by Glynna Kaye
“Like you!”
She didn’t miss the shadow that touched Cash’s eyes as he rounded the outside of the fence and let himself into the corral to join her.
“He’s doing great, Cash.”
“He is, thanks to you.”
Joey and his pony made three turns around the corral, slowed to a jarring trot, then back to a walk before he reined in next to them and leaned over to pat Misty’s neck.
“Eliot thinks I’m ready for something bigger.”
Cash’s brows lowered ominously. “He does, does he?”
“He says babies ride ponies. I’m eight.”
“Let’s master the basics on the pony first,” Rio said quickly. She’d graduated to a small horse herself when not much older than Joey but, of course, with much more experience under her belt. “Then we’ll see about practicing on one of the horses.”
“Woo-hoo!” He fist pumped the air.
“I don’t want him going too far too fast,” Cash said under his breath as Joey dismounted and led the pony toward the barn.
“He’ll be well supervised.”
“I know. I didn’t mean—never mind.”
“Is something wrong?”
“I’m just—” He shrugged. “I’m still trying to locate his mom. Thought I had a lead, then it petered out.”
“You’re still concerned she’ll take him away, aren’t you?”
“Not so much now.” He stared in the direction of the barn. “Maybe that would actually be for the best.”
She couldn’t believe her ears. “How could that be for the best?”
“I don’t have time for a kid, Rio.” He bumped up the brim of his hat with his wrist. “I don’t know anything about raising one. I was fooling myself.”
“Do you seriously think Lorilee was doing a better job than you are?”
“He needs a woman’s influence. And while you’ve been great with him and he really likes you, he needs his mom.”
Guilt pierced. This was her fault. Cash was taking her fears regarding him to heart. Yes, he had anger issues that concerned her, but never once had she seen those directed toward Joey. Clearly, though, he was building a protective wall, putting distance between himself and a future he’d dreamed of with his child. Because of her accusations, he was doubting he could be the kind of father he’d hoped to be. Was convincing himself Joey would be better off without him so that if the time came...
“Don’t think like that, Cash. Joey is far better off with you.”
“Think so? A kid who won’t let me hug him? Who can’t even bring himself to parrot back an ‘I love you’?”
“I know it’s hard, but don’t get discouraged. You’re doing a fabulous job. It’s coming. I sense he wants to please you. But honestly, his mother doesn’t sound like much of a mother to me.”
“She not a bad woman.” Cash placed his hands on his hips, his gaze dropping to the ground as if pondering his own words. “She means well. Good intentions.”
Cheating on her first husband and abandoning her son demonstrated good intentions? He didn’t consider that bad? “Sometimes good intentions don’t hack it.”
Cash’s eyes narrowed. “No, they don’t.”
She winced. To him it probably sounded as though she was harkening back to their earlier conversation regarding his inability to control his anger. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean—”
“I know you didn’t. But the fact of the matter is a boy needs a mom.”
And she’d once foolishly dreamed she might fill that role. “But first and foremost, Cash, he needs his dad.”
How could he not see that?
“Either way, I’ve got to find her. I mean, what would happen if—God forbid—something happened to me? What would happen to him?”
“Nothing’s going to happen to you. And if it did, Joey’s in good hands with this family. He’s not going to be cast out on the street homeless while authorities are looking for his mother.”
He removed his hat and wearily ran his hand through his hair. “I’m thinking crazy, aren’t I?”
“You are.”
But if he wanted to talk crazy to her all day long, that was fine with her. Although the direction their relationship had been headed had halted abruptly, it was a relief to talk to him again.
“Joey missed you at his lessons this week.”
“Yeah, well, I thought it was for the best. You know, considering the circumstances.”
“Circumstances. Meaning us.”
“There’s no us, remember?” He scuffed a toe in the dirt. “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, Rio. I feel bad enough about forcing you to relive the past because of what happened with Eliot and me.”
“I told Grandma Jo and Mom and Dad,” she said quietly. “He’s been warned, and they’ll be watching him closely.”
A mocking smile lifted the corners of his mouth. “And me, as well?”
“I made it clear that he hit you first.” She studied the yellowing bruise on the side of his face. “How’s your jaw?”
He motioned her away, obviously not willing to say a whole lot about it. “He packs a wallop.”
She frowned. “He hasn’t approached you again, has he?”
“Not yet. I told him that night before I went searching for you to consider it settled. Not to mess with me again.”
“And if he does?”
Cash slowly shook his head. “I don’t know, Rio. I don’t want to make promises I’m not sure I can keep.”
Which was exactly why they were where they were right now. He recognized he was incapable of keeping that kind of promise, and she couldn’t let herself be drawn into the uncertainty.
They were back to square one.
Cash again set his hat on his head. Adjusted it a fraction to that rakish tilt both Joey and the male summer help emulated. Had he noticed they did that? Not likely. He probably wasn’t even aware he didn’t set his own hat square on his head.
He glanced at the barn. “Guess I’ll help Joey finish up with the pony, then we’ll grab lunch together and I’ll drop him off with Anna.”
“And you’ll come to his next lesson?”
“I’ll think about it.”
“Don’t think too long. You yourself admitted these summer months are critical to your relationship.”
But had he already given up on that?
Cash gave a brisk nod before moving away. Her insides aching for the man and boy, she watched as he disappeared inside the barn. Then she drew a ragged breath as an unwelcome truth dawned.
I love Cash Herrera.
Not a passing infatuation such as she’d had with Seth and had mistaken for something more. No, this was where you wanted the best for the other person. Where the relationship wasn’t all about you. And yet...she had to look out for herself, too. It would be so simple to look the other way, refuse to read the writing on the wall that experience clearly warned of.
Thunder rumbled in the distance, and she caught the faint scent of rain as she lifted her face to the steel-gray monsoon clouds building overhead.
I love him, Lord. I can admit that now. But why did he have to come into my life when You won’t let me have him?
Chapter Fourteen
“So you’re enjoying your riding lessons, Joey?”
On Sunday after church, Cash had declined an invitation to join the Hunters for lunch, even though he’d seen Rio heading out with Deputy Braxton Turner after services. Now he smiled at his son, who was seated across from him at one of the inn’s small dining tables. He sure loved that boy.
One eye squinted, Joey dipped a french fry in a pool of ketchup and pointed it at his father.
“Rio makes lessons fun. And I’m getting good at it, too.” He grinned as h
e popped the fried morsel into his mouth.
Cash chuckled. Smug whippersnapper. “Yes, you are.”
But Cash still hadn’t participated in his riding lessons, stopping by at the conclusion of each to pick him up for lunch and drop him back off with his sitter. Although Rio didn’t seem to have a problem with him joining them, it felt uncomfortable to be around a woman who for a few breathtaking moments had so eagerly responded to his kisses. Cuddled into his arms. Her enthusiasm had driven his senses reeling with grateful prayers of amazement and possibilities for the future.
Then she’d sent him packing.
It didn’t help matters, either, when the good deputy—who Cash had long suspected had his eye on Rio—dropped by more than once. On the pretext, of course, of checking on the progress of his mare. Then he just happened to mosey around until he cornered her for a friendly chat. It looked like his efforts had paid off if her climbing into his pickup in the church’s parking lot was any indication.
The situation at the Hideaway was increasingly awkward, though. Not only being around Rio, but around her family, too. He was ashamed that, along with enlightening them as to Eliot’s misbehavior, she’d had to tell of the role he’d played, as well. Right from the beginning the Hunters had been welcoming, accepting of him despite his background and jail time. Although no one had spoken to him regarding the incident in Canyon Springs—which as his employer they had every right to do—he’d let them down. Broken their trust. Just as he’d shattered Rio’s trust into a thousand irreparable pieces.
She’d be leaving for school in a few weeks...should he do the Hunter family a favor and hit the road, too?
“Dad, do you think I’m ready to ride a big horse yet?”
He smiled at his son across the table. “Rio thinks you have a ways to go, so I’m deferring to her judgment.”
“What’s defer?”
“Going along with. Agreeing to.”
Making a face, Joey propped one elbow on the table and set his chin on the heel of his hand, then swirled another fry through ketchup. “Bummer.”
Outside the window next to them, monsoon rains had earlier lashed almost horizontally, pummeling the swaying ponderosa pines. They’d barely gotten to the restaurant before the storm hit, but it was tapering off now. Inside, though, they were warm and dry, the mellow glow of lamplight lending the raftered space a snug feeling. He was truly blessed to be sitting here with Joey, downing burgers and fries.
But for how long?
The last time he’d had more than a few passing words with Rio, she’d insisted Joey was better off with him than his ex-wife. While he appreciated hearing that, he had his doubts. He’d been giving it considerable thought and prayer since that night when, in a blind fury, he’d lit into Eliot. Had unthinkingly returned fist fire without the slightest inner check to slow him down.
He rubbed a still-tender jaw. That wasn’t a good thing for a man to know about himself.
He couldn’t fault Rio for slamming the door in his face. Not after what had happened to her but a few years ago. Although she recognized that he hadn’t instigated the altercation, that Eliot was responsible, she no doubt wondered, as did he, if he’d really changed since he’d turned his life over to God. Deep inside, where it counted.
Didn’t much look like it.
Which was why, although he hated the thought of returning Joey to Lorilee—to a stepdad who didn’t want him—his search for her now held a slightly different edge to it.
“You done there, Joey?” He wasn’t in a hurry to leave, but the inn’s lobby was filling with hungry folks waiting for a table.
As soon as Joey did justice to that last fry, Cash helped him on with his jacket, then snagged his own hat off the wall peg inside the dining room door and ushered Joey through the packed lobby and onto the front porch.
As they stood outside watching the rain now reduced to a sun-splashed drizzle, Joey looked up at him. “I’m glad I live with you now, Dad.”
Cash’s heart twisted. Had the kid picked up on his father’s indecisiveness as to what the future held for them?
“I’m glad you’re here with me, too.” His boy meant the world to him. “I love you, son.”
“I...” The boy stopped, then started again. “I...love you, too, Dad.”
Stunned, Cash stared into the youngster’s hope-filled eyes. Then abruptly Joey grabbed him in a bear hug, leaving Cash further shaken. He closed his eyes, his heart crying out his thanks to God as he held his son close, drinking in his rough-and-tumble little boy scent. Treasuring this most precious of unexpected gifts.
Rio had predicted it, but he hadn’t seen this coming.
“I’ll be real good. I’ll make you proud of me.” Joey squeezed him more tightly. “I promise.”
Despite his son’s confirmation that living with Dad wasn’t a bad thing, Cash recoiled inwardly as he looked down at the boy’s upturned face. The desperation now surfacing in Joey’s expression pierced him.
Placing his hand reassuringly on the child’s shoulder, he looked Joey in the eye. “Son, you’re already a good boy, and I’m already proud of you. Your being good or bad or making me more proud has nothing to do with your not having been able to live with me before. It’s not your fault. You need to understand that. I’ve always loved you, and I always will.”
The truth was that if Cash had been a better man all along, Joey’s mother wouldn’t have been able to pull the stunts she had with the blessings of the legal system. Not long ago he’d read in the Bible about the sins of the fathers being visited on the children. The turn of events in his son’s young life was a prime example of that, with Joey paying the price no little boy should have to pay.
Just like Cash had done—reaping the consequences of a father’s poor choices.
How could he have considered handing his beloved son back to Lorilee? What kind of father was he, anyway?
He blinked back the moisture forming in his eyes. “Looks like the rain is letting up. As soon as the last of those clouds roll through, the sun will dry things out fast. What do you say we go for a ride?”
Joey’s face brightened. “Together? You and me?”
“If you want to.”
“Oh, wow, yeah.”
He gave his father another hug that a still-overcome Cash warmly reciprocated.
Two-and-a-half hours later, they returned from their ride, the two of them—father and son—grooming Blue and Misty before turning them loose in the pasture.
“I’m going to put our tack away, so stick close while I do that. Then we’ll head back to the cabin, get cleaned up and dig that carton of chocolate ice cream out of the freezer.”
“Yay!”
Cash’s heart hummed as he hauled their gear to the tack room. Carefully hung the bridles and Joey’s riding helmet. Had there ever been a day in his life better than this one?
When he’d finished up, he stepped into the wide aisle between the stalls. “Let’s go, Joey.”
No response. Now where had he gotten off to? He headed down the aisle toward the rear of the barn, then halted and raised his voice. “Let’s go! That ice cream is calling our names.”
“Look at me, Dad!”
Cash spun, his heart lodging in his throat at the sight that met his eyes.
Joey.
Through the open bars of the last box stall, he could see into the adjoining paddock where Joey sat, proud as punch, on the bare back of a nervously shifting horse, his fingers entwined in her mane.
Wild Card. Deputy Turner’s mare.
Forcing himself not to panic, not to startle either boy or horse, Cash’s heart pounded against his rib cage. No time for reprimands. No time for reminders that Joey had been told to keep away from that horse.
We’ve got to get him off her, Lord.
“Ho
w’d you get up there, buddy?” Keeping his voice even, Cash let himself into the box stall and closed the door quietly behind him, his eyes never leaving the horse and boy in the adjoining fenced area.
“I climbed on the fence and got her to come close,” he announced with a satisfied lift to his chin. “I think she likes me. I give her apples.”
When had Joey managed to get that by him? Giving treats was something Cash didn’t indulge in with a horse prone to nipping.
“How’d you plan to get down from there?”
Joey’s forehead creased, then he shrugged, unconcerned. “Jump on the fence again?”
“Well, we need to get you down from there a different way.” Without spooking the horse. “So you need to do what I tell you to do, okay?”
Joey nodded, but didn’t appear alarmed.
Overconfident kid. Too much like his daddy had been at that age.
The heavy-duty plastic feed bucket in the stall was mostly licked clean, but Cash unhooked it, threw a couple of fistfuls of hay inside, then took measured steps to the open stall doorway. He halted when Wild Card jerked her head up, her ears flicking back and forth as she kept uneasy tabs on both the man in front of her and the boy on her back.
“Easy girl.” He slowly stepped into the paddock and moved away from the door, knowing she could get it into her head to plow over the top of him to get back inside.
“If she heads for the stall, hang on tight, duck down on her neck and stay down. Okay?” He wasn’t certain he could grab his boy off a speeding horse without risking injury.
“’Kay.”
Now if he could get close enough... She wasn’t wearing a halter so he had nothing to grab. Didn’t have rope or the time to get one.
Before he could move forward again, the mare tossed her head and abruptly backed until her bottom slammed against the wooden fence, the jolt almost unseating Joey whose eyes suddenly widened.
“Help, Dad,” he squeaked as he scrambled to right himself, his gaze darting to his father as he clung more tightly to the horse’s mane.
“Hang on there, champ. We’ll get you off in a minute.”
Please, God.