by E. N. Joy
"Oh." Saved didn't realize the disappointment that came out with the sigh. She was expecting Puddin' to have some huge secret like she used to be a man.
"Cos was going to be a daddy," Puddin' smiled.
"What? You mean you're..." Saved's words trailed off as her eyes trailed down to Puddin's midsection.
"Yes, pregnant." Puddin' rubbed her belly. "Cos didn't want any kids though. He'd made that clear the first night we met when he was in Columbus on business."
Puddin's thoughts trailed off to her and Cos' first encounter. Puddin' was hanging out with one of her girlfriends outside of a popular downtown club. Both she and her friend were dressed to the nines as if they'd been inside the club all night showing off. The fact was, though, that neither one of them were old enough to get inside the twenty-one and over spot.
It was a Saturday night ritual for Puddin' and her friends to, come midnight, get all dressed up and then head for the club. They never even tried to get in. That wasn't their goal. Their goal was to perpetrate as though they had been inside the club and were just hanging out afterward looking for something to get into...or someone; preferably an older guy-a baller with a little bit of dough to blow for the night. On that particular night, that's just what Puddin' had found when Cos stopped to talk to her and they got involved in a conversation.
"How did I miss you up in the club with your fine self?" Cos had asked, looking Puddin' up and down in her tight fitted jeans, purple silk halter blouse and studded out stilettos. The outfit was compliments of her mother's closet.
"I don't know. You tell me," Puddin' replied, giving him the once over right back. She liked what she saw in this twenty-something man. His Sean John jeans fit just right-none of that sagging to the ground. The matching jacket was proper for the late summer fall is on its way weather. And the new LeBron James kicks were spotless. "So where you headed?" Puddin' asked, keeping the conversation going. "Home to your baby momma or home to your momma's basement?"
"Yo, check this; I'm twenty-four. I does for myself. I don't live in my momma's basement. I ain't never been married, I don't have no babies' mommas and I'm going to keep it that way. If and when I ever do decide to have me some babies, it's going to be with a wife. That's just a promise I made to my momma before she passed. It's a promise that I'm not going to break.'"
Puddin' shook her head as her thoughts traveled back to the motel room. She buried her face in her hands. "How could I have been so stupid? How could I have messed up like that and gotten pregnant? I don't know how."
Junie shot Puddin' a furrowed eyebrow.
"I mean, I know how how. It's just that we always used protection," Puddin' explained.
"And were you on the pill too, because that's extra back up?" Saved inquired.
"No, I wasn't on the pill. My brother had this theory that if I got myself on the pill, I'd be more apt to have unprotected sex," Puddin' explained before mocking her brother's words. "'The pill can't keep you from getting herpes or AIDS. And there ain't no cure for either one of those bad boys,' he'd told me." Puddin' laughed. "And I followed that stupid piece of advice. I should have been on both the pill and used condoms."
"Hmm, that just goes to show that nothing can come against God's plan," Saved stated.
"What are you talking about?" Puddin' asked her.
"That baby..." Saved touched Puddin's stomach, "...growing in your belly is meant to be. Not even a condom could stop God's will. It's not an accident. It's not a mistake. It's a blessing. I mean, you sound like you and Cos were really in love."
"We were," Puddin' was quick to say. "We are." She sighed. "Cos always told me if he ever gets busted, to not even come visit him for a while-not until after his case is a rap. He said cops are known for trying to take the girlfriends down too. He didn't want to see me in jail. But how can I stay away from him when I'm carrying his child?" She shook her head and fought back tears. "I'm so stupid."
"Stop speaking that into the atmosphere," Saved ordered. "Don't you know the power of life and death is in the tongue? Don't you know that God created the world and man by just speaking things into existence? We have that very same power over our lives. So speak positive things so that they will be." Saved smiled. "Be proud of that baby inside your stomach. Be grateful that God blessed you with such a precious gift; a symbol of you and Cos's love."
Holding her stomach with both hands, Puddin' smiled. "I never really thought about it that way. In all honesty, once I got to Columbus and got settled, there wasn't going to be no more baby."
"In Jesus name the devil is a liar," Saved blurted out. "I rebuke that stinkin' thinkin' in the name of Jesus." Saved stood up and put her hands on Puddin's forehead. "Dear Lord, in the name of Jesus, I ask you to remove the spirit of murder from Puddin' that she may give life and not death."
Before Saved could finish, Puddin' laughed and pushed Saved's hands off of her forehead. "Girl, if you don't go on somewhere with that mess."
Junie just grinned and shook his head at the scene. "But anyway, without it taking all that," Junie stated, referring to Saved's holy outburst, "I'm just going to say that I think you should keep the baby. It might be kind of nice being Uncle Junie."
"Yeah, and Aunt Saved," Saved added, but then turned her attention to Junie. "And what do you mean it don't take all that? Honey, sometimes it takes all that and more to fight off Satan. You know we're not fighting against flesh and blood, but against-"
"Okay, we get it, Sister Saved," Junie said. "I repent." He looked up and raised his hands. "Oh, Lord, I repent for making fun of Saved's holy tactics. Please forgive me, Lord. In Jesus' name. Amen."
"Ha, ha," Saved said sarcastically, then rolled her eyes at Junie. "So," she said to Puddin', "you didn't get a chance to tell Cos about the baby?"
"No. By the time I got back from the store, unmistakably, I knew what was going down."
Puddin' closed her eyes and could see everything replaying in her mind as if it were happening at that very moment.
Cop cars and SWAT trucks were everywhere as she turned onto the street where her and Cos shared a house. The street was so packed and some parts blocked off that she had to park about six or seven houses down from where they lived.
Puddin' sat in the car for a moment. She wasn't religious, but she could have sworn she'd mumbled a prayer. "Lord, please don't let it be. Please don't let this be happening. Not now. Not today." After taking a deep breath and gathering up the courage to conquer the unknown, which was something her heart already knew but kept to itself, she turned the ignition off. Puddin' got out of the car carrying a bag with a bottle of syrup in hand. She was going to have that breakfast. She was going to have that breakfast where she would let the man she loved know that he was about to be a father.
As much drama and commotion that was going on, on the street, Puddin' could still seem to hear the rubber from the bottom of the tennis shoes she'd thrown on to go to the store smashing against the concrete. It sounded and felt as if she was walking on glass. Shattered glass and shattered dreams; just like her life was about to be.
"Oh God." Before she knew it, the bag of syrup had slipped from her hand and hit the ground. That's when she saw Cos being escorted out of the house in what she refereed to as ghetto bracelets; handcuffs.
Seeing her future baby daddy shackled up like that broke her heart into tiny fragments. When she'd dropped the bag of syrup, it wasn't out of shock, but instead, it was with every intention of just running up to Cos and throwing her arms around him. And she'd taken only a few steps toward him when he spotted her.
Their eyes locked and instantly Cos shot her a stern look. He looked at Puddin' while shaking his head, advising her not to come near him.
Confused, Puddin' stopped in her tracks. Why didn't he want her to come to him, she wondered. Then she recalled what he'd told her about if he ever got busted. She then realized he was doing it for her own protection.
There was nothing she wanted more at that moment than to just em
brace him and tell him how much she loved him. How much she wanted him to be the father of her child-how he was about to become the father of her unborn child. But that wasn't going to happen. So she just stood there and watched the police take him away.
It was like watching something happen in slow motion. Once Cos realized Puddin' would obey his non-verbal instructions, he quickly shifted his eyes from her as not to signal to the police that the Bonnie to his Clyde was only a few feet away. The next thing Puddin' knew, they'd thrown him into the back of the cop car and drove away as she watched the back of Cos' head until the car faded away.
Not knowing what to do at the moment and wanting to break down and cry right there in the middle of the street, Puddin' got back in the car and did the only thing she knew to do; waited. Her plan was to wait until the premises were clear, go inside, pack up some things, call her brother and let him know she was on her way back in town. Her hopes were that Five-Oh hadn't discovered all of the hiding places she and Cos kept cash. That way she could have money so that she could at least rent a car to drive to Ohio. But they never left.
Hours went by. Puddin' had even fallen asleep, but when she opened her eyes, the police were still there. The sun went down and they were still there. She ended up dozing off again. This time when she woke up, all of the cop cars and trucks that had been out there before were gone.
"Yes; thank you Jesus," Puddin' said, getting excited, thinking now was the time to go inside the house and do what she needed to do. She grabbed the keys. Just when she was about to get out of the car and head for the house, she realized that wasn't going to happen.
Low and behold and then there was one. Puddin' sucked her teeth in exasperation when she noticed the one-the one cop car that was posted outside the front of the house keeping guard.
"No no no!" anger flared up inside of Puddin' as she began to beat the steering wheel. Before she knew it, warm tears were streaming down each of her cheeks.
It was now after midnight and Puddin' knew in her gut that getting in that house was not going to happen. So she had no choice but to hit the road in the hooptie with only the clothes on her back.
"So where's the hooptie? Why we catchin' the bus?" Junie asked as Puddin' told the story and mentioned the car.
"It broke down on the highway after about only an hour of driving," Puddin' explained and then allowed her mouth to finish telling the story as her mind went back in time.
"Come on stupid car. Don't do this to me today. Not now," Puddin' had spat as the car began to putt and smoke. No matter how much she fussed the car out, it did what it wanted to do, which was to completely cut off. The car continued rolling on just the little bit of juice it had left as Puddin's efforts of furiously pumping the gas pedal were useless.
Horns began to blow and cars began to swerve around Puddin's car that was now flowing way below highway speed limit. "Go around," she yelled as if the drivers could hear her. But when she looked out of the side view mirror and saw a huge semi-truck coming up the road, she knew just yelling out the orders wouldn't do her any good.
"Come on, car," Puddin' yelled frantically as the semi got closer and closer. Pumping the gas pedal was useless, but hopefully steering the car to the side of the road would be of some benefit. As the car slowly began to veer off to the side of the road, the semi seemed to be coming up on her faster and faster.
Just when it looked as though the semi was going to clip Puddin's car, she closed her eyes and yelled out, "Jesus!" When she opened her eyes, thankfully she was completely on the berm and the truck was flowing on down the highway without taking a part of her car with it.
Puddin' sat in the car catching her breath. Then she looked up in the rearview mirror. Even though she was off to the side of the road, it seemed like every pair of headlights she saw in the mirror was coming right at her. One by one the cars would swish by her. The wind from their high speeds rocked her vehicle.
"Please don't let a drunk driver be out on this road tonight," Puddin' said to herself.
After a few minutes of watching car headlights and not knowing what to do, a pair of headlights really did seem to be coming right at Puddin'; only they stopped behind her. She watched through the side view mirror as a man got out of the car and started walking toward her car.
Quickly and instinctively, Puddin' checked to make sure all of the car doors were locked. She watched as the male figure got closer and closer to her car. The closer he got, the more fear took over her. Puddin thought for a second and then reached to open the glove box to see if there was anything in there she could protect herself with. That's when she found a switchblade. She took it out of the glove box and kept it hidden in her hand.
"Everything all right here?" the man asked once he arrived at the driver's side and saw Puddin' sitting frightful in the front seat. "Saw you sittin' over here on the side of the road. You all right?"
"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," Puddin' replied, now able to see the features of the white older male.
The man examined the car from the outside. "Something smells funny. Your car in trouble?"
Puddin' stalled, trying to decide if she should hold a conversation with this complete stranger, on the side of the road and in the middle of the night. She wasn't quite sure if this man was friend, foe or undercover Five-Oh. That's just how noided she was.
"If it is or if it ain't," the man stated before Puddin' could answer, "You might want to shut the lights off before you run your battery down; 'specially if you just plan on sitting out here all night."
"Oh, yes, thank you." Puddin' was thankful for the man's advice. At the time she figured he didn't mean any harm-just wanted to help. But now the thought of how wrong she'd been regarding that man sent a chill up her spine.
Junie and Saved watched Puddin' wrap her arms around herself as if, once again, she'd felt a sudden chill.
"Was that man him?" Saved pointed to the television, as if asking about the man they'd just seen the news reporter talk about being found dead on the side of the road.
Puddin' nodded her head.
"Why'd you kill him? Why couldn't you just have jacked his car without killing him?"
"How many times do I have to tell y'all I don't jack cars? And I didn't jack his car!" Puddin' shouted. "And I...I...didn't just kill him." She stood up and began pacing. "It was self defense. He was going to rape me, and then do God knows what else. I had to do what I had to do. He...he was a monster," she declared. "I mean, yeah, he played all nice at first. He acted like he was really trying to help me. He got a flashlight from his trunk, played under the hood of my car and then told me that there wasn't anything seriously wrong with the car. He said it was nothing he couldn't fix with a few tools we could finally find at a gas station. That's why I got in his car with him. He was only supposed to be taking me to the gas station and then right back to fix the car. But he was a liar," Puddin' shouted.
Junie and Saved sat frozen and paralyzed by Puddin's tone as they listened to her finish the story; both getting chills themselves at the details.
"So, uh, how far is the place we need to go to get the part to fix my car?" Puddin' had asked the man nervously once inside the good Samaritans car. For the most part, Puddin' felt the stranger really wanted to help her. But deep in the pit of her stomach, there was a small part that was awful leery.
"Buckle up for safety," the man had said, ignoring Puddin's query and reaching over and buckling her in. Then just that quickly, the entire demeanor of the man changed.
Right after the clicking sound of the seatbelt, he began to grope and rub all over Puddin's body.
"Stop it! What are you doing?" Puddin' yelled as she tried to push the man off of her, but to no avail. He was much stronger than her.
"Oh, come on now, girl. You know that no good deed comes without a price. And you, my sweetness, are gonna pay up or else you gon' find yourself sitting out here on the side of the road." He stopped his groping long enough to stare Puddin' in the eyes. "And you don't want
to sit here all night do you?"
Not knowing what else to do or say, Puddin' shook her head and said, 'No, I don't but-"
Before she could even get the rest of her sentence out, the man's tongue was down her throat. "Umm, I didn't think so. So you take care of me first and then I'll take care of you."
Puddin' sat squirming and trying to fight the man as she felt his hands up her shirt and caressing her breasts. With all that was going on it was hard for her to focus, but she figured the first thing she needed to do was to get out of that seatbelt so she could have more freedom to fight him off and get out of that car.
Puddin' fondled around until she found the base of the seatbelt. She pressed, pulled and did everything she could think to do, but the seatbelt wouldn't give.
Realizing what Puddin' was up to, the man paused and grinned in Puddin's face. "If you trying to get out of that belt, you can forget it. The wife's been trying to get me to fix that thing for years now." He let out a menacing laugh.
That's when Puddin' realized this had been a set up from the beginning. He knew that safety belt didn't work and that once he clicked it on, she'd be stuck. And she was; she was stuck with his hands all over her and his tongue slithering down her neck.
Even after he told her there was no way for her to escape, Puddin' still tried to get out of that seatbelt, but she couldn't. But then she stopped still as if having an epiphany.
The knife, she thought to herself. It was at that moment Puddin' remembered the knife she'd retrieved from the glove box of the hooptie. Once that man had appeared to be harmless, she'd tucked it in her pocket. She'd forgotten all about it. But it was then, while she was struggling to free herself from that seatbelt, that she remembered the knife. So instead of using her hands to fight the man off, she used them to retrieve the knife.
By now the man had pulled Puddin's shirt up and her breast was in his mouth while his hand found its way down her pants. Puddin' began to fight back tears. She didn't want to cry. She didn't want stupid tears blurring her vision. She had to stay focused. If she was going to do this, she had to do it right, other wise, he could get the knife from her and use it on her.