"What's put a hook in your gills today, girl?" Siuan had on a gown like those Leane wore, only more sheer than even Leane would ever wear in public, so thin it was hard to tell what color it was. Not the first time she had had that on today, either. What was perking around in the back of the woman's mind? In the World of Dreams, things like these changes of clothing betrayed thoughts you might not even know you had. "You have been almost decent company until today," Siuan continued irritably, then paused. "Until today. I see it now. Yesterday afternoon Sheriam assigned Theodrin to begin helping you break down that block you've built up. Is that what has your shift in a twist? You don't like Theodrin telling you what to do? She's a wilder, too, girl. If anyone can help you learn to channel without eating nettles first, she —"
"And what has you so jittery you can't hold your dress still?" Theodrin — that was what really hurt. The failure. "Maybe it's something I heard last night?" Theodrin was even-tempered, good-humored, patient; she said it could not be done in one session; her own block had taken months to demolish, and she had finally realized she was channeling long before going to the Tower. Still, failure hurt, and worst of all, if anyone ever discovered that she had cried like a baby in Theodrin's comforting arms when she knew she was failing… "I heard you heaved Gareth Bryne's boots at his head when he told you to sit down and polish them properly — he still doesn't know Min does the polishing, does he? — so he turned you upside down and —"
Siuan's full-armed slap rung her ears. For an instant she could only stare at the other woman, eyes going wider and wider. With a wordless shriek, she tried to punch Siuan in the eye. Tried, because somehow Siuan had tangled a fist in her hair. A moment later they were down in the dirt of the street, rolling about and screaming, flailing wildly.
Grunting, Nynaeve thought she was getting the better of it even if she did not know whether she was on the top or the bottom half the time. Siuan was trying to yank her braid out by the roots with one hand while the other pounded at her ribs or anything else it could find, but she had the other woman the same way, and Siuan's yanking and punching were definitely growing weaker, and she herself was going to pound Siuan senseless in another minute, then snatch her bald. Nynaeve yelped as a toe caught her hard on the shin. The woman kicked! Nynaeve tried to knee her, but it was not easy in skirts. Kicking was not fighting fair!
Suddenly Nynaeve realized that Siuan was shaking. At first she thought the woman was crying. Then she realized it was laughter. Pushing herself up, she brushed strands of hair out of her face — her braid was all but undone — and glared down at the other woman. "What are you laughing at? Me? If you are…!"
"Not at you. At us." Still quivering with mirth, Siuan shoved Nynaeve off her. Siuan's hair was in wild disarray, and dust covered the plain wool dress she wore now, worn-looking and neatly darned in several places. She was barefoot, too. "Two grown women, rolling around like… I haven't done that since I was… twelve, I think. I started thinking that all we needed would be fat Cian snatching me up by an ear to tell me girls don't fight. I heard she once knocked down a drunken printer, I don't know why." Something very like giggles took her for a moment, then she quieted them and stood, brushing dust from her clothes. "If we have a disagreement, we can settle it like adult women." And in a careful tone, "Still, it might be a good idea not to discuss Gareth Bryne." She gave a start as the worn dress became a gown, red with black-and-gold embroidery around hem and swooping neckline.
Nynaeve sat there staring at her. What would she have done as Wisdom if she found two women rolling around in the dirt that way? If anything, the answer kept her anger at a simmer. Siuan still did not seem to realize that there was no need to brush away dust with your hands in Tel'aran'rhiod. Snatching away fingers that had been repairing her braid, Nynaeve got up quickly; before she was on her feet again, her braid hung perfect over her shoulder and her good Two Rivers woolens might have just been laundered.
"I agree," she said. She would have made any two women she caught like that sorry they had been born even before she hauled them before the Women's Circle. What was she doing lashing out with her fists like some fool man? First Cerandin — she did not want to think about that episode, but there it was — then Latelle, and now this. Was she going to get around her block by being angry all the time? Unfortunately — or perhaps fortunately — that thought did nothing for her temper. "If we have disagreements, we can… discuss them."
"Which I suppose means we'll shout at one another," Siuan said dryly. "Well, better that than the other."
"We would not have to shout if you—!" Drawing a deep breath, Nynaeve jerked her eyes away; this was no way to begin anew. That breath caught in her throat, and she turned her head back to Siuan so quickly it seemed she had been shaking it. She hoped it did. Just for an instant, there had been a face in a window across the Street. And there was a flutter in her belly, a bubble of fear, a burn of anger at being afraid. "I think we should go back now," she said quietly.
"Go back! You said that vile concoction would put me to sleep for a good two hours, and we haven't been here much more than half that."
"Time works differently here." Had it been Moghedien? The face had vanished so quickly it could have been someone dreaming herself here for an instant. If it was Moghedien, they must not — must not on any account — let her know she had been seen. They had to get away. Bubble of fear, burn of anger. "I told you. A day in Tel'aran'rhiod can be an hour in the waking world, or the other way round. We —"
"I've dipped better out of the bilge in a bucket, girl. You needn't think you can get away with shortchanging me. You'll teach me everything you teach the others, as agreed. We can go when I wake up."
There was no time. If it had been Moghedien. Siuan's dress was green silk now, and the Amyrlin's stole and her Great Serpent ring were back, but for a wonder the neckline was almost as low as anything she had worn before. The ring ter'angreal hung above her breasts, somehow part of a necklace of square emeralds.
Nynaeve moved without thinking. Her hand lashed out, snatched the necklace so hard it tore free from Siuan's neck. Siuan's eyes widened, but as soon as the clasp broke, she vanished, and necklace and ring melted from Nynaeve's hand. For an instant she stared at her empty fingers. What happened to someone sent out of Tel'aran'rhiod like that? Had she sent Siuan back to her sleeping body? Or to somewhere else? To nowhere?
Panic seized her. She was just standing there. Quick as thought she fled, the World of Dreams seeming to change around her.
She stood on a dirt street in a small village of wooden houses, none more than a single story. The White Lion of Andor waved from a tall staff, and a single stone dock stuck out into a broad river where a flock of long-billed birds flapped south low over the water. It all looked vaguely familiar, but it took her a moment to know where she was. Jurene. In Cairhien. And that river was the Erinin. It had been here that she and Egwene and Elayne had boarded the Darter, as badly misnamed as the Riverserpent, to continue their journey to Tear. That time seemed like something read in a book long ago.
Why had she jumped to Jurene? That was simple, and answered as soon as she thought of it. Jurene was the one place she knew well enough to leap to in Tel'aran'rhiod that she could be sure Moghedien did not know. They had been there for an hour, before Moghedien knew she existed, and she was sure neither she nor Elayne had ever mentioned it again, in Tel'aran'rhiod or awake.
But that left another question. The same one, in a way. Why Jurene? Why not step out of the Dream, wake up in her own bed, such as it was, if washing dishes and scrubbing floors on top of everything had not left her so weary she slept right on? I can still step out. Moghedien had seen her in Salidar, if that had been Moghedien. Moghedien knew Salidar now. I can tell Sheriam. How? Admit she was teaching Siuan? She was not supposed to have her hands on those ter'angreal except with Sheriam and the other Aes Sedai. How Siuan got hold of them when she wanted, Nynaeve did not know. No, she was not afraid of more hours up to her elbows in
hot water. She was afraid of Moghedien. Anger burned in her belly fiercely. She wished she had some goosemint out of her scrip of herbs. I am so… so bloody tired of being afraid.
There was a bench in front of one of the houses, overlooking dock and river. She sat down and considered her situation from every angle. It was ridiculous. The True Source was a pale thing. She channeled a flame dancing in air above her hand. She might look solid — to herself, anyway — but she could see the river through that scrap of fire. She tied it off, and it faded away like mist as soon as the knot was done. How could she face Moghedien when the weakest novice in Salidar could match or better her strength? That was why she had fled here instead of leaving Tel'aran'rhiod. Afraid and angry at being afraid, too angry to think straight, to consider her own weakness.
She would step out of the Dream. Whatever Siuan's scheme had been, it was done; she would have to take her chances right along with Nynaeve. The thought of more hours scrubbing floors tightened her hand on her braid. Days more likely, and maybe Sheriam's switch besides. They might never let her near one of the dream ter'angreal again, or any ter'angreal. They would set Faolain over her instead of Theodrin. A finish to studying Siuan and Leane, much less Logain; maybe a finish to studying Healing.
In a fury she channeled another flame. If it was a whit stronger, she could not see it. So much for trying to crank her anger in hope it would help. "There's nothing for it but to just tell them I saw Moghedien," she muttered, yanking her braid hard enough to hurt. "Light, they will give me to Faolain. I'd almost rather die!"
"But you seem to enjoy running little errands for her."
That mocking voice pulled Nynaeve up off the bench like hands on her shoulders. Moghedien stood in the street all in black, shaking her head at what she saw. With all her strength Nynaeve wove a shield of Spirit and hurled it between the other woman and saidar. Tried to hurl it between; it was like chopping at a tree with a paper hatchet. Moghedien actually smiled before she bothered to slice Nynaeve's weave, and that as casually as brushing a biteme away from her face. Nynaeve stared at her as though poleaxed. After everything it came down to this. The One Power, useless. All the anger bubbling inside her, useless. All her plans, her hopes, useless. Moghedien did not bother to strike back. She did not even bother to channel a shield of her own. That was how much contempt she had.
"I was afraid you had seen me. I grew careless when you and Siuan started trying to kill each other. With your hands." Moghedien gave a belittling laugh. She was weaving something, lazily because there was no reason to hurry. Nynaeve did not know what it was, yet she wanted to scream. Fury seethed inside her, but fear dulled her wits, rooted her feet to the ground. "Sometimes I think you are all too ignorant even to train, you and the former Amyrlin Seat and all the rest. But I cannot allow you to betray me." That weave was reaching out for her. "It is time to collect you at last, it seems."
"Hold, Moghedien!" Birgitte shouted.
Nynaeve's mouth dropped open. It was Birgitte, as she had been, in her short white coat and wide yellow trousers, intricate golden braid pulled over her shoulder, silver arrow drawn on silver bow. It was impossible. Birgitte was no longer part of Tel'aran'rhiod, she was back in Salidar, making sure no one discovered Nynaeve and Siuan asleep with the sun up and began asking questions.
Moghedien was so shocked, the flows she had woven vanished. Shock lasted less than a moment, though. The gleaming arrow flew from Birgitte's bow — and evaporated. The bow evaporated. Something seemed to seize the archer, jerking her arms straight up, pulling her clear of the ground. Almost immediately she was snubbed short, pulled tight between wrists and ankles a foot above the ground.
"I should have considered the possibility of you." Moghedien turned her back on Nynaeve to move closer to Birgitte. "Do you enjoy your flesh? Without Gaidal Cain?"
Nynaeve thought of channeling. But what? A dagger that might not even penetrate the woman's skin? Fire that would not singe her skirts? Moghedien knew how useless she was; she was not even looking at her. If she stopped the flow of Spirit to the sleeping woman in amber, she would wake in Salidar, she could give warning. Her face twisted near to tears as she looked at Birgitte. The golden-haired woman hung there, staring defiantly at Moghedien. Moghedien contemplated her in return as a woodcarver would a block of wood.
There's only me, Nynaeve thought. I might as well not be able to channel at all. There's only me.
Lifting that first foot was like pulling it out of knee-deep mud, the second staggering step no easier. Toward Moghedien. "Don't hurt me," Nynaeve cried. "Please. Don't hurt me." A chill ran through her. Birgitte was gone. A child of perhaps three or four, in short white coat and wide yellow trousers, stood there playing with a toy-sized silver bow. Flipping her golden braid back, the child aimed the bow at Nynaeve and giggled, then stuck a finger in her mouth as though unsure whether she had done something wrong. Nynaeve sagged to her knees. It was hard work crawling in skirts, but she did not think she could have remained standing. Somehow she managed, reaching out a pleading hand and whimpering. "Please. Don't hurt me. Please. Don't hurt me." Over and over as she dragged toward the Forsaken, a broken beetle scrabbling in the dirt.
Moghedien watched silently, until at last she said, "Once I thought you were stronger than this. Now I find I truly like the sight of you on your knees. That is close enough, girl. Not that I think you have courage enough to try tearing my hair out…" She seemed amused by the notion.
Nynaeve's hand wavered a span from Moghedien. It had to be close enough. There was only her. And Tel'aran'rhiod. The image formed in her head, and there it was, silver bracelet on her outstretched wrist, silver leash linking it to the silver collar around Moghedien's neck. It was not just the a'dam she fixed in her head, but Moghedien wearing it, Moghedien and the a'dam, a part of Tel'aran'rhiod that she held in the form she wanted. She knew something of what to expect; she had worn an a'dam's bracelet briefly once, in Falme. In a strange way she was aware of Moghedien in the same way she was aware of her own body, her own emotions, two sets, each distinct, but each in her own head. One thing she had only hoped, because Elayne insisted it was so. The thing was indeed a link; she could feel the Source through the other woman.
Moghedien's hand leaped to the collar, shock rounding her eyes. Rage and horror. Rage more than horror, at first. Nynaeve felt them almost as if they were her own. Moghedien had to know what the leash-and-collar was, yet she tried to channel anyway; at the same time Nynaeve felt a slight shifting in herself, in the a'dam, as the other woman tried to bend Tel'aran'rhiod to herself. Suppressing Moghedien's attempt was simple; the a'dam was a link, with her in control. Knowing that made it easy. Nynaeve did not want to channel those flows, so they were not channeled. Moghedien might as well have tried to pick up a mountain with her bare hands. Horror overwhelmed rage.
Getting to her feet, Nynaeve fastened the proper image in her mind. She did not just imagine Moghedien leashed in the a'dam, she knew Moghedien was leashed, as firmly as she knew her own name. The sense of shifting, of her skin trying to crawl, did not go away, though. "Stop that," she said sharply. The a'dam did not move, but it seemed to tremble unseen. She thought of blackwasp nettles lightly brushing the other woman from shoulders to knees. Moghedien shuddered, exhaled convulsively. "Stop it, I said, or I'll do worse." The shifting ceased. Moghedien watched her warily, still clutching the silver collar around her neck and with an air of being poised on her toes for flight.
Birgitte — the child who was, or had been, Birgitte — stood eyeing them curiously. Nynaeve formed the image of her as a grown woman, concentrated. The little girl put her finger back in her mouth and began studying the toy bow. Nynaeve breathed angrily. It was hard changing what someone else was already maintaining. And on top of that, Moghedien had claimed she could make, changes permanent. But what she could do, she could undo. "Restore her."
"If you release me, I —"
Nynaeve thought of nettles again, and not a light brush this time. Mog
hedien sucked air through clenched teeth, shook like a bedsheet in a high wind.
"That," Birgitte said, "was the most frightening thing that has ever happened to me." Herself once more, she wore the short coat and wide trousers, but she had no bow or quiver. "I was a child, but at the same time, what was me — really me — was just some fancy floating in the back of that child's mind. And I knew it. I knew I was just going to watch what happened and play…" Flipping her golden braid back over her shoulder, she gave Moghedien a hard look.
"How did you get here?" Nynaeve asked. "I am grateful, you understand, but… how?"
Birgitte gave Moghedien a final stony stare, then opened her coat to fish in the neck of her blouse, pulling up the twisted stone ring on a leather thong. "Siuan woke up. Just for a moment, and not all the way. Long enough to grumble about you snatching this from her. When you didn't wake right behind her, I knew something must be wrong, so I took the ring and the last of what you mixed for Siuan."
"There was hardly any left. Only the dregs."
"Enough to put me to sleep. It tastes horrible, by the way. After that, it was as easy as finding feather-dancers in Shiota. In some ways this is almost as if I were still —" Birgitte cut off with another glare for Moghedien. The silver bow reappeared in her hand, and a quiver of silver arrows at her hip, yet after one moment they vanished again. "Past is past, and the future is ahead," she said firmly. "I was not truly surprised to realize there were two of you who knew they were in Tel'aran'rhiod. I knew the other must be her, and when I arrived and saw the pair of you… It seemed as if she had already captured you, but I hoped that if I distracted her, you might come up with something."
Nynaeve felt a stab of shame. She had considered abandoning Birgitte. That was what she had almost come up with. The thought had only been there for a moment, rejected as soon as it came, but it had come. What a coward she was. Surely Birgitte never had even moments when fear almost took control of her. "I…" A faint taste of boiled catfern and powdered mavinsleaf. "I almost ran away," she said faintly. "I was so frightened my tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth. I almost ran away and left you."
The Fires of Heaven twot-5 Page 95