“Hey Marissa,’’ Ralph called out as soon as I cleared the hall leading to the back and came into view of the tall man standing in front of the empty front desk. “Where’s your friend?’’
“Sophie?’’ I asked, startled and wondering if my hunch that it was about his best friend was out of the mark. I hadn’t heard anything from Wyatt in over two weeks. At first, I thought he wouldn’t respect my wish for no more contact, but after a few days, I was convinced that this fucked up part of my life was over. “She took the day off. Did you want to see her?’’
He shrugged and smiled at me, but it wasn’t like his usual flirty smile. In fact, now that I took the time to observe him over he seemed uncomfortable. He fidgeted every few seconds, toyed with the loop in his right earlobe and his eyes kept on going from me to everywhere in InkSpired.
“Ralph?’’
“I’m here because Wyatt asked me to.’’
“Oh no.’’ I shook my head quickly, so quickly that the tip of my ponytail hit my cheeks twice each side. “No. I’m over his shit.’’
“Listen to m—''
“No!’’ I pointed at him and whisper-yelled, “You seem like the most sensitive of the two, so you listen to me. I want nothing to do with Wyatt Burton. Nothing.’’
He grabbed my pointer finger and held me captive. His frown then rivaled with my own. “I get it, but it’s not about him. It’s about your…Hm, birth mother.’’
“What about her? Is she alright?’’
“She’s fine, I guess. I don’t know much, but apparently, she doesn’t take it so well that you haven’t been in contact since you went to meet her. Long story short, Mr. Burton questioned Wyatt, and he let it slip that it’s because of him that you’re not in contact. Wyatt is many things, but he’d rather hurt himself than let someone in his family hurt.’’
“You know he did everything to push me away from Lydia, right?’’
“I have a feeling you’re quite lost yourself in this situation and that it suits you just fine to stay away.’’
I tugged on my hand hard twice until Ralph released me and I crossed my arms over my chest, not liking how his observation made my heart stutter in my chest as if in answer. I didn’t want to see myself that way.
“True or wrong, the fact is I have a right to stay away from Wyatt and Lydia.’’
“When you met Lydia, did she give you the impression of being a bad person? Did she look like she was happy to abandon you?’’
“Stop it, Ralph. We don’t know each other well enough to delve into this.’’
“It’s funny you know. You’re more alike to Wyatt than either of you would like to admit.’’
“I’ve never hurt anyone just for the sake of it.’’
“But are you willing to let Lydia hurt just because you’re scared or uncomfortable?’’
“You’re not adopted are you, Ralph?’’ At his admittance, I powered on. “Then you can’t possibly understand the kind of emotional crap meeting your birth mother is.’’
“You knew it would be a mess before you went to her, Marissa. Be the kind of woman I know you are, the kind of person Wyatt is ashamed of hurting the way he did.’’
I blindly searched for the rolling chair behind me, and once my hands came into contact with the arms, I dropped on it. My eyes got lost in the intricate tats on Ralph’s arm, and once I found the one I added, covering the sloppy piece there before, I fixed it without blinking.
“Sometimes I wonder if meeting Lydia wasn’t the biggest mistake of my life.’’
“As long as you’re not sure, then there’s still room to let her convince you it was a good call.’’ He knelt in front of the desk and put his head right where I couldn’t miss it. “Wyatt also asked me to tell you he wouldn’t get in the way this time.’’
“Do you believe him?’’
He shrugged and tapped the tip of my nose with a smile. “He’s a difficult one and unpredictable when scared so… I believe that he was truthful when he said it. You’re the wild card in this scenario, sweetheart.’’
“I’m not doing anything.’’
“You exist. That’s enough in his world.’’ He straightened up then and waved at Kam. “Alright, I better go before my father gets on my ass for bailing on painting my aunt’s house. Again.’’ He mock-cringed and left with another wave, this time for me.
Once again, I was left in an emotional jumble because of Wyatt. He didn’t need to show his face to leave an impact in my life.
MARISSA
I looked around the entrance to the park and finally spotted Lydia. After Ralph’s visit, I sent a text to Lydia asking her if she wanted to meet somewhere the next day. Not two minutes after sending the text I had an answer with a place and date.
Now, on my day off I was about to see my birth mother again, but this time I didn’t tell anybody about it. I didn’t know why. Maybe it was because I didn’t want Sophie or Jamie to get on my back for getting closer, even if indirectly, to Wyatt. Maybe it was because I knew in the fibers of my very being that I would be in contact with Wyatt again because of this. And still, I came anyway.
“Hi, Lydia,’’ I greeted her as I approached while she stared at a young mother murmuring to the baby in her arm.
She started, but quickly a big smile stretched Lydia's lips and carved tiny wrinkles in the corner of her eyes. “Marissa!’’ She jumped to her feet and made a move to envelop me in her arms, but stopped before she took a step in my direction.
Without meaning to, I stiffened when her intent registered. Disappointment and maybe was it pain too, broke her smile and extinguished the light in her eyes. Feeling sorry for hurting a woman who had never done anything to hurt me, I forced the stiffness out of my body and moved closer to initiate a quick hug.
When her arms closed around me, it smashed a part of my heart and once again Lydia Burton stole a tiny piece for herself unknowingly. It was scary how quickly this woman could worm her way into my heart.
“Let’s sit here. I like this bench, and people watch sometimes,’’ she said.
I followed her and let my eyes wander on the parts of the park I could see. The trees, tall and swaying in the calm wind could practically make me forget we were in the heart of Atlanta. I remembered coming here a couple of times when I first moved to the city, and I missed the quiet of my hometown.
“How have you been Marissa?’’
“Good,’’ I said, lying through my teeth, but it wasn’t like I could say that her adoptive son had made my life a bigger mess than I did on my own. “I should be finished with my apprenticeship soon, so that’s great.’’
“I’m happy for you. Will you be staying at… Hmm… Ink…’’
“InkSpired. I will, for a while at least. I’d like to open my tattoo parlor one day, but I need to save first and build myself a real portfolio.’’ I turned to look at Lydia and found her attention already entirely on me. She seemed so happy to see me. Her face was so open, and her eyes held joyful tears that I wondered how I hesitated meeting with her in the first place. She truly was a kind person. “How’s your family?’’
Her smile stretched even wider, and she grabbed her phone from her red purse, matching her red flats and the red flowers on her blouse. “They’re all fine even if Wyatt is broodier than usual. Ava won a dance contest last week. Here, look.’’ She pushed her phone at me. I steadied her hand and glanced at the picture of Ava wearing a tutu smiling big for the camera while holding a blue ribbon and a small cup. “She takes her classic dance lessons very seriously.’’
“That’s great. Everybody needs a passion.’’ I released her hand holding the phone and looked away.
It bit a little to witness firsthand the motherly pride in Lydia for her daughter’s accomplishment. For a sister, I didn’t know.
“I’m sorry,’’ she said quietly, and I looked at her in question. She held up her phone then. The screen was back to black, but the meaning was clear. “I shouldn’t have shown you this
picture.’’
“You’re proud of your kid. That’s great.’’
“It doesn’t make it easier for you now, does it?’’
I smiled and gave a pitiful laugh. “It stings, but nothing is easy for either of us. It’s okay, though. Ava looks like a good kid, and she deserves to be cherished and supported by her family. I don’t resent her or you.’’
“I know. You wouldn’t have contacted me again if you did.’’ She sighed and then gazed at the young mother and her baby again. She discreetly pointed at them. “You see this woman?’’ At my nod, she dropped her hand in her lap. “When Ava was born, we had recently adopted Wyatt. It was still rocky, and Ava was a baby surprise, but a welcomed surprise. The fact is, I was overwhelmed. I was a new mother twice over.’’
“You must have had your hands full.’’
“Oh yes!’’ She laughed, her eyes turned to the past. A fond memory passed through her mind. I knew it because it softened her traits so much that it couldn’t be mistaken. “Wyatt was hurting and lost, and Ava was a fussy newborn. But what was harder for me was to accept Ava when I gave you up. For the first three months, I didn’t want to take Ava for a walk in a park or go shopping with her. I didn’t reject her, but I felt guilty, and your absence became harder to bear. It took Wyatt to get me out of my head when he asked to take Ava for a walk through the neighborhood. It sounds like nothing said like that, but it was tough for Wyatt to find his place in our family and Ava scared him for a while. Wyatt had always helped me when it came to you, even when he didn’t know he was.’’
“Why are you telling me this?’’
“Because I know you’re here thanks to my son.’’
I opened my mouth, but no sound came out. She chuckled and patted my hand. “My husband thinks he’s sneaky, but what’s sneakier than a cop is a cop’s wife. I know he put up Wyatt to it. Thank you for agreeing, Marissa. It’s selfish of me, but I’m happy to see you again.’’
“I shouldn’t have waited so long to contact you.’’ I touched the bird tatted on the inside of my wrist.
“It’s okay. I didn’t know you and Wyatt kept in touch. After his glacial welcome, I hadn’t expected it.’’
I bit my lip to stop my answering cringe and shrugged. “I’ve seen him around through Ralph. I did a cover up tattoo on his arm so…’’ I trailed off and cleared my throat as my discomfort closed up my throat. It was as if my body itself tried to prevent me from lying further.
“Oh, I didn’t know. That’s great. How was Wyatt with you?’’
“Uh… Okay.’’
“You can tell me, Marissa. My son is an adult, but I know he can be abrasive sometimes.’’
“Wyatt has his issues, and that’s none of my business.’’ My curt tone was more telling than I’d like, but it was that or I’d curse her son and leave in a hurry before I let my emotions get the better of me.
“I see.’’ She sighed. “I wanted to run something by you, but I’m afraid it’s too soon.’’ She toyed with her phone between her hands.
“Go ahead. I’ll tell you if it is or not.’’
She eyed me carefully. “If you’d like to meet Ava, I will talk about you to her. She’s a smart kid, and I think that with the proper talk she can understand, but I don’t want to tell her now if you’re not ready to meet her and be in her life, even from afar.’’ She held up a hand before I said something. “I know it’s asking a lot, but she’s just a kid, and I don’t want her to get attached if it means you’ll be in and out of her life in the blink of an eye. If she were older, I wouldn’t worry but—''
“I get it, Lydia.’’ I offered her a genuine smile, touched. “I never meant to be in your family life.’’
“It’s a no then?’’ She lowered her head.
“It’s an ‘I don’t know.’ I’d love to meet Ava. She’s my sister after all, but I don’t know the kind of commitment I can give her right now. It’s a mess in my head right now. I don’t want to promise something I’m not sure I can do.’’ I shrugged and pushed past the pain in my chest at denying myself something I wanted, but there was more to it than the reason I just gave Lydia. I had said multiple times to Wyatt that I wouldn’t intrude on his family further than I already had. I said it. I swore it.
“It’s very mature of you, Marissa.’’ She showed me her phone. “Whenever you want to meet her, let me know. I can’t be sure she’d be ready to see you right away but, I know she’d want to.’’
“Maybe you should run this by your husband and Wyatt too. I don’t want to create conflict in your family.’’
“It was my husband’s idea when I let my fear get in the way.’’
“And Wyatt?’’
She tilted her head and frowned. “Did he gave you grief?’’
“What? No.’’ I shook my head and brushed away an invisible lint from my jeans. “I mean, we’re never going to be best friends, but that’s all.’’
“I don’t know you, Marissa, but you’re just like my kids. You’re a bad liar.’’
My only reaction was to stare at her with wide eyes and parted lips from which silence was my only sound.
***
WYATT
I placed a mug of coffee in front of my mother and joined her on the couch. I ignored the protest of my overworked body and also the way my mom’s eyes weighed on me, digging past the mask I had on. It would be better for the both of us if she didn’t see past that damn mask because then something would break between us. It was hard enough to know that she’s met with Marissa earlier today.
“You look exhausted,’’ she said calmly, almost diplomatically with the tone she used. Knowing the kind of short temper I had and how bad I sometimes reacted to stupid shit, I couldn’t blame her. I had been a ticking bomb these past few weeks.
“Yeah well, that’s work.’’ I shrugged and rubbed my face with both hands and sighed deeply. “How did it go with…’’
“Marissa. You can say her name, you know,’’ she said with a smile. She took a sip of coffee, her eyes now lost in thoughts for a moment before she focused on me again. “It went well.’’
At least, I did something right here. It made me feel powerless and in danger of something, but I did something right for my mother. For Marissa.
“I don’t want to make you angry, Wyatt, but I have a question.’’
“Go ahead. You know I can't get mad at you.’’
She leaned forward and put down her mug of coffee still steamy before straightening up and watching me with that kind of look that told me I wouldn’t like her next words.
“I have a feeling that you and Marissa had a fight.’’
“That’s not a question,’’ I said, voice as tight as my body.
“What happened?’’
“I respect your need to get to know her, but it doesn’t mean I have to be on good terms with her. That’s all there is to it.’’
“That’s not an answer, Wyatt.’’ She frowned at me, her eyes seeking mine, but I turned my head away and fixed the window and the view of the blue sky and the few cotton white clouds up there.
“All that matters is that you’re in contact with her and that she’s a good person.’’
“If she’s a good person then why are you two fighting? I have a feeling that—''
“That nothing,’’ I cut her off harshly, making her gasp and recoil on the couch as her soft eyes met my glower. “What do you want me to do? Throw her a 'welcome to the Burton family' party?’’
“Don’t use that tone with me,’’ she bit back, authority and a certain rigidity peaking in.
“Don’t force it on me then. Damn it!’’ I stood up and walked to the kitchen where I leaned against my hands on the kitchen countertop. “Don’t make this about me, Mom.'' I went on when I heard her follow me. "It’s between you and your daughter.’’
Saying that word, daughter, sliced at me. As much as I was her son, there was nothing thicker than blood, wasn’t there? That’s what people alw
ays said. That’s what I tended to believe when my flaws echoed to a past I’d rather forget with a man I didn’t consider a father anymore. As good to me Danny Burton had been since I met him, I would never be quite like him. I wasn’t good at heart like he was, a genuine kind of good that meant he’d rather hurt himself than hurt someone else.
“Wyatt, don’t do this.’’ I heard how tired she was with the way her voice went down, her words slow and pleading. I didn’t turn around.
“Do what?’’
“Push me away. Believe that you’re not important to me. I know you, Wyatt. You’re my son.’’ She walked closer, the sound of her steps quiet on the wooden floor. Her hand landed on my tensed back, running up and down softly, soothingly. “I have two men in my life that count more than anybody else. You and your father. You know it in your heart, Wyatt, so don’t let your mind trick you into thinking that you’re not important to me or that your opinion doesn’t count.’’
“It’s not that,’’ I replied but didn’t voice the intricacies of my fucked up mind. That was the joke too, knowing that I was fucked and that most of my anguish came from me, not from the others. It was still hard to control myself. “I acted like an ass with her.’’
“I know you, Wyatt. When you’re wrong, you find a way to apologize.’’
“Doesn’t make it right.’’ I sighed and turned to face my mother. She was short in front of me, a lot shorter than Marissa, but it was impossible to unsee the similarities with her long-lost daughter.
“It speaks to someone's character when they apologize. It makes a difference.’’
“If you say so.’’ I shrugged and forced a smile. “Any more questions to ask so I can show off my bad temper again?’’
At her thinly veiled cringe I knew there was more coming my way and I rolled my eyes.
“I think it’s best to wait for this one. It can wait.’’
“Nah, go ahead. I’m all warmed up right now.’’
“Wyatt.’’
“I’m not kidding, Mom. I’ll do my best to stay calm.’’
Messy Love Page 15