by Lisa Smartt
“Yeah. We had the sonogram this week. Looks like it’s a boy.”
Will quietly walked to the bathroom without saying a word.
Aunt Charlotte belted out, “Well, praise the Lord! Now you’ll have an even score ‘round here.”
I hugged Clara as Molly and Mandy crowded around our legs with squeals and giggles. James and Collin had already run into the girls’ room because they both had grown fond of playing ponies. Mandy and Molly ran in to supervise. The girls always exercised an incredible amount of patience with both boys. It was nothing short of miraculous.
Dusty removed his work boots and plopped into the leather recliner. He spoke with an air of accomplishment, “Ladies, come have a seat and warm yourselves by this fire built by the McConnell men.”
Aunt Charlotte and I sat on the couch as Clara brought cups of hot tea. Aunt Charlotte monopolized the conversation with local Sharon news. Tom Barrett’s convenience store had a fire that brought out all the trucks Tuesday night. According to Aunt Charlotte, Uncle Bart said, “Wouldn’t surprise me if ol’ Tom set that himself to get the insurance money, as he’d rob a blind man of his last quarter.” Bob and Sue Smith’s daughter, Emily, won First Maid at the Pilot Club pageant last Saturday. Aunt Charlotte said, “Since they got that young un’s buck teeth fixed, she’s a beauty. Shore ‘nuff.” It made the front page of the paper that Chester won an expensive shotgun through the Kiwanis Club raffle. Sheriff Griffin said he better not see him ‘round town trying to take out a squirrel at the Sharon Park and Pavilion. Aunt Charlotte said with disdain, “Lord knows the one person who don’t need to be packin’ heat ‘round here is Chester. He can’t see a dad-gum thang. He’ll prolly shoot Ida for’ it’s all over.”
While we always enjoyed Aunt Charlotte’s local ramblings, I couldn’t help but notice that Will remained in the bathroom for more than fifteen minutes. Dusty finally went to the door and knocked gently. “Will, you okay in there?”
Silence.
Dusty’s voice grew more concerned. “Son, go ahead and open the door, okay?”
Silence.
Dusty’s face grew white as he used the little flat key positioned above the door ledge. He opened the door to find only an open window letting in cool air. “Clara! Will’s gone.”
He flew out the front door. “Will! Will! Hey Buddy!”
Clara looked at Aunt Charlotte and me, “Watch the girls, will you?”
Aunt Charlotte grabbed her coat as she yelled, “I’m going with you!”
It had only been fifteen minutes so we knew he couldn’t have gone far. Clara and Dusty got in the truck while Aunt Charlotte insisted on running through the woods behind their home.
Within thirty minutes, Will was being dragged by Aunt Charlotte through the front yard. Even with all the doors and windows closed, I could hear her rant clearly. I called Dusty’s cell phone to let him know Will was safely home. Well, after Aunt Charlotte got through with him, I’m not sure how safe he’d be.
“Young man, you are in a mess ‘a trouble with me and your folks too. What could you have been thinkin’? You weren’t a thinkin’. And that’s the trouble, mister. You weren’t thinkin’ at all. God done gave you a fine mama and daddy and you run off like that, like a common thief. You ain’t thieved nothing, have you?”
As they entered the front door, I could see Aunt Charlotte dragging him along like those cartoons of cavemen dragging a dead animal. Will’s small voice replied, “No ma’am.”
“Well, you just sit yourself down right here ‘till your Daddy gets back. He ain’t gonna be happy with you. At all.” She was pacing the floor and throwing her hands in the air as if she had been called upon to preach a sermon. She turned and pointed her chubby finger near his pale face, “Oh, and how did you ‘spect you were gonna live? You planning on camping in the woods?”
“No ma’am. I was going to my grandma’s house.”
“You was, was you? So you figure your mama and daddy, they ain’t good enough for ya, huh? Oh, and you better just hope your daddy don’t ‘go off on you’ as the young folks say. Lord knows if you was my young’un, I’d go off on you straight up. Yes, sir. Runnin’ off into the woods, scarin’ all of us half to death. Lawsy mercy, I ought to turn you over my knee right now. Yes, sir, I sure should.”
Dusty came running through the garage door with Clara following behind. He wiped his eyes as he kneeled down in front of the rocking chair where Will sat. Dusty’s scarred hands reached out to embrace him, and he laid his head on Will’s small shoulder. When he did, Will’s eyes filled with tears. “Son, you scared us. Don’t ever, and I mean ever, do that again.”
When Will’s tears turned to quiet crying, Dusty held him even tighter. Aunt Charlotte looked at both of them like she’d seen a unicorn in the cereal aisle of the local Wal-Mart. She’d felt certain Dusty was gonna give it to Will with both barrels. But no. Dusty had lived his whole life with a man who’d dished out harshness and he was determined to do things differently, better.
Still kneeling in front of Will, he let go a bit and looked him square in the eyes as his hands rested gently on Will’s shoulders, “Will, I have always wanted a son. Always. You are that son. The answer to our prayers. And if I ever gave you reason to doubt that, well, I’m sorry. Yes, we’re having a new baby. And yes, it’s a boy. But he won’t replace you. He can’t replace you. You’ve got to believe me…he can’t.”
Will sputtered, “But he’ll be your real son. And you’ll be his real daddy.”
Dusty reached out and pinched Will on the arm. Hard.
“Ouch!”
Dusty laughed, “See? You’re real. Now pinch me.”
Will laughed and pinched Dusty’s muscular arm as hard as he could though it probably caused little pain.
“Ouch! See…I’m real too. Look, I’m your real dad. You’re my real son. And I’ve always been happy about that. I thought you were happy too. But by running away like that, it’s like you were telling me that I wasn’t good enough for you, that you didn’t like me being your dad. Is that true?”
Will hung his head, “No, sir.”
“Then I tell ya what. Let’s just forget about this running thing. I want you to be here. I want you to be my son. Forever. And I want to be your dad forever too. Okay?”
“Okay.”
Chapter 37 DAVE: Visitation Day
The center was abuzz with anticipation, at least for half of us. The other half said things like, “Nobody left to come visit.” Or “Be thankful if they haven’t all given up on you yet.” Doug and Carlie assured me Collin would be there at 2:00 on the dot. I was embarrassed that they would have to be frisked and screened before they could enter the small visitation room. But I knew they wouldn’t even mention it.
When the door opened, Collin ran to me and I just held him for a moment, smelling his hair, feeling his body, wondering if he thought the surroundings were odd. He didn’t seem uncomfortable at all. He said with great enthusiasm, “Charry gave you a box!!” He always called Aunt Charlotte “Charry.” She had made another batch of cookies which evidently passed through the screening process. She also sent individual packages of peanut butter and crackers and some of those pink wafer-like cookies she had gotten two for a dollar at the Dollar General. Those always reminded me of the Bible School refreshments of my childhood.
Carlie and Doug stayed back a bit to make sure they didn’t interfere with my time with Collin. But within a few minutes, he became fascinated with some toys in the room and they walked forward.
Carlie hugged me. “You look good.”
“I feel good. I mean, better. Probably not good yet.”
Doug asked about the food, the exercise opportunities, and the other folks in the program. He told me everyone at the bank missed me, and was praying for me.
I hesitated. “How’s Ashley? You talk to her lately?”
Carlie spoke up as though she’d just been waiting for the opportunity, “They started shooting a few days ago, I believe. I got an e-mail last
night. This is such a different kind of movie from the last. So the physical part of it is challenging. I mean, there are times when evidently she has to run through alleys and stuff like that. Whereas, before, she mostly just wore uncomfortable clothes and strolled around the countryside at a leisurely pace.”
“I guess. Maybe this movie won’t bring as much tragedy as the last one did…I mean, personal tragedy.”
“Yeah. Hopefully not.”
“I got some letters from her.”
“Yeah. She said she’d been writing to you. She asked if we’d visited yet.”
“I have to wonder why she bothers, except…well, it’s crazy really.”
Carlie smiled, “What’s crazy?”
“That a famous wealthy movie star would have feelings for a single father in rehab. That.”
Doug confronted, “Oh, is that what you are? Just another single father in rehab?” He turned to Carlie, “Hon, we got it all wrong. All this time we thought Dave was a go-getter, a great dad, a good employee.”
Collin came running up to Dave carrying a big fire engine. Dave pushed a button on the side that activated the siren. But the batteries must have been near dead because the siren made an odd slow sound that sounded more like a dying cow than a fire truck.
“That’s exactly how I feel. Not functioning on all cylinders, I guess.”
Carlie’s whisper was unlike her normal volume, “None of us are functioning on all cylinders, Dave. None of us.”
The visit was enjoyable but time was ticking down. When it was time for them to leave, I grabbed Collin and said, “I’ll see ya next week, Buddy.”
“I stayin’.”
“No, you can’t stay. You have to go with Aunt Carlie and Uncle Doug.”
His protests became louder, “I stayin’, Daddy!!”
Carlie immediately gathered him into her arms, turned his chubby little face toward hers. “But we’re goin’ to Burger King and you were gonna get a toy and a crown, remember?” Collin’s face brightened.
I hugged her while she still held Collin in her arms. “Thank you, Carlie. You don’t know….”
“Hey, it’s an honor. Really. He’s a great kid with a responsible dad and that’s that.”
She raced out of the room before things got more difficult. Doug put his hand on my shoulder, “Don’t give up, man. You’re almost halfway now. Let’s finish this thing.”
“Absolutely.”
There was gain with their visit. But walking down the hallway to my room felt even lonelier now. It was Sunday so there was no possibility of mail. That made it worse. So I made a decision. My first phone call from the lobby. My first phone call from rehab.
Chapter 38 DAVE: Going Out on a Limb
“Hello.”
“Ashley?”
“No. This is Margaret. Ashley’s on set right now.”
“Yeah. Right. Okay, no problem.”
“Do you want me to ask her to call you when she gets back?”
“Uh, no. That’s not really possible. So, no. It’s fine.”
“Wait a minute. I think I may hear them coming down the hallway. Let me check.”
Probably it was thirty seconds but it felt like twenty minutes when a voice came on the line, “Hello. This is Ashley.”
“Ashley, hey, this is Dave. I’m sure you’re busy. I mean, this isn’t a good time probably.”
She laughed, “Oh, did you call to tell me I don’t want to talk to you. Is that it?”
“No. It’s just that I’m sure your shooting schedule is busy and they don’t want you on the phone all the time.”
“We’re on a long break. So your timing was perfect actually. I’m glad to hear from you.”
“How’s the movie going? Are you in love with Jean-Claude Van Damme yet?” I regretted it the moment it came from my mouth. But there was no going back to get it. The words had already floated through the phone lines.
Her voice got quiet. “Why? You figure I just naturally fall for every man I’m in a movie with, right?”
“No. No, that was dumb. I was just trying to make conversation. It was stupid. The truth is I’m not sure what to say. And when it comes to repeating dumb mistakes from the past, I’m the poster child. So no stone throwing here.”
“No harm done. If anything, I’m probably being way too stand-offish with the other actors because of that stupid debacle with Blake. Plus, it didn’t help that recently it all got thrown to the entertainment news folks. Someone from the set wrote this piece about how inseparable we were and how in love we were while we were shooting scenes. By the time the story came out, Blake couldn’t stand the sight of me. But that made for even better news. Evidently the only thing more newsworthy than two actors being in love…is when they’re not in love.”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“So, how are you? Did you see Collin today? Carlie said they were bringing him.”
“I did.”
“And?”
“It was great. And hard. But I’m glad they came. They’re coming again next Sunday.”
“Good. That’s good. And how’s the…well, the program? Is everything going well?”
“Yeah. As expected, I guess. I’m not sure I counted on how intense it would be. But yeah, I do feel better. Just ready to go home, especially today. I miss Collin, of course, but I actually miss work more than I could have anticipated too. I want to get up in the morning and accomplish something. I want to work. Solve problems. I guess I’m tired of being the problem.”
“Well, you’re almost halfway so you’ll be back at work solving problems in no time.”
“Yeah. I’m trying to remember that. So, how’s the movie? Carlie said you’re becoming an action star with all the running, jumping over wooden boxes, saving the world and all. I can hardly wait to see it.”
“I gotta be honest. It’s not my thing. Oh, and don’t forget that I’m not the hero of this movie. I’m the one who gets duped. By thugs. I’m not smart. I’m not even that great of a runner. I’m kind of the dumb roommate character. ”
“And last time you were the intelligent hard-to-get Aristocrat living on the Emerald Isle. I guess that was more your style.”
“Truthfully, the character in Carlie’s movie was my favorite. Insecure, funny, flawed, but loveable.”
“You’re definitely loveable…” I couldn’t believe I said it. Out loud. And again, there was no going back to retrieve the words already spoken. A few silent seconds brought a wave of sadness.
“I gotta run, Dave. Sorry. They’re calling me now. But thanks for calling. Really.”
“Uh, yeah, of course. Bye Ashley.”
And she was gone. I guess rehab had put me on a course of honesty and vulnerability. What a blessing…and a curse.
Chapter 39 CARLIE: Here Comes Jason
I hadn’t seen Clara this nervous since her first date with Dusty. She paced. She refused to eat breakfast. Oh, to be the kind of person who doesn’t want to eat when nervous. When I’m nervous, I always want to order a pizza with a side bag of Oreos.
She took a personal day from her second grade class. I volunteered to come over early, take the kids to school, and give her plenty of time to get ready. But when I got back to her house after dropping the kids off, she was wearing her housecoat and wiping down the kitchen counters.
“I have nothing to wear. It all looks, well, ridiculous. Like I’m trying too hard. Plus, I’m too fat for my regular clothes but maternity clothes look silly on me.”
I took her by the hand and walked into the master bedroom, which was meticulously clean and neat with bed made and not one thing out of place. It made me wonder how I could be such good friends with a woman who cleans baseboards every Saturday morning and never feels like ordering a pizza at 9:00 am. “What would you wear if you were teaching today? Just wear that. Here, these black stretch pants and that green top. Perfect. Hurry and get dressed. We don’t wanna be late.”
The drive to Jackson was so deathly quiet that I decide
d to give Clara a test to see if she was paying attention. “Hey, I sure wish Dolly Parton and Elton John would do a big concert together. Maybe Tony Bennett and Keith Urban could sing back-up. What ya think?”
She stared out the window, “Yeah, sure.”
“Dolly and Elton totally should have gotten married back in the 70’s. They’d have had some beautiful babies and grandbabies by now, huh?”
She never looked my way as she quietly said. “Uh, yeah.”
I kept from laughing aloud by thinking seriously about the wedding of Elton John and Dolly Parton. All the bling was mind-blowing.
When we arrived at the coffee shop, I held her hand and prayed. “God, this is a big deal. A big day. Thank you. Help Clara to just be…Clara. That’s all Jason wants. That’s all you want. Amen. Are you sure you don’t want me to just wait in the car? I don’t mind. At all.”
“No. I want you to go in.”
I had hoped Dusty could come and he had planned to. But two guys at work had been out all week and Clara told him he should stay at the shop. Maxine was planning to keep the boys today so it worked out for me to come. But I wondered if my presence would be a help or a hindrance. I made an out and out commitment to just be a background support person, which is never easy for me. Oh Lord, keep my mouth shut.
We both spotted him sitting at a corner table. He had given Clara his Facebook information and she had meticulously studied the pictures. About 5’10. Handsome in an academic way. Stylish glasses and reddish-brown hair. Jeans and a tan professor’s jacket with an odd green turtleneck that in my estimation didn’t match. But young people seem to do a lot of unmatched matching these days. Thin, like Clara. Green eyes. When we saw him, Clara looked at me, grabbed my arm, and tears were already forming in the corners of her eyes.
When he stood and walked toward us, Clara broke down in sobs. Jason immediately reached out to hug her and when his arms wrapped around her tiny body, her sobs became louder. Everyone in the Starbucks was watching. I quietly said to some of the onlookers, “It’s a reunion. You know. Sometimes coffee does this to people, makes them a little emotional, I guess. I know people who would sell their relatives for one of those holiday spice lattes. She’s just excited, I guess.”