian, but since I was already enrolled in school she allowed us to stay together in the small house we grew up in. My parents had left my grandmother to raise us and with her gone I filled those shoes. I held down two jobs while attending school, and my free-time was spent making sure Drew got the best grades in high school.
Evan stepped in and helped me when I needed it. He took Drew to all his after school activities and games, and helped him with his studies. This gave me the time I needed to focus on mine. Eventually he moved in and helped me with the bills and housework. Everything happened so fast, but I was so happy to have the help it didn't matter. Evan wasn’t the most attractive guy that I ever met, but he had swag to his personality. He was a guy's guy and women seemed to notice him in a big way. I just thought he was sweet and kind.
I felt a sharp pang of nostalgia as I recalled the history of our relationship. I felt like I had been sleepwalking until this point. Everything had been done his way. I had to fight against my natural tendency to trust his opinion. I had to break out of this constrictive emotional prison.
2 Nothing to lose
I started packing as soon as Aunt Vivian told me that the apartment was ready to be moved into. She had it furnished and decorated with the items I had chosen online. I wasn’t expected to start work until the beginning of July, which was about two months away, but I was eager to get to New York and away from here. I had been on the couch for too long. As excited as I was for a change there was a part of me that was bewildered at the offer. My aunt had bounced around in her career so how was she so sure about this? And why me? Ever since I told him that I was leaving, Evan and I had been on the best terms that we had probably been on in a long time. It was almost like I wasn’t leaving. He asked me a million questions about my new job and my apartment, and already started planning when he was coming to visit me. I was caught between feeling excited to leave and start my new life, and being terrified at the thought of whether I was making a mistake. Everything just seemed too right. When I started feeling like this I always confided in my best friend Colleen. She was meeting me tonight for dinner and drinks at The Cleveland on Ocean Drive.
While I was packing away all my books and college junk the door bell rang. It was 2:00pm on a Friday, so it had to be Andrew. I walked over to the front door and looked out to see my brother standing there with a bottle of liquor in a paper bag. My brother stands at about 6'1 with the build of a football player; his position was wide receiver to be exact. He was going into his senior year at The University of Miami and was well on his way to a career in the NFL, if that's what he wanted. One of my last articles was a piece featuring his breakthrough season and the steady progression he took to get there. I was more than proud of him.
“Is this my going away gift?” I asked as I opened the door. Andrew walked in with a grin on his face.
“Well, it depends on how you look at it. You can enjoy it now, or you can enjoy it later. But you would probably want to enjoy it now, since drinking alone in a new city is my idea of depressing.” He joked as he strolled to the kitchen. That's what I love most about my brother. He is always cheerful and gregarious. I followed him and walked to the cabinet to pull out two glasses.
“I know you have some pineapple juice in here or sumthin Jade. I know how you get down with the drinks.” He rummaged through my fridge as he asked.
“But wait? Ah me you tink seh you know?” I joked in my old Jamaican lady accent, as I pulled a can of juice out of the pantry. He handed the paper bag to me and sat on a bar stool. I pulled the bottle out of the bag to see my favorite liquor.
“Wray and Nephews! Damn, you’re trying to get me wasted real early in the day. Shit!” I exclaimed. I poured a generous amount of the over-proof Jamaican rum in a blender, along with the pineapple juice, and some coconut crème, and made my trademark pina coladas. We took our drinks into the half empty living room.
“Damn. So you’re really leavin' huh? I thought maybe you and E would kiss and make up by now.” He said this as he looked around at all my b
oxes.
“Yeah, we kissed and made up, and it didn’t change a thing. But I’m not leaving him, I’m just trying to do me, and right now that means moving to NYC,” I declared. My brother looked at me and raised his eyebrows.
“So your man is giving you the go-ahead to move to another state to ‘do you’? I don’t get it. Why do you have to move to NYC to do you? Aren’t you scared?” Andrew asked.
“Look Drew, you know our relationship has been up and down for the longest time now. He says I’m wrong, but I feel like if I’m not doing what he thinks I should be doing that I’m wasting time. I have to have a certain job, a certain look. We hang out with a certain clique. I just want to get out of this whole environment.
Yeah, I could just move out, but then he’d end up moving in, or I’d end up moving back here. I need a change of scenery. Start over. So maybe I am leaving him. He can’t really care too much, he isn’t stopping me.” I leaned back and took a long sip of my drink and savored the flavor of the strong Jamaican rum.
I didn't want to tell Drew about Evan cheating on me. I didn't want that to place a stigma on my new start. Our problems had been brewing for a while, and since neither one of us were the type to rock the boat, we had just drifted apart.
“How is he supposed to stop you? Evan has been running the show for years, and you know how that man is already. You already hurt his feelings by saying you want to leave; now you want him to beg you to stay? Come on Jade; don’t act like you don’t know.” Andrew wasn't buying my act. He knew me well enough to know that I never moved without a big push.
“No, I don’t want him to beg me to stay, but he could have at least said it. I’m so damn tired of all this ‘if it was meant to be crap’. He acts like the relationship is supposed to work itself out. Everything should be fine as long as we both look good, and have our dream jobs and our dream condo. I'm done playing house. I've outgrown that game. He doesn't see me.”
Jaded Hearts (The Jaded Hearts Club) Page 1