“Doesn’t look like it.’’ He patted my shoulder before he scratched his shaved cheek. “I’m sure it’s not easy for you, but your mother appreciates that you’re making an effort. It means a lot, Wyatt.’’
I pressed my lips together harder when a cringe threatened to slip out. I hated the lie hanging there between my family and me. I wasn’t one to lie like this, not to the people who had never failed me ever since they took me in when I was an angry kid.
“It’s nothing,’’ I mumbled and put all my attention on the BBQ. I carefully grabbed the empty plate next to the blazing heat and with the clamp, placed the grilled meat on it.
Before I turned back to the table, my dad stopped me with a strong hand on my shoulder. When my eyes met his soft chocolate ones, he smiled at me.
“Whenever you need to talk, I’m here. I won’t tell your mom. Don’t keep things bottled up like you always do.’’
“I won’t, but I’m really fine, Dad.’’
***
MARISSA
Since I had met Wyatt, I had known that even when he hurt me and I hated him, I couldn’t help the magnetic force that tethered me to him, always drawing us nearer and nearer. But now that we were in a good place, sharing something I had never had with anyone before, it was harder to fight that force. It was a necessity, of course, but it made me feel like my skin was too tight, like my flushing was telling, that my eyes roving over him every once in a while, were sending lustful messages for everyone to see.
In one word I was paranoid.
“I want you to tattoo me,’’ Ava announced at the table as she finished the last bite of her apple pie. Her big brown eyes on me were so serious and determined that my mouth stretched wider into a smile so big my cheeks ached. It’s been going like this all lunch even if the lie by omission Wyatt and I trapped ourselves in sat heavily on my shoulders. It was difficult not to fall for the Burtons.
“You’re a little too young for that, pumpkin,’’ Lydia said with a laugh as she gathered our empty plate. Her eyes went from her daughter to me, and once again her violet-blue eyes, so bright with happiness, tugged at my heart and warmed me all at once.
“No, I’m not!’’
“Legally, you need to be a lot older for a tattoo,’’ I supplied gently and rubbed her tiny shoulder as she started to glare at her parents. It was the cutest thing when her plump lower lip poked out, and her thin eyebrows slammed over her soft eyes.
“I don’t see why I should wait so long.’’
“Because you need to be sure about what you want, peanut,’’ Wyatt said in a gruff voice as he suppressed a smile. “A tattoo is for life.’’
“But I want one!’’ She crossed her tiny arms. Her eyes were now on her big brother. “You have many, and Marissa has some too. Why can’t I?’’
“You can,’’ Danny started and at his daughter’s hopeful look he went on. “But not before you’re eighteen.’’
“It’s not fair,’’ Ava blurted and looked away when Lydia stood up to get the plates inside.
I didn’t like to see her like this, and I felt guilty. She was only ten and hearing her newfound half-sister talking about tattoos and how amazing they are, it wasn’t surprising that she asked for one. I rubbed at the flock behind my ear and leaned closer to her.
“Tell you what, if you have a pen or something that's easily washable, I can draw on you whatever you want. It’ll give you some thinking to do until you can have a real tattoo because your brother’s right. A tattoo isn’t a joke. It’s something you keep with you forever, a piece of you that you advertise to the world, a part of your life and dreams.’’
She nodded and then risked a look at Danny who immediately nodded with a tender smile on his face that erased the marks of exhaustion he sported. Ava jumped to her feet and ran inside the house without another word.
“I hope it’s okay. I should have asked first.’’ I bit down on my lip, but at Danny’s laugh, I relaxed.
“She’s a stubborn kid. She’d still be arguing if you hadn’t offered this solution.’’
“You’re going to suffer in a few years,’’ Wyatt noticed with a smile as he took another sip of his beer and outright laughed when his father groaned dramatically. That got Danny and Lydia’s attention as they froze at the table and near the door for Lydia. I, on the other hand, marveled at the light that shone inside of him, a light too rarely there that it never ceased to breathe fresh air into my lungs, pulling me closer to him as if an invisible link tugged me.
Wyatt’s eyes locked with mine a moment and nothing was faked or hidden right then. I saw lust, pleasure, happiness, peace and a whole lot of other things that knocked the wind out of me before they breathed life inside of me again, making me feel more alive than I ever had been before Wyatt.
He was everything, breathtaking and a danger to me and my heart that never ceased to beat for him way too hard and fast.
Someone cleared their throat, cutting through the moment. I blinked and looked away as my cheeks burned up.
“I’ve got a black one! Is that okay?’’ Ava ran up to me and effectively put an end to the awkward silence that heavily hung as Lydia sat down and put a fresh beer in front of her husband. Denny's eyes kept traveling between Wyatt and me. The only ones unaware that something was amiss were Lydia and Ava.
“The black is perfect. Sit on your chair and tell me what you want.’’ I snatched the pen from her hand and took a deep breath to steady my hands while silently thanking Ava for her impeccable timing.
***
WYATT
My fucking heart exploded. Or maybe imploded. The result was the same; my heart wasn’t the same anymore, but a mushy mess in my chest that beat out of order while I watched Marissa working on a detailed temporary tattoo for Ava on her forearm. Her hair shone in the sunlight, making it that much harder to look away. Her pink tongue appeared once in a while when she licked her delicious lips, and her cheeks had kept that deep red on them that didn’t come from the heat, but from the insane tension that went off a few minutes ago when our eyes locked not to let go until my dad cleared his throat.
I still mourned that moment because at that moment nothing had seemed messy or impossible. Nothing had been fucked up. Everything was utterly perfect in an imperfect world.
“I see now why you’re fine with Marissa here,’’ Dad whispered near my ear as he grabbed his beer for a sip.
My eyes left Marissa and Ava to focus on Dad, but the knowing look and the worry I saw in there had me dropping my gaze to the empty beer bottle in my hand.
“Alright, you’re all done. What do you think?’’ Marissa said as she capped the pen and eyed Ava with a soft smile I wanted to see again, but when she wore fewer clothes. The thought alone popping in my head accompanied by R-rated images made me twitch in my pants.
“Wow!’’ Ava’s voice rose as she squealed. “You’re so good! Look, Wyatt!’’ She held out her tiny arm, and I couldn’t lie. With just a black pen, Marissa managed to draw a kickass butterfly that suited my sweet little sister well.
“It’s great. Marissa’s talented,’’ I said and put down the beer bottle, jaw tensed when I felt the calculating look of my father.
“It’s beautiful,’’ Mom approved, and she sent a big smile to Marissa. At that moment it was the replica of the kind of smile she gave Ava and me. It was a maternal smile that warmed even the coldest places inside you, and I felt no jealousy, no fear either. All that was gone the moment I let Marissa in, burying her deep inside of me.
“Thank you,’’ Marissa said and beamed at us, but avoided making eye contact with me. It was safer this way, but it sucked. I gritted my teeth harder. “It’s getting late. I have plans later, so I better get going.’’
“But it’s early!’’ Ava protested, and I’d have echoed her in my head if only Marissa’s plans hadn’t involved me and a few drinks with Ralph at the bar in Atlanta that Marissa had made me discover that day when I met her at InkSpired.
&nbs
p; “Ava,’’ Dad said sternly, and her answering theatrical sigh had all of us fighting a smile.
“Will you come back soon then?’’ Ava asked Marissa, pleading with her eyes.
“Of course.’’ She bent and kissed Ava’s temple before standing up. We all followed her. “I’ll call next week and see what we can plan.’’
Ava nodded and wrapped her arms around Marissa’s. If I hadn’t been convinced already that I made the right choice when I encouraged Marissa to get closer to my mom and Ava, that sight would have. Both of my girls’ faces were worth it at that moment.
***
MARISSA
“I swear Ava is going to steal my heart,’’ I said to Wyatt as I walked inside the house after bidding my goodbyes to Danny and Lydia once I extricated myself from the huge hug Ava gave me.
“She’s the best kid.’’ He towered over me and stopped me before I opened the front door to leave. His big hand wrapped around my forearm before it glided down to grab my hand. That touch on my skin said more than any words he could have muttered. It was tender and a testament to his affection, something he had a hard time letting out. It called out to me, making me crave his arms around me and his heat to sip into me from head to toes. It went beyond the sex for me, and a part of me worried that I was way over my head, but I was too weak to stop the inevitable.
“Do you think they suspect something?’’ I asked, voicing my worries in a whisper as I linked my fingers with his.
“Nah, don’t worry.’’
“I’d be more convinced if you weren’t frowning right now.’’
“I always frown.’’ He pressed a kiss to my forehead and squeezed my hand. “Everything is fine. Meet you at the bar with Ralph later?’’
“Okay, but I think—’’
“Don’t say we need to avoid each other when we’re with my family.’’
“Wyatt…’’
He sighed and nodded. “We’ll talk about this later. Go before I grab you and kiss you against that stupid door.’’
A smile broke free on my face, and I escaped him as his dark eyes turned molten with the kind of lust I knew we had a hard time containing.
But once I was out of the house and walked to my beat-up car, my worries came back, both from the fear of the Burtons finding out about Wyatt and me and for myself as I seemed to give to Wyatt more and more of myself without protecting my heart. It could be crushed so easily.
I didn’t have a choice. I had launched myself head first in this mess, and I needed to trust that Wyatt would respect his vow of not hurting me again, not willingly at least.
MARISSA
I spotted Wyatt with Ralph at a table in the far back of the simple bar that had been my haunting spot since I started at InkSpired. I smiled when I took in Wyatt and thought back to that time when I had had a drink with him here. It’s been a few months, but so much had changed since then.
When I by-passed two tables, Ralph elbowed Wyatt and waved at me with a big smile that was a contrast to the constant expression on Wyatt’s face. A frown was never far, and his lips rarely stretched in a boyish smile, but when I stared at Wyatt, he stole my breath.
Where most people would probably get stuck on Ralph because of his piercings, crazy purple fauxhawk and his tattoos covering his body from knuckles to neck, Wyatt never ceased to get my attention. It had very little to do with his tattoos that always appealed to me. It was his eyes. They held me captive, showing me the complexity that made him who he was. And I was at his mercy.
“Tell me if I need to make myself scarce and leave you to get your freak on,’’ Ralph said in greetings, laughing between words and threw back his shot without wincing.
Wyatt glared at his friend and shook his head after pulling the chair next to him without standing, but as soon as I was close enough to reach for me, he grabbed my hand and placed it on his denim covered thigh. The coarse fabric of his pants didn’t distract me from the way his thigh bunched under my palm and how petite my hand felt in comparison to his leg and his hand that engulfed mine.
“Don’t mind him. He’s on his third shot and that beer is his second.’’
I eyed the three fourths empty beer glass and then took in Ralph’s glazed over eyes and the circles under them quite impossible to miss.
“What’s wrong, Ralph?’’ I asked and gently squeezed Wyatt’s thigh. I knew how he was worried about his best friend. Just last week he told me how much Ralph was upset now that the woman I had seen him with at a club not long ago dated someone. Apparently, Ralph had been in a very destructive and unhealthy relationship with that woman and hadn’t been able to put an end to it.
“Why should there be somethin’ wrong?’’ He opened his arms wide and then dropped his hand with a loud thump on the table that attracted the attention from the tables nearby. “It’s a Saturday night, and I’m here havin' drinks with a couple. I’m the fifth fuckin' wheel. That’s the dream, you know.’’
“Don’t be a dick,’’ Wyatt grumbled and glared at his best friend over the brim of his glass. His hand tensed around mine under the table. Then, he flagged a passing waitress and ordered a Shirley Temple for me after quickly asking what I wanted.
“Believe me. I’m not the one who’s going to make her run. You don’t need anybody’s help,’’ Ralph said with a sad laugh and a shake of his head as he glanced at me before his eyes slid to Wyatt who buzzed next to me. His body was so coiled I felt a slight tremble coming from him.
“Shut up.’’ Wyatt’s cold voice snapped.
Ralph jerked back and blew out some air, closing his eyes. He rubbed his eyelids and then jumped to his feet. Unsteady on his feet, he bumped into the table, making my freshly poured drink spill on the wood.
“Sorry. Fuck, I’d rather go home.’’
“Ralph, no, wait,’’ I began, but Ralph stopped me with a hand held up in front of him as he fished his wallet from his pants with his other hand. He threw a couple of balled up bills on the table between the glasses.
“It’s okay, girlie.’’
“Ralph,’’ Wyatt mumbled and went to stand up, but his friend put a hand on his shoulder and pressed down with a hard look on his face.
“I know when to leave you alone to sort out your shit, do the same for me.’’
Both men shared a long look before they both nodded and Ralph walked out of the bar without a backward glance, not even when he bumped into someone as he swayed from left to right, earning himself several colorful curses.
I bit my lip and ran my hand up and down Wyatt’s thigh under the table as he put his elbows on the table and covered his face with his fists.
“Is he going to be okay?’’
“He’s walked home way drunker before,’’ he mumbled from behind his hands.
“I wasn’t talking about that.’’
“I know. Shit.’’ He sat back in his chair and gazed at me before he wrapped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me into his strong body, enveloping me with his warmth. “Don’t worry about him. If there’s something Ralph knows how to do is to get back on his feet. Maybe now he won’t let that bitch play with him.’’
“You don’t like her much, do you?’’
“She's made him feel like shit, like he’s not worth more than a night with her. He was ready to do so damn much for her, but she had always been throwing him away whenever she met someone she deemed a right fit for her. But when she wants some wild nights, guess who she calls?’’
“Why does he go back to her then?’’
“Who the fuck knows!’’ He took a deep breath against my hair and placed a soft kiss on my temple. “I’ve tried to open his eyes, but it’s been a tough subject. He’s going to drink and party harder, grab a random girl to fuck and then after a week or so he’ll go back to his usual self. Same MO every-fucking-time.’’
“He’s hurting.’’
“When you hurt, you have to face it on your own. That’s the only way to get over it.’’
“It d
oesn’t hurt to have someone in your corner to help you through it."
“But nobody else knows your pain, Marissa. It’s yours to bear.’’
“That’s because you don’t let people all the way in,’’ I replied and placed a hand on his chest, right on top of his beating heart. My smile was soft and sad, but I didn’t dwell on it. Instead, I faced the table, dropped my hand from his chest and grabbed my drink for a refreshing sip.
“You’re in.’’
Our eyes clashed and held then. How could I look away?
My heart beat so hard in my chest, the rhythm so hopeful my whole self warmed up until my blood boiled to the point that nothing else existed.
“Let’s go to my place, sweet thing.’’
He didn’t wait for my nod to stand up.
***
WYATT
I had gone through a lot in my life, and it had started early on. Over the years it made me wary of opening up to other people, to let someone all the way in. Marissa was different.
She buried herself in me over time, quickly working her way through piles of bullshit and wading until she settled in my stupidly hopeful heart.
It’s time I showed her, even if I couldn’t use words to tell her. She took a chance on me even after I had hurt her, fully intending to hurt her. I owed her honesty and another part of me that was hers anyway.
Heart beating, eyes full of her, I watched as she walked backward in my bedroom. For each step I took, she backed further into the room. Soon, she bumped into the bed. Her eyes didn’t waver from mine, they flashed with need then, so stark it pushed away my nerves, but didn’t ease the trembling in my limbs or slow down my heart that created a particular song under my ribcage, a song that followed Marissa’s rhythm.
I would tell her how beautiful she looked right now with the streetlight shedding a glow around her, how she took my breath away and made me hope for something special in our future, but I couldn’t form words. My jaw was shut tight, and my eyes did all the talking.
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