Sunday 9th March 9.02am
—Waikiki Yacht Club—
The boat is rocking because we’re moving again. Taking Delilah Rose out for a zip around the harbor. Blowing out the engines. Letting her rip.
My head hurts so bad. How do you do this all the time? Drink like this? Ugh. Your phone is making it worse. It keeps popping off with calls from whoever and I can’t figure out how to turn it off.
Sunday 9th March 10.10am
—near Oahu, HI—
Fiona’s text tone: The Kookaburra Song. How sweet.
I didn’t answer it. I may be a pooch but, unlike you, I’m not an asshole.
Sunday 9th March 11.10am
—near Oahu, HI—
I’m going to smash this thing with a hammer and throw it into the sea. Do you have internet, a laptop? Are you getting these messages? Where the hell are you?
Sunday 9th March 11.30pm
—near Oahu, HI—
Your mother called.
Sunday 9th March 12.02pm
—near Oahu, HI—
So, you’re not going to reach out, huh? I didn’t do anything to you. You’re still engaged and I was having fun. Like people my age are supposed to do. I wasn’t up on a table with my top off. I wasn’t driving a car into a telephone pole. I was standing on a balcony laughing with some fun people and having drinks and listening to music. I was talking to someone you said might really like me. Someone who’s completely available and wants to spend time with me and make me laugh in real life. Someone who’s interested in what I have to say. Who doesn’t look away and clear his throat and sigh and rub his chin when I speak.
Sunday 9th March 2.05pm
—near Oahu, HI—
My mom knows about last night’s turps. After promising not to, Yoshi the shuttle driver ratted me out. Plus, there’s was a mess in my room like whoa. Like a Hawaiian Punch vomit volcano eruption.
We’re in the galley now, mom and me. She’s not thrilled with me but she isn’t too-too mad. She made me a Bloody Mary and sent out for a Big Mac and fries. In her experience, hair of the dog and saturated fats do the trick.
Sunday 9th March 3.06pm
—near Oahu, HI—
I’m back in bed. She’s tucked me in and set out a pail in case the Big Mac comes up. She asked who the boy was. Me: What boy? Her: That mascara didn’t streak itself. I told her it was from throwing up. That I’m hungover. She shook her head. I know that look, she said. That look has boy on it.
Sunday 9th March 4.10 pm
—near Oahu, HI—
Up from my nap and growing more pissed by the minute. You have no cause to give me the silent treatment. Are you kidding me, Kody?
Sunday 9th March 4.42 pm
—near Oahu, HI—
We were both drunk. I’ll let it go if you will.
P.S. Sasha called.
Twice.
Sunday 9th March 6.03pm
—near Oahu, HI—
It’s been almost a whole day. Should I give your phone to Lachie when I see him tonight or what? Where are you? What the hell should I do with it? I left him a message and asked him what to do but he’s not called back. My moral compass is getting fuzzy at this point. I broke down and looked at one of your texts. Sasha keeps calling. I got curious. (Plus, what if it’s an emergency!?)
Sasha says: “I need you, K.”
We really need to discuss everything and make nice or whatever. We’ll have to see each other from time to time whether we like it or not.
It’s beeping again. Olaf says “Vot do yoo know aboot dat Cristina?” only spelled right.
You better call me or I swear to God, your phone is shark food.
Sunday 9th March 8.49 pm
—Waikiki Yacht Club—
Well...a new development. How do I say this...just say it I guess. Here goes. (You might want to sit down for this.)
So I just talked to Lachie and he said he dropped you off at the airport earlier today. That you’re flying back to Sydney to visit Fiona. Then he told me how he and Fiona have been planning something big. Something EPIC. He said we stopped at the florist the other day to place an order for Fiona. He said he had me wait outside the shop, not just because he wanted to pick my flower out himself, but because he was afraid if you saw me, you’d be able to read my face and know something was up. You’re face is an open book, Dorothy. As precious as they come. Anyhow, he said you’re flying to Sydney only to find out that Fiona’s flown to Hawaii. You two will have criss-crossed the Pacific and how funny is that?! Sooo…when you get back you’re scheduled to get hitched.
A surprise wedding.
Surpriiiiise.
She’s leaving from her aunt’s house in Brisbane on a red-eye. She’s there right now having a secret hen do with her favorite cousins. (“Hen do”…Aussie bachelorette party!) One last night out with the girls. She’ll be here tomorrow night.
Somehow it felt wrong not to warn you since you are having cold feet about the whole thing. I assume you’re not reading these messages but I thought that maybe if you broke down and did, then you could have the information. Not get ambushed. I would want to know something like this. Lachie thinks it’s a real hoot, you flying from Honolulu to Sydney only to turn around and have to come back.
I’m assuming you’re flying back to break it off with her? Or maybe you’ve decided she’s the one for you after all. She may be familiar and feel boring to you but familiar in and of itself is not a bad thing. My mom feels that familiar type of love toward my step-dad and she’s still happy. Not everyone gets the fireworks deal in life. If we all held out for fireworks there’d be a lot of miserable single people I suspect.
But maybe I’m wrong. Maybe you’ve not gone back to do either of these things. You could be going anywhere for all I know. Going to find some dive bar back home to pick up ten different versions of Jac. Or maybe you’re going to stalk off into the Outback to do that thing Aussies do when they want to soul search. *Googling Aussie Outback Soul Search* A walkabout into the Never Never. I imagine you covered in dust and carving things out of bones and staring intently into a fire.
But the last you told me about it, you were breaking it off. “Putting the old dog down.” (Not that she’s a dog, that was your analogy, not mine...) Anyhow, Lachie sent me an old picture of the two of you from his phone. It was from a trip you guys took to Fiji. A bunch of you rented a cottage. Fiona’s really pretty. You said she was the prettiest girl in school and there is no doubt she was. It kind of doesn’t get much prettier, really. She looks happy in the picture and so do you. I figured she’d be blonde. I bet she surfs like a champ.
Sunday 9th March 11.56 pm
—Waikiki Yacht Club—
Your battery is at one quarter. Only a little juice left in this conversation. I’m taking a picture of me so you can remember Amelia Beauchamp, that cool chick from Kansas City. It was a fun time we had together. I’m sorry it ended badly. I’ll smile in the picture so you can remember the good parts. Bye, Kody.
Tuesday 11th March 1.03am
—Imbibe Bar at Sydney Airport—
I’m at an internet booth in Sydney Airport. I haven’t read any of your messages. I think we’ve established that I’m a coward at facing stuff I don’t want to.
I just wanted to say that I left you that pale blue-coloured board. It’s a better size and weight for you than the one you’ve been using. I messaged Olaf, he’s holding it at the surf shop. Kx
Tuesday 11th March 1.10am
—Waikiki Yacht Club—
Wait! Are you still there? Why did you go back to Sydney? I need to know the exact reason why. Is it to break it off with her? Are you coming back??
Tuesday 11th March 3.12pm
—Hawaiian Graphix—
I’m in the checkout line at the art supply store. Out of cobalt blue PB28 again. Can’t paint the sea without it. Also, I just sunk my hands into a barrel of acrylic beads, all the way to the elbows, and got a stern look from the mana
ger. If you’ve never sunk your hands into a barrel of acrylic beads, I highly recommend it. Your toes will curl, I swear.
Anyhow. I got the board. Lachie and I went out on the water with it. The beach down from the hostel? The board’s a better fit for me like you said. I caught two waves. Tiny pathetic ones, but still. Thanks.
There was a moment in the water when I think Lachie wanted to kiss me. He backed away and laughed and gave my head a little shove because he could tell I’d gotten nervous. I’m scaring you off, aren’t I? You’ll cave and let me ravish you someday, Millsy. I am THAT irresistible. Then he swam away looking irresistible.
He’s good looking. Not as good looking as you, in my opinion, but still, he’s nice to look at. And he doesn’t stink. It’s the patchouli and saltwater you’re smelling.
Wednesday 12th March 8.00am
—near Oahu, HI—
Sun’s up again and she’s here. The famous Fiona. Kody’s Real Deal. I’m meeting her and Lachie at Coconut Bay for breakfast. She’s dying to meet me, he says.
Lachie adores her. I can hear it in his voice. He thinks I’ll like her and that she’ll like me. Is it wrong to hope he’s wrong?
I keep looking at the picture of you and her in Fiji and hoping she’s just photogenic. That it’s a case of good lighting and proper angles.
He’s told her all about me, told her all about Millsy Beauchamp, the sweet girl from Kansas City. His little Dorothy from Tornado Alley.
Wednesday 12th March 9.03am
—Lei Lei’s at Coconut Bay Resort—
The shuttle is pulling up and they’re standing at the curb waiting for me. It’s not camera trickery. She’s a real Betty and how.
I feel punched in the guts.
Wednesday 12th March 10.16am
—near North Shore, Haleiwa, HI—
Breakfast is over and I am sad to report that it wasn’t terrible. She’s really nice and I hate myself for wanting to hate her. When I stepped out of the shuttle she put her arms around me like she’d known me her whole life. At breakfast she kept looking at me across the table and even though she was excited and wanting to talk about wedding stuff, I could see her glancing from me to Lachie and then back to me again.
She is positively glowing about the wedding. She thinks it’s going to make you so happy. Just a small intimate ceremony now. Her parents, yours, and Lachie. No more decisions about engraved money clips versus engraved flasks. No more looking at silver shoes.
At one point we went to the bathroom. She told me that I’ve done wonders with Lachlan. He’s so into you, girl, she said through the mirror.
I’ve done the impossible, Kody. I’ve tamed the wild man.
He took my hand under the table when I got back. When I didn’t pull away, he laced his fingers into mine. Even though part of me was wishing it was your hand, it was still nice to have that feeling. I let him hold it on the way out, too. I’m trying him on for size. I don’t think he’s as much of a jerk as you say he is. Plus, Fiona seems to like him well enough. We’ll see how it goes.
Wednesday 12th March 11.46am
—Mockingbird Bookshop & Coffeehaus—
Wow. Another day and nothing. You really did go into the Never Never, I guess. So, I went back to the florist, just me and Fi this time. She’s ordered leis for all of us and a small bouquet for herself. Do you want to be a last-minute bridesmaid? Hahaha. No, really do you? I smiled and nodded because I didn’t know what else to say to her. She wants to go dress shopping. For me, not herself. Hers is picked out already. She’s keeping it beachy and simple.
I feel like a terrible person for knowing more about her circumstances that she does. I grow more and more pissed at you for putting me in this position. I asked if she’d talked to you but she says you’re probably catching up with friends, excited to be back home, eating lamingtons and letting your mum dote on you.
She’s a really sweet girl and she really, really loves you. Each hour you go without calling her, the worse it’s going to be for everyone.
I’m sorry I called her a poodle. To be fair, you called me a pooch first.
Wednesday 12th March 9.06pm
—Waikiki Yacht Club—
It’s night and I’m sitting out on the deck with your dead phone in my pocket. I’m drinking one of those beers you like, that Fat Yak. I’m sipping at it and trying to acquire a taste, figure out what you like about it. I don’t think it’s working, though. I figure I’m a wine cooler type drinker and should just embrace it now.
I bought some wax for the board. I watched a Youtube tutorial on surfboard care. You never covered that in lessons. It’s a real beaut. Did you name it? Does this baby have a name? I’ll try to think of a cool one.
I should have given your phone to Fiona or Lachie by now but I haven’t. Maybe I’ll lock it in the onboard safe. I won’t have to look at it that way, but I’ll still know where it is. Maybe I’ll put one of the bead necklaces I’ve made in there, too. If the boat sinks it’ll be like Titanic. Future scientists will look at your phone and hold up the necklace and ooh and ahh. They’ll make up a cinematic, gut-wrenching tale about us.
Wednesday 12th March 9.38pm
—Waikiki Yacht Club—
Two Fat Yaks down the hatch. I’m starting to get drunk again. Drunk and pissed and sad.
Wednesday 12th March 10.15pm
—Waikiki Yacht Club—
Well that’s the end of the end of the cell phone dilemma. I just chucked it into the harbor.
Thursday 13th March 2.13am
—Waikiki Yacht Club—
Sometimes I thought you liked me for me. But I think you think I float around in a bubble of champagne. You’d always circle back to it when we argued, dig at it like a scab. The fucken cruise ship I live on. I picture you picturing me barking orders to a worn-out woman in a moth-eaten dress. “Boil me a pot of Earl Grey! You’re not moving fast enough! It’s so hard to find good help these days!”
I’m not like that just so you know. How we live is not like that.
Lachie’s never said a word to me about it. You’re definitely wrong about him, I think. He doesn’t act like he cares one way or the other about the money. But according to you, the money is all that there is for him to like about me.
Thursday 13th March 3.04pm
—Fitness Center at Waikiki Yacht Club—
I don’t know why I continue to write you. Clearly there is no one listening. I guess this is a journal-to-nowhere now. Whatevs. It’s better than painting my nails, I guess. Or stringing bead necklaces. Or Xtreme Zumba.
Thursday 13th March 6.20pm
—North Shore Youth Hostel—
So you want to know about me? No, actually you don’t. You made up a story in your head about Amelia Beauchamp from the beginning. One that made you more comfortable and sure of things. You never asked me anything about myself. Not really. I told you that I like art and books and you never asked me about it once. I asked you a million questions and you asked me none.
Thursday 13th March 6.28pm
—Honolulu International Airport—
Hi. It’s Kody. I’m back. I just bought this phone ten minutes ago. I haven’t read any of the messages. I will. Soon.
I’m going to find Fifi first. I have to do that first.
Now. I have to do it right now.
Now.
Thursday 13th March 7.15pm
—Pineapple Pete’s at Coconut Bay Resort—
OK I found her, and she told me about the wedding, and she was so excited I couldn’t tell her it was over. I said I was surprised and needed time to think about it. We’re at that place where you threw the drink at me. She’s getting bubbles.
I know I said I was going to call it off with her regardless, and I am, but it would help if I could see you. Where are you? Can you come straight away?
Thursday 13th March 7.16pm
—North Shore Youth Hostel—
Yeah, I can come. Pineapple Pete’s, right? Be there in twenty.
Welcome back, Kody.
Thursday 13th March 7.47pm
—Pineapple Pete’s at Coconut Bay Resort—
OK, so are you with Lachlan? Like, are you with him now? Because he walked in with his arm around your waist. It’s kind of important. Can you think of any way we can talk privately? Can you see me sweating?
Thursday 13th March 8.07pm
—Pineapple Pete’s at Coconut Bay Resort—
Yes. I’m with Lachie. I’m in the bar right now with Lachie. I’m ten feet away from you drinking a Shirley Temple that the bartender made for me specially. You’re looking at me as if you’ve seen a ghost while trying to look like you’re not looking. Both our hands are shaking and we’re rudely texting in front of our dates and making excuses to them.
A new client.
My friend’s having a crisis.
Thursday 13th March 8.28pm
—Pineapple Pete’s at Coconut Bay Resort—
Your friend IS having a crisis.
Thursday 13th March 8.37pm
—Pineapple Pete’s at Coconut Bay Resort—
Fi looks nice, don’t you think? Two days in the sun and she’s golden. Do you like her toes? We went for pedicures earlier. Look how we match. Hibiscus Petal with DuraShine Top Coat. *wiggle, wiggle.* She’s getting a French manicure later this week. She thinks it will really set off the ring.
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