by Bradon Nave
“Kacey…talk to us. Is it Jessie?”
“No, Duke. Jessie…Jess is doing great. He’s doing fantastic.”
“Then what’s the matter?” I tried my hardest to keep my tone as light and comforting.
“It’s me…not Jessie. I’m…I’m coming to the realization that I’ve got some major shit going on. The type of shit that can’t be fixed with weekly visits to some damn doctor. I need help—I need a lot of help. My head’s all screwed up.”
Her soft words and steady tears left Lily and I silent for a few seconds. I didn’t want to leave her hanging—but I wanted to make sure what I said was calculated and intelligent.
“Kacey…look at everything you’ve gone through. It’s okay to need a little more help at this point. The fact that you can recognize that you need help is something in itself, I think. I don’t think there’s a single person that could walk away from what you’ve been through and not need help. It’s okay. You’re going to be okay.”
“But what if I’m not? I keep adding to my nightmares…I keep adding faces. It’s all too much.
It was too much before but now it’s unbelievable. I don’t know where to start.” Covering her face in her sleeves while she sobbed, Kacey looked nearly defeated.
“How about you start right here? You start here…with friends.”
“What do you mean, Duke?”
“You know there’s an issue. You know the issue is too big to ignore, so address it. And while you’re exploring those options, know you have a support system. You’re literally stuck with me and Lily. You’re not getting rid of us.”
“Well…I don’t want to get rid of you.”
Her face—wet and sloppy—finally smiled slightly. “I need to go somewhere. I know I need some major intervention…but knowing Jess and you guys and Sarah are waiting for me when I get out might make that idea tolerable. Like, I might be able to do that.”
“Kacey.” Lily’s tone was soothing—I knew she’d say just what Kacey needed to hear. “You do what you need to do. Of course we’re going to be here. You’re part of this little dysfunctional group now…you can’t get out that easily.”
Looking to us from the backseat, she smiled as we continued on our way home.
CHAPTER
TWENTY-SIX
With a towel draped over my belly, I laid on my back on my bed—my hands cupping my baby duck, Billy, who was sleeping on the towel. The little shit would literally peep over and over again when I put him back in his tub. He was only quiet when I had him right next to me. He would follow me around too. Pretty cool, I guess. If I walk into the bathroom he hauls ass as fast as his little feet can go to keep up with me.
It’s amazing how therapeutic it can be to fill up a tub of lukewarm water and watch a little shit duck swim around. Seriously, the little dude was having the time of his life without a care in the world.
When I was watching him, I briefly thought it might be cool to trade it all in and be a duck. Just swim and eat and quack all day. But I guess it would really suck to not have hands, phones, cars, and stuff. But I bet most ducks are pretty happy most the time.
Finally, now that he was zonked, I closed my eyes and started to fade—just as I was about to drift, my phone began vibrating.
“Eh…yes, Lilith.”
“I’m here.”
“You’re where?”
“I’m here…to pick you up…decorations and shopping.”
Instantly I envisioned an excruciating day of nonsense and endless chatter all pertaining to centerpieces and table décor. My heart was broken as I looked to Billy.
“Oh. Okay. I’m not even dressed yet but I’ll be down in a sec—”
“I’m messing with you, silly. Sarah is going with me, I was just going to swing by and drop off breakfast.”
Reprieve! “Like, legit breakfast or you’re wanting to get down?”
“Oh my god, D. Sarah is with me and we have so much to do today. Legit breakfast. I cooked you bacon, eggs, and biscuits and gravy.”
“Um…you cooked me—”
“I’ll rephrase—Sarah helped me cooked bacon, eggs, biscuits and gravy.”
“Sweet! I’m so freaking hungry.”
“Yeah…I figured. When are you not?”
“That’s mean.”
“Ha. I’m pulling up.”
Hanging up the phone I made my way down the stairs as my front door opened. Duck in hand, I watched Lily and Sarah walk through the front door.
“Damn, D. You could have at least thrown on some shorts or something.”
“Nah, Lils. You’ve both seen the goods. If Sarah can’t handle my underroos then she can wait on the porch.”
“What the hell? I didn’t even say anything?” Sarah smiled as she sat on the couch.
“How’s my duck child?” Lily took Billy from me and sat next to Sarah.
“I thought you said something about breakfast.”
“It’s right here.” Sarah held up a plate covered in tin-foil. “Porker.”
I offered only a smirk as I stretched and yawned. “I’m going to Justin’s this afternoon to check out the sound system. It should be pretty tight.”
“Sweet. As soon as Sarah and I are done we’re gonna take Kacey to supper. You’re welcome to go with us but there may be talk of menstruation and hair products.”
“Um, I think I’ll just chill with Billy. I’m gonna call Jess here in a bit after I slay this bad bitch breakfast.”
“We’ll leave you to it. Love you, D.”
“Love you too. Now hand over the duck…slowly.”
***
“Jessaroonie! What’s happening?”
“Not much, D. It’s a down day. I’m just relaxing.”
“Dude I can’t wait for you to get here.”
“Me too, D. How’s Kacey?”
“Better. She had her thing in the car but Lily said she’s doing better.”
“I miss you guys. I wish I was there but I’m doing so good here. I feel so much better.”
“I know you are, Jess. I’m proud of you, man.”
There was a solid five seconds of silence.
“It doesn’t matter how many times I say it, D. You’ll never know.”
The crack in his voice caught me off. “Huh? I’ll never know what, Jess?”
“I’ll never be able to tell you thank you enough.”
“Dude, we’ve had this conversation. We’re family. I’d do anything for you. Good times ahead,
Mr. Kasper.”
I pretended not to hear him clear his throat and wipe his nose.
“I know, Duke. Dad’s doing good too. I haven’t seen him smile that much in years.”
“When did he leave?”
“About three hours ago. I bet that dude gave me ten hugs while he was here.”
“He’s proud of you too, Jess. We all are.”
“Well…here’s to what comes next.”
CHAPTER
TWENTY-SEVEN
Prom Night
My backyard had been transformed into some Shakespearean-looking paradise. There wasn’t a specific theme, but it was pretty cool just the same. Strings of white lights were connected from my fence to the house. Blue tablecloths covered four circular tables, and a temporary gazebo had been constructed by some company Lily called out. We’d literally taken hundreds of pictures in the damn thing.
The guest list was short, but we all looked pretty amazing. The evening was perfect. It was one of those days where you could walk out completely naked and be totally comfortable—not hot or cold, just right. Neighbors might be uncomfortable, but it was outdoor nude-napping weather if there is such a thing.
Jessie had showed up nearly an hour before. Dude looked like a boss in his white tux with Kacey on his arm. She was stunning in a white dress too. I’m sure my neighbors thought it was a bit odd—kids showing up in prom wear, but no one left, they just kept piling in. Piling is dramatic, it was only me, my beautiful Lily in purple, Jess and K
acey, Sarah and her award-winning personality, and Justin and Tamara. Not to mention our ridiculous parents with their phones and glasses of wine…and Davenjer.
We watched uncomfortably from afar as Joe and Davenjer made small talk and googly eyes from near the house—sharing a bottle of some nasty-ass-looking wine.
Lily and Sarah took pride in their work, assuring we danced to literally every single song that Justin’s dad played. It was almost embarrassing. There were more adults than us and they eyed us like we were walking into school on our first day of kindergarten.
As the night began winding down, I took a second to let it finally bitch slap me—this was it. This was my senior prom. This was supposed to be one of the nights I remembered all my life and it was coming to an end. Looking around the yard at the faces in front of me, Lily, Jessie, Kacey, and Sarah, things suddenly made sense: Goofy shit like prom, these awesome memories with these awesome people my senior year was basically supposed to be a mourning process. If I were at a normal senior prom, it would undoubtedly be one of the last times I was in the same room with the majority of the people there. It would be fun time, but sad just the same. Here, this wasn’t a factor. As I looked at the faces looking back at me I realized I had a lifetime of memories yet to be made with these individuals.
Jessie would always be my best friend, no matter what life threw at us. Lily and I would always be connected—if I have it my way, romantically, but I know for a fact we’ll always be in each other’s lives. Where there is Lily, there is going to be Sarah. Those two are inseparable. I’m not sure what life has in store for Jessie and Kacey, but I’m sure they’re going to be connected in some way or another as well. The point is, I’m not going to walk away from my senior prom thinking that if I ever want to see all of these people at the same time again I’ll have to open a yearbook. There was no sadness. This was mending, not mourning. To hell with talk of being fractured and to hell with anyone and everyone who ever underestimated us or couldn’t find the intestinal fortitude to do what was in our best interest. Our time was just beginning, a slippery start, I agree, but we were at the mark.
As Lily took my hand to “Sparks” by Coldplay, I inhaled the summer; I inhaled my youth, and found I was kind of proud of the epiphany brewing. We might go through life in search of education and money and other success to tally up. Maybe we might have some even steeper lessons to learn, how the hell that’s possible I don’t know, but whatever. But the point of life, at least in my opinion, is to go through it with people that love you as much as you love them. You can be glued together by blood, tears, or years of childhood memories, but as long as the bond is unbreakable then life can hurl whatever it wants. I felt like the luckiest guy in the world, surrounded by loved ones, holding the most beautiful goofball and swaying as the song and night came to an end. Jessie, Kacey, Sarah, Lily, and I met in the middle of the yard—beads of sweat and smiles on our faces. We were nothing if not family, we were anything but fractured.
***
Jessie joined me at college a semester late. Dude knocked it out of the park. It’s amazing what hard work and perseverance can accomplish. Occasionally I’ll still have to talk him down, but nothing like it used to be. I won’t dare go so far as to say I feel like I’ve got my friend back…I know he was always there. I will go so far as to say that I’m thankful for modern medicine and Jessie’s relentless pursuit to get better. If you ask him, he might say that nothing was more traumatizing than pulling up to his house to witness Davenjer leaving one mid-morning. She and Joe hit it off quite well at prom—nasty love birds. I guess neither of them remembered the importance of discretion. In all honesty, both Jessie and I couldn’t be happier for them.
We still hit up the gym and hang out almost every day. Cory and Mrs. Kasper are brought up more often now. I guess both Jessie and Joe are more comfortable talking about them.
Jessie never left home for the dorms…so neither did I. We carpool on class days. Sometimes we’ll be neck deep in the dumbest conversations—mindless bullshit—and it’ll suddenly hit me, everything that we’ve been through. I push it down. If I didn’t gain from it, it took from me…so I have to take from it what I can and move forward.
Kacey and her mother moved back to Louisiana in the fall. Kacey couldn’t quite find the strength to forgive herself for something she had no control over. It’s amazing how some trains can recognize their own derailment long before the actual occurrence. She made it seem like she was abandoning us…I looked at it as though she was saving herself. She and Jessie talk nearly every day and have remained friends—but the practicality of the situation finally wriggled in between them. I’m sure eventually when wires are uncrossed they might give it a legitimate shot—this time without disgusting family members and backwoods psychos getting in the way.
Sarah left the first semester to study business in south Florida. After one semester, she came home. She and I solidified our friendship when I rescued her from the cemetery one evening. She was visiting Cory and misplaced her keys. It was getting dark and she got all worked up. Her mom was two hours away and Lily was with her mother at a movie. I was the only one she could call. When I got there, she was crying. We found her keys, sat in front of Cory’s headstone and, cried together. We’ve been tight ever since.
Lily…my silly Lily. Yes, we are still together. Through everything, I’ve learned that life is too damn short to let go of someone that you truly love. I can’t let her go. I don’t care how young we are or what people say about us being too green and naïve to know any better. I know what it’s like to lose someone…and I’m learning what it’s like to hold on to someone. I want her in my life. I look forward to my time with her. I look forward to my life with her.
Life may offer us moments of pure misery at one end of the spectrum, and moments of breathtaking beauty at the other. It’s up to me to fill the middle with as much laughter, friendship, and jaw-dropping memories as possible…luckily for me, I’m just getting started.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Bradon Nave was born and raised in rural Oklahoma. He attended a small country school during junior high and high school, and graduated with only three people in his class. After graduate school, he decided to devote his spare time to his passion of writing. Bradon currently lives in Piedmont, Oklahoma, with his wife and two young children.
When he’s not writing, he loves running, being with friends and family, and being outdoors.
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