by Bradon Nave
“Have you been freaking out about the other?”
“Nope. I haven’t been looking at my hands or anything. No crazy self-exams, and I called my doctor and told him I didn’t think I needed my monthly exam.”
“That’s awesome, Jess. I’m proud of you.”
“Thanks, Dad,” I replied sarcastically.
“How is your dad?”
“He’s okay He’s doing better, I guess. I think if I get better, he’ll have a lot less stress, ya know?”
“Maybe. You’re his son…he’s always going to stress about you. He loves you.”
“You’re right. And I think Dr. Cline might just not want his beautiful niece dating a head case like me. Maybe he meant I was toxic for her.”
“Jess…you need to shut that mouth before I splash you with this pool water,” Duke said as he readied his finger next to his sweat-filled belly button.
“That’s so gross.”
“What’s gross is the way you talk about yourself. You’re not a head case and you know that. How many people have to tell you to stop bringing yourself down? Seriously…enough already,” Duke said as he leaned forward, drying his stomach with the towel.
“I was just messing around, man.”
“Alrighty, then.” Before I looked up, the damp towel he’d been drying himself off with was slapped across my face.
“You nasty son of a…” I barked.
“That’s nothing, man. I think I got enough sweat in my shorts to drown a mule.”
“I’ll take your word for it. Hit the showers. I’m hungry.”
CHAPTER
TWENTY-SEVEN
“What time did Duke drop you off?” my dad asked as he joined me in the living room, sitting in the remaining chair.
“He didn’t. The girls met up with us, and we grabbed some supper. Kacey dropped me off about twenty minutes ago. Where have you been?” I asked as I thumbed through my class notes.
“I went to see her today…it’s our anniversary. I took her some flowers.”
Setting my books aside, I gave my father my complete attention. Birthdays, holidays, and the anniversary of the day Mom passed away seemed to be the hardest for him especially. He rarely spoke of how their passing continued to affect him daily, so when I felt he was prodding me for conversation, I typically stopped what I was doing to listen and talk.
“I got her the same ones…they looked pretty nice.”
“I’m sure they did, Dad,” I replied. “I would have gone out there with you.”
“I know you would have, Jess. Sometimes…sometimes a man just needs time alone to talk. To say things only his woman should hear. I needed to talk.” His face never turned to me; he simply remained reclined, seemingly staring at the tips of his socked toes. “You said something…you said something about Cory that really got me, Jess.”
“I did?”
“What you said about being older than him for the first time in your life…that he would forever be eighteen,” my father said as his arms crossed. “She’ll always be the beautiful woman I married. I’ll be left to grow gray, useless and alone; be left to grow old all alone, and she’ll forever be young,” he continued as he chuckled lightly.
The natural light had all but faded from the outside and was no longer illuminating the dark living room. My father’s words had me twisting inside myself. I’d been so afflicted with my own mental downfalls that taking his into consideration wasn’t truly an option. “Dad…why would you say that? Why would you think you would be alone?” I asked. For less than a second, I wondered if he actually did think I was sick—if he actually did think I had cancer too and it would result in him mourning me as well.
“What?” he asked as his smiling face turned to me. “I’m just talking nonsense, Jess. I’m sleepy. I think I’m gonna head to bed early tonight—”
“No, Dad…you’re not,” I said, leaning forward in the chair.
“Excuse me, son?” he replied, not harshly, but his voice exuded a stern quality to it.
“Please…talk to me. You’re my dad. You can talk to me.”
“I know who I am, boy,” he said lightly. “I think.”
“Dad, you’re not gonna be alone. I really do think I’m gonna get better. You don’t believe me, but the last thing I would ever do or even picture myself doing is going anywhere away from you,” I said, attempting to assure him there was absolutely no way I would ever move away from him.
“Jessie…you’re a grown man. You can’t base your future on the fact I’m a widower here by myself.”
“I know that, Dad. I base my future on the fact that now…just now, I’m actually seeing a future. I’m not scared to think of myself in college next year or talk with Kacey about summer beach parties. I think I might not be bigger than this completely…not now, but I think I will be.”
“That’s good, son.”
“It’s excellent. And when I see my future, I see countless Sundays of watching football with you, or going fishing on Saturdays or just hanging out. There’s no way I could be away from you.”
“You’d be surprised at what you can do, Jess.”
“There’s no way I’d want to. Why? Duke seriously smiled for a week because his dad remembered to text him on his birthday. I’m lucky to have you…there’s no way I could have gotten through all of this without you, Dad. I’m never moving away from you.”
“Jess…thinking like that isn’t healthy—”
“Don’t, Dad. There are a handful of people on this earth that I could give two shits about. Two of them are in the cemetery. I’m not leaving here. As long as you’re here, I’m here. That’s not unhealthy…you’re my dad. How is that unhealthy?”
Immediately following the question was a dead silence. The only evidence that time had not been suspended was the solemn ticking of the clock on the mantle.
“I guess it’s not, son,” my dad said tenderly. “To be completely honest…if I’m being completely honest, those words are gold. The thought of you getting fed up with me and moving out of state for school—hell, if we’re being totally real…the thought of you getting fed up enough just to move into the dorms completely gets me. I just don’t think I can—”
“You’re going to piss me off sometimes, Dad. We’re gonna have arguments occasionally. But I genuinely like being around you. We’re family…we’re a tight family, and I’m not going anywhere until you kick me out.”
“Well, you may be here awhile,” he said as he smiled at me.
“At least until I’m done with college. I told Kacey I’d hopefully end up on the same block eventually,” I said jokingly. “But I mean that, Dad. I don’t know what all my future has in store for me…but I know it’s here in this town with my dad. That’s not unhealthy. I think Dr. Cline would agree.”
“I love you, Jessie. I’m so proud of you.” My father’s eyes were difficult to see completely in the dark, but there seemed to be a glistening to them as he turned his head from me.
“I love you too, Dad. It’s…it’s okay to cry about stuff. Dr. Cline says that—”
“Oh, Jess. We’re men. Men don’t cry in front of anyone but their wives or the Lord.”
“I wouldn’t think any less of you. Men aren’t made to be invincible. We fracture too.”
“Fracture?” he asked, his head turning to me, the back of it resting on the plush headrest of the recliner.
“Yeah, Dad. We’re not broken…but we can fracture. Everyone can, and everyone does in their own way.”
“I like that, Jessie. Did Dr. Cline tell you that?”
“Nope,” I replied proudly. “Kacey did.”
“She’s smart, Jess. You picked a smart one.”
“Sure did, Dad.”
CHAPTER
TWENTY-EIGHT
“What time does your dad get home?” Kacey asked as we walked down the hall of the school to our last-hour class.
“I’m not sure. Not until after six, but maybe later. He said he had a meeting.”
“Okay.”
“I wish you would tell me what’s wrong,” I said softly. She’d been distant. I thought for certain she knew I’d told her uncle about us but was hesitant to bring it up in case that wasn’t the issue.
“It’s nothing, Jessie…it’s nothing to do with you. Promise,” she said, grabbing my hand as she rested her head on my shoulder. “Can I hang out at your house this evening?”
“Hell yes,” I replied happily. “I’ll even make you some mac ’n‘ cheese.”
“Goofball.”
As we entered the classroom, she was quick to release my hand as we walked to our seats. Setting my bag down by my desk, I stepped backward, right into the chest of Justin Fowler.
“Dammit, Jessie!” he snapped as a portion of his afternoon coffee cascaded down the front of his white T-shirt. I felt embarrassment flushing my face as I diverted eye contact. I wasn’t friends with Justin, but we’d always been cool with each other—truth was, I didn’t really know that much about him other than he played football and could totally kick my ass.
“My bad, man,” I muttered, looking toward my shoes. I felt the entire classroom was looking at us.
“Thanks, dude. That felt great,” he continued.
“I didn’t…I should’ve been paying more attention.”
“Well, yeah. Pull your head out, man. Shit burns,” he said as I briefly looked to him. “It’s cool, though…no worries,” he said as he went to step around me.
“Damn straight no worries. It was a freaking accident, you pantywaist. How ’bout you take your seat before I sit you down?” Duke said from the doorway of the classroom. The look in Duke’s eyes had me praying the teacher would walk in that very second.
“What’d you say, boy?” Justin asked, his voice giving out on him slightly.
Duke dropped his bag, his eyes fixed on Justin as he made his way through the rows of onlookers.
“Duke!” Lily objected from behind him.
Within seconds, they were inches from each other. Justin was about my height at six feet tall, but he weighed at least thirty pounds more than I did, and it was obvious the guy was no stranger to the gym. Still, Duke’s reputation for scrapping coupled with his muscle mass seemed to have Justin completely intimidated. I had to intervene. The situation had escalated so quickly, the entire classroom seemed at a loss for words.
“Duke…it was an accident. I spilled hot coffee on him. He got pissed; I would have too.”
“Hush, Jess. I got this,” Duke muttered.
“You always speak for him?” Justin asked, his Adam’s apple visibly forcing down saliva. It was clear he was nervous.
“Take your seat, Justin,” Duke said as he glared his target down.
“I think I’ll stand.”
“Suit yourself,” Duke muttered, his head lowering as a devious smile cascaded across his face.
“Enough!” I said loudly as I stepped to both of them. “This is so stupid. Justin, I’m sorry I spilled your coffee. Duke, he said we were cool. Enough,” I continued, holding my hands out.
“List…listen to your boyfriend, Duke,” Justin cracked out, his eyes wide. I almost felt bad for him. I knew he was only talking to preserve his pride.
“What the hell, Just—?”
My enquiry was cut short as I was knocked to the side by a charging Duke. His massive hand lifted Justin in the air by his throat, slamming him on top of the desk behind him. To my surprise, there was no counterattack. Justin merely wrapped both his hands around Duke’s wrist and looked blankly toward the ceiling. The rage in Duke’s eyes was something I’d seen before—it was something that came from loss and abandonment, not from spilled coffee and misunderstandings. Desks and books clattered behind us as our classmates gathered around to witness Justin’s humiliation as tears began to pool in his eyes. I’d had enough of it.
“I said enough, Duke! Now!” Using all my weight, I shoved against my best friend in an effort to free Justin. Although it sent me stepping backward two steps, it was enough to convince Duke to release him. Justin sprang from the desk and grabbed his bag. He bolted from the classroom, past the onlookers. Shaking my head in disappointment at my best friend, I grabbed my own bag and chased after Justin out of the doors of the school.
“Justin! Wait up!” I yelled out. As we reached the parked cars, I raced in front of him.
“Screw you, Jessie. Get out of my way before I knock you on your ass!”
“Dude. I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry about Duke—”
“My grandma died two nights ago, Jessie. I have to be here because I’ve missed so much school cause of my asthma. I have to be here! You’re not the only one that has bad days,” he said as he walked past me, pushing me out of his way. “You know they all had their phones out. It’s gonna be everywhere by tonight,” he hollered back at me.
“Justin…dude, wait…please,” I said, dropping my bag as I jogged to him. “I’m sorry, man,” I continued as I grabbed his broad shoulder, hoping it wouldn’t result in him turning and punching me. He simply stopped in place as I stepped back.
“I wanna hit everyone. I seriously wanna punch everyone I see. I’m so pissed. I freaking hate this place, and I hate everything,” he said. I felt horrible. Duke’s actions had only exacerbated what he had going on.
“Hit me,” I blurted out, instantly regretting it.
“What?” he asked, turning to me as he wiped his eyes.
“You…you can hit me. I burnt you with your coffee. I owe you that.”
“Dude, shut up,” he said as he smiled.
“I mean it, man. But just once…only once.”
“Seriously, shut up. I like you, Jess. I always have. I don’t really want to punch you. I’m just pissed, ya know?” he said, readjusting his book bag on his shoulder.
“Yeah, dude. I know. The punching bag probably cries when I walk in the gym,” I said, offering a slight smile.
“Probably,” he confirmed, squeezing my bicep. “I’m sorry, Jess. We cool?”
“I’m the one who’s sorry. Yeah, man, we’re cool.”
As we shook hands, I looked to see Kacey waiting by her vehicle for me.
“You two taking off too?” Justin asked.
“Looks like it,” I replied.
“Good, I won’t be the only one in trouble tomorrow.”
***
“Please answer it, Jessie,” Kacey pleaded. I looked to my screen to see Duke’s name on it once more.
“No.”
“He was just protecting you.”
“I don’t need protecting. He can’t do crap like that. Everyone has their own stuff going on…just like you said.”
“And, just like I said, right now your best friend is freaking out because he thinks you’re pissed at him. You know how awful that feeling is? When you know you messed up but you aren’t given the opportunity to beg for forgiveness. It’s Duke, Jessie. He would do anything for you,” she continued as she laid on my bed. The afternoon sun felt nice on my face and looked beautiful on hers.
“Okay,” I said as the phone stopped buzzing. “I’ll call him back.”
“I’m going to grab some water,” Kacey said, kissing my cheek and lifting herself from my bed. As she exited my room, I returned Duke’s call—calls rather, as he’d tried to call me four times.
“Jess?”
“Yeah,”
“Dude…dude, I’m sorry.”
“’K.”
“You pissed at me?” There was a strong sense of concern in his voice. It was obvious he was stressing. As irritated as I was with him, the truth was I couldn’t be mad at him, and as much as I wanted to, I couldn’t allow him to think I was.
“I’m not mad at you, D. I wish you wouldn’t have done that. I really wish you wouldn’t have done that, but I’m not mad at you.”
“I know, Jess. I just…I just see red when people mess with my family. I don’t think right.”
“I get it, D. I know you’ll always ha
ve my back, man. But Justin has a lot going on. The kid just lost his grandma—”
“I know. I left his house about thirty minutes ago. I wanted to make it right.”
“You went to Justin’s house?” I asked, surprised and proud of his effort.
“I did. We talked for a while. He even friended me again,” Duke chuckled.
“D, that says a lot, man. But I’m surprised he let you past the front door.”
“Oh, it wasn’t just him, Jess. He had to call off his boys when I pulled up.”
“You mess with one football player—”
“—you mess with them all. But we’re cool now.”
“You picking me up in the morning?”
“Yep.”
“Cool. Later, D.”
“Later, Jess.”
Hanging up the phone, I couldn’t help but smile and shake my head. Footsteps up the stairs turned my attention to Kacey as she walked into my room holding a glass of water.
“You call him?” she asked, setting the water on my nightstand.
“I did. We’re cool…him and Justin are cool too.”
“Really?” Kacey asked with surprise in her voice and on her face.
“Yep.”
Smiling, she sat down on my bed. Her hand slid up the comforter to my hand. “That’s good. I’m glad you called.”
She lifted her legs onto the bed, resting her head on my chest. “So are you ready to tell me what’s bothering you?” I asked.
“I’m good. Just upset that I haven’t gotten my mac ’n‘ cheese yet,” she replied softly.
“I got you…but seriously…is it your dad or something?”
“Yeah…just my dad. I miss him,” she said softly.
Wrapping my other arm around her, I hugged her softly. “You can talk to me, you know? I’m here for you. You can talk to me about anything. If something is bothering you…” my words trailed off as her free hand ventured from my inner thigh, stopping blatantly between my legs—cupping me as she turned to kiss me. Immediately, my thought processes blanked. A more primal instinct took over as she began rubbing me over my jeans.